Category Archives: Top Tens

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (16) Haiku

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My quoted haiku and picture by Basho – Wikipedia “Haiku” (public domain image)

 

 

(16) HAIKU – MATSUO BASHO

 

“Quietly, quietly,

Yellow mountain roses fall –

Sound of the rapids“

 

You all know haiku – “a type of short form poetry that originated in Japan” consisting of three phrases composed of 17 syllables in a 5, 7, 5 pattern “that include a kireji, or “cutting word”; and a kigo, or seasonal reference” (or more broadly natural reference).

The classical Japanese poet for haiku was Matsuo Basho, albeit he would sometimes deviate from the traditional pattern.

Upon looking up haiku, I was intrigued to learn that “similar poems that do not adhere to these rules are generally classified as senryu”, that “haiku originated as an opening part of a larger Japanese genre of poetry called renga” (as opening stanzas known as hokku before they came to be written as stand-alone poems), and that “haiku was given its current name by the Japanese writer Masaoka Shiki at the end of the 19th century”.

Haiku now are written worldwide, albeit “with different styles and traditions while still incorporating aspects of the traditional haiku form” and “non-Japanese language haiku vary widely on how closely they follow traditional elements”.

Interestingly, Japanese haiku “are traditionally printed as a single line, while haiku in English often appear as three lines”

 

 

RATING:

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (15) Charles Bukowski

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Photograph of Bukowski on the cover of this 2018 anthology of his poetry published by Canondale PBS

 

 

(15) CHARLES BUKOWSKI (1920-1994)

 

Also known as Chuck Buk – a quip about his name that I read somewhere and have used ever since.

 

 

Charles Bukowski can be summed up by that meme of one of Bender’s best lines from Futurama (from the second episode at that) – I’ll write my own damn poetry, with blackjack and hookers!

Except as the line goes later in the episode – forget about the blackjack. And some might say the poetry.

Charles Bukowski shot poetry (and prose) straight from the hip, as well as the flophouse and the gutter – raw and wriggling to quote another meme (Gollum from The Lord of the Rings film trilogy).

And yet that rawness has a striking sharpness at times – with an undeniable knack for titles of anthologies too.

As for which Bukowski poem to pick for this entry, I’d go with the pack – about the dogs of hell that pursue the poet.

 

 

RATING:

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (14) A.D. Hope

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Bust of A. D. Hope in “Poet’s Corner”, Garema Place, Canberra (one of a group of three, with two other poets) photographed by Doug Butler, Wikipedia “A.D. Hope” – licensed https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

 

 

(14) A.D. HOPE (1907-2000)

 

“Floods her monotonous tribes from Cairns to Perth.
In them at last the ultimate men arrive
Whose boast is not: “we live” but “we survive”,
A type who will inhabit the dying earth.”

 

If you were to ask the average Australian to name one poem about Australia, I suspect you’d mostly get the answer “My Country” – as in “I love a sunburnt country” – by Dorothea Mackellar.

Well, that is, if you got any answer at all, or one that wasn’t “Waltzing Matilda”, the country’s unofficial national anthem (aptly enough about a criminal swagman who prefers death to arrest and whose ghost haunts a billabong thereafter) by Banjo Paterson – the latter also probably the answer you’d get if you asked the average Australian to name one Australian poet and not without reason as Australia’s bush balladeer bard and poet laureate.

Or perhaps the official national anthem, “Advance Australian Fair”, for which everyone forgets there’s more than one verse – and only remembers the first because of its use of the word girt, because who puts girt in a national anthem?

And then there’s that other unofficial Australian anthem and greatest lyrical genius of Australia or by any Australian ever – “Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi oi oi!”. There’s actually more lines of this but you get the point.

If I were to name one poem about Australia, however, I’d name the poem I quoted at the outset, aptly and simply titled “Australia”, by Alec Derwent Hope- who would also be the one Australian poet I would name.

Also aptly enough for a poem about Australia by an Australian, it’s taking the p!ss out of patriotic poetic platitudes, presenting Australia as a nation clinging timidly to its coasts while draining its desert continent like a “vast parasite robber-state”.

Mind you, it’s not that much more complimentary to the European civilization of which Australia is a second-hand offshoot – “the learned doubt, the chatter of cultured apes which is called civilization over there”.

That pretty much sums up the “savagely satirical” style of A.D. Hope. I was delighted to learn that his highly er0tic verse and “frequent allusions to s€xuality” caused him to be dubbed “Phallic Alec” (in a letter to Norman Lindsay, an Australian also known for his er0ticism).

His style also harked back to eighteenth century poetry, leading an American journal to quip about him as “the greatest eighteenth century poet in the twentieth century”.

“When once asked what poets could do for Australia, Hope replied “oh not much, merely justify its existence”.

 

RATING:

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (13) W.H. Auden

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Auden in 1939 photographed by Carl Van Vechten – Wikipedia “W.H. Auden” (public domain)

 

 

(13) W.H. AUDEN (1907-1973)

 

“A poem is never finished; it is only abandoned”

An adage that I have used ever since at work to illustrate that there comes a cut-off point – or where you have to get to the point – for attention to detail, although it was actually Auden paraphrasing the French poet Valery.

Like T.S. Eliot, a poet claimed by both Britain and the United States except in reverse – where T.S. Eliot was an American-British poet who moved from the United States to Britain, Wystan Hugh Auden was a British-American poet who moved from Britain to the United States. Although to be honest, I tend to think of both as British.

Also one of the holy trinity of modern poets along with Eliot and Yeats – although he ranges from being seen as a lesser figure (as I suppose I do since I rank the other two in my top ten and Auden in these special mentions) to ranking him above them. I would agree that Auden was the most consummate poetic stylist of the three – Auden could pretty much compose a poem to any style or technical form on tap.

“Auden’s poetry is noted for its stylistic and technical achievement, its engagement with politics, morals, love, and religion, and its variety in tone, form, and content.”

 

“Iron-hearted man-slaying Achilles

Who would not live long.”

 

As for which Auden poem to choose for this special mention, there are so many from which to choose but I’ll go with the forlorn title poem of his collection of poetry, The Shield of Achilles.

 

“The mass and majesty of this world, all

That carries weight and always weighs the same

Lay in the hands of others; they were small

And could not hope for help and no help came”

 

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (12) D.H. Lawrence

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Passport photograph of D. H. Lawrence on 22 February 2029, enclosed in a letter to Bernard Falk, Wikipedia “D.H. Lawrence” (public domain)

 

(12) D. H. LAWRENCE (1885-1930)

 

Memorably described by popular historian Paul Johnson as a “strange and intuitive Englishman”, D.H. Lawrence is perhaps best remembered for novels that were the subject of censorship trials – although he should be remembered for his best novel based on title alone, Kangaroo, because what else are you to call a novel set in Australia?

However, he was also a poet – and I prefer his poetry to his novels.

“His best-known poems are probably those dealing with nature such as those in the collection Birds, Beasts and Flowers, including the Tortoise poems, and “Snake”, one of his most frequently anthologised, displays some of his most frequent concerns: those of man’s modern distance from nature and subtle hints at religious themes.”

I was tempted to nominate his poem “The English are so Nice” – a poem that among quite a few others of his were “often wry attacks on the moral climate of England” – for this special mention entry, if for no other reason than my English ex-wife who embodied it.

 

“The English are so nice

So awfully nice

They are the nicest people in the world

And what’s more, they’re very nice about being nice

About your being nice as well!

If you’re not nice, they soon make you feel it”

 

However, I chose one of his posthumously published poems, aptly enough about death and one of his most famous – The Ship of Death.

 

“Have you built your ship of death, O have you?

O build your ship of death, for you will need it.”

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (11) Gerard Manley Hopkins

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Gerard Manley Hopkins as photographed – public domain image

 

 

(11) GERARD MANLEY HOPKINS (1884-1889)

 

“The achieve of, the mastery of the thing!”

Hopkins would earn special mention for “the sonnets of desolation” alone – a title I think would make a good name for a music band, perhaps as Gerard Manley Hopkins and the Sonnets of Desolation.

You don’t really expect poetry, let alone sonnets of desolation, from a man who was primarily a Jesuit priest – and an English one at that – but there you have it. Mind you, he published very little of his poetry during his life – it was only through a posthumous volume of his poems published in 1918 by his friend and fellow poet Robert Bridges that he “became recognised as one of the leading Victorian poets”.

 

“That night, that year

Of now done darkness I wretch lay wrestling with (my God!) my God.”

 

Not surprisingly for a priest, a focus of his poetry is his celebration of the natural world through the lens of his religious belief –  “his praise of God through vivid use of imagery and nature”.

Not so much however his sonnets of desolation, which evoke religious doubt or as he described them to Bridges, “the thin gleanings of a long weary while” – hence why I prefer them (as I do the poems of T.S. Eliot that reflect his early doubt rather than his later faith).

According to John Bayley – “All his life Hopkins was haunted by the sense of personal bankruptcy and impotence, the straining of ‘time’s eunuch’ with no more to ‘spend’ …”

We’ve all been there.

As for which sonnet of desolation I’d choose over the others for this special mention, I’d nominate “Carrion Comfort” – the source of my quote of wrestling with (my God!) my God.

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (10) Robert Frost

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There are photographs of Frost when younger but they just seem right – Robert Frost in 1949, photograph by Walter Albertin, World Telegram staff photographer, Library of Congress, New York World – Telegram & Sun Collection (public domain image)

 

 

(10) ROBERT FROST (1874-1963)

 

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

 

When I wrote of Walt Whitman, Robert Frost was that one possible exception I proposed for Whitman as the American poet – the Great American Poet, or at least the Great New England poet in Frost’s case.

Robert Frost “was one of the most iconic and influential American poets of the 20th century. He is best known for “The Road Not Taken” and “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening”, both of which are commonly taught to US students beginning in elementary school.”

There were two Robert Frosts – the folksy Frost that most people think of from school, “the genial homespun New England rustic”, and the folk horror Frost, who pops up from his poetry like a jump scare, “depicting with chilling starkness the loneliness of an individual in an indifferent universe” (or outright hostile one).

The latter is the dark Frost, the apocalyptic Frost of fire and ice.

 

The Frost of the poem House Fear from the short series of poems collated as The Hill Wife.

“Always—I tell you this they learned—

Always at night when they returned

To the lonely house from far away

To lamps unlighted and fire gone gray,

They learned to rattle the lock and key

To give whatever might chance to be

Warning and time to be off in flight”

 

Or the Frost of the poem Bereft:

“Where had I heard this wind before

Change like this to a deeper roar?…

Leaves got up in a coil and hissed,

Blindly struck at my knee and missed.

Something sinister in the tone

Told me my secret must be known:

Word I was in the house alone

Somehow must have gotten abroad,

Word I was in my life alone,

Word I had no one left but God.”

 

Folk horror Frost may be my tongue in cheek description of the dark(er) Frost – but not by much. I always remember being taught that the central metaphor for Frost was the title of his final collection of poem, In the Clearing – in which “Frost portrays human security as a rather tiny and quite vulnerable opening in a thickly grown forest, a pinpoint of light against which the encroaching trees cast their very real threat of darkness”.

I also always remember being taught that the central characteristic of Frost – the same characteristic that underlays (and arguably resolves) the apparent duality of the folksy Frost and the folk horror Frost – is his ambiguity which undercuts what otherwise appears to be country proverbs with profound doubt.

As for example, my opening quote from his most famous poem where the road less traveled “has made all the difference”…which may be no difference at all.

Or my quote from Bereft. To the devout Puritans who settled his beloved New England, being all alone but for God would be a source of strength or the ultimate reassurance – the God who carries you like in that Christian “Footsteps” poem. But to someone in the twentieth century filled with doubt, being alone but for God may be very alone indeed.

As for which Frost poem I would choose for this special mention, there are so many from which to choose but I’d just have to come back to his Hill Wife poems, particularly the forlorn Impulse with its rural marriage falling apart:

 

“Sudden and swift and light as that

The ties gave,

And he learned of finalities

Besides the grave.”

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – Nymphomancy (Mythology): Top 10 (Special Mention)

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She looks flexible – 12th century sandstone statue of apsara – essentially equivalent to a nymph in Hindu mythology – from Madhya Pradesh, India, collected in the Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York (public domain image)

 

 

The gods must be horny – again!

Yes – I’ve compiled my top ten nymphomancy list for the subject of mythology, but mythology is such a rich source of actual or potential adult content that there’s enough for my usual twenty special mentions I like to have for my top tens.

You know the drill – my nymphomancy lists being like the kinky or kinkier entry I throw in my top ten list special mentions, but for every entry or the entire list, across the board of subject categories as my top ten lists in general. They measure the, shall we say, adult content of cultural or literary subjects, either actual or potential. That is, the extent to which they contain or could be adapted to the content of adult films. You know the ones – the ones with at least one X in the rating and usually two or three.

And you the know rankings – l rank entries by their richness as sources for actual or potential adult content in three tiers – from lowest to highest as X-tier or risqué tier, XX-tier or softcore tier, and XXX-tier or hardcore tier.

Essentially, all my XXX-tier or hardcore tier entries were in my top ten, so these special mentions will be in one of the next two tiers.

The middle nymphomancy tier – XX-tier or softcore tier, equivalent to A-tier or top tier – is for those sources not quite as rich as the highest tier. The adult content itself may be as hardcore as the highest tier – there’s just less of it, although you might still get enough scenes for a film or two.

The lowest nymphomancy tier – X-tier or risque tier, equivalent to B-tier or high tier – is for those sources that extend to or suggest enough adult content for a scene or two but not much more without stretching it.

 

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

 

Zatanna #3 with cover art by J. Scott Campbell published in May 2025 – cropped for fair use (with the full exclusive art available for sale at his online store) to showcase Zatanna embodying the nymphomancy of magic or at least the archetypal stage magician’s assistant costume, down to the fishnets and attention to detail of those standard tropes of stage magic such as pulling a rabbit out of a hat and card tricks

 

(1) MAGIC

 

Abracadabra bow chicka wow wow!

You should have seen this coming (heh) – there’s a whole category of magic known as s€x magic (sometimes styled as s€x magick), with its own Wikipedia entry.

Beyond that to magic in general, this is essentially the trope of power perversion potential in TV Tropes – where supernatural or superhuman powers “gets used for something s€xual”, applied to the near infinite permutations or varieties of magic. .

Think Hogwarts but what would actually happen if adolescents were let loose with magic – which by the way is one of my perceived plotholes of the Harry Potter franchise, not that I’d want to see that particular hole filled. Hey – phrasing!

Speaking of schools of magic, that prompts me to the eight schools of magic popularized by Dungeons and Dragons – abjuration, conjuration, divination, enchantment, evocation, illusion, necromancy and transmutation. All of which have their power perversion potential for bling and booty, or the magical equivalent to the Playboy Mansion suiting your preferences or tastes.

“Mind control, psychic powers (synchronization in particular), invisibility, intangibility, sprouting tentacles, X-ray vision, and the ability to stop (or otherwise manipulate) time are especially vulnerable to this…a few core spells can be dirverted from their normal usage to become the nudifier”.

For that matter, even stage magic – with that magician’s assistance costume modelled by Zatanna in my feature image, down to those fishnet stockings. Pulling a rabbit out of a hat never sounded more like double entrendre. Nothing up my sleeve – hey, presto!

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

 

Think hot fairy thoughts? Tinker Bell strutting her stuff – her already hot Disney design made even hotter here in cropped art from J. Scott Campbell for his Fairytale Fantasies calendar. So hot they made a statue out of it!

 

 

(2) FAIRIES

 

It’s uncanny how much fairy folklore seems to focus on how horny fairies are for humans.

It’s like the trope Mars Needs Women in TV Tropes, named for the 1967 B-movie of that title – except of course in this case Fairyland needs women, or just humans in general. Fairyland seems strangely dependent on constant infusions of human blood or other bodily fluids, abducting or luring humans to be their playthings, most famously swapping human children for changelings.

Fairies even tend to appear or be depicted as inhumanly beautiful, particularly inhumanly beautiful woman to lure men to their fate, albeit often with some hidden flaw that gives away their fairy nature.

Even diminutive modern fairies tend to be depicted as attractive, although obviously some sort of magical shapeshifting in size would be required for nymphomancy. Think Tinker Bell as influenced by the Disney depiction – essentially a blond centerfold as a pixie.

There’s also the figure of the Fairy Queen.

I’m including the Wild Hunt in this one – its very name lends itself to the obvious pun for adult film titles but also its theme of roaming at night, orgiastically snatching up anyone in its path to join it.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

 

Those hot Transylvanian nights – the Brides of Dracula from the 2004 Van Helsing film

 

 

(3) VAMPIRES

 

Few supernatural beings embody nymphomancy as much as vampires – so much so that there’s a trope for it in TV Tropes, Vampires are Sex Gods.

Although vampires themselves being s€xy seems more a trope for adaptations of vampires in popular culture than of folklore or mythology in which vampires were a dark inversion of s€x rather than s€xy.

Vampires representing s€xual themes goes back a long way but more in the sense of vampirism representing s€xuality or s€xual predation (or disease) rather than vampires being s€xy as such, particularly given that vampires are essentially reanimated corpses, which begs a number of questions about having s€x with them, not least how they can even replicate the biology of s€x. Of course, that last may be magical or telepathic in nature.

Ironically, the s€xy side of vampire folklore and mythology can be argued to have been more that of the other side, that is the side of vampire hunters or slayers, given how often virgin girls seem to pop up. It’s like that scene with the naked virgin girl on horseback in the Nosferatu film by Robert Eggers – played by Czech model Katerina Bila and credited simply as virgin on horseback – prompting me to stand up and shout at the screen to see more of her in the film or even a spinoff about her as naked virgin vampire hunter. And after they bounced me out of the cinema, I still stand by that.

Even Bram Stoker’s Dracula – the original novel – featured its titular count more as s€x than s€xy, although his Brides certainly lived up to the latter, including Lucy Westenra and Mina Harker as de facto Brides. Or, ah, undeaded up to the latter? Anyway, it was Dracula’s cinematic adaptations that saw him s€xed up as the suave count of popular culture – with all the vampire love gods that followed in his wake.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

Disney’s Little Mermaid Ariel in her iconic scene – I never realized how much it looked like, well, something out of nymphomancy until I saw this shot

 

(4) LEGENDARY CREATURES

 

Yeah, we’re talking demi-humans or sufficiently humanoid legendary creatures here, except if there’s some sort of humanoid shapeshifting, magical mind s€x or something similar involved.

Even so, there’s a surprising range of such creatures, particularly if you’re (magically) inventive enough – so much so that there’s enough to rank legendary creatures in my softcore nymphomancy tier.

Indeed, they might well have ranked in my hardcore nymphomancy tier but for effectively being included in other entries. Biblical mythology has its angels and demons horny for humans – arguably the origin of the nephilim most famously mentioned in Genesis. Classical mythology has its satyrs and sirens, equally horny for humans (or in the case of satyrs, everything but especially nymphs) – at least from the waist up. Satyrs of course lending themselves to the term satyriasis as the male equivalent of nymphomania – and inspiration to Bill Hicks’ Goat Boy.

Mermaids (and mermen) are famously s€xed up in legend or folklore, although again that’s from the waist up (and are often merged with sirens in any event) or the still more humanoid versions.

Think Jim Balent’s Tarot Witch of the Black Rose, in which every legendary creature or supernatural being is a busty centerfold, albeit sometimes more jarring than alluring. Or dare I say it, think the Xanth fantasy series by Piers Anthony, who manages to put his characteristically kinky spin on virtually every female legendary creature.

By way of potential nymphomancy roll call…

The aforementioned angels and demons, including my favorite – devil girls and succubi. Anything sufficiently anthropomorphic – heck, Fritz Leiber wrote a story with a hot female anthropomorphic personification…of the number seven. Elves and fairies. Gargoyles and golems? Genies. Gorgeous gorgons. Horned or winged humanoids. The aforementioned mermaids – and sirens. Nymphs – and satyrs, at least from the waist up. Vampires. And quite a few more if you push their characteristics or depictions enough in the direction of nymphomancy.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

 

 

Well they may have but I haven’t! One of my favorite gags from The Simpsons, featuring two of my favorite gag characters – Kodos and Kang, the recurring aliens of the Treehouse of Horror Halloween specials. I voted for Kodos!

 

 

(5) UFOS & UFOLOGY

 

The Mars Needs Women trope played straight – as I said for fairies in fairy folklore, it’s uncanny how much aliens in UFO folklore are horny for humans, what with all the probing.

As I’m fond of quipping, it’s hard to imagine that aliens are so advanced as to cross light years of space or different dimensions just to give some hick an enema. I mean, I would, but I’m not particularly advanced and that’s just my sense of humor.

Indeed, UFO or alien folklore is essentially fairy folklore with the fairies swapped out for aliens and magic for technology. “In both cases, you have creatures who are ineffable and don’t understand humanity, who randomly abduct humans, play with them, and return them with time loss and occasionally strange powers / afflictions”. Although on the whole aliens seem hornier for humans than fairies, what with the aforementioned probing.

Funnily enough, horny aliens have been routinely adapted to science fiction – hence the Mars Needs Women trope and titular film – except also with s€xy aliens, not least the green-skinned alien space babes so popular in SF. I’m still haunted by James Tiptree Jr’s short story featuring aliens so inhumanly beautiful or alluring to humans that it turned those humans who observed them into obsessive deranged space groupies.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

 

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

Advertised image for female shaman figure (of Mesoamerican appearance) by First Legion, a company that produces historical figurines and models

 

(6) SHAMANISM

 

“But then the awesome mysterious world will open its mouth for you, as it will open for every one of us, and then you will realise that your sure ways were not sure at all”.

Well, if you put it like that, I can think of some adult content suggested by the world opening its mouth for you, even if I know that quotation is meant to convey something entirely different. It’s just how my mind works.

And so too with shamanism in general, although it lacks the same depth of nymphomancy as paganism. Just think shamans – or rather shamanesses – in the style of jungle girls and cavewomen from comics. Or Racquel Welsh in her iconic fur bikini from the film 1 Million Years BC.

Or prehistoric cave art for that matter – of which there’s an awful lot where human figures, obviously male, let it all hang out or stick out. The so-called Sorcerer at the Cave of the Trois-Frères is a famous example of the former.

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

*

I like how one of them has installed a swing – why not a pole while they’re at it? Mara’s Daughters Tempt the Bodhisatta as depicted in Wat Olek Madu, Kedah and photographed by Photo Dharma from Sadao, Thailand – Wikimedia Commons under licence https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en.

 

(7) ZEN

 

Wait – what? You’re saying zen has adult content?!

 

Well, yes – just what did you think was the sound of one hand clapping? Or why my horns won’t fit through the door? In part, that’s again just how my mind works, reworking zen koans into dirty jokes. Also in part it’s because I consider zen not just in terms of Zen Buddhism but also Taoism and similar East Asian traditions of mysticism – hence adapting their visual elements or symbolism to adult content.

 

And if nothing else, there’s the Buddha’s original temptation under the Bo tree, which included the dance of desire personified by the daughter or daughters of Mara.

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

(8) AZTEC & VOODOO

 

Yes – the nymphomancy of Aztec mythology and voodoo is essentially a matter of adult content with their visual trappings.

 

To be honest, as distorted an adaptation of the visual trappings of Aztec mythology as it is, I just can’t get past Salma Hayek as Santanico Pandemonium in From Dusk Till Dawn – or perhaps Chel in The Road to El Dorado. And yes I know – it’s the most superficial visual trappings of what TV Tropes dubs Mayintec, an amorphous conflation of the three best known pre-Columbian American civilizations. Santanico’s club goes from “Mayincatec-inspired nightclub to vampire den to a full-blown Mayincatec sacrificial pyramid almost buried in the Mexican desert”.

 

Similarly for voodoo, it’s Live and Let Die, although that might have more to do with Jane Seymour as Solitaire.

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

(9) DRAGONS & GIANTS

 

Wait, what? There’s nymphomancy for dragons and giants?

Well, yes. I mean, dragons always seem to be associated with maidens in myth or legend. Of course, obviously magic has to be involved for any dragon-human interaction of a kinky manner, at least without things getting…scaly. (And we don’t want things getting scaly).

So we’re talking shape changing, telepathic mind s€x or something similar. And while we’re getting kinky with dragons, I can’t resist playing with the variety of dragons and their breath weapons in Dungeons & Dragons – it’s in the name of the game after all. The staple of dragons is that they breathe fire – to which D & D adds dragons that breathe lightning, acid, gas, poison, ice and so on. So why dragons that breathe…aphrodisiac? Or pheromones? Where anyone who catches a whiff of it has uncontrollable urges to get in on with anyone else in the vicinity, doubly so if that anyone else also caught a whiff of it. You know, unless they make their saving throw.

And giants? Again magic obviously has to be involved, albeit where the shape changing is more size changing. Well, unless your kink is to be used as a literal s€x toy. It does invoke vague memories I have of a gag film scene where a man imagines himself as part of a team scaling a giant version of the woman of his dreams (or fantasy). You know, mountaineering her breasts. Or spelunking her…well, we’ll just leave it there.

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

Okay, she can haunt me. Jim Balent’s ghostly Crypt Chick in a scene from his Tarot Witch of the Black Rose comics series, published by his independent Broadsword label

 

 

(10) GHOSTS

 

Putting the 0rgasm into ectoplasm!

Again, nymphomancy for ghosts would seem to be as implausible as that for dragons and giants, except perhaps even more so given the incorporeal nature of ghosts. I mean, having a physical body would seem a prerequisite for nymphomancy

But no! There’s even a term for it – spectrophilia, although apparently that term is also used for arousal by images in mirrors as well as an attraction to ghosts. Setting aside the same kind of magical or telepathic link we’ve seen in other entries, it necessarily would involve ghosts that despite their incorporeal nature can interact physically with objects in reality, the objects in this case being people. Think poltergeists – or dare I say it, p0rnogeists.

Surprisingly, Wikipedia not only has an article for spectrophilia but one that has a surprising amount of content – “accounts of paranormal encounters with ghosts and spirits frequently include sexual encounters”. The article references succubi and their male counterparts incubi – yes, they tend to be depicted as demonic beings but they are somewhat ghostly in their nocturnal encounters. Interestingly, the article traces ghostly s€xual encounters to sleep paralysis.

I have to throw in white ladies or women in white – those recurring female ghosts in folklore.

 

RATING:

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(11) LYCANTHROPY

 

Yeah, no furries here – the nymphomancy of lycanthropy involves the shape changing aspect of it and only one way at that. We’re talking the Sybil Danning parts of The Howling II, not the wolf parts. To be honest, all I recall of that film is Sybil Danning taking her top off. Apparently, she stipulated that the film only had one scene where she takes her top off, so the film just kept repeating that same scene (apparently seventeen times).

I’ll throw kitsune and selkies in here as well.

 

RATING:

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If there’s any visual element people recognize from the 1999 Stanley Kubrick film Eyes Wide Shut, it’s the people (and its protagonists) in masks at parties

 

 

(12) CONSPIRACY THEORIES

 

When do we get to the wild s€x party part of the conspiracy theory?

That’s essentially it for the nymphomancy of conspiracy theories. Think Eyes Wide Shut or Bohemian Grove.

On the other hand, my pet conspiracy theory is that if you dig deep enough into any conspiracy theory, you’ll eventually hit the bedrock of wild s€x parties.

Illuminati? Wild s€x parties.

JFK? Wild s€x parties with Marilyn Monroe. Or the Kennedy s€x tunnels referenced by pop culture such as Rick and Morty.

You get the idea.

Whatever the conspiracy theory, no matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find the wild s€x party part of it.

 

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(13) URBAN LEGENDS

 

When do we get to the wild s€x party part of the urban legend?

Yes, the nymphomancy of urban legends is essentially the same as that for conspiracy theories.

Except, no – I can’t quite back that up. Urban legends don’t quite have the same ubiquitous wild s€x party bedrock as conspiracy theories – but it is interesting just how many urban legends do have or even revolve around some risqué component.

 

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(14) TANTRA

 

Well, obviously.

It’s s€x magic, after all.

So why doesn’t it rank more than risqué-tier? Isn’t s€x magic the literal definition of nymphomancy?

Well, yes, but it isn’t much more than the s€x magic. That is, it lacks that defining characteristic for my nymphomancy rankings – the extent to which the subject contains or could be adapted to the content of adult films, which in turn generally depends on its visual story elements.

 

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(15) BARBARA WALKER –

WOMEN’S ENCYCLOPEDIA OF MYTHS & SECRETS / WOMEN’S DICTIONARY OF SYMBOLS & SACRED OBJECTS

 

She is the goddess and this is her body.

Yes – it’s more nymphomancy of paganism, given that these books are encyclopedia or dictionary references to mythology and religion through the lens, or rather the dance, of pagan goddesses or the neopagan Goddess.

And there are prolific references to s€x or s€xuality.

When it comes to the Goddess, you’re baptised between her breasts or crucified between her thighs – o yes!

 

RATING:

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O yes – he’ll be showing her his savage sword! Classic Conan pose (or leg cling) in The Savage Sword of Conan cover art by Earl Norem for “The Treasure of Tranicos”, issue 47, 1 December 1979, Marvel Comics (fair use)

 

 

(16) JOSEPH CAMPBELL –

THE HERO WITH A THOUSAND FACES

 

You: Looking for the archetypal Hero’s Journey in Star Wars and popular culture.

Me: Looking for the archetypal Hero’s Journey in adult films

We are not the same.

 

I’m joking and I’m serious.

Firstly, if one identifies the archetypal hero’s journey in most or even all narratives, then it stands to reason that one can identify it in the narratives of adult films, as condensed as those narratives are. Let’s just say they make short work of the call to adventure – like not having enough change for the pizza delivery. (“The story is ludicrous…you can imagine where it goes from here” “He fixes her cable?”)

Secondly, it doesn’t take too much nymphomancy to do a s€xual version of the Hero’s Journey. I mean, some steps write themselves as nymphomancy to begin with – such as the Meeting with the Goddess or Woman as the Temptress.

Thirdly, Campbell and those who follow him tend to overlook how many of heroic exploits in mythology are, well, s€xual exploits.

 

RATING:

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(17) SIR JAMES GEORGE FRAZER – THE GOLDEN BOUGH

 

Who are these coming to the, ahem, sacrificial orgy?

Yes – it’s the nymphomancy of sacred kings.

Camille Paglia spoke of her mythology as a fusion of Frazer and Freud – and so is mine, or at least my nymphomancy of sacred kings.

Although really the nymphomancy of sacred kings was woven in from the outset.

Who else but a fool would be king for a day? Well you might if you could spend your brief reign in an orgiastic satiation of your desires – or hieros gamos with the Goddess (or goddesses). Women would throw themselves at you or fight each other to conceive the child of a divine king. It’s essentially the plot of Philip Jose Farmer’s Flesh. It also pops up in The Wicker Man – and it remains my profound disappointment to this day that Edward Woodward’s Sergeant Neil Howie didn’t enjoy the night with Brett Ekland’s Willow, gyrating and pounding away on the wall of the room next to him in invitation, before his day of sacrifice.

There’s also the identification of the health of the sacred king, particularly his virility with maidens, with health of the land he reigned, particularly its fertility for agriculture. Of course, the flip side of this was that once you couldn’t get it up then you were going down – ritually sacrificed and replaced by the new sacred king…

 

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(18) ROBERT GRAVES – THE WHITE GODDESS

 

And…we’re back to the nymphomancy of paganism or at least Grave’s idiosyncratic version of it – getting your wild ride in with the White Goddess before your weird comes for you.

Or essentially the nymphomancy of sacred kings from Frazer’s Golden Bough, but where Graves saw Frazer’s sacred king and raised it with the queen of his White Goddess – with jokers wild in the form of your weird, that is your rival for the love of the Goddess.

 

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(19) BACCHAE & GOLDEN ASS

 

I mean, the title alone of The Golden Ass writes its own nymphomancy.

As does the climax (heh) of The Bacchae – where the women of Thebes are driven by Dionysus to orgiastic frenzy.

 

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Bow chicka wow wow! Scene from the 2007 Beowulf film used as promotional image or poster art. I always love how Grendel’s shapechanging mother gave herself heels! (Fair use)

 

 

(20) BEOWULF

 

The nymphomancy of Beowulf has basically been done by the 2007 Beowulf film, in which Beowulf gets it on with Grendel’s hot mother

 

RATING:

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Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (9) Algernon Charles Swinburne

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Portrait of Swinburne in watercolor and chalk by Dante Gabriel Rossetti in 1861 (public domain image used as feature image in the Wikipedia article for Swinburne)

 

 

(9) ALGERNON CHARLES SWINBURNE (1837-1909)

 

“What ailed us, O gods, to desert you,

For creeds that refuse and restrain?

Come down and redeem us from virtue,

Our Lady of Pain”

 

A deliciously decadent and pagan poet, as well as one that was distinctly kinky – that Lady of Pain wasn’t just some turn of the phrase but a glimpse into the sadomasochistic dungeon in the basement of his mind.

He was best known for his debut poetry collection Poems and Ballads, which was something of his personal pagan manifesto and featured the poem Dolores that I quoted at the outset.

“The poem demonstrates most of the controversial themes for which Swinburne became notorious. It conflates the cruel yet libidinous pagan goddess figure of Dolores, the Lady of Pain with Mary, Mother of Jesus and associates the poem itself, through its parenthetical titular text (Notre-Dame des Sept Douleurs, i.e., “Our Lady of Seven Sorrows” with the Seven Dolours of the Virgin.”

Camille Paglia observed how much the poem resembles prayer, particularly in rhythm and recurring phrases – presumably amidst sacraments of flagellation and spanking. I’d go to that church!

That pretty much sums up Swinburne. As for which Swinburne poem to select for this entry, there’s so many from which to choose. I’ll go with Dolores – Our Lady of Pain – but it was a close call with the temptation of Faustine, which resembles Dolores in prayer-like quality.

 

“What coiled obscene

Small serpents with soft-stretching throats

Caressed Faustine?”

 

RATING:

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Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (8) Walt Whitman

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He even looked like Uncle Sam. Photograph of Walt Whitman by George C. Cox in 1887 in New York – public domain image

 

 

(8) WALT WHITMAN (1819-1892)

 

“I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world”

Who hasn’t wanted to sound a barbaric yawp at one time or another?

Also the poet everyone knows from Dead Poet’s Society, since he wrote the poem being quoted and indeed titled as “O Captain! My Captain!”

By the way, that poem was written for the death of President Lincoln in 1865. It was also not the only Whitman reference in the film or the book on which it was based – both were obviously influenced by Whitman fandom, but then so is much of American poetry and literary culture, which brings me to my next point.

With the possible exception of another special mention, Walt Whitman is the American poet. The Great American Poet as it were, in the same vein as those books touted as the Great American Novel. Although I don’t know why there’s debate on the contenders for the Great American Novel when it’s obviously Catch-22. Search your feelings – you know it to be true.

Yes – I hear your query. Wait a minute Stark After Dark – don’t you rank American poets over than Whitman in your top ten, including e.e. cummings in your top spot? Not to mention William Carlos Williams, Sylvia Plath, and Ishmael Reed in eighth, ninth, and tenth place respectively. For that matter, you can claim T.S. Eliot as American poet, since he was born and raised in the United States, only moving to England at the age of 25 (in 1914). And there’s a few more American poets in special mentions to come.

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. (I am large, I contain multitudes”

And yes – while I’m tempted to argue for e.e.cummings as the American poet or the Great American Poet, I have to admit that Whitman is more lyrical, and more fundamentally, embodies the United States in so much of his verse.

What better image of the United States than a nation sounding its barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world?

As per art historian Mary Berenson – “You cannot really understand America without Walt Whitman”.

And Ezra Pound was even more blunt, calling Whitman “America’s poet… He is America.”

As for which Whitman poem to select for this entry, one is spoilt for choice. There’s the collection of poetry for which he is famed – Leaves of Grass. (To quote Homer Simpson when he finds out the grave that he thought was his mother’s was instead that of Walt Whitman – “leaves of grass, my ass!”.

There’s the most famous poem from that collection – Song of Myself, from which both that barbaric yawp and containing multitudes quotes come from – and so many others, including of course O Captain My Captain. However, I have to go with When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom’d, another elegy written for the death of Lincoln.

 

RATING:

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