Top Tens – Comics: Top 10 Comics (Special Mention) (12) Mike Mignola – Hellboy

Poster art for Hellboy and his signature Right Hand of Doom (fair use)

 

 

(12) MIKE MIGNOLA –

HELLBOY (DARK HORSE 1993 – PRESENT)

 

Dark Horse comic series Hellboy has been popularized by the Guillermo de Toro films (less so by its latest reboot, of which we won’t speak)

But then, what’s not to love about a comic series in which the hero is the literal Beast of the Apocalypse? (Or Anung Um Rama – “upon his brow is set a crown of flame”). Of course, he’s one of the good guys – and humanity’s best hope against hell and other eldritch abominations – because of his human upbringing. His backstory is that he was summoned as an infant demon in the last days of the Second World War to turn the tide of that war in Project Ragna Rok by Nazi occultists, led by none other than Grigori Rasputin – the mad monk turned eldritch abomination himself. I can’t help but feel Rasputin cheated his Nazi patrons if they expected victory for their war, as Rasputin was apparently playing the apocalyptic long game. Fortunately, Rasputin and his Nazi occultists are opposed by the Americans and their nascent Bureau of Paranormal Research and Development, who disrupt the ritual and raise Hellboy as one of their own – as he grows into his full-blown demonic appearance, with horns (which he files down for appearance), hooves, tail and red skin.

Again, what’s not to love about this comic series? Nazi occultists? Rasputin? Secret occult history? Demons and Lovecraftian eldritch abominations, most notably the apocalyptic Ogdru Jahad? And as I said, a series with the Beast of the Apocalypse as hero, fighting his own apocalyptic destiny – embodied in his Right Hand of Doom, the key to the abyss…?

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Wars (Special Mention: Revised) (18) Paraguayan War

Brazilian steamers ramming Paraguayan ships in the Battle of Riachuelo, painted by Eduardo de Martino 1882-1883 (public domain image – Wikipedia “Paraguayan War”)

 

 

(18) PARAGUAYAN WAR (1864-1870)

 

Ever since reading about it, I’ve been fascinated by the Paraguayan War – also known as the War of the Triple Alliance, although let’s face it, Brazil did the heavy lifting.

It’s a war that seems like a meme or something out of a cartoon, at least as traditionally attributed to the “mad dictator” of Paraguay, President Francisco Solano Lopez – “the infinite ambitions of a supposedly megalomaniac and bloodthirsty Solano López who had the intention to create the “Greater Paraguay” through the conquest of territories of the neighboring countries.”

By neighboring countries, that means Brazil, Argentina and Uruguay. In fairness, he might have had a shot against one of them, even the larger and more populous Brazil – Paraguay was not styled as the Prussia of Latin America for nothing – but not all three at the same time.

I suppose that’s the part that appeals to me. It’s like Paraguay as the “Prussia of Latin America”, was having a dress rehearsal in the jungles of South America, for the same basic script of the actual Prussian state in Europe, Germany, for the world wars – and defeated by the same basic lack of understanding of war or understanding the limits of military and national power. In other words, encirclement and attrition by a coalition of enemies with superior resources – a coalition brought about by their own actions, “a foolish attempt to fight an unwinnable war that almost destroyed the nation”.

It’s almost like that adage by Karl Marx about history repeating itself except in reverse – with history happening first as farce and then as tragedy.

Although in the case of the Paraguayan War, it involved both farce and tragedy, the latter particularly for Paraguay itself, as it was ground down in attrition by its three opponents first in conventional warfare, then in its drawn-out guerilla resistance until Lopez was killed in action.

In the end, Paraguay was defeated and lost almost 40% of its territory, but it was Paraguay’s casualties and losses of population that are truly staggering. We don’t really know what they were because of a lack of reliable census figures before the war but they’re usually reckoned as at least half the population or even 60% or so, making it proportionately one of the most destructive wars in modern history – with the worst figures estimating the loss of 90% of the male population

Whatever the case, there was an 1871 census with about a 4:1 ratio for adult female population to adult male population – such that there was an informal acceptance, even by the Catholic Church, of polygamy afterwards to help repopulation.

Top Tens – Comics: Top 10 Comics (Special Mention) (11) Jeff Smith – Bone

Cover of Bone: The Complete Cartoon Epic in One Volume (featuring protagonist Fone Bone and one of the antagonist creatures). There have been a few editions – this one was the 2010 paperback edition by Cartoon Books, Jeff Smith’s own self-publishing company, the edition I had (fair use)

 

 

(11) JEFF SMITH –

BONE (1991-2004)

 

Bone is like if Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck suddenly popped into Game of Thrones – which I suppose could happen now that Disney owns Fox? Who knows? Anyway – literal cartoon characters placed in the middle of an epic fantasy of an increasingly desperate struggle against an otherworldly foe. Or in the words of TV Tropes – a “lengthy independent comic book series by Jeff Smith that took 13 years to complete, mixing the sensibilities of a joke-of-the-day comic strip like Pogo with the sweeping story of an epic fantasy à la The Lord of the Rings”

The cartoon protagonists, the Bone trio of cousins, are indeed cartoon characters, both visually and in personality, who’ve been exiled from their (unseen) cartoon village Boneville. The main protagonist, Fone Bone, is the most dependable, resourceful and moral of the Bone cousins. Smiley Bone is good-hearted but dim-witted (although his good heart sees him through most of the time). Phoney Bone is the reason they have been exiled from Boneville – a greedy, hotheaded schemer with perpetual plans to make money (usually by a con or cheat).

The epic fantasy protagonist Thorn and her family are at the heart of a war against the Lord of the Locusts, the Hooded One and their minions of ravenous rat-creatures.

Stupid, stupid rat-creatures! As Fone Bone dubs the duo of ineffectual rat-creature henchmen in their hapless pursuit of him and the other protagonists. They are indeed not the brightest – and strangely endearing for it. They’re just not cut out for this evil villainy business

Apparently Netflix has the rights to a TV adaptation – presumably animated. It seems unlikely but maybe they’ll do it and do it right.

Top Tens – Comics: Top 10 Comics (Revised)

The famously iconic cover of Superman’s very first appearance in Action Comics (fair use)

 

Exactly what it says on the tin – my Top 10 Comics, including webcomics (as three of my top ten entries, indeed three of the top five).

You don’t need me to explain what comics are, but I might need to explain some things.

First, comics are my guilty reading pleasure I have retained from childhood, much like animation in TV or film. And much like animation, whatever the comic, I’ll usually enjoy checking it or its characters out.

Second, perhaps surprisingly after the first, I don’t read that many comics, let alone actively follow them. For most comics, I don’t go beyond checking them or their characters out in brief overview or review to reading them in depth. Usually, my interest is satisfied by the idea of a comic – or ideas in a comic – rather than the comic itself.

In particular, I don’t follow or read any comics from the ruling duopoly of DC and Marvel, with the exception of the former’s, ah, former label of Vertigo, although I have an enduring interest in and familiarity with many of their characters – but more in their film or television adaptations (or in their art and cosplay) than their original comics.

Anyway, these are my Top 10 Comics.

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

Jorge Corona variant cover for Undiscovered Country issue 1, enscapsulating the vibe of the series (fair use)

*

(10) CHARLES SOULE & SCOTT SYNDER –

UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY (Image 2019 – PRESENT)

 

O say can you see, by the dawn’s early…what the hell is that?!

 

Okay – this is a bit of a cheat as my wildcard tenth place entry, as I typically reserve it for best of the present or previous year but it’s still ongoing so….look, I make my own rules and break them anyway, okay?

Undiscovered Country starts from what might seem to be a familiar premise but one that becomes increasingly audacious…and beautifully weird. The titular Undiscovered Country is the United States or or what has become of it after it literally walled itself off from the rest of the world for thirty years (the Sealing) – land of the free and home of the brave become literal land of the lost. And by walling, I mean not just the massive physical walls but the ‘Air Wall’ of experimental force shield technology. Of course, there’s more than a few echoes of contemporary political events – and even more so in 2020 for the premise of its plot, a global pandemic that requires a team seeking a cure to breach its borders and venture into this strange and deadly ‘undiscovered’ country.

And that’s where things go “from prescient to Beyond Thunderdome: giant land sharks, tribal lunacy, jingoistic madmen galore…Forget the Land of the Free. This was Mad Max by way of the bastard son of Roald Dahl and Hunter S. Thompson. If they let the baby smoke crack a lot”. And then there’s the fact – evidenced by those mutated land sharks and jingoistic madmen – that as an effect of that force shield, much more time has seemingly passed in the lost United States than should actually be possible…

*

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

*

Cover art for The Wicked + The Divine issue 17 in December 2015 (fair use)

 

 

(9) KIERON GILLEN –

THE WICKED + THE DIVINE (Image 2014 – 2019)

 

“You are of the Pantheon. You will be loved. You will be hated. You will be brilliant. Within two years, you will be dead.”

The Wicked + The Divine features the Pantheon, a shifting rotation of gods in the Recurrence – when twelve gods (and goddesses) return (or incarnate) as young people for a bright, shining two years before burning out, as they have every ninety years for millennia. Except, you know, God, because that would just be boring. We’re talking beautiful, sexy, pop-star pagan gods and goddesses here, although they change with each Recurrence – or not, since some gods or goddesses seem to recur more than others. Or something like that because the rules are not entirely clear and keep changing.

*

Cover of Empowered volume 1 by creator – artist and writer – Adam Warren (fair use)

*

(8) ADAM WARREN –

EMPOWERED (Dark Horse 2007 – present)

 

“A sexy superhero comedy (except when it isn’t)”

 

The titular heroine and her series, originated from commissioned ‘bondage’ sketches of a comics superheroine ‘damsel-in-distress’, which then became the basis for the episodic shorts for the commencement of the series, illustrated in Warren’s characteristic ‘manga’ influenced style. The series started (and still continues to some extent) as a playful deconstruction of superhero comics tropes, particularly those involving female superheroes, along with (in the words of TV Tropes) “healthy doses of bondage, fanservice and comedy”.

Indeed, it’s a fantasy kitchen sink of comics tropes and more – alien doomsday technology, clans of ninjas in New Jersey, grandiloquent interdimensional hell-beings (trapped in coffee table ornaments), deals with the devil, psi powers, undead superheroes (or the ‘superdead’) and catgirls (nyaan!)

Empowered herself is a “plucky D-list superheroine”, who is precariously dependent and constantly betrayed by the fragile, fickle source of her superpowers – her skin-tight ‘hypermembrane’ suit. As a consequence, Empowered spends most of her time with her suit in tatters or various states of undress, bound and gagged by supervillains or even common criminals, a joke to her superhero peers and supervillains alike (albeit something of status symbol as arm candy to the latter).

As the series has progressed however, it has developed deeper, darker and longer story arcs – and Empowered has emerged as an increasingly formidable superheroine, relying on her wits and strength of character to overcome the flaws of her suit. On the other hand, her superhero colleagues or ‘Capes’ have become increasingly darker – beware the Superman! Remember San Antonio!

 

 

Cover of the collection (Book 1) published by TopatoCo, featuring Mistress and the other characters with the most narrative continuity but long since gone from the comic’s episodic format (fair use)

 

 

(7) TRUDY COOPER & DOUG BAYNE –

OGLAF (WEBCOMIC 2008 – PRESENT)

 

A weekly webcomic every Sunday by Australian creators.

A fantasy comic and comic fantasy – the latter in that it deconstructs, parodies or subverts virtually every fantasy trope, many drawn from the creators’ obvious familiarity with Dungeons and Dragons. In the words of Comics Alliance – “Oglaf is a sex comedy webcomic set in a world created by shoving every existing fantasy world into a blender and setting it on puree. There’s no overall plot, but many recurring characters and storylines, all in service to some of the funniest smut on the web”.

Yes – it is funny. And yes – oh my goddess – it is smutty. As per its origin in its opening disclaimer – “This comic started as an attempt to make p0rnography. It degenerated into sex comedy pretty much immediately”. Definitely not-safe-for-work (NSFW). Indeed, it’s an exceptional Oglaf that isn’t smutty. Of course, a large part of the smut is also part of the comic fantasy, playing with those fantasy tropes or the sexuality, repressed or otherwise beneath their surface. So yes – it’s mostly a fantasy sex comedy, well – ah – serviced by Cooper’s art. One should note that it is extremely diverse in its sexuality and indeed its multi-racial or polysexual characters – strikingly so for fantasy, which despite its premise is all too often traditional in its mores.

It’s mostly an episodic gag a week, although there are recurring characters. There also are (or at least were) occasional longer story arcs involving them. Ironically, the title character, although technically recurring (in a couple or so episodes), is essentially a gag character for the title – a shepherd boy with a very unusual (and NSFW) magical talent which somehow annoints him as the chosen one (although not chosen for much beyond the title). The closest thing the comic had to a protagonist was Ivan, a literal sorcerer’s apprentice (of sorts) to the sadistic Mistress. Other recurring characters occasionally rise to the fore as semi-protagonists – kinky female vampire Navaan, humorless female mercenary Greir and my favorite, Kronar, an obvious parody of Conan from a tribe of male barbarians so manly they don’t contaminate themselves with women and show each other their honor (and yes – that is a euphemism).

*

Halfling ranger Belkar Bitterleaf in perhaps his most iconic scene (and one of my favorite scenes) from episode 439 Seeing Orange (fair use)

*

*

(6) RICH BURLEW –

ORDER OF THE STICK (WEBCOMIC 2003 – present)

 

“Roy Greenhilt: The rogue is ambitious and greedy, the ranger is a complete psychopath, the wizard is trigger-happy and never stops talking, and the bard is as dumb as a box of moldy carrots!

Durkon Thundershield: As I recall, ye called me “surly and unpleasant” shortly after ye met me. […] Maybe all these folks need is a good strong leader like ye ta whip ’em inta shape.”

 

And that pretty much sums up The Order of the Stick webcomic and the titular protagonist adventuring group.

A stick figure fantasy webcomic – although ‘stick figure’ belies the versatility of the art style, particularly in later comics – primarily based on Dungeons and Dragons, specifically the so-called 3.5 edition of the game (which has moved on to other editions since). Its origin as a gag-a-day strip, parodying the idiosyncrasies of the game and its rules in a classic dungeon crawl, belied its depth as it has evolved into a sweeping fantasy epic, retaining its humor but with cosmic stakes as well as plot twists and turns that make The Lord of the Rings look like, well, The Hobbit. Speaking of hobbits, or more precisely the game’s namesake halflings, much of the comic’s humor originates in its halfling character, who is indeed a chaotic evil stab-happy psychopath.

Beyond its humor and epic fantasy, it extends well beyond a parody of Dungeons and Dragons to deconstructing the fantasy genre itself and its narrative tropes. The characters, not unlike actual players in Dungeons and Dragons, are well aware that they are characters in a fantasy game universe, but also in a webcomic, and are extremely genre savvy to show for it – not just about the D&D rules and gameplay mechanics by which their world operates, but general storytelling tropes as well.

*

*

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

*

Cover of the trade paperback collected edition (Book 1) by Image Comics – the edition I own (fair use)

*

(5) TOM PARKINSON-MORGAN –

KILL SIX BILLION DEMONS (webcomic / Image 2013 – present)

 

“The king of creation fell out of heaven, usurped by a seven headed beast. But the old king shall choose a new, and he will ignite the third conquest. He will be flanked by a white and a black flame, his coming will be followed by 108 burning stars. He will bear the terrible heat of the voice in his brow, the mark of his lordliness. He will face the beast – and he will annihilate it. He will wield the terrible blade of want, and the pillars of heaven will quake with his coming. And his name – his name will be – Kill Six Billion Demons.”

Kill Six Billion Demons by Tom Parkinson-Morgan (or Orbital Dropkick as he presently styles himself on social media) is a ‘New Weird’ fantasy webcomic, “stuffed with sumptuous insanity”. Or as I prefer to call it – psychedelic cosmic fantasy. Funnily enough, I see parallels between it and Garth Nix’s The Keys to the Kingdom, although it is a lot more, well, psychedelic and cosmic than the latter’s young adult fantasy.

God is dead and so are the gods, leaving only war in heaven as the most powerful beings vie to inherit the multiverse, although for now there is an uneasy truce between the seven beings – the Seven – that have emerged victorious to rule it between them in Throne, the heart of the multiverse. But before them was the legendary Conquering King, first to rule over Throne, but who abandoned it and disappeared with the Key of Kings, which holds the power to overthrow the Seven and conquer the multiverse itself. Which he returns from death itself (no big consequence to such beings) to give to Allison Ruth, a simple barrista from Earth, who finds herself plucked to the very heart of multiverse as its new champion and with a quest evoked by her new name – Kill Six Billion Demons.

*

*

2000 AD cover of Canon Fodder (fair use)

 

 

(4) MARK MILLAR –

CANON FODDER (2000 AD 1993)

 

“Let us prey!”

 

The Apocalypse according to Mark.

Mark Millar, that is.

It is intriguing how often Millar gets apocalyptic in his comics, literally or figuratively – and how often Millar gets apocalyptic in the literal sense of the Book of Apocalypse.

I have two favorite particular subgenres of fantasy. The first and narrowest is what might be termed apocalyptic or post-apocalyptic fantasy, particularly if based on the actual Book of Apocalypse. The second is posthumous fantasy – not in the sense of being published posthumously but set posthumously or fantasy set in the afterlife.

And I’ve been a fan of Mark Millar ever since his surreal and characteristically irreverent fantasy comic Canon Fodder in 2000 AD, one that was apocalyptic in a literal sense and one of the few fantasy works to combine both subgenres. Well, apart from the original Book of Apocalypse.

It’s the first comic written by him that I read and remains my favorite, albeit one that Millar himself may not remember so fondly as 2000 AD featured a sequel written by another writer and there was a dispute about ownership of the character for further development of the series. Even so, I still like the sequel – not equal to the first written by Millar but the substitute writer did a decent job.

But in a sense this entry bookmarks a place in my top ten for Millar, as I could readily compile my Top 10 Mark Millar Comics, with one Millar series after another. He has consistently written his own independent creator-owned comics under his unified label Millarworld, notably for Image Comics. It helps that his comics have a healthy rate of adaptation to film or television. The former include titles such as Kickass and Kingsman. The latter is particularly so after his Millarworld label was purchased by Netflix to adapt his comics for television, with my favorite so far as the animated adaptation of Supercrooks.

Anyway, my featured quote is the catchphrase of the titular Canon Fodder, presumably an alias, gun-toting cleric and last surviving member of the Priest Patrol, a bizarre four-man team conflation between the Church and the police. Now that’s religion! The other three members were Deacon Blue, Father O’Blivion and Cardinal Syn.

The dead are resurrected to join the living in an apparently overcrowded post-Judgement Day (and partly post-apocalyptic) Earth but one in which God has conspicuously failed to return. That sets the plot in motion – as Sherlock Holmes and Moriarty kill themselves in a suicide pact to seek vengeance against God in Heaven, while Watson engages Fodder and a Hannibal Lecter-like Mycroft Holmes to stop them. But there are much bigger things afoot in heaven and earth…

 

 

 

One of my favorite scenes from this or any other comic. Also captures how I often feel at work – or in life (fair use)

 

 

(3) GRANT MORRISON –

ZENITH (2000 AD 1987-1992)

 

“I ravaged…I destroyed this world. Three billion people dead. Boo hoo. Made a desert of the world. Thank you. Silence then. At last. And ssssolitude. Then the lloigor came. They offered me a place in their ranks. A test of faith was required. Rrrrrr. So I tore, that is to say, I rrrripped ripped out my own eyes. My own eyes. And for the first time, I saw. Thank you. Now. Do you really believe I will let you stop me?”

Best villainous monologue ever.

Opinion is mixed about Morrison. In the words of TV Tropes, some people love him, while others “believe he’s just some wacky guy…whose constant forays into This is Your Premise on Drugs ends up dominating his books”. Although come on, be honest – even the latter sounds more awesome than many other things you read. Granted, Morrison can be self-indulgent and wildly esoteric, but then what else would you expect from a practicing chaos magician? (Seriously). What he never fails to be, even when his stories don’t quite work – or work all too well as sheer mind screws – is interesting and intriguing.

Like the other writers of the British invasion of American comics, Morrison won his reputation revamping comics characters (starting with DC Comics’ obscure Animal Man for its Vertigo imprint), but perhaps distinguished himself even more so than the other writers – to the point he has been styled as the ‘revamp guy’ and to the point he can make any comics character AWESOME.

However, my favorite Morrison work remains his first substantial work for 2000 AD, which brought him to the attention of DC Comics and other American publishers – Zenith. Perhaps that’s because of the perfect combination of his writing with the art of Steve Yeowell – or perhaps because his more flamboyant and mind screwy elements remain subdued in its elegant story and classic deconstruction of superheroes.

The starting premise of Zenith is similar to that of Captain America – the Second World War and a serum that creates superhuman powers. Unfortunately, it’s the Nazis that have the serum to create their Nazi superman, Masterman. Even worse, the Nazis obtained the serum from the lloigor, who are nothing other than the extradimensional beings of the Cthulhu Mythos, down to their very names – although Morrison adapted Yog Soggoth to Iok Sotot and made him even more terrifying. The serum is simply their means to create superhuman bodies capable of being occupied by the lloigor as they come into this world. True to their Lovecraftian roots, the lloigor are beings beyond time and space, beings of infinite power and infinite cruelty – well, either that or the most dangerous lava lamp in history…?

Fortunately, German defectors help the British to replicate the serum for the British superhero, Maximan. That’s effectively where the comic starts – and it illustrates Morrison’s ability to juxtapose words and visual images perfectly, as well as to cut from one scene to another. The opening scene is in the style of a kitsch British wartime newsreel, proudly displaying the feats of Maximan defeating German forces and declaring “it could all be over by Christmas”.

Cut to Berlin, 21 December 1944 – the Nazi Masterman stands gloating over the broken and fallen Maximan. “Does it hurt? I hope so. Even if I let you live, you’ll never use your legs again, you know that?” All Maximan can do in reply is murmur his hopeless prayer – Psalm 23 – and Masterman gloats further. “Save your breath. No one is listening. There’s no one up there”

Except…there is, although not quite in the sense that either of them had in mind, as we cut to an American plane, about to drop “the big one” – the atomic bomb – except in this history on Berlin. And we cut back to Masterman and Maximan as they are enveloped in light.

The story continues with a new generation of British superheroes created by the serum – but which have apparently lost their powers, been killed or disappeared, except for Zenith, a second generation superhero born of two superhuman parents, both killed by the American ‘Shadowmen’ agents. However, the Cult of the Black Sun – the secret society behind the Nazis – have other plans for Zenith, as they revive the Masterman twin for a new and more powerful lloigor. From this relatively straightforward contest, the story becomes increasingly complex and dark – more superhumans are introduced due to secret illegal testing of the serum and still more to a cosmic battle across parallel worlds as the lloigor seek the ‘alignment’ that will deliver the multiverse to them, concluding with the truly apocalyptic climax as the lloigor are finally unveiled for what they truly were, are and will be.

It would be amiss of me to conclude without reference to my favorite characteristic of Morrison – his ability to write perfect comic one-liners and dialogue. An example is when the organization secretly testing superhumans sent a killer robot after Zenith – Zenith destroys it, but not before it sends its footage back to the organization. One of them muses about Zenith – “He has his mother’s eyes”. The other replies “Really? I thought we had his mother’s eyes”. And indeed they do – the actual eyes in a jar behind them in their laboratory.

And we’ve all mocked villain monologues – but Morrison shows how it is done, to chilling effect (with verbal tics of insanity).

 

*

Cover of the collected edition of The Horned God by artist Simon Bisley – still the most definitive and iconic art (and storyline) of Slaine (fair use)

 

 

(2) PAT MILLS –

SLAINE (2000 AD 1983 – PRESENT)

 

“He didn’t think it too many”

Slaine’s catchphrase by reference to his body count. Also “kiss my axe” to much the same effect.

Slaine is essentially a prehistoric Irish Conan. although that is in itself turning full circle as the name Conan is of Celtic origin and Robert E. Howard identified Conan’s native Cimmerian people as prehistoric Celtic or Gaelic Irish and Scots. Or more accurately, a cross between Conan and Cuchulainn, the mythological Irish hero from the Ulster cycle – although there are other sources (and figures with whom Slaine interacts) from mythology, particularly Celtic or Irish mythology.

Slaine was introduced as a wandering exile from his tribe, banished for sleeping with the king’s intended consort Niamh – a figure adapted from Celtic mythology – and who remains something of a star-crossed lover for Slaine.

Getting into trouble with women is a recurring theme in Slaine’s early adventures, best personified by recurring antagonist and sorceress Medb, another figure adapted from Celtic mythology. Medb is something of a death cultist and Slaine earns her enmity when he rescued her from being sacrificed in a Wicker Man (in which he and Ukko were also imprisoned for execution) – unfortunately, she was a devotee of the dark god Crom Cruach and had eagerly embraced being a sacrificial bride of Crom.

Dark gods – of the Lovecraftian eldritch abomination sort – and their servants are the recurring antagonists for Slaine, his people the Tuatha de Danaan (living in Tir Nan Og or the Land of the Young) and their goddess Danu. Which is just as well as the morality of the protagonists, notably Slaine himself, is somewhat murky, but overshadowed by the completely monstrous antagonists. After all, the goddess Danu can be a bit of a bitch – “Sometimes I am the sister who befriends you, sometimes I am the mother who holds you and sometimes I am the lover who sticks one in your back”. It’s all part of her dance. Slaine himself tends to revel in raw brutality and blood lust, exemplified in his warp-spasm. Even the goddess snarkily rebukes him that he’s had his share of mindless violence, which Slaine acknowledges to be true.

The high point of Slaine is The Horned God story arc, painted by Simon Bisley (or the Biz as he is known in, well, the biz) with breathtaking results.

And yes – I’m classifying Slaine as continuing up to the present. Although the last original episodes and Pat Mills’ “secret history” of the character (entitled Kiss My Axe of course) were in 2021, 2000 AD is releasing an ongoing definitive collection as of 2025-2026.

 

RATING: S-TIER (GOD TIER – OR IS THAT HORNED GOD TIER? DANU TIER?)

 

2000 AD poster art by Dylan Teague (around 2007) of Judge Dredd (fair use)

*

 

 

 

(1) JUDGE DREDD (2000 AD 1977 – present)

 

“I am the Law!”

 

You knew this was coming – I’ve said it before so I’ll just say it again!

My first and true love in comics is not one of the ruling duopoly of comics, DC and Marvel Comics, nor strictly speaking a superhero comic (although its main character is arguably as much of a ‘superhero’ as Batman), nor even an American comic (although it is set there, albeit drastically transformed in the twenty-second century).

It is Judge Dredd, the most iconic character from the British weekly SF anthology comic, 2000 AD, ongoing since it was launched in 1977 – although ironically for 2000 AD’s longest-running and flagship character from its second issue, as the opening Dredd story was not ready for the first issue. Time has passed in the Dredd strip essentially the same as in real time ever since, so a year passes in the comic for each year in real life (except of course 122 years later) – the first Dredd story in 1977 was set in 2099 and the present stories in 2024 are set in 2146 (an interesting feature as distinct from many American comic franchises).

Unfortunately, American audiences remain somewhat unfamiliar with (or unresponsive to) Judge Dredd, despite his American setting (albeit futuristic) and despite that he is effectively a quintessential American hero in the same vein as Batman – relying on superior discipline, training, experience, equipment and resources, except as a governmental lawman rather than a vigilante billionaire. They even both effectively remain masked in their public identities, as Dredd never removes his helmet. This is despite his iconic status, particularly in Britain, and despite American audiences being familiar with many of the alumni of 2000 AD, as virtually every British writer (and artist) of note working in American comics started there (and indeed often in the Judge Dredd storyline itself) – Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, Mark Millar and so on.

Even more unfortunately, the most substantial introduction of American audiences to Judge Dredd was the 1995 film, although fortunately that particular horror is fading with time. This Hollywood travesty was particularly inexcusable, because the essence of Judge Dredd is ultimately very simple – Judge Dredd is a futuristic Dirty Harry in a dystopian (and post-apocalyptic) SF satire. How hard is that, Hollywood?! On second thoughts, this simple formula is probably too much for Hollywood to handle – when they couldn’t even have Dredd keep his helmet on throughout the film.

The 2012 film was much more effective in capturing the elements of the original comic (not least in keeping Dredd’s helmet on throughout the film), but not as effective in capturing an audience. In its own way, this is as unfortunate as the first film, particularly at a time when comic book movies are in such vogue (and dystopian or post-apocalyptic movies have always been popular) – because if ever a comic deserved its own cinematic or screen adaptation, it’s Dredd, especially when you consider the dreck (or drokk – Judge Dredd slang in-joke alert) that does get adaptations. Perhaps a television adaptation would have been better, as it suits the more episodic nature as well as longer arcs of the storyline.

And then there’s my ongoing Mega-City Law features here devoted to Judge Dredd, including my ten reasons why Judge Dredd is the galaxy’s greatest comic – and why it deserves its own cinematic or screen universe:

 

RATING: S-TIER (GOD TIER – OR IS THAT GRUD TIER? DREDD TIER?)

*

TOP 10 COMICS (TIER LIST)

*

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

(1) JUDGE DREDD (2000 AD)

(2) PAT MILLS – SLAINE (2000 AD)

(3) GRANT MORRISON – ZENITH (2000 AD)

(4) MARK MILLAR – CANON FODDER (2000 AD)

(5) TOM BLOOM – KILL SIX BILLION DEMONS

 

In the beginning was the Law and the Law was with Dredd and the Law was Dredd – “I am the Law!”

If Judge Dredd is my Old Testament of comics, then Slaine, Zenith, and Canon Fodder are my New Testament – with Kill Billion Demons as my sumptuously psychedelic Book of Apocalypse.

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

(6) ORDER OF THE STICK

(7) OGLAF

(8) ADAM WARREN – EMPOWERED

(9) KIERON GILLEN – THE WICKED + THE DIVINE

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

(10) CHARLES SOULE & SCOTT SNYDER – UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY

Top Tens – History: Top 10 WW2 Combatant Alternate History Rankings (Special Mention)

Consistent with my running theme, it’s yet another cover for The Man in the High Castle, in this case the Penguin Modern Classics edition (fair use)

 

But wait – there’s more!

I ranked my Top 10 WW2 combatants by their alternate history scenarios, in terms of historical plausibility, or even more so, in terms of fantasy and SF – because alternate history scenarios for WW2 itself are more prolific or thematic in fantasy or SF than in historical plausibility.

 

Wait – WW2 alternate history is all German victory scenarios?

Always has been.

 

Well not quite but Germany took the top spot or god tier, because WW2 alternate history is almost all German victory scenarios, with the other combatants as footnotes – albeit with Britain and the US in top tier, if only because that’s where most WW2 alternate history fiction is written (and set).

So yes – I ranked all the major WW2 combatants, even including France, Italy and China, as well as Poland and Australia thrown in to round out the top ten.

But as I said, there’s more – enough for my usual twenty special mentions per top ten. There’s more WW2 combatants – although to be honest most individual minor WW2 combatants don’t rank highly enough in alternate history for separate special mention, hence this list might be regarded more as WW2 participants.

So there’s combatants but also neutral nations and collective continental or regional entries – as well as my usual weirder and wilder special mentions towards the end, although to be honest all these entries would rank in my wild tier.

 

(1) VATICAN CITY

 

“The Pope! How many divisions has he got?”

Quite a few it seems, at least in alternate, counterfactual or speculative history.

Yes, I’m as surprised as you are that the Vatican should rank as highly as my top special mention but there you have it. I was tempted to put it in god-tier because, you know, it’s the Vatican, but I’m afraid I can’t rank it in Germany’s god-tier for WW2 alternate history.

The answer to Stalin’s rhetorical question, if he said it, is of course none, as is intended by the rhetorical question, but the Vatican had the metaphorical divisions of its moral authority which is the focus of alternate, counterfactual or speculative history.

The Vatican was of course neutral in WW2, but its role has been the subject of historical debate – from virtual accusations of alignment with the Axis, through inaction or silence, to aiding the Allied cause or at least opposing the Axis. Alternate or counterfactual history tends to lean into that last one.

Alternate or speculative history kicks into overload with the German occupation of Italy in 1943, with contemporary rumors of a German plot to kidnap the pope. John Grigg approached 1943 from the other side in his book 1943: The Victory That Never Was. Grigg’s thesis is that the Allies should have substituted an invasion of France in 1943 for the one in Italy but also has other criticisms of the latter – including not using Vatican City as a neutral venue to negotiate the Italian surrender.

But the Vatican isn’t winning the war in any alternate history…or is it?

Despite the title of Frederic Mullally’s alternate history H!tler Has Won, it’s the Vatican that wins in the end. Well, to be accurate, it’s more what is in effect a rogue Vatican agent playing his own psyops – which the Vatican officially disowns but secretly applauds.

And that psyops is essentially driving H!tler crazy – feeding his megalomania, already high on the victory of the title from Operation Barbarossa launched early, all the way to heaven with the ultimate hubris of crowning himself pope. His nemesis follows shortly after that – with civil war in Germany and a recovery of Allied fortune. It’s not too plausible but it is a ripping yarn and an absolute hoot to boot.

 

(2) CANADA

 

Canada plays a similar role in alternate or counterfactual history as it did in Britain’s contingency plans for the event of German invasion or occupation in actual history – the potential seat of the British government or royalty in exile, aligned with the United States.

Canada is also worth mentioning as a planned front for War Plan Red, one of the US color-coded war plans in the interwar period – in this case for a hypothetical war against the British Empire.

 

(3) INDIA

 

India’s position in any alternate or counterfactual history where Germany defeats Britain is more precarious than that of Canada. India was potentially within reach for invasion and occupation, most plausibly by Japan, but potentially Germany in less plausible scenarios – or even the Soviet Union, which is where Germany sought to divert Soviet attention away from Europe during their pact.

A German occupation of India was used by Harry Turtledove in “The Last Article”, essentially as a pretext for the alternate history of how Gandhi’s non-violent resistance would have fared against the Naz!s instead of Britain. Spoiler alert – not well.

 

(4) FINLAND

 

While Finland doesn’t pop up often in WW2 alternate history fiction, I still rank it as special mention here.

Firstly, because I’d like to see an alternate history scenario in which Finland somehow emerges as the supreme victor of the war.

Secondly, because Finland meets my usual criteria for alternate history rankings – that the actual outcome seems more unlikely than the alternatives. Not so much Finland being defeated, but Finland being defeated and avoiding Soviet occupation – twice.

Thirdly, Finland was the subject of an alternate history scenario during the war itself – the Anglo-French plans for intervention in the Winter War, via the transit of forces through Norway and Sweden, with the latter often seeming the bigger goal than actually helping Finland. Fortunately but not surprisingly, those plans came to nothing, as Britain and France would have found themselves fighting Germany and the Soviet Union at the same time.

 

(5) ICELAND

 

While officially neutral and using the opportunity of the war to declare its independence from Denmark, Iceland was occupied first by British forces and then by American forces. However, Iceland was another subject of an alternate history scenario during the war itself – Operation Ikarus, the planned German invasion of Iceland after the British occupied it in the wake of the German occupation of Denmark. Not surprisingly, they wrote it off as having little prospect of success.

As H.P. Willmott opines, the better option might have been for Germany to plan it at the same time as invading Denmark and Norway. Willmott ranks Germany as having good prospects for taking it, but not so much holding on to it.

 

(6) IRELAND

 

Ireland was effectively buffered by Britain as long as the latter held out, so leant towards helping the Allies on the sly while remaining neutral.

Hence Ireland doesn’t pop up too often of itself in alternate history but is obviously in a precarious position in any scenario where Germany defeats Britain, unless perhaps it somehow allied with Germany while avoiding British pre-emptive or retaliatory action prior to Britain’s defeat.

As it was, Ireland was the subject of both German and British planned invasions.

 

In fairness, the German plans – aptly called Operation Green – was essentially hypothetical, even more so than Operation Sea Lion for the invasion of Britain, such that it is usually thought to have been deception to mislead the British.

The British planned more thoroughly for their Plan W as a response to any German invasion of Ireland and in cooperation with the Irish government rather than an invasion as such – although one wonders if the British would have gone in anyway with or without Irish cooperation.

In fairness to the British, they did propose another alternate history scenario to Ireland, albeit probably something of a poisoned chalice for the Irish government – ending the partition of Ireland and hence a united Ireland if Ireland abandoned its neutrality and joined Britain in the war against Germany and Italy.

 

(7) SPAIN

 

The neutral nation of WW2 that arguably had the biggest and most concrete alternate history scenario during the actual war – a key role in the proposed German “Mediterranean Strategy” against Britain, obviously in the western Mediterranean.

It doesn’t get much bigger than H!tler himself meeting with Franco at Hendaye (on the French side of the Spanish-French border) on 23 October 1940 to enlist Spain on Germany’s side – particularly for Germany’s planned Operation Felix to capture Gibraltar, sealing off the western Mediterranean from the British as an “Axis lake”.

While Franco was obviously supportive of the Axis that had effectively won his civil war for him, Spain was still exhausted from that same civil war and lacked the ability to, you know, actually fight in the world war (but for the volunteer “Blue” Division it provided for Barbarossa).

Franco was so obstructive, making such extortionate demands for Spanish participation, that H!tler complained afterwards he’d rather have teeth pulled than speak to Franco again.

 

(8) MALTA

 

Independent from 1964 onwards, Malta was a British Crown Colony in WW2. Although it was and remains small, both in area and population – yet curiously exporting a disproportionate number of hot girls to my acquaintance – it punches well above its weight for WW2 alternate history thanks to yet another planned scenario during the actual war.

And that is of course Operation Herkules – the German (and Italian) plans to capture Malta, both to deprive Britain of one of its most significant bases in the Mediterranean and to improve the supply lines to their own forces in north Africa (as those supply lines were diminished by British forces operating from Malta).

 

(9) TURKEY

 

From Spain at the western end of the Mediterranean, we go to the other significant neutral nation in the Mediterranean at its eastern end – Turkey. Despite Turkey being an ally of Germany in WW1, it didn’t have the same alternate history scenarios during the actual war as Spain.

It was courted as an ally by both sides, but they and Turkey itself ultimately preferred Turkish neutrality (until Turkey finally declared war on Germany in February 1945). Ironically, Britain’s Churchill was the most enthusiastic in courting Turkey as an ally – which one might infer as a recurring fixation with the Balkans as the road to victory in both world wars, going all the way back to his ill-fated Gallipoli campaign in WW1.

There was also Germany’s planned Operation Gertrude for an invasion of Turkey in 1942 – probably pie in the sky but abandoned in any event

 

(10) SWITZERLAND

 

Yeah, Switzerland is not looking too safe in any alternate history German victory scenario, despite its proverbial neutrality. A neighboring nation with German speakers? Germany’s having none of that!

In the actual war, Germany had Operation Tannenbaum, the planned invasion of Switzerland (also with Italy?!) – apparently from France’s surrender onwards, albeit repeatedly putting it on the backburner until it was abandoned altogether.

Interestingly, Switzerland was the neutral nation to escape German occupation in Europe in Robert Harris’ alternate history novel Fatherland – because when the time came round, it was more convenient for Germany and the US in their cold war with each other to exploit Switzerland’s neutrality.

 

(11) PHILIPPINES

 

“We’re the battling bastards of Bataan,

No mama, no papa, no Uncle Sam,

No aunts, no uncles, no cousins, no nieces,

No pills, no planes, no artillery pieces,

And nobody gives a damn.”

 

But could things have turned out differently for Bataan or the rest of the Philippines? That’s essentially the whole reason for this special mention, as I’ve always felt for the American and Filippino defenders, dogged and doomed as they were.

 

And yeah – probably not too much. They could certainly have done better for a more prolonged defence but that’s about it. War Plan Orange, the American plan for war against Japan (which became part of the larger Rainbow Five Plan as the basis for American strategy in WW2) always anticipated the defenders in the Philippines as a holding force – one likely to fall before the American navy slowly mobilized and fought its way across the Pacific to relieve them (or more likely liberate them), even without the attack on Pearl Harbor.

 

(12) VIETNAM

 

This alternate history special mention for Vietnam is not so much for WW2 – where it is difficult to see things going any other way for Vietnam as part of French Indochina taken over by Japan – but for avoiding the Vietnam War afterwards, particularly for the Americans.

What if the Americans had opposed the restoration of French colonialism or supported Vietnamese independence a la OSS officer Archimedes Patti?

What if the United States followed through on FDR offering French Indochina as a territory to Chiang Kai-Shek? It probably would have ended up with China fighting against the Vietnamese – and possibly accelerating the Nationalist defeat in the civil war against the communists – which is why Chiang Kai-Shek declined it. As it was, Chinese forces occupied the northern Vietnam above the 16th parallel (while British forces occupied the southern part below the parallel) as agreed by the Allies.

 

 

(13) NORWAY & BALKANS

 

Look, there’s probably a few WW2 alternate history scenarios for Norway and the Balkans, but this special mention is entirely for them in the actual war as possible substitutes proposed for the Allied landings in France.

Of course, those proposals mostly came from Churchill, while everyone else ignored them or adapted them to deception in Operation Bodyguard for virtually every part of the European coastline except Normandy to mask the true target of Allied landings.

No, seriously, as part of Operation Bodyguard you had Operation Fortitude with the deception of Allied landings in Norway and the Pas-de-Calais, Operation Ironside with the deception of Allied landings in the Bay of Biscay (particularly near Bordeaux), Operation Graffham not really doing much to pretend to target Sweden, Operation Royal Flush pretending to target Spain and Turkey, and Operation Zeppelin doing the same for Greece and southern France.

However, the deception for Allied landings in Norway reflected various genuine proposals by Churchill, of which the most concrete was Operation Jupiter, but consistently rejected by military leaders as a hiding to nothing – with Alan Brooke commenting that they never found out why Churchill “wanted to go back (to Norway) and what he was going to do there”.

 

Famously, Churchill also proposed allied landings in the Balkans instead of Normandy, again sensibly rejected by everyone else as only marginally more realistic than Norway and likely to be a slog as bad as or worse than in Italy – even if more politically astute to the problems posed by Soviet occupation in eastern Europe.

 

 

(14) AFRICA – MADAGASCAR

 

Special WW2 alternate history mention for Africa in general and Madagascar in particular.

Firstly, Africa.

Africa was of course a battlefield in the actual war – famously in north Africa but also in east Africa which everyone forgets. Africans were also combatants within British forces and perhaps even more so the Free French, with France’s African colonies providing the first rallying point for and nucleus of Free French forces.

Africa’s prospects are usually dire in alternate history scenarios of German victory, typically with Germany (and Italy) taking over European colonies to radically reshape Africa with a vengeance, including the same policies of population extermination as they did in Europe. Again, The Man in the High Castle is the classic example.

Secondly, the Vichy French colony of Madagascar – as it was the subject of two hypothetical plans or scenarios in the actual war.

The most famous is the Madagascar Plan by Germany to relocate the European Jewish population to Madagascar – a plan so obviously ludicrous, even in terms of its own logistics (let alone continued British opposition to Germany) that it is difficult to see it as anything other than a flimsy pretext for the plan they ultimately pursued.

The other was the scenario that prompted Britain to capture Madagascar from Vichy France in 1942 – the Japanese capture of Madagascar or its ports to turn the Indian Ocean into a “Japanese lake”, a scenario that one can’t help but feel was a missed opportunity for Japan.

 

(15) LATIN AMERICA – PANAMA & URUGUAY

 

Yeah…Latin America tends to turn out not too differently in WW2 alternate history, except perhaps with more regimes aligned or trading with Germany, but I thought I’d better give it special mention since I’ve mentioned virtually everywhere else.

This reflects that Latin America was on the periphery of the war (except for one naval battle between Britain and Germany fought off the coast of Uruguay), or indeed the interests of any combatant in the war except the United States.

Sure, the nations of Latin America aligned with the United States to declare war against the Axis – with Argentina and Chile coming in last in March and April 1945 – but the only one that actually did anything of substance was Brazil, sending an expeditionary force that fought in Italy (and Mexico sending an air squadron that fought in the Philippines).

That also reflects the lack of any German plans in Latin America beyond intelligence – with the exceptions of its cancelled Operation Pelikan to bomb the Panama Canal and a weird foiled invasion plan to colonize Uruguay before the war.

 

(16) H0L0CAUST

 

Yes, we’re no longer looking at combatants as such, but let’s face it – this is the elephant in the room for any WW2 alternate history German victory scenario.

Essentially, such scenarios tend to involve it extending beyond the limits, such as they were, imposed by German defeat in actual history – typically to the extent of German invasion or occupation, potentially even to a global extent. That includes the United States as occupied by Germany in The Man in the High Castle.

In Fatherland, it is largely to the same geographic extent in Europe as it was in actual history, except that they were able to complete it – with the plot revolving around it as a secret hidden afterwards so it doesn’t jeopardize détente in the cold war between Germany and the United States.

It also plays its part in counterfactual alternate history. Probably the biggest question in alternate history is whether it had any impact on the war’s outcome, particularly whether Germany would have won without it. While it is tempting to think that it cost Germany logistics and resources that might been committed elsewhere – as indeed has been argued in books such as H0l0caust vs Wehrmacht by Yaron Pasher – it sadly does not seem clear whether it made a substantial difference. On the other hand, the next biggest question is whether the Allies could have done anything for any substantial difference or impact on its outcome, apart of course from defeating Germany quicker.

 

(17) ATOMIC BOMB

 

The mushroom cloud in the room of WW2 alternate history. Typically, any WW2 alternate history German victory scenario involves Germany getting it, if only as a cold war standoff against the United States.

Not as typically but often enough in WW2 alternate history, the nukes start flying. The Big One by Stuart Slade is perhaps the classic example, but Harry Turtledove’s Worldwar series also sees the nukes start flying, just not as much (or as literally). And it’s perhaps an exaggeration to say that the nukes start flying in John Birmingham’s Axis of Time trilogy, but they certainly pop up – as they do in other alternate history.

 

(18) COLD WAR

 

The other elephant in the room of WW2 alternate history. Typically, WW2 alternate history substitutes a different cold war involving a victorious Germany – such as the cold war between Germany and Japan in The Man in the High Castle, or the cold war between Germany and the US in Fatherland.

It’s a recurring question in counterfactual alternate history whether the western Allies could have done anything to diminish Soviet occupation in Europe (or Asia) and hence diminish the Cold War – with perhaps the most extreme being planned by the British Chiefs of Staff under Churchill as Operation Unthinkable for war against the Soviets in 1945.

 

(19) FOURTH REICH

 

And now we get weird, with the wilder WW2 alternate history German victory scenarios – except not Germany but its successor state in exile or underground (sometimes literally), the proverbial Fourth Reich.

Bonus points if it involves Adolf H!tler somehow escaping Berlin at the end of the war – or cloned (or resurrected, but that’s getting to the next entry as my wildest entry of all).

It has some basis in actual history, in plans for ongoing German resistance, or even more, members of the regime escaping from Germany, most notoriously to South America. Hence South America is a common venue for the Fourth Reich.

Then we get the more exotic venues. Antarctica is commonly proposed and surprisingly mundane compared to others, such as the Hollow Earth or some other subterranean location (often accessed through Antarctica). Perhaps the most amusing are those off Earth entirely, involving Naz! UFOs – such as the far side of the moon in the Iron Sky film.

 

 

(20) ALIEN SPACE BATS & TIME TRAVELLERS

 

The alien space bats always win!

“Alien space bats” (or “ASB”) is the term coined “for plot devices in alternate history to mean an implausible point of divergence” (from our own history)

Not literally alien space bats – well, not usually anyway – but similarly implausible SF or fantasy plot devices. And yes, needless to say, if they’re powerful enough to change history, they usually win.

Not always, however, contrary to my opening quip – sometimes we manage to pull a fast one on them, even when they intend to use us as pawns.

As they pop up surprisingly often in alternate history in general, they also pop up surprisingly often in WW2 alternate history. Indeed, the term was originally coined (by Usenet user Alison Brooks in 1998) as a joke about the implausibility of Germany pulling off Operation Sea Lion, its planned cross-channel invasion of Britain – that Germany could have done it “only if they had the help of alien space bats”.

Time travellers also recur surprisingly often as the alien space bats in alternate WW2 history, albeit not as often as they recur to assassinate or target H!tler.

But hang on, I hear you say, don’t I normally reserve my twentieth and final special mention for whatever kinky entry I can squeeze out of a subject? Even with alien space bats, this doesn’t seem too kinky an entry.

Or is it?

Well, no – but perhaps it might have been with some Naz!sploitation, a short-lived subgenre of exploitation films, of which the most influential and famous was Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS, a 1974 film about the titular depraved female camp commandant. Of course, such films were usually set against the backdrop of history rather than changing it – I don’t see Ilsa winning the war, as amusing as that might be as an alternate history scenario. Perhaps if she led a whole army of depraved she-wolves…?

 

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Types of War (Special Mention) (17) Pharmacological Warfare

Cover SF Masterworks edition of Barefoot in the Head by Brian Aldiss (fair use)

 

 

(17) PHARMACOLOGICAL WARFARE

 

Sadly not a special mention entry for the psychedelic warfare in Barefoot in the Head, the classic SF novel by Brian Aldiss where a drugged out post-apocalyptic Europe is devastated by the Acid Head Wars, in which hallucinogenic “psycho-chemical” aerosols were the primary weapon.

I suppose that would be a form of ehemical warfare, only a lot more fun.

Instead, this is a special mention entry for my fascination with the interconnection between drugs and war, as also reflected in my corresponding special mention (to my top ten wars) for the Opium Wars. The Opium Wars are the closest thing to a war fought over drugs like the modern stereotype of wars fought for oil – in this case, a war fought over Britain smuggling opium into China. Beyond that, it is fascinating to think how much of European colonialism (and slavery) was born from the plantation production of drugs – tobacco, coffee and tea. Even more so if you count sugar as a drug.

Of course, modern drug smugglers or cartels tend not to have the force of the world’s largest maritime empire behind them, but often play a role in more low-level war or insurgency as in Colombia. And notoriously, drug smuggling – particularly in cocaine and opium – has often laid beneath the surface of larger modern conflicts, particularly for financing them.

There is also the use of drugs in war. I’ve read that narcotics have been as much a part of war as bullets and bombs. While that appears to be an overstatement, historically drug use was often sanctioned and encouraged by militaries including alcohol and tobacco in troop rations. Of course, alcohol is something of a law of diminishing returns – what it adds in ‘Dutch courage’, it can often take away in effectiveness, famously as in the Russo-Japanese War on the Russian side.

Germany was also notorious for drug use in the Second World War, notably for amphetamine use by its armed forces, but also drug use by its leadership. However, stimulants such as cocaine and amphetamine were widely used by belligerents in both World Wars to increase alertness and suppress appetite. Drug use was also notorious in American forces in Vietnam – and has been a feature of other conflicts

And then you have the more trippy use of drugs – the Viking berserkers possibly as a result of agaric “magic” mushrooms, the Assassins named for hashish, even MK-Ultra by the CIA in the Cold War.

Top Tens – Comics: Top 10 Comics (New Entry) (2) Pat Mills – Slaine (2000 AD)

Cover of the collected edition of The Horned God by artist Simon Bisley – still the most definitive and iconic art (and storyline) of Slaine

 

 

(2) PAT MILLS –

SLAINE (2000 AD 1983 – PRESENT)

 

“He didn’t think it too many”

Slaine’s catchphrase by reference to his body count. Also “kiss my axe” to much the same effect.

Slaine is essentially a prehistoric Irish Conan. although that is in itself turning full circle as the name Conan is of Celtic origin and Robert E. Howard identified Conan’s native Cimmerian people as prehistoric Celtic or Gaelic Irish and Scots. Or more accurately, a cross between Conan and Cuchulainn, the mythological Irish hero from the Ulster cycle – although there are other sources (and figures with whom Slaine interacts) from mythology, particularly Celtic or Irish mythology.

Slaine was introduced as a wandering exile from his tribe, banished for sleeping with the king’s intended consort Niamh – a figure adapted from Celtic mythology – and who remains something of a star-crossed lover for Slaine.

Getting into trouble with women is a recurring theme in Slaine’s early adventures, best personified by recurring antagonist and sorceress Medb, another figure adapted from Celtic mythology. Medb is something of a death cultist and Slaine earns her enmity when he rescued her from being sacrificed in a Wicker Man (in which he and Ukko were also imprisoned for execution) – unfortunately, she was a devotee of the dark god Crom Cruach and had eagerly embraced being a sacrificial bride of Crom.

Dark gods – of the Lovecraftian eldritch abomination sort – and their servants are the recurring antagonists for Slaine, his people the Tuatha de Danaan (living in Tir Nan Og or the Land of the Young) and their goddess Danu. Which is just as well as the morality of the protagonists, notably Slaine himself, is somewhat murky, but overshadowed by the completely monstrous antagonists. After all, the goddess Danu can be a bit of a bitch – “Sometimes I am the sister who befriends you, sometimes I am the mother who holds you and sometimes I am the lover who sticks one in your back”. It’s all part of her dance. Slaine himself tends to revel in raw brutality and blood lust, exemplified in his warp-spasm. Even the goddess snarkily rebukes him that he’s had his share of mindless violence, which Slaine acknowledges to be true.

The high point of Slaine is The Horned God story arc, painted by Simon Bisley (or the Biz as he is known in, well, the biz) with breathtaking results.

And yes – I’m classifying Slaine as continuing up to the present. Although the last original episodes and Pat Mills’ “secret history” of the character (entitled Kiss My Axe of course) were in 2021, 2000 AD is releasing an ongoing definitive collection as of 2025-2026.

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Wars (Special Mention: Revised) (17) Opium Wars

The East India Company iron steam ship Nemesis, commanded by Lieutenant W. H. Hall, with boats from the Sulphur, Calliope, Larne and Starling, destroying the Chinese war junks in Anson’s Bay, on 7 January 1841 (First Opium War) – painted by Edward Duncan (public domain image – Wikipedia “Opium Wars”)

 

 

(17) OPIUM WARS (1839-1842 & 1859-1860)

 

Two wars in which China got pawned by European powers – the first Opium War in 1839-1842 saw China defeated by Britain (resulting in Hong Kong being ceded to Britain among other things) and the second Opium War in 1859-1860 was slightly less humiliating for China as at least it got defeated by Britain and France rather than a solo British effort.

The nineteenth century was…not a good century for China, as the commencement of what later became known as the Century of Humiliation by foreign powers. The Qing dynasty, formerly one of the most powerful states in the world and used to styling itself as the Middle Kingdom of the world, now became the punching bag of the new European world powers. Qing China was humbled and humiliated as it was easily defeated by European modern military technology and techniques. Ultimately that dealt the death knell to the Qing dynasty, which crumbled amidst a revolution and civil war that spanned decades.

And it was all pretty sordid by the European powers as well, with the Opium Wars being fought by Britain for free trade – its free trade of opium to China, that is. The Opium Wars saw the first of the so-called Unequal Treaties between China and Western powers – as an impotent China was forced to concede territory, privileges, concessions and reparations to one European power after another in a form of de facto colonization.

De facto colonization, that is, because China was too big for actual colonization by any one European power, particularly as rival European powers were concerned with maintaining a balance between themselves in China. Indeed, the European powers were remarkably cooperative between themselves when it came to their common purpose of pawning China.

Ironically, it was a newly admitted Asian power to the European circle of world power that upset this balance and came closest to colonizing China in the twentieth century – Japan. Although of course this was the final straw of humiliation for China. It was one thing to be humbled by European powers with their new industrial and military technology. It was quite another to be humbled by an upstart smaller Asian neighbor, particularly a former tributary state.

The Opium Wars earn their special mention particularly for my fascination with the interconnection between drugs and war, also reflected in my slightly tongue-in-cheek special mention for pharmacological warfare for types of war. The Opium Wars are the closest thing to wars fought over drugs like the modern stereotype of wars fought for oil – in this case, wars fought over Britain smuggling opium into China.

Of course, modern drug smugglers or cartels tend not to have the force of the world’s largest maritime empire behind them, but often play a role in more low-level war or insurgency as in Colombia. And notoriously, drug smuggling – particularly in cocaine and opium – has often laid beneath the surface of larger modern conflicts.

Top Tens – Comics: Top 10 Comics (Special Mention) (10) Frank Miller – Sin City

Iconic panel from the comic, showcasing Miller’s mastery of black and white line art (fair use)

 

 

(10) FRANK MILLER –

SIN CITY (1991-2000)

 

Frank Miller’s finest artwork apart from blood splatter, something (both finest artwork and blood splatter) which recurs frequently in Miller’s “absurdly macho” comic noir (or neo noir) Sin City. Its black and white line art is matched only by its black and grey morality. And we’re talking a pretty dark grey! It’s a mystery how the city of the title, Basin City, isn’t completely depopulated, as its economy seems to consist entirely of sociopathy and of course “wh0reswh0reswh0res”.

“Sin City reads like an Affectionate Parody of Film Noir turned Up to Eleven: every hero is a mentally or physically scarred bruiser and every woman is a beautiful dame with a heaving bosom”

Shoutout to Frank Miller’s 300, which is even more absurdly macho (Rated M for Manly according to TV Tropes), because THIS! IS! SPARTA!

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Types of War (Special Mention) (16) Space Warfare

 

 

(16) SPACE WARFARE

 

Less Star Wars, more Sputnik – that is, space warfare is more about ballistic missiles and satellites, for now at least.

And yes, Star Wars is essentially WW2 dogfights, bomber runs, and naval battles in space, where they wouldn’t work or make no sense as depicted.

But seriously, while we tend to think of space warfare as SF “space opera” battles between spaceships, we’ve been fighting space warfare in various degrees since WW2, just in more mundane forms (to the extent that you count ballistic missiles and satellites as mundane).

While the usual flightpath of German V-2 rockets to their targets in WW2 was not through space, they could on vertical launch traverse the edge of space when that was defined as 100 kilometers – hence the vertical launch of V-2 rocket MW18014 on 20 June 1944 retroactively became the first artificial object to travel into space by that definition.

After that, ballistic missiles have routinely had flight paths which transit the upper atmosphere or space. As such, nuclear warfare is space warfare, at least as represented by ballistic missiles, so not surprisingly defensive measures for nuclear warfare have also been planned to operate in space – most famously the Strategic Defense Initiative or SDI by the US, dubbed Star Wars.

However, ballistic missiles used in combat with conventional warheads have also operated in space, mostly in conflicts in the Middle East, along with the defensive measures against them. “In November 2023, Israel claimed an interception of a Houthi ballistic missile as the the first combat in space”.

It’s in the deployment of (or against) satellites, originating in the Cold War, that space warfare really comes into its own.

“The Cold War prompted the start of the militarization of space. Military satellites have been launched since the later 1950s for communications, navigation, reconnaissance, and munitions guidance. The Gulf War is sometimes called the “first space war” because of the use of these capabilities by the US.”

Intriguingly (to me at least), space warfare is occasionally broken down into components of ground-to-space warfare (such as targeting satellites from Earth), space-to-space warfare (such as satellites targeting other satellites), and space-to-ground warfare (such as satellites attacking targets on Earth).

Even more intriguingly, there is ground-to-space warfare that involves weapons capable of being deployed by a single soldier for satellites or other targets in space – with the amusing acronym of MANPASTA. I’m feeling the urge to take out the International Space Station with one of those babies – it blocks my view of Venus.

There have even been nukes in space, although international treaties prohibit the permanent basing of weapons of mass destruction in space or the military use of celestial bodies – but do not prohibit the military use of orbital space or military space spaces. I suppose there goes my dreams of moon buggy battles (or where opposing forces lob asteroids at each other). However, back to the nukes, “the US and Soviet Union carried out nine nuclear explosions in space from 1958 to 1962, which damaged satellites”.

Even without nuclear weapons in space, the logic of mutually assured destruction in space – as the accumulation or creation of space debris can endanger your own satellites or spacecraft, particularly in the scenario of Kessler Syndrome in which we effectively paint ourselves into a planetary corner with our own space junk. It’s a pity that the term, coined at almost the same time as the first Star Wars film, was not adapted by the latter – it would have put a whole new spin on it as the Kessler Run instead of the Kessel Run.