Category Archives: Top Tens

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (7) Matthew Arnold

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Hot damn, those are some fine muttonchops! Matthew Arnold by Elliott & Fry 1883, National Portrait Gallery, London

 

 

(7) MATTHEW ARNOLD (1822-1888)

 

“But now I only hear

Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,

Retreating to the breath

Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear

And naked shingles of the world.”

 

A passage I’m fond of quoting from Arnold’s finest and best known poem, Dover Beach, for desperate last stands or holding one defensive line after another – I did it for the decline and fall of the Roman Empire because of course I did. All roads lead to Rome.

Anyway, Matthew Arnold “was an English poet, essayist, and critic from the Victorian era” – “considered one of the great Victorian poets…and one of the Victorian sages”, the latter for his essays on literary criticism and other topics.

Famously melancholic and pessimistic, particularly with respect to the decline of religious faith – that recurring source of angst and despair for Victorian poets or writers. Indeed, that melancholy, long, withdrawing roar retreating in Dover Beach is the tide going out for “the sea of faith” – that “was once, too, at the full and round earth’s shore”.

Arguably the most melancholic Victorian poet – although Alfred Lord Tennyson would give him a run for his money with Tennyson’s In Memoriam. Shortly after his death, Robert Louis Stevenson quipped about his bleak melancholy – “Poor Matt. He’s gone to heaven, no doubt – but he won’t like God”.

 

“Ah, love, let us be true

To one another! for the world, which seems

To lie before us like a land of dreams,

So various, so beautiful, so new,

Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,

Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;

And we are here as on a darkling plain

Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,

Where ignorant armies clash by night.”

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Stark Ravings – 8 D & D Schools of Magic for Bling & Booty: (3) Divination

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“Lucky 8 Ball didn’t see that one coming!” – public domain image of Magic 8 Ball

 

 

(3) DIVINATION

 

And so we go from the flashy heights of conjuration to the subtle nuances of divination – this school of magic is essentially all about knowledge. As such, it rivals abjuration as one of the oldest schools of magic in actual history, as our ancestors sought magical means of knowing the unknown, from shamanic vision quests, through augurs and soothsayers, to hopelessly cryptic oracles. And like abjuration, it is the most substantial surviving into the present day, in the form of astrology, psychics and other frauds. (It’s my secret dream to walk in on a psychic, smack them in the head and say “Didn’t see that one coming!” – but I digress…)

There have been (and remains) an almost infinite variety of bewildering and surreal techniques of divination, including animal entrails, bird flights, tea leaves and basically any word ending in mancy – from dreamy oneiromancy (reading dreams or Freudian psychology) to the stuff of nightmares like arachnomancy (reading spiders – or dear God get that thing off me!).

Knowledge is power and divination is the ultimate source of magical knowledge – so much so that it is the one school of magic you can’t skip in Dungeons and Dragons, although you’d be better off blind than go without it anyway. (Indeed – there’s a long tradition of prophets and seers being blind or blindfolded for their ‘second sight’. And Odin, chief of the Nordic gods, plucked out one of his own eyes to drink from the fountain of wisdom, because the Nordic gods were hardcore – my money would be on them in an all-out smack-down brawl between pantheons).

Just knowing the past would be useful, knowing the present (particularly reading people’s minds) even more so and knowing the future would be approaching godlike power, as omniscience is next to omnipotence. A supreme diviner could walk through a pitched battle dodging everything without a scratch because he or she’s seen it all coming – or sit sipping cocktails served by demons in hell because he or she knows all their secret names and s€x tapes.

 

Clearly James Bond relies on divination for his uncanny luck in games of chance and villainous death traps

Clearly James Bond relies on divination for his uncanny luck in games of chance and villainous death traps (image of Daniel Craig as James Bond)

 

BLING & BOOTY POTENTIAL

 

Divination rivals conjuration as the jackpot of magic schools, unless your school of conjuration includes time travel. Again, even just knowing the past would be lucrative (not least in all the missing or lost secrets and treasures of the world), knowing the present even more so (not least as the ultimate insider trading) but knowing the future would be your licence to make money.

Even discounting such easy options as casinos, gambling and lotteries (which presumably would be abjured to the hilt in a fantasy world), there’d be the fabulous wealth to be made through markets and other business or political fields. Through divination, you would always be in the right place at the right time and cashing in your compound interest in the present. Basically, divination lets you steal from the future, not only having your cake and eating it but doing both before it’s even baked – like plucking Microsoft from the future mind of Bill Gates, just in time to sue him for copyright as the icing on the cake.

As for booty, apart from your fabulous wealth, you would also always be in the right place at the right time – with the perfect pickup line. Otherwise, you can always hang out with the freaky drugged and fantastically gymnastic oracle groupies from 300.

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (6) Lord Byron

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Portrait of Lord Byron by English painter Thomas Phillips 1813 (public domain image)

 

 

(6) LORD BYRON (1788-1824)

 

Mad, bad and dangerous to know (according to Lady Caroline Lamb, who had an affair with him)

If Blake was a pioneer of the modern literary mythos, Byron was a pioneer of the modern literary hero or anti-hero – also the self-insert character, modelled on himself and thereafter named as the Byronic Hero, charismatic but deeply flawed.

“I awoke one morning and found myself famous”.

The original Byronic hero was the titular character of his epic poem Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage – the same epic poem that made that fame and paid for his vices. Although as his longer narrative poems go, I prefer his Don Juan, in which he recast the infamous womanizing Spanish folk legend of Don Juan as more a male ingenue tossed between impulse and circumstance.

Perhaps the best example of a poet who truly lived (and died) their art – the Romantic poet and revolutionary who died fighting for the Greeks in the Greek War of Independence. And by died fighting I mean sadly from the medicine of the day being bled to death from fever rather than, you know, in combat or the more dashing death he might have expected, albeit he still died young.

And yes – he was an actual Lord, “who gave two memorable speeches in the House of Lords”, one for Catholic emancipation.

 

“She walks in beauty like the night”.

While he made his fame from his longer poems, his short lyric poems appeal to me more to represent him here for this entry – and what else but She Walks in Beauty?

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (5) William Blake

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The Great Red Dragon and The Woman Clothed in the Sun painting by Blake (and featured in Thomas Harris’ novel Red Dragon). And yes – the Great Red Dragon does squats and doesn’t skip leg day

 

 

(5) WILLIAM BLAKE (1757-1827)

 

“To see a world in a grain of sand

And a heaven in a wildflower

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand

And eternity in an hour”

 

Romantic mystic poet – “everything possible to be believ’d is an image of truth”.

Inspired The Doors through Aldous Huxley – “if the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite”.

Also one of the first comics or multimedia creators, since he was also a painter and printmaker who designed his visual art around his poetry and vice versa.

Poetry or mythology, that is, as Blake was one of the pioneers for creating his own literary mythos or Verse (heh) in the parlance of modern popular culture (and TV Tropes). The Blake Poetry & Visual Art Universe, as it were, in the style of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, only trippier – “I must create a system or be enslav’d by another man’s”.

 

“Tyger tyger, burning bright

In the forests of the night”

 

Blake excelled in poetic phrases and aphorisms but if I were to pick one of his whole poems for this entry it would be The Tyger, even if does have the same rhythm as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. It was one of His Songs of Experience, in which each poem corresponded to one of his poems in his Songs of Innocence as a matched pair. The counterpart of The Tyger was The Lamb, but whereas latter invokes images of God knitting the lamb, the former is a fiery image of God literally forging the tiger.

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (4) Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam

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Yes – I couldn’t resist this pun from Rocky & Bulwinkle for the Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam. And yes – the metafictional canned audience groaned too

 

 

(4) RUBAIYAT OF OMAR KHAYYAM

 

Not bad for a Persian poet getting pissed – which is what the Rubaiyat is when you boil it down.

Of course, there’s more to it than that, given the religious prohibition on alcohol in Islam – which lends itself as the springboard for existential ennui or philosophical musings on religion and life itself.

The Rubaiyat is “the title that Edward FitzGerald gave to his 1859 translation from Persian to English of a selection of quatrains (rubaiyat) attributed to Omar Khayyam (1048–1131), dubbed the Astronomer-Poet of Persia”.

Translation that is in the very loosest sense – indeed, FitzGerald himself apparently referred to it as a ‘transmogrification’.

“Many of the verses are paraphrased, and some of them cannot be confidently traced to his source material at all…To a large extent, the Rubaiyat can be considered original poetry by FitzGerald loosely based on Omar’s quatrains rather than a translation in the narrow sense.”

For that matter, “the authenticity of the poetry attributed to Omar Khayyam is highly uncertain” – he was famed as an astronomer and mathematician, with the earliest references to his poetry being substantially after his death and “the extant manuscripts containing collections attributed to Omar are dated much too late to enable a reconstruction of a body of authentic verses”. There is an implausibly large number of quatrains attributed to him – varying from 1,200 to more than 2,000 – and “sceptical scholars point out that the entire tradition may be pseudigraphic”.

Fortunately, FitzGerald didn’t ‘translate’ or write that many quatrains. His original 1859 edition was a much more modest 75 quatrains, expanded in subsequent editions to the final edition of 101 quatrains – or a mere 404 lines.

Although “commercially unsuccessful at first”, the Rubaiyat subsequently became both highly popular and influential, albeit peaking in the 1880s – “the book was extremely popular throughout the English-speaking world, to the extent that numerous Omar Khayyam clubs were formed and there was a fin de siècle cult of the Rubaiyat”.

Of course, it helps that the quatrains are so eminently quotable.

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (3) Jim Morrison & Jimi Hendrix

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Collage of Jim Morrison from one of his most iconic photographs (left) and Jimi Hendrix from an album cover for Electric Ladyland (right)

 

 

(3) JIM MORRISON & JIMI HENDRIX

 

Mr Mojo Risin’ and the Voodoo Child.

And here we are at the apex of mojo.

The Doors with their “dark, theatrical blues-influenced psychedelic rock”, led by the poetic lyrics, deep silky voice and charismatic persona of Jim Morrison “aka Mr. Mojo Risin’ aka The Lizard King”. And Jimi Hendrix – “one of the most celebrated musicians of the 20th century” and “arguably the greatest instrumentalist in the history of rock music”.

But hold on Stark After Dark, I hear you say – aren’t they your apex of mojo…in music?

Well, yes they are – which is why I’m giving them special mention here, similarly at god-tier ranking, for their lyrical content.

Of the two of them, Morrison leads for his lyrical content. Obviously I like Hendrix but his lyrical content – and for that matter his vocal performance – was eclipsed by his virtuosity of performance on electric guitar.

As the vocalist of The Doors, Morrison was all about lyrical content, vocal performance and onstage theater – the latter showcased by the sprawling trippy Oedipal epic performance of The End, not unlike the Greek drama that inspired it.

As for lyrical content, at the suggestion of Morrison their very name came from the title of Aldous Huxley’s The Doors of Perception, itself taken from William Blake – “When the doors of perception are cleansed, man will see things as they truly are, infinite” (from The Marriage of Heaven and Hell).

And I stand by L.A. Woman – both album and its titular single – as one of the great lyrical poems of the twentieth century. The title track song has so much mojo that it famously features the refrain of Mr. Mojo Risin’, an anagram of Jim Morrison no less, in the song’s break with its rising crescendo of unmistakably sexual rhythm (and a figure I’ve adopted into my own pagan mythology – I believe in L.A. Woman and Mr. Mojo Risin’).

Mr Mojo’ Risin’, Mr Mojo Risin! Whoa yeah!

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – Top 10 Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (2) Norton Anthology of Poetry

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Norton Anthology of Poetry – 6th edition 2018 cover

 

 

(2) NORTON ANTHOLOGY OF POETRY

 

This may seem as a bit of a cheat, particularly ranked as my top special mention and in god tier to boot, given that it is an anthology – that is, a collection of poetry from different poets in contrast to the individual poets of my Top 10 Poetry (and most of the balance of special mentions).

Indeed, it is the most comprehensive collection of poetry, both in poems and in poets, from the very earliest poems in English to the present day, that I know – my favorite single volume anthology or collection of poetry.

And that essentially gives away the method to my madness behind it as my top special mention. In short, the Norton Anthology of Poetry is the means by which I encountered most of my favorite poems or poets, including those in my top ten or these special mentions.

It is one of a series of Norton Anthologies which tend to be favorite volumes for schools, colleges or universities. Two other Norton Anthologies come close to it in my education – the Norton Anthology of English Literature and the Norton Anthology of American Literature – and one other comes close to it in my personal reading – the Norton Anthology of Modern and Contemporary Poetry.

But no other anthology, Norton or otherwise, has ever matched the Norton Anthology of Poetry for my discovery and enjoyment of poems and poets – and I still discover or rediscover poems and poets within its pages to this day.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention) (1) William Shakespeare

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Title page of the First Folio – containing 36 of Shakespeare’s plays and one of the most influential books ever published – from 1623 with copper engraving of Shakespeare by Martin Droeshout (public domain image)

 

 

(1) WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE (1564-1616)

 

The Bard of Avon – or simply, the Bard.

“He is widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language and the world’s pre-eminent dramatist…His extant works, including collaborations, consist of some 39 plays, 154 sonnets, three long narrative poems and a few other verses, some of uncertain authorship. His plays have been translated into every major living language and are performed more often than those of any other playwright. Shakespeare remains arguably the most influential writer in the English language, and his works continue to be studied and reinterpreted.”

What else is there to say than this introduction to the Wikipedia article on Shakespeare? Shakespeare is so definitive and so influential as a writer – indeed, as THE writer, “the only playwright most people can name” as per TV Tropes on Shakespeare – that his very name evokes all you need to say.

Well, except perhaps why I rank him as (only) special mention, albeit as my top special mention in god tier, in my Top 10 Poetry instead of Top 10 Literature?

The latter is perhaps easier to address. For me, Shakespeare primarily wrote poetry – obviously in his sonnets but also even in his plays. Yes – he did write some prose in his plays but mostly he wrote them in blank verse. I’m reminded of Don Marquis writing in jest as Shakespeare’s publishers remonstrating with him to stop doing so much of that poetry stuff and do more of the ghosts or gore the audience liked.

As for the query why only special mention, as influential as he is – including for me potentially as a subject worthy of several top ten lists – he just lacks the same influence for me as those entries in my Top 10 Poetry or Top 10 Literature lists. There’s also the sheer volume of writing, which makes it difficult to pick any single play, let alone sonnet, as the best or most influential above all others.

Although if push came to shove and I had to nominate one play for this special mention entry, it would be Macbeth – not coincidentally, the major Shakespeare play I studied at school and which remains a major influence on me, particularly when it comes to Shakespeare.

 

Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.

 

Runners-up would be those other plays I studied, Julius Caesar and Henry V, although I also have a soft spot for Romeo and Juliet from the Baz Luhrman film adaptation.

And speaking of adaptations, the depth of his influence on drama, literature and culture remains long, ongoing and profound – back to Wikipedia on his legacy, “Shakespeare’s work has made a significant and lasting impression on later theatre and literature…he expanded the dramatic potential of characterization, plot, language, and genre.” His plays have been almost endlessly adapted, imitated, parodied, deconstructed and reconstructed – not just in drama or theater, but in novels and literature in general as well as films and television.

His influence extends even to music – “scholars have identified 20,000 pieces of music linked to Shakespeare’s works” – and art, to the study of psychology and the English language itself. “His use of language helped to shape modern English…expressions such as ‘with bated breath’ (Merchant of Venice) and ‘a foregone conclusion’ (Othello) have found their way into everyday English speech.”

And far beyond England or English for that matter – “this master, this titan, this genius, so profoundly British and so effortlessly universal, each different culture – German, Italian, Russian – was obliged to respond to the Shakespearean example; for the most part, they embraced it, and him, with joyous abandon, as the possibilities of language and character in action that he celebrated liberated writers across the continent. Some of the most deeply affecting productions of Shakespeare have been non-English, and non-European. He is that unique writer: he has something for everyone.”

Although perhaps nothing will ever top his finest stage direction – “Exit, pursued by a bear” (from A Winter’s Tale).

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – Nymphomancy (Mythology): Top 10

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Detail of tantric decoration carved on the walls of the Lakshmana (or Lakshman) Temple in Khajuraho, Madhya Pradesh, India, 10th century – photograph by Jean-Pierre Dalbera in Wikipedia “Khajuraho Group of Monuments” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

 

NYMPHOMANCY – MYTHOLOGY): TOP 10

 

The gods must be horny.

Yes – it’s my top ten nymphomancy list for the subject of mythology, which I was tempted to title missionary positions.

My nymphomancy lists of course being like the kinky or kinkier entry I throw in my top ten list special mentions, but for every entry or the entire list, across the board of subject categories as my top ten lists in general. They measure the, shall we say, adult content of cultural or literary subjects, either actual or potential. That is, the extent to which they are or could be adapted to adult film. You know the ones – the ones with at least one X in the rating and usually two or three.

It may surprise you that mythology is one of the richest sources of actual or potential adult content among all my subjects of interest – but it shouldn’t. After all, mythology gave us the very term and concept of nymphs. And the term aphrodisiac for that matter, from Aphrodite – as well as goddesses or gods of love in general. And carnal knowledge – from the Bible of all places, although I’ll be having a lot more to say about the Bible as one of the richest sources of adult content, in this case from the Biblical usage of the verb knew or know as a euphemism for s€xual conduct.

Beyond that, since mythology projects, represents or symbolizes so much of human life, then it is not surprising that s€xuality looms as large as it does in life, in both literal and symbolic representation, if not larger than life since mythology is mostly talking about, you know, gods or heroes.

 

XXX-TIER (HARDCORE TIER)

 

 

Hello, Sister – Lana Kane in a naughty nun fetish outfit flashback in Archer Season 4 Episode 11 “The Papal Chase”

 

(1) BIBLE & BIBLICAL MYTHOLOGY

 

“Wait, what?! The Bible is in hardcore nymphomancy tier?!”

“Why, yes it is. Now if I can just take you to this passage here, and here, and -“

“Wait – THAT’S in the Bible?!”

 

Yes – the Bible is in my XXX hardcore nymphomancy tier. Not that you could make any adult film content from or based on the Bible in any practical sense, since the audiences for each don’t exactly mix – but it’s there and it’s absolutely lurid, so much so that it deserves a top ten nymphomancy list all of its own.

It’s all there from Genesis to Apocalypse, from the Garden of Eden to Mystery Babylon.

Yes, the Garden of Eden may not explicitly wear its adult content on its fig leaves but it’s positively dripping with s€xual symbolism amidst the apple juice. Eve being tempted by the serpent and Adam by the fruit – do you need Freud to spell it out?

Mystery Babylon on the other hand very literally wears her explicit content on her sleeve – or rather carries it in her cup.

“And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet color, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her f0rnication. And upon her forehead was a name written, MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARL0TS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH”.

Of course, other readers of Apocalypse such as D.H. Lawrence – always one for odd observations and who was fascinated by the Book of Apocalypse – have thought that lurid description shows the author protesting a little too much, that Babylon is a titillating figure, perhaps intentionally so.

“How they envy Babylon her splendor, envy, envy! The harl0t sits magnificently with her golden cup of the wine of sensual pleasure in her hand. How the apocalyptists would have loved to drink out of her cup! And since they couldn’t, how they loved smashing it!”

I think you get the point – and there’s a lot more on the pages in between Genesis and Apocalypse. After all, you don’t get so many begats without a lot of begetting. There’s a whole book in the Bible that is just pure raunch – the Song of Songs, essentially a courtship song between two lovers. I can’t recall if it even mentions God.

Of course, I got a leg up on Biblical nymphomancy in my childhood from an unexpected and unusual source – an illustrated children’s Bible (or more precisely children’s Bible stories, since it skipped all the boring bits of the Bible for the narrative parts). I don’t remember much else about it except the illustrations were good and moved me in mysterious ways. I still remember its illustration of Potiphar’s wife – and she was smoking, as was the illustration of Bathsheba bathing. What were they thinking?!

And this illustrates (heh) the twofold nature of Bible nymphomancy. Firstly, there’s the Bible stories that themselves contain adult content – predominantly in the Old Testament as the New Testament is mostly ascetic, although it still retains its adult content from Salome to Mystery Babylon. And we’re talking some kinky stuff. Lot’s daughters, the Levite’s concubine, and so on. Typically such content finds its focus in one of my favorite Biblical bad girls – including one whose name has become synonymous with adult content, Jezebel. Indeed, it’s surprisingly easy to compile a Top 10 Biblical Bad Girls as well as further special mentions.

Secondly, there’s the Biblical stories that would lend themselves to being adapted as adult content because they are among the most visually iconic or striking stories in popular culture or imagination, even in these days of lapsed faith – where single images conjure up all sorts of meanings and narratives that tell themselves. Rarely does the saying that a picture tells a thousand words find better encapsulation than in the Bible, either through the visual imagery used by the text or by the almost countless works of art that have represented it.

And that’s not even getting to the ancillary visual trappings that have flowed from Biblical mythology or to the religions based on it – as portrayed by Lana Kane in her naughty nun outfit for my featured image, with my favorite detail being the bat or paddle’s label The Redeemer.

 

RATING:

XXX-TIER (HARDCORE TIER)

 

Hylas and the Nymphs, 1896 painting by John William Waterhouse in the public domain

 

 

(2) HOMER & CLASSICAL MYTHOLOGY

 

“What men or gods are these? What maidens loath?

What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?

What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy?…

More happy love! more happy, happy love!

For ever warm and still to be enjoy’d

For ever panting, and for ever young” –

John Keats, Ode on a Grecian Urn (aptly enough)

 

It’s not surprising that the works of Homer or classical mythology in general feature in my XXX hardcore nymphomancy tier, given all the nymphs – from which of course the term nymphomania originates and hence my terms nymphomancer or nymphomancy. The male equivalent of nymphomania is of course satyriasis – derived from the satyrs of classical mythology.

And then there’s classical mythology’s archetypal love goddess Aphrodite or Venus. The Romans even traced their mythic origin to the Trojan prince Aeneas and hence Venus herself as his mother, such that the Roman Empire might well have been called the Venerean Empire – or perhaps Venusian or Venutian Empire.

Indeed, in terms of pure adult content, I probably would rank classical mythology over Biblical mythology, but I rank the latter just that bit higher in my nymphomancy tier list for the shock value of adult content originating from the Bible as well as reflecting their respective rankings in my mythology tier lists in general.

Similarly to Biblical nymphomancy, classical nymphomancy is twofold. Firstly, there’s the stories of classical mythology that themselves contain adult content as part of their narrative – which is to say all of them. So it would seem, as it is difficult to think of stories from classical mythology that don’t involve adult content at some level of narrative. So much of classical mythology seems to involve or originate from one god or another not being able to keep it in their togas – the s€x-mad pursuit of goddesses, nymphs, mortals…

 

“What happened to the Zeus who used to turn into a cow and pick up chicks?” –

The Simpsons, Season 13 Episode 14 “Tales from the Public Domain”

 

Not that the goddesses don’t get in on the act, they had their own mad pursuits, even if they tended to feature more as the ones being pursued in classical mythology. Nymphs seem to exist in classical mythology entirely to be pursued and ravished.  mean the whole concept of nymphs seems to originate from men seeing trees, rivers and other natural objects…and wanting to have s€x with them, albeit in the form of beautiful women.

Even the Iliad and Odyssey seem to revolve around s€x as much as war or homecoming from war. I’ve seen the quip that the Trojan War started with an apple and ended with a horse adapted to that it started with a cuckold and ended with a wh0re.

Secondly, even without any adult content of their own, the stories of classical mythology lend themselves to be adapted to adult content as they are among the most visually iconic and striking stories in popular culture or imagination, such that just a few of their visual images or elements alone can be used to invoke meaning or narrative. Similarly to the Bible, you have the visual imagery used by the myths themselves or by the almost countless works of art that have represented it.

Indeed, like the Bible or Biblical mythology, classical mythology deserves a top ten nymphomancy list all of its own.

 

RATING:

XXX-TIER (HARDCORE TIER)

 

 

Spiral Goddess symbol public domain image

 

 

(3) PAGANISM

 

I believe in all the gods –

especially the goddesses.

 

She is the goddess and this is her body.

Not just my mythos and ethos but my eros and hieros gamos as well.

For one thing, paganism – or paleopaganism to adopt a term proposed for it in modern pagan parlance – is effectively a supertrope for the nymphomancy of all pre-Christian or extra-Christian mythologies. The god tier nymphomancy of classical mythology, including Hellenism and Dionysianism in general for the fun of it. Nordic, Celtic, Egyptian, and Babylo-Sumerian, as well as arguably Hinduism and quite a few entries to come.

For another, there’s neopaganism or the modern reconstruction of paganism, which arguably has led to its own distinctive mythology – and certainly to its own nymphomancy, revolving around the hieros gamos or sacred marriage of the Goddess and her Horned God.

Or L.A Woman & Mr Mojo Risin’.

 

RATING:

XXX-TIER (HARDCORE TIER)

 

 

The World card, titled as the Universe card in the Crowley Thoth deck by artist Lady Frieda Harris. While not the raunchiest deck, it can get pretty raunchy in design at times. I was tempted to use the Strength card, retitled as Lust, depicting none other than Mystery Babylon, but it was a little too bare-breasted for me to feature here!

 

 

(4) TAROT

 

The Tarot might seem an unusual entry in my hardcore nymphomancy tier.

In part that might have something to do with Jane Seymour as the tarot-reading psychic Solitaire in Live and let Die. James Bond even uses the cards to win her, albeit he has to, ahem, stack the deck to do it.

But more so, it has to do with the striking imagery of the cards themselves, which can so readily be applied to s€xual imagery or symbolism. There’s whole books written to that theme, including The S€xual Key to the Tarot by Theodor Laurene, with card interpretations so smutty it is difficult to quote any SFW passages.

Essentially, it’s easy to imagine adult content written with individual Tarot cards as the visual set piece for different scenes – particularly in the more er0ticially drawn decks. The deck by Salvador Dali particularly comes to mind (albeit most of his art was er0tically drawn, so to speak) but there are others.

After all, there’s even a card for The Lovers (the same card Bond stacked the deck with to win Solitaire) – and in decks that follow the Rider-Waite design we find the Lovers repeated in their kinkier dark side in the card for the Devil.

And that’s not all. Limiting ourselves to the Major Arcana – admittedly the most iconic and striking of the cards in a Tarot deck – virtually all of them suggest adult content in some form or another, particularly those with female characters.

The High Priestess – you just know she’s got a kinky side. The Empress. Strength – which the Crowley-Thoth deck outright redesigned as Lust. Perhaps not so much Temperance, given her name – which is why the Crowley-Thoth deck redesigned her as art and Dali almost does a parody of her card, with cute little nymph mixing cocktails.

Let’s not leave out the cards with male characters – The Fool and the Magician readily lend themselves to adult content set pieces. Even the Hanged Man suggests some sort of kinky BDSM shibari.

 

RATING:

XXX-TIER (HARDCORE TIER)

 

 

Nine the Phantom or Konoe Ayatsuki Mercury from the BlazBlue video game – used as the feature image for TV Tropes “Hot Witch”

 

 

(5) WITCHCRAFT

 

Witch, n.

(1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil.

(2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil –

The Devil’s Dictionary

 

“Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?”

Yeah – the nymphomancy of witchcraft is essentially the hot witch trope in TV Tropes, from which I obtained my feature image and quote, albeit I was familiar with the latter from its original source, The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce.

Think The Witch – the 2015 film by Robert Eggers – but more the literally seductive young form of the Witch (played by Australian model Sarah Stephens), albeit not paired up with Caleb but someone more suitable. Or naked Anya Taylor-Joy – or rather her body double – at the end.

I mean, the hot witch trope was written into the mythos of European witchcraft from the outset, as it was essentially medieval – or more precisely early modern – p0rnography with its lurid fantasies of the Witches Sabbat, the osculam infame being particularly hard to dislodge from one’s mind after reading about it.

 

RATING:

XXX-TIER (HARDCORE TIER)

 

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

Clipping of art by Frank Cho in variant cover for Fear Itself: The Fearless #1 comic published by Marvel Comics in October 2011 – feature the Marvel character Valkyrie front and center

 

 

(6) NORSE MYTHOLOGY

 

Wait – what? Norse mythology is only in XX softcore tier? What about all the s€xy Valkyries?!

Yes but you see that’s the thing. When it comes to the nymphomancy, Norse mythology is all s€xy Valkyries – and not much else. And yes – there’s Freya but she’s also essentially a s€xy Valkyrie.

That’s why Norse mythology is only top-tier nymphomancy. Don’t get me wrong – I like s€xy Valkyries hence the top tier ranking but it just lacks the prolific content of my god-tier hardcore rankings, either the Bible and Biblical mythology or Homer and classical mythology.

Except of course when it comes to Loki, because he will (and does) do anything. Not that I’d want to see that adult content, for example when he changed himself to a mare (subsequently giving birth to Odin’s steed, Sleipnir).

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

(7) CELTIC MYTHOLOGY – ARTHURIAN LEGEND

 

If Norse mythology is all s€xy Valkyries, then Arthurian legend is all knights and maidens.

I mean, we essentially have the primary example of Arthurian nymphomancy with the film Excalibur, only pumped up to be a little more hardcore. As it is, it opens with some full on raunch, with the conception of Arthur by his father Uther Pendragon ravishing Igraine in the magical guise of her husband (as conjured by Merlin) – in half his plate armor, no less. Indeed, I’m pretty sure there’s adult film parodies or versions of Excalibur.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

(8) EGYPTIAN MYTHOLOGY

 

Yes – I’ve already waxed lyrical about those slinky Egyptian goddesses. Lthe and svelte in their form-fitting dresses, with their golden skin and painted eyes, they would not look out of place as supermodels on a modern catwalk. Of course, Egypt was, quite frankly, the s€xiest ancient civilization – admittedly perhaps not for its population’s vast majority of peasants who farmed the Nile or worked on those useless tombstones known as pyramids, but certainly for its elite, who pretty much invented style. You know it’s true – just look at the figures in their art!

There’s Isis, goddess of magic who seduced the secret name from the sun god Ra and lover of Osiris who resurrected him after he was dismembered by his evil adversary Set to conceive their son Horus. There’s how Horus and Seat essentially set out to, ahem, out-€jaculate each other.

And on that subject, there’s the creation myth where the god Atum (who swapped out as supreme god from time to time) created the world by, ahem, mast*rbating it into existence. Now that’s creationism!

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

(9) MIDDLE EASTERN – BABYLO-SUMERIAN MYTHOLOGY

 

Ancient Middle Eastern or Babylo-Sumerian nymphomancy closely resembles Egyptian mythology, albeit without quite the same slinky goddesses in their art.

Its peak nymphomancy is the goddess Ishtar or Inanna, as well as the hieros gamos and sacred pr0stitution performed in her temples or by her priestesses, although the historical accuracy of these is disputed. There’s also how she literally strips her way into the underworld, stripping off her seven veils one at a time.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

(10) HINDU MYTHOLOGY

 

Famed for its er0tic sculpture or temple decoration, such as the tantric decoration carved on the walls of the Lakshmana (or Lakshman) Temple in Khajuraho, Madhya Pradesh, India, 10th century as depicted in my feature image.

Also the concept of kama. Yes – the same kama as in Kama Sutra, not karma.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Special Mention: Introduction)

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The New Colossus by Emma Lazarus – possibly the most famous sonnet and certainly one of the most prominent with its bronze plaque inside the Statue of Liberty, featured here in its public domain image

 

 

I live in a poetic world.

And I have my Top 10 Poetry, by poem and poet.

But wait – there’s more! Not surprisingly given how many poems and poets there are out there, there’s enough further entries for my usual twenty special mentions I prefer for each top ten.

And I still prefer the playful definition of poetry by TV Tropes as I did for my Top Ten Poetry – pretty words.

No, really. That’s what poetry is. Sometimes it rhymes, sometimes there are more line breaks than usual. All you really need to make a poem, though, is to put it together so it sounds good, or at least sounds the way you want it to sound.