Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Mythologies (Sacred Space & Chthonic Rankings)

Artist’s impression of Utopia, painting by Efthymios Warlamis, Wikipedia subject category “Utopia” – licensed https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

 

 

TOP 10 MYTHOLOGIES

(SACRED SPACE & CHTHONIC RANKINGS)

 

I don’t have a religion – I have a mythology.

Indeed, I have a top ten of them, ranked by my personal interest in them, albeit overlapping with their iconic status and enduring cultural or even religious influence.

But how do they rank by their sacred space and chthonic blues? That is, how do they rank by their mythic cosmology and geography – or by that most common chthonic denominator, their underworlds (and afterlifes – or is that afterlives – in general)?

Well, surprise! It’s the same rankings – at least in order of rankings, although with some slight shuffling of tiers – but perhaps not surprising that their sacred space and chthonic rankings coincide with my personal interest in them, given how definitive those features are for mythology in general.

 

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

 

(1) BIBLICAL – HEAVEN & HELL, BABYLON & JERUSALEM, EDEN & ARMAGEDDON

 

Biblical mythology tops my rankings for sacred space – mythic cosmology or geography – and chthonic rankings as it does for mythology in general.

After all, its cosmology of Heaven and Hell have become the default setting for mythic cosmology and the afterlife in popular culture and imagination, beyond any element of religious belief. Although ironically much of the detail of those settings comes not so much from the Bible but from its “fan fiction” – foremost among them Dante’s Divine Comedy, particularly its Inferno.

And from mythic cosmology to geography, albeit of actual locations transformed into symbolic manifestations of Hell and Heaven on earth respectively, we have Babylon and Jerusalem. I was born again in Babylon and torn apart in Jerusalem.

Wrapping up our trinity of opposing poles of mythic cosmology and geography within Biblical mythology – Heaven and Hell, Babylon and Jerusalem – we also have two opposing poles that are much more mythic than historic, the paradise in the beginning of creation to the war at the end of the world, Eden and Armageddon.

 

(2) CLASSICAL – OLYMPUS & TROY (HADES)

 

Classical mythology ranks in second place for the enduring iconic nature of its mythic geography and underworld.

I say geography because its mythic geography tended to be actual locations in historical geography, particularly within Greece, albeit transformed with a heroic or numinous nature – with Troy as perhaps the most famous but even the realm of the gods had its portal at Mt Olympus

Best of all, you have classical mythology’s recurring tendency to populate virtually every geographic feature with a hot nymph – now that’s sacred space!

As for chthonic ranking, there’s the enduring iconic nature of Hades as underworld – with most of its features being adapted wholesale in Western culture and imagination. You could do a top ten just of those features, with perhaps the rivers Styx and Lethe being most prominent.

 

(3) NORSE – ASGARD & VALHALLA (HEL)

 

Norse mythology has one of the best known of all mythic cosmologies with its Nine Worlds. One of those is of course our own mortal world Midgard, which lent itself to the name of one of the most famous fantasy worlds, Tolkien’s Middle Earth.

However, while there is reference to the Nine Worlds in the original texts of Norse mythology, it is never clearly identified what those Nine Worlds are. Instead, scholars speculate what they are from references to various realms as they occur elsewhere – Midgard or the realm of humanity, the realm or realms of elves and dwarves, the realm of giants, and the realms of fire and ice.

The most famous mythic realm in Norse mythology is Asgard, the realm of the gods (or more precisely one of the two families or tribes of gods in Norse mythology, the Aesir, with the other, the Vanir, having their own realm) – which also has the even more famous Valhalla as afterlife abode of the heroic dead.

As for chthonic rankings, Norse mythology also has one of the most famous underworlds (sometimes reckoned as one of the Nine Worlds of itself, or as part of the mythic realm of ice) – named for the goddess of the dead who reigned there, Hel, and that lent its name to (or came from the same source as) that of an even more famous underworld.

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

(4) CELTIC (ARTHURIAN) – OTHERWORLD (AVALON)

 

The Celtic Otherworld is perhaps one of the best known and most definitive concepts of the mythic realm in mythology – that realm of the deities or the dead, often overlapping, although the Celtic Otherworld “is more usually described as paradisal fairyland than a frightening place”, or more fey than infernal.

The Otherworld looms large in Arthurian legend in various guises – a recurring numinous presence depicted well in the film Excalibur. One guise is as the realm of fairies but even more so as that mystical place ranking among the highest name recognition for mythic worlds – Avalon, which overlaps with the underworld as King Arthur’s final resting place.

Celtic mythology in general and Arthurian legend in particular also have their distinctive mythic geography in our world, particularly in Britain with its historical sites as identified with locations in myth or legend.

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

(5) EGYPTIAN

 

Egyptian mythology may well be the most chthonic of mythologies – albeit not so much in name recognition of its underworld Duat in popular culture but more in terms of the afterlife in general. Indeed, ancient Egypt almost seems a necropolis, with its religion and ritual predominated by preparation for the afterlife – and its monumental statues or architecture, such that Egypt itself appears as its own mythic realm, with a mystique that has been a subject of recurring fascination in its own time and ever since.

 

 

(6) MIDDLE EASTERN – BABYLO-SUMERIAN

 

The concept and very word of paradise itself originates from the Middle East – Persia in particular – but the ranking of Middle Eastern mythology for sacred spaces and mythic worlds is more a matter of its enduring influence for the paradises and underworlds of subsequent mythologies, particularly Biblical mythology.

Speaking of underworlds, the Mesopotamian underworld was almost as influential as Persian paradise, not least for the descent of Inanna or Ishtar into it.

 

(7) HINDU

 

Hindu mythology has its sacred spaces and mythic worlds, including a number that would be described as hells or underworlds but without widespread name recognition beyond Hinduism.

For that matter, the world itself seems mythic in Hindu mythology, as “maya” or illusion (personified as the goddess Durga) – or as “lila” or divine play. India itself has its own mythic or sacred geography in Hinduism but I don’t know as much about it as I do for Western mythologies.

 

(8) MESO-AMERICAN – AZTEC

 

One of the most chthonic mythologies, since the Aztecs had nine levels of its underworld known as Mictlan – although it sometimes seems hard to distinguish the Aztec underworld from Aztec history, what with those pyramids slippery with blood and hearts from human sacrifice.

 

(9) NATIVE AMERICAN – LAKOTA

 

I don’t know much about the mythic worlds of Native American mythology other than references to their belief in an afterlife as “the happy hunting ground” that is attributed to them, although that probably originated in the interpretation by British settlers. Apparently the phrase first appeared “in 1823 in The Pioneers by James Fenimore Cooper”.

 

(10) AFRO-AMERICAN – VOODOO

 

To be honest, I don’t know too much about the mythic worlds of Afro-American mythologies or voodoo within and beyond our own. I was not surprised to learn upon looking it up that there is a realm of ancestral spirits – but I was surprised to learn that Haitian vodou does have its holy sites of pilgrimage that overlap with Christian sites in Haiti.

Top Tens – Fantasy & SF: Top 10 Fantasy Books (Revised Entry) (8) Joe Lansdale – The Drive-In

Cover of the complete Drive-In Trilogy, paperback edition published 2020 by BookVoice Publishing

 

 

(8) JOE LANSDALE – THE DRIVE-IN (1988-2005)

Joe Landsale is a genre-hopping self-branded mojo storyteller so Texan his books positively drawl. His fantasy is never purely fantasy, as he writes books and stories (and comics!) in a number of genres, often at the same time. Westerns, of course – although he is from east Texas – but often of the Weird West, horror or so-called splatterpunk, mystery, suspense and thrillers.

A good introduction to Lonsdale is his short stories, which are particularly difficult to pin down in genre. I mean, how do you classify “Bubba Ho-Tep” (subsequently adapted into film starring none other than the Chin himself, Bruce Campbell) – in which an aged Elvis Presley and a black JFK battle a soul-sucking mummy in a nursing home? (No, seriously – Elvis Presley, having swapped with a double to opt out of fame. Not sure about JFK though – he claims the Conspiracy swapped his mind into his present body. Even Elvis is skeptical). Or his post-zombie apocalyptic “On the Far Side of the Cadillac Desert with Dead Folks”? “Frequent features of Lansdale’s writing are usually deeply ironic, strange or absurd situations or characters”. Indeed.

And perhaps none more bizarre than my introduction to Lansdale and still my favorite, although it is a little intense (if by intense you mean insane) – his 1988 book The Drive-In, or for its full title, The Drive-In: A ‘B’ Movie with Blood and Popcorn, Made in Texas. It starts as a normal summer Friday night horror movie marathon at the Orbit Drive-In in Texas. And then it becomes the horror-movie marathon, as they are trapped by a demonic grinning comet in the drive-in, beyond time in an eternal night – seemingly at the whim of the dark gods of B-grade movie horror, who lend a hand to all the base humanity on show with a little (or a lot) of some monstrosity of their own, with the Popcorn King.

Don’t eat the popcorn. It’s watching you.

A sequel – The Drive-In 2: Not Just One of Them Sequels – followed shortly after in 1989, with a third book (Drive in 3: The Bus Tour) in 2005 rounding out the Drive-In Trilogy.

RATING: 4 STARS****
B-TIER (HIGH-TIER)

Heart of Starkness – Eightfold Path 3: I believe in all the gods (pagan catholicism)

Screenshot from the music video of Kanye West’s 2010 single “Power” – one of my favorite music videos and best depictions of polytheistic pagan imagery in modern popular culture, a “moving picture” or “modern art montage” drawing from Egyptian mythology and Renaissance art of classical mythology

 

 

I believe in all the gods

especially the goddesses

(pagan catholicism)

*

*

I believe in all the gods

especially the goddesses –

I believe in L-A Woman & Mr Mojo Risin’

*

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Honorable Mention)

A question even better than “To be or not to be”, although I think the better question would be how zombie Shakespeare ended up in a Springfield school locker – one of the finest moments in a Simpsons Halloween episode in Dial Z for Zombies, the third story in Treehouse of Horror III, Episode 5, Season 4, The Simpsons

 

 

TOP 10 POETRY (HONORABLE MENTION)

 

I live in a poetic world – and I have my Top 10 Poetry, by poem and poet, as well as twenty special mentions

But wait – there’s even more!

There’s enough poems and poets out there that I like exceeding my Top 10 Poetry and my twenty special mentions, so it’s time for honorable mentions. I rank them by chronological order (as I’d otherwise rank them all in B-tier or high tier) – by the year of publication for their standout poem, for which I like and include them in my honorable mentions.

 

 

Yeah, that’s the look of a man I’d imagine to use metaphysical pick-up lines – Bust of John Donne photographed by Matthew Black, Wikipedia “John Donne”, license https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en

 

 

(1654) JOHN DONNE – TO HIS MISTRESS GOING TO BED

 

One of the metaphysical poets. I don’t recall what makes a poet metaphysical but this poem would suggest that it’s being pretty raunchy.

 

“Licence my roving hands, and let them go,

Before, behind, between, above, below.

O my America! my new-found-land,

My kingdom, safeliest when with one man mann’d”

Now that’s metaphysics!

I don’t know how it would go down standing over your mistress and declaring her to be your America as saucy foreplay these days. It’s time to manifest your destiny, baby!

I do like how the poem finishes off (heh) with its version of that cheesy pick-up line – “You know what would look good on you? Me!”

 

To teach thee, I am naked first; why then

What needst thou have more covering than a man.

 

 

 

 

Portrait of Andrew Marvell by unknown artist in 1655 – Wikipedia “Andrew Marvell”, public domain

 

 

(1681) ANDREW MARVELL – TO HIS COY MISTRESS

 

“Had we had but world enough and time

This coyness, Lady, were no crime”

 

Carpe diem as a pick-up line to get in her pants.

No, seriously, that’s the poem – and why I like it.

That and the worms that makes it a favorite among adolescent students everywhere –

 

“then Worms shall try

That long preserv’d Virginity”

 

Like John Donne, Andrew Marvell is another surprisingly raunchy 17th-century ‘metaphysical’ poet.

Ultimately, he’s something of a one-poem wonder for his most famous and celebrated poem “To His Coy Mistress” – but what a poem! In the word of TV Tropes, it “is pretty much the trope codifier for the more philosophical sort of seduction lyric and contains a bunch of phrases that are hugely quotable, forever appearing in titles and epigraphs”. That seduction lyric is the persuasion of the speaker’s prospective lover by means of a carpe diem philosophy – or YOLO in modern internet slang. Seize the day, baby.

It’s also a popular poem in schools – well, as popular as poems get in schools – where it certainly is fertile ground for lowbrow humor for perpetually adolescent minds like mine. There’s the two hundred years the poet would spend on each of his lover’s breasts, if only they did have eternity. Not to mention, the ages he would devote to every other part, which prompts thoughts of an ass age – heh

And of course there’s the worms (“Can we do the one with the worms again, Miss?” – actual quote reported by teacher).

All lowbrow locker room humor aside, there is something powerfully evocative in Marvell’s vibrant imagery and command of rhyming couplets, particularly in the last stanza where the speaker urges the woman to seize life by the, well, horns.

 

“Let us roll all our Strength, and all

Our sweetness, up into one Ball:

And tear our Pleasures with rough strife,

Thorough the Iron gates of Life.

Thus, though we cannot make our Sun

Stand still, yet we will make him run.”

 

 

 

Posthumous portrait of Shelley writing Prometheus Unbound in Italy, painting by Joseph Severn, 1845 – Wikipedia “Percy Bysse Shelley” (public domain image)

 

 

(1818) PERCY BYSSE SHELLEY – OZYMANDIAS

 

I have a soft spot for the English Romantic poets. Yes – that’s capital-R Romanticism, for the cultural and intellectual movement originating in Europe in the late eighteenth century and which still arguably holds sway in Western culture even today. Two of them – Samuel Taylor Coleridge and John Keats – feature in the Top 10 itself. Two others – William Blake and Lord Byron – feature as honorable mentions. That leaves the last two of the big six – William Wordsworth and Percy Bysse Shelley.

Shelley may now perhaps best be known as the husband of Mary Shelley, author of the iconic Frankenstein. However, he has at least earned his place in my special mention cult and pulp entries, largely off the back of this poem.

Yes – there is other poetry by Shelley I enjoy, such as “To a Skylark” – even if it starts in a weird way to modern ears:

 

“Hail to thee, blithe Spirit!

Bird thou never wert”

 

Yeah…what? But I can’t say mad at a poem that features these lines:

 

“We look before and after,

And pine for what is not:

Our sincerest laughter

With some pain is fraught;

Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.”

 

However, it is his sonnet Ozymandias, often anthologized and commonly taught in schools, that ranks as my favorite for this entry. And as it is a sonnet and hence short (sixteen lines), I can quote it here in full:

 

I met a traveller from an antique land,

Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;

And on the pedestal, these words appear:

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare

The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

 

Ozymandias was a Greek name for the Egyptian pharoah Ramesses II – or Ramesses the Great, who reigned in 1279-1213 BC. The theme is obvious – human hubris in the face of time. Decline and fall – even for the greatest rulers and the empires they forge (although of course Shelley with his radical political views was quite happy to speed them along). Ramesses now reduced to empty ironic words on a statue, the statue itself fallen into pieces and ancient Egypt itself, known mostly for its giant tombstones and broken statuary.

 

 

 

Robert Browning, portrait by Herbert Rose Barraud 1888 – Wikipedia “Robert Browning” (public domain image)

 

 

(1842) ROBERT BROWNING – MY LAST DUCHESS

 

“That’s my last Duchess painted on the wall,

Looking as if she were alive”

And so begins Robert Browning’s dramatic monologue – and one of my favorite villainous dramatic monologues at that. Make no mistake – the Duke (prefaced as Ferrara) is a villain. Indeed, his monologue unveils himself as a narcissistic sociopath – and particularly chilling in its calm and casual delivery, even potentially charming in its eloquence but for what it unveils (as perhaps with all the best villainous monologues).

The Duke introduces his last Duchess, not in person but in her painting – which he keeps curtained off for his gaze only (or that of his select guests, including the one to whom he’s speaking in the poem), a detail easy to miss in first reading but which acquires significance as the poem advances.

He then introduces her transgressions:

 

“She had

A heart—how shall I say?— too soon made glad,

Too easily impressed; she liked whate’er

She looked on, and her looks went everywhere”.

 

At first, this seems to insinuate a roving eye, until he reveals what the sort of things that made his young naïve bride glad – a sunset, the gift of a cherry bough, even perhaps a compliment from the portrait artist himself. Indeed, most of the supposed “transgressions” seem to take place in his own mind – or his own narcissistic need that she pay him the proper attention.

 

“She thanked men—good! but thanked

Somehow—I know not how—as if she ranked

My gift of a nine-hundred-years-old name

With anybody’s gift”

 

And then come the lines that I always find so chilling in its cold detachment – and so heartbreakingly tragic for his last Duchess

 

“Oh, sir, she smiled, no doubt,

Whene’er I passed her; but who passed without

Much the same smile? This grew; I gave commands;

Then all smiles stopped together”

 

And so the Duke unveils himself as akin to a mafia don who took out a hit on his wife. Because she smiled too much.

It’s even more heartbreakingly tragic as it is based (loosely – or perhaps not) on real historical figures – the fifth Duke of Ferrara, Alfonso Il d’Este) and his wife, the teenaged Lucrezia de Medici, dead at the age of seventeen. Browning had more in mind than simply recreating a historical character. The Italian Renaissance held a particular fascination for Browning and his contemporaries, for the juxtaposition of artistic and intellectual heights with the ruthlessness of its aristocratic elite that did indeed resemble mafia families.

Heart of Starkness – Eightfold Path 2X: Apocalypse

William Blake, The Great Red Dragon and the Woman Clothed with the Sun, 1805-1810, the second painting with that title (of the same subject but from a different perspective from that in the more famous first painting, which featured in the book and film of Red Dragon best known for Hannibal Lecter), second of a series of four Great Red Dragon paintings, and part of a series of paintings illustrating the Book of Apocalypse

 

 

In my end of the world,

the sun is black,

the moon is red,

and the stars fall screaming from the sky.

Dark enough for you?

*

I was gored by the horns of God.

His left horn was death,

His right horn was the devil,

and in between where there should have been a face

there was only an abyss.

*

We were all judged –

many were sacrificed

and no one was saved.

*

There were visions in those days.

Heart of Starkness – Eightfold Path 2: I have a mythology (apocalypse)

Sir Galahad, the Quest for the Holy Grail by Arthur Hughes, 1870 – Wikipedia “Holy Grail” (public domain image)

 

 

I don’t have a religion

I have a mythology –

for mine is the passion play

grail quest

ghost dance

and mojo risin’

*

I don’t have a religion

I have a mythology –

for mine is the mythos

ethos

eros

and hieros gamos

*

I don’t have a religion

I have a mythology –

for mine is the cult of passion

code of honour

sense of humour

*

For mine is the grail quest –

round table and siege perilous

fisher king and waste land

bleeding lance and dolorous stroke

adventurous bed and questing beast

*

*

I don’t pray

I write –

I write to save myself

*

*

The gods speak in verse

and move in dance.

 

 

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Honorable Mention) (1842) Robert Browning – My Last Duchess

Robert Browning, portrait by Herbert Rose Barraud 1888 – Wikipedia “Robert Browning” (public domain image)

 

 

(1842) ROBERT BROWNING – MY LAST DUCHESS

 

“That’s my last Duchess painted on the wall,

Looking as if she were alive”

And so begins Robert Browning’s dramatic monologue – and one of my favorite villainous dramatic monologues at that. Make no mistake – the Duke (prefaced as Ferrara) is a villain. Indeed, his monologue unveils himself as a narcissistic sociopath – and particularly chilling in its calm and casual delivery, even potentially charming in its eloquence but for what it unveils (as perhaps with all the best villainous monologues).

The Duke introduces his last Duchess, not in person but in her painting – which he keeps curtained off for his gaze only (or that of his select guests, including the one to whom he’s speaking in the poem), a detail easy to miss in first reading but which acquires significance as the poem advances.

He then introduces her transgressions:

 

“She had

A heart—how shall I say?— too soon made glad,

Too easily impressed; she liked whate’er

She looked on, and her looks went everywhere”.

 

At first, this seems to insinuate a roving eye, until he reveals what the sort of things that made his young naïve bride glad – a sunset, the gift of a cherry bough, even perhaps a compliment from the portrait artist himself. Indeed, most of the supposed “transgressions” seem to take place in his own mind – or his own narcissistic need that she pay him the proper attention.

 

“She thanked men—good! but thanked

Somehow—I know not how—as if she ranked

My gift of a nine-hundred-years-old name

With anybody’s gift”

 

And then come the lines that I always find so chilling in its cold detachment – and so heartbreakingly tragic for his last Duchess

 

“Oh, sir, she smiled, no doubt,

Whene’er I passed her; but who passed without

Much the same smile? This grew; I gave commands;

Then all smiles stopped together”

 

And so the Duke unveils himself as akin to a mafia don who took out a hit on his wife. Because she smiled too much.

It’s even more heartbreakingly tragic as it is based (loosely – or perhaps not) on real historical figures – the fifth Duke of Ferrara, Alfonso Il d’Este) and his wife, the teenaged Lucrezia de Medici, dead at the age of seventeen. Browning had more in mind than simply recreating a historical character. The Italian Renaissance held a particular fascination for Browning and his contemporaries, for the juxtaposition of artistic and intellectual heights with the ruthlessness of its aristocratic elite that did indeed resemble mafia families.

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Honorable Mention): (1818) Percy Bysse Shelley – Ozymandias

Posthumous portrait of Shelley writing Prometheus Unbound in Italy, painting by Joseph Severn, 1845 – Wikipedia “Percy Bysse Shelley” (public domain image)

 

 

(1818) PERCY BYSSE SHELLEY – OZYMANDIAS

 

I have a soft spot for the English Romantic poets. Yes – that’s capital-R Romanticism, for the cultural and intellectual movement originating in Europe in the late eighteenth century and which still arguably holds sway in Western culture even today. Two of them – Samuel Taylor Coleridge and John Keats – feature in the Top 10 itself. Two others – William Blake and Lord Byron – feature as honorable mentions. That leaves the last two of the big six – William Wordsworth and Percy Bysse Shelley.

Shelley may now perhaps best be known as the husband of Mary Shelley, author of the iconic Frankenstein. However, he has at least earned his place in my special mention cult and pulp entries, largely off the back of this poem.

Yes – there is other poetry by Shelley I enjoy, such as “To a Skylark” – even if it starts in a weird way to modern ears:

 

“Hail to thee, blithe Spirit!

Bird thou never wert”

 

Yeah…what? But I can’t say mad at a poem that features these lines:

 

“We look before and after,

And pine for what is not:

Our sincerest laughter

With some pain is fraught;

Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.”

 

However, it is his sonnet Ozymandias, often anthologized and commonly taught in schools, that ranks as my favorite for this entry. And as it is a sonnet and hence short (sixteen lines), I can quote it here in full:

 

I met a traveller from an antique land,

Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;

And on the pedestal, these words appear:

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare

The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

 

Ozymandias was a Greek name for the Egyptian pharoah Ramesses II – or Ramesses the Great, who reigned in 1279-1213 BC. The theme is obvious – human hubris in the face of time. Decline and fall – even for the greatest rulers and the empires they forge (although of course Shelley with his radical political views was quite happy to speed them along). Ramesses now reduced to empty ironic words on a statue, the statue itself fallen into pieces and ancient Egypt itself, known mostly for its giant tombstones and broken statuary.

Top Tens – Tropes & Other: Top 10 Ice Ages / Ice Age Iceberg (Special Mention)

Iceberg in the Arctic with its underside exposed as photographed by AWeith – Wikipedia “Iceberg” licensed https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

 

 

TOP 10 ICE AGES / ICE AGE ICEBERG (SPECIAL MENTION)

 

Alright stop, collaborate, and listen – ice is back with a brand new invention.

There’s even more Ice Age iciness, with the usual twenty special mentions for my Top 10 Ice Ages.

As usual, these special mentions are, dare I say it, more of an Ice Ace iceberg, as I stretch the category of ice age well beyond any geological or scientific classification to all things ice or icy whether scientific, historic, cosmic or mythic – getting weirder and wilder the deeper I go…

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

(1) IMPACT WINTER

 

“The hypothesized prolonged period of cold weather due to the impact of a large asteroid or comet on the Earth’s surface”.

Obviously, the immediate impact is very hot – at the point of impact. We’re talking the “enormous amount of dust, ash and other material” thrown up into the atmosphere from the impact and its aftermath (including firestorms or widespread fires from the impact), which then blocks out heat and light from the Sun, causing temperatures to drop dramatically.

Perhaps the most famous (and probable) impact winter is hypothesized as that from the “dino-buster” asteroid impact in the K-T extinction event that caused the extinction of the dinosaurs. And yes – I know it’s called K-Pg now but you’re going to need another one of those before you pry the name K-T from my cold, extinct hands.

 

(2) VOLCANIC WINTER

 

As for impact winter but this time the impact is coming from inside the Earth! That is, from “a reduction in global temperatures caused by droplets of sulfuric acid obscuring the Sun and raising Earth’s albedo (increasing the reflection of solar radiation) after a large, sulfur-rich, particularly explosive volcanic eruption”.

There’s been quite a few of these – they are hypothesized to lie behind the Late Antique Little Ice Age and Little Ice Age, at least in part – but again perhaps the most famous was that from the Toba supervolcanic eruption 74,000 years ago, sometimes hypothesized as the Toba catastrophe event to have pushed humans to the brink of extinction reduced to potentially as few as 1,000 members of their species.

 

(3) FIMBULWINTER

 

In Norse mythology, the winter of the end of the world – the immediate prelude to Ragnarok.

“Fimbulwinter is three successive winters, when snow comes in from all directions, without any intervening summer. Innumerable wars follow.”

Apparently, the myth might originate in the volcanic winter of 536 AD (part of the Late Antique Little Ice Age) or even earlier climate change at the end of the Nordic Bronze Age.

More broadly, I use Fimbulwinter as representative of mythic winter – and winter in mythology or religion.

 

(4) FANTASY WINTER

 

Ice Ages or worlds of ice in fantasy & SF, including fantasy or SF set in the Ice Age or ice ages proper (although let’s face it, we’re talking the Pleistocene rather than any other ice age on our planet) – which are surprisingly prolific.

Narnia’s perpetual winter enchanted by the White Witch. Winter is coming in A Song of Ice and Fire or Game of Thrones – as well as the White Walkers as the embodiment of ice or an ice age.

Worlds of ice in SF, perhaps most famously Hoth in Star Wars – although my personal favorite remains Fritz Leiber’s A Pail of Air, where our own world is utterly frozen after it has become a rogue planet after being torn away from the Sun by a passing “dark star”.

 

(5) GENERAL WINTER

 

General winter sounds like a good term for an ice age but no – I’m referring to General Winter, the nickname given to the personification of winter as a factor in military history or war, typically as a defensive buffer or force multiplier and particularly in Russia.

Winter famously contributed “to military failures of several invasions of Russia and the Soviet Union” – perhaps most famously in Napoleon’s invasion of Russia and the Second World War, albeit often overstated for the latter with the common adage that Germany was defeated by the Russian winter.

Ironically, General Winter may be outranked in Russia or the Soviet Union by General Mud, albeit closely related, from the muddy season or “rasputitsa” of autumn rains and spring thaws – an irony best illustrated by the German armed forces initially welcoming the onset of winter in 1941 for ending the rasputitsa season.

More broadly, I use General Winter as representative of winter warfare or winter war, including the Winter War called as such between Finland and the Soviet Union, as well as the impact of winter or cold weather on military history in general. The infamous Crossing of the Rhine for the Germanic invasion of the Roman Empire on 31 December in 406 AD – although that the Rhine was frozen, making the crossing easier, is a hypothesis.

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

(6) SNOWBALL EARTH

 

Okay, this is something of a cheat as Snowball Earth is a hypothesis that during one or more of Earth’s glacial periods, the Earth’s surface was “nearly entire frozen with no liquid oceanic or surface water exposed to the atmosphere”. I just like the name so couldn’t resist it for its own entry in my Top 10 Ice Ages.

There’s a less frozen version proposed as Slushball Earth “with a thin equatorial band of open (or seasonally open) water”.

Usually proposed for the Sturtian glacial period in the Neoproterozoic Era, as well as the Marinoan glacial period – both aptly enough within the period in that era called Cryogenian.

 

(7) LATE ANTIQUE LITTLE ICE AGE

 

A cooling period in the fifth and sixth centuries AD, hypothesized as a “volcanic winter” (more about that in special mentions) coinciding with three large volcanic eruptions and contributing to the decline of the Roman Empire – contrasting with the Roman Warm Period. So the decline and fall of the Roman Empire was caused by…global cooling?

 

(8) LITTLE ICE AGE – GREAT FROST & YEAR WITHOUT A SUMMER

 

A period of regional cooling, particulary in the North Atlantic, variously proposed from the 16th century (but also as early as 1300) to the 19th century (about 1850) with several causes proposed for it – contrasting with the Medieval Warm Period.

Within the Little Ice Age, there’s the Great Frost – for the winter of 1708-1709, the coldest European winter for the past 500 years.

Also within the Little Ice Age, albeit towards the tail end, there’s the Year Without a Summer in 1816 – which was exactly what it says on the tin with the coldest summer temperatures on record in Europe between 1766 and 2000, usually identified as a volcanic winter event from the eruption of Mount Tambora (located in modern Indonesia) in 1815.

 

(9) NUCLEAR WINTER

 

As for impact or volcanic winter but this time we do it, almost making you proud of human achievement – “the severe and prolonged global climactic cooling effect that is hypothesized to occur after widespread urban firestorms following a large scale nuclear war”.

 

(10) BIG FREEZE & HEAT DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE

 

Yes, there’s an Ice Age for the entire universe – the Big Freeze or Heat Death of the Universe, “a scientific hypothesis regarding the ultimate fate of the universe” – with the universe approaching absolute zero (or alternatively maximum entropy) over a very long timescale (so long as to be almost eternity).

Speaking of absolute zero…

 

(11) ABSOLUTE ZERO

 

The ultimate Ice Age state of reality – and by ice, we’re talking the solid state of gases, not water. Water freezes to ice at 0 degrees Celsius – absolute zero is 0 degrees Kelvin or -217.15 degrees Celsius.

It’s also impossible – while absolute zero can be approached, it can never be reached, although modern science can come pretty damn close (in units of picokelvin or one trillionth of a kelvin).

 

(12) SPACE

 

We already live in a cosmic Ice Age so to speak – space, which has an average or baseline temperature only slightly above absolute zero at 2.7 degrees Kelvin, apparently from the background radiation leftover from the Big Bang. Talk about running on fumes!

However, the actual temperature of space can vary depending on neighboring bodies, obviously such as stars.

 

(13) ASTROPHYSICS ICE LINE

 

Even our immediate stellar environment – the solar system, albeit itself incomprehensibly vast compared to Earth – is mostly an ice age, outside the so-called ice line (or frost line or snow line) in astrophysics.

It always strikes me how narrow the sweet spot or temperate habitable zone around our Sun (or any star) is – with our planet’s orbit obviously in it and even then it gets ice. In fairness, Mars is also in it – as the only other such planet “where liquid water can exist on the surface”. Otherwise, the ice line kicks in at 5 astronomical units – 1 astronomical unit is the average distance of Earth from the Sun – from Jupiter onwards.

Speaking of ice lines (or snow lines or frost lines)…

 

(14) POLES & MOUNTAINS

 

The ice line in astrophysics is borrowed from the similar ice line on Earth itself – or rather ice lines, as the ice lines for both poles (north and south, Arctic and Antarctic) and for sufficiently high mountains which have the same effect (through their height to where our atmosphere is thinner).

And yes – the ice lines mark the parts of our planet that are in an ice age, or rather the areas of glaciation for our present ice age, while the rest of the planet is in an interglacial period of the ice age.

That’s essentially the defining characteristic of an ice age – that parts of the planet are in glaciation – sometimes stated as icehouse Earth, as opposed to greenhouse Earth for which there is no glaciation, as in other geological periods (and as the argument goes, increasingly for our own with global warming).

 

(15) POLAR DESERTS & OCEANS

 

It’s always fascinated me that those regions of the Earth that fall under an ice cap climate – where no monthly mean temperature exceeds 0 degrees Celsius – have rainfalls low enough to qualify as deserts, although they usually are distinguished from true deserts. Hence, most of the interior of Antarctica is polar desert and it is the driest continent on Earth, even more so than the usual suspect (and next driest continent) Australia. I would have thought that polar deserts are relatively more common during ice ages.

Equally, it’s always fascinated me that the biome of Antarctica is predominantly marine – while the continent itself is mostly dead, its seas and coastline. The same can be said of the Arctic proper, only more so as it is entirely marine – such that the polar bear is classified as a marine mammal.

For that matter, there’s the deep sea or 90% of the volume of the ocean – effectively a oceanic ice age of itself, with consistent temperature of 0-3 degrees Celsius.

 

X-TIER (WEIRD / WILD TIER)

 

(16) GREAT FLOOD

 

Or as it might be called, the Great Thaw.

After the ice comes the thaw. Flood or deluge myths – including that of Atlantis – are sometimes attributed to the rise of sea levels from melting glacial ice at the end of the Last Glacial Period about 11,700 years ago

 

(17) FROZEN UNDERWORLD – HEL & HELL

 

The eternal ice age!

It’s not surprising that the underworld of Norse mythology – Hel or Helheim – was depicted as cold or frozen.

What is more surprising is for the Hell we’re more familiar with from Christian belief and popular imagination to depicted as cold or frozen rather than the usual archetype of the fires of hell. For hell to be frozen seems an oxymoron – after all, it’s where we get idioms like it will be a cold day in hell or when hell freezes over (invoking impossibility) and people wanting ice water in hell.

And yet that is how Dante, in the Inferno part of his Divine Comedy, depicted the deepest level of hell, reserved for traitors as the worst sinners and including Satan himself.

Not sure if that’s related to the supernatural cold spots – often causing breath to frost – associated with ghosts or worse.

 

(18) WINTER

 

Now is the winter of our discontent.

The seasonal ice age we have every year – and as such used as a metaphor, usually with associations with such things as discontent or the end of life with old age or death.

Speaking of which…

 

(19) PERSONAL ICE AGE

 

“If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?”

It’s everyone’s personal ice age, where everything gets frozen over – old age and death, for example, or depression and dark periods in life for which there is some possibility of a thaw.

And speaking of which

 

(20) S€XUAL ICE AGE

 

Yes – it’s time for my usual kinky entry as my final or twentieth special mention where the subject permits. I wouldn’t have thought that the subject of ice ages would have been open to kink – or in this case an absence of kink – but I just can’t resist the common usage of frigid for lack of sexual response (particularly in women) for the wider connotations of one’s own private s€xual ice age for lack of activity or response.

 

Top Tens – Poetry: Top 10 Poetry (Honorable Mention): (1681) Andrew Marvell – To His Coy Mistress

Portrait of Andrew Marvell by unknown artist in 1655 – Wikipedia “Andrew Marvell”, public domain

 

 

(1681) ANDREW MARVELL – TO HIS COY MISTRESS

 

“Had we had but world enough and time

This coyness, Lady, were no crime”

 

Carpe diem as a pick-up line to get in her pants.

No, seriously, that’s the poem – and why I like it.

That and the worms that makes it a favorite among adolescent students everywhere –

 

“then Worms shall try

That long preserv’d Virginity”

 

Like John Donne, Andrew Marvell is another surprisingly raunchy 17th-century ‘metaphysical’ poet.

Ultimately, he’s something of a one-poem wonder for his most famous and celebrated poem “To His Coy Mistress” – but what a poem! In the word of TV Tropes, it “is pretty much the trope codifier for the more philosophical sort of seduction lyric and contains a bunch of phrases that are hugely quotable, forever appearing in titles and epigraphs”. That seduction lyric is the persuasion of the speaker’s prospective lover by means of a carpe diem philosophy – or YOLO in modern internet slang. Seize the day, baby.

It’s also a popular poem in schools – well, as popular as poems get in schools – where it certainly is fertile ground for lowbrow humor for perpetually adolescent minds like mine. There’s the two hundred years the poet would spend on each of his lover’s breasts, if only they did have eternity. Not to mention, the ages he would devote to every other part, which prompts thoughts of an ass age – heh

And of course there’s the worms (“Can we do the one with the worms again, Miss?” – actual quote reported by teacher).

All lowbrow locker room humor aside, there is something powerfully evocative in Marvell’s vibrant imagery and command of rhyming couplets, particularly in the last stanza where the speaker urges the woman to seize life by the, well, horns.

 

“Let us roll all our Strength, and all

Our sweetness, up into one Ball:

And tear our Pleasures with rough strife,

Thorough the Iron gates of Life.

Thus, though we cannot make our Sun

Stand still, yet we will make him run.”