Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome: The Severan Dynasty

(20) SEPTIMIUS SEVERUS –
SEVERAN DYNASTY
193 – 211 AD (17 YEARS 9 MONTHS 26 DAYS)

And here we are at the end of the line, both of legitimate Roman emperors in general and the other emperor of the two emperors right on my dividing line separating ‘bad’ from ‘good’ emperors, which I like to dub the Theodosian-Severan line, akin to my Pertinax-Thrax line separating ‘good’ from ‘bad’ emperors.

As for Theodosius, I anticipate that it will be controversial ranking Septimius Severus as ‘bad’, albeit right on the dividing line between bad and decent, only even more so for Severus. To be honest, I agonized over this ranking far more than I did for Theodosius. If it helps, you could consider my dividing line to be the Pertinax-Thrax-Severan-Theodosian line, such that all four might be considered ‘good’ or ‘bad’ to taste – although I dare say that will not appease those who might otherwise rank Septimius Severus as ‘good’, as they would probably rank him higher than Pertinax or Maximinus Thrax, perhaps even on a par with other ‘problematic’ emperors such as Tiberius or Domitian (albeit with a key difference between him and either Tiberius or Domitian on economic performance, namely that his sucked).

And yes, as for Theodosius, a large part of my ranking for Septimius Severus is that I just can’t forgive him for the crappy dynasty he founded and foisted on Rome, one of the worst albeit not the worst like the Theodosian dynasty – even if he really only had any immediate responsibility for his two sons, Caracalla and Geta. It’s harder to hold him to account for Elagabalus and Severus Alexander.

Otherwise, I do have to acknowledge that, once Pertinax was killed by the Praetorian Guard, he was clearly the best imperial candidate in the so-called Year of Five Emperors – and that he provided the empire with much needed stability after the reign of Commodus and chaos following it, perhaps preventing it sliding prematurely into crisis akin to the political instability of the third century only forty or so years later.

And he did more than hold the empire in place – by the measurement of some historians, he extended the empire to its greatest physical extent in its history, even more than that of Trajan which is usually considered to be its greatest extent.

On the other hand, the additional territory was mostly worthless desert in north Africa, expanding southwards into the Sahara albeit putting an end to desert nomad raids into its African provinces – or in Scotland, so equally as worthless. Indeed, his own son withdrew from the latter, with the empire withdrawing back to Hadrian’s Wall thereafter.

He also won a decisive victory against the Parthian Empire, adding more (desert) territory to the empire while establishing a status quo of Roman dominance in the region that endured until 251 AD.

Of course, one reason for all his military campaigning, necessary or otherwise, was that imperial administration bored him – such that he handed over almost complete control of it to his praetorian prefect Plautianus, and to his wife Julia Domna after she won out in her power struggle with Plautianus. He and the Senate also had a mutual antipathy towards each other, resulting in him ordering the execution of a large number of Senators.

His military campaigning, as well as his favoritism to the military in general, had significant costs – to pay for increasing the number of legions as well as the pay of soldiers, he debased the currency almost by half, the largest since the reign of Nero, compromising the long-term strength of the economy – which was to be compounded by his son Caracalla.

As per Spectrum – “As we’re finally reaching the proper emperors, Septimius Severus is one of the last stops before we finally get into the good ones. And yes, this guy was not a good emperor, considering he was the one who started debasing the currency like a madman in order to increase his soldier’s pay. On one hand, keeping himself in power was the reason why. On the other, a lot of the problems the empire faced later down the line and possibly the reason it fell in the first place can be chalked up to him”.

That echoes the famous indictment of Severus by Edward Gibbon as a principal agent in the empire’s decline – “Posterity, who experienced the fatal effects of his maxims and example, justly considered him as the principal author of the decline of the Roman empire”.

In fairness, he may have had few good choices to avoid further civil war, but it remains that he literally bought political stability at the price of economic instability, which bore bitter fruit as soon as the Crisis of the Third Century, if not the decline of the empire itself.

RATING: 3 STARS***
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Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome XVII: Imperial Wrath

(19) THEODOSIUS –
THEODOSIAN DYNASTY (EASTERN EMPIRE – BRIEFLY WHOLE EMPIRE)
379 – 395 AD (15 YEARS 11 MONTHS 29 DAYS)

I know Dovahhatty does something of a hatchet job on Theodosius but I tend to agree with his caption for Theodosius – “I’m busy thinking how to be horrible at everything and yet still be remembered as ‘great'” (in marked contrast to Dovahhatty’s admiration for Theodosius’ father, Theodosius the Elder or Count Theodosius, with which I also tend to agree).

And yes – my understanding is that “great” was used in Roman imperial titles essentially to mean the first of his name as emperor, particularly to distinguish them from other emperors of the same name – so you have Valentinian and Constantine as the Great, but also Theodosius and Leo.

And yes – similarly to my Pertinax-Thrax line separating good from bad emperors, we come to the first of two emperors right on my dividing line separating bad from good emperors.

I anticipate that it will be controversial ranking both emperors as ‘bad’, albeit right on the threshold of being decent – as others might rank them as ‘good’, indeed probably much higher than either Pertinax or Maximinus Thrax, even if their reigns had mixed or problematic aspects.

So back to Theodosius, although Dovahhatty takes a lot of historical license overstating the case against him, it coincides with what I’ve always thought of him.

And I just can’t forgive him for inflicting the worst dynasty on the classical empire – the Theodosian dynasty. And inflict it he did – immediately in the form of his two sons as imperial heirs, Arcadius on the eastern empire and Honorius on the western empire, ensuring the permanent division of both and the fall of the latter.

Let’s start with where Dovahhatty overstates his case – the western emperor Gratian proclaimed Theodosius as eastern emperor during the ongoing Gothic War of 376-382 AD in the wake of the disastrous defeat and death of the preceding eastern emperor Valens in the Battle of Adrianople in 378 AD.

Theodosius had few good options as the new eastern emperor essentially thrown a hospital pass by Gratian. The forces available to the eastern empire were too depleted, not least by the losses at Adrianople, to drive the Goths out – and although Theodosius was able to ultimately win the Gothic War to pacify the Goths, he had to settle for, well, settling the Goths within the empire.

As Dovahhatty acidly observes with Theodosius “completely caving in”, “the Goths were allowed to settle inside the empire, under their own leaders…fully armed and exempt from ever being Romanized and thus civilized, a complete betrayal of Rome’s oldest tradition”.

One doesn’t have to go quite so far as that to acknowledge that “although his pacification of the Goths secured peace for the Empire during his lifetime, their status as an autonomous entity within Roman borders caused problems for succeeding emperors”. From here on, no longer were the barbarians at the gates, they were inside the gates.

However, as I said, Theodosius had few good choices. The western empire under Gratian provided little assistance, something that would rebound to bite the western empire back, particularly when the Visigoths moved from the eastern to the western empire. Theodosius had to resort to desperate recruiting measures to fill the ranks of the army – conscripting farmers and miners, as well as Germanic auxiliaries including the Goths themselves, who after the settlement (and to some extent before in the form of deserters and mercenaries) were to be one of the few reliable sources of manpower for the army. Loyal and competent Germanic officers like Arbogaust and Baubo helped turn the tide of the Gothic War to force the Goths into a treaty.

And thereafter, the Visigoths were consistently the most reliable Germanic foederati or allies for the Romans, including their crucial role in helping Aetius win against the Huns in Gaul. More immediately for Theodosius, “by the start of his reign, much of Eastern Roman Empire’s military was devastated and Goths–who were more nuanced than savage barbarians and too divided to serve under a single force in real-life–were (the) only military available in such short notice”.

It’s just that Theodosius seemed set upon achieving the worst of all worlds – with a policy seemingly designed for an alliance with the Goths but alienating them instead, particularly the Visigoths and the Visigothic leader Alaric, who would then descend upon the western empire and sack Rome.

It is arguable that an effective alliance with the Goths might have had a similar result to the revival of Rome under the Illyrian emperors – Theodosius even settled the Visigoths in Illyria.

However, Theodosius exploited the Visigoths under Alaric as the Roman equivalent of cannon fodder – legion fodder? – for expendable casualties in the Battle of the Frigidus against a western usurper, the puppet of his former Frankish commander Arbogaust, whom he himself had appointed as supreme military commander of the western empire. “Despite losing many thousands of his men”, Alaric “received little recognition from Rome and left the Roman army disappointed” – subsequently, “as the leader of the only effective field force remaining in the Balkans, he sought Roman legitimacy, never quite achieving a position acceptable to himself or to the Roman authorities”.

The Battle of the Frigidus prompts to mind the other major criticism of Theodosius – that he didn’t just simply foist his two useless sons on each half of the empire, but that he did so “defending his own dynastic interests at the cost of two civil wars”, intervening in the western empire on two occasions.

The first was in 388 when Magnus Maximus usurped the western emperor Gratian. Granted on that occasion he installed Gratian’s half-brother Valentinian II as western emperor, but essentially as puppet of Arbogaust – and probably mere placeholder for his own son Honorius.

The second was in 394 when Arbogaust proclaimed Eugenius as emperor after the (suspicious) death of Valentinian II, resulting in the decisive Battle of the Frigidus and Theodosius becoming emperor of the whole empire, to be succeeded by his two sons.

Both civil wars were disastrous for the empire, particularly the latter and particularly for the western empire, severely depleting the manpower of the army to repel or resist barbarian invaders thereafter.

On top of that, there’s the controversy of the infamous Massacre of Thessalonica, where civilians were killed by Roman troops – or a “Gothic horde” as Dovahhatty characterized them, although the sources are not clear as to this or the role of Theodosius in the massacre.

There’s also the controversy of him upholding Nicene Christianity as the official religion stamping out Arian Christians and pagans, although again his role in doing so is not clear and may well be overstated.

However, there remains his damned dynasty – “His two sons proved weak and incapable rulers, and they presided over a period of foreign invasions and court intrigues, which heavily weakened the empire”. And it didn’t stop there as his descendants would rule the empire for the next six decades, ensuring its enduring division – and the fall of the western empire.

RATING: 3 STARS***
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Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome XIX: The Fall of Rome

(18) THEODOSIUS II & LEO
THEODOSIUS II: THEODOSIAN DYNASTY (EASTERN EMPIRE)
(408-450 AD: 42 YEARS 2 MONTHS 27 DAYS)
LEO: LEONID DYNASTY (EASTERN EMPIRE)
(457-474 AD: 16 YEARS 11 MONTHS 11 DAYS)

The emperors who presided over the eastern empire for most of the period the western empire crumbled and fell – certainly the emperors with the longest reigns in that period.

That’s perhaps not coincidental in the case of Theodosius II, who succeeded his father Arcadius as eastern emperor. In fairness, while not as weak and useless as the others born into the Theodosian dynasty (as opposed to those who married into it, Constantius III and Marcian), he was still mostly weak and useless, albeit better than his father, sleepwalking his way through as eastern emperor while the western empire fell apart.

That impressively long reign becomes a lot less impressive than it seems as he became sole emperor as a child of 7 years with the death of his father in 408 (although he had been previously been proclaimed co-emperor as an infant of 9 months). Fortunately, he also inherited the praetorian prefect Anthemius from his father, who administered the government and supervised the construction of Constantinople’s defensive walls named for the emperor, the Theodosian Walls.

Unfortunately, Anthemius disappears from the historical record in 414, consistent perhaps with being dismissed, retiring or dying of natural causes. Thereafter, Theodosius was constantly pushed around by his sister Pulcheria, his wife Aelia Eudocia (after his marriage in 421), and various literal court eunuchs as well as the Germanic military commanders of the empire.

Hence resulting in his passive imperial administration. The one time he actively intervened in the western empire was perhaps the one time he should have left things well alone – to reclaim the western imperial throne from Joannes after the death of Honorius in 423 for the even more weak and useless member of his dynasty, Valentinian III,

In fairness, the eastern empire had its hands full on the usual two fronts – in the east with the Sassanid Persians and in the west with the Huns, which among other things preempted a more substantial intervention in the western empire sending an expeditionary force to reclaim north Africa when it fell to the Vandals.

Theodosius did best in the war with the Sassanids in 421-422 – that is, ending up with nothing, a stalemate with no change to the status quo between them. The Romans were forced to make peace with the Sassanids to deal with the Huns – who menaced Constantinople as well as raiding throughout the Balkans and destroying two Roman armies during his reign. Theodosius mostly adopted the policy of throwing money at them in tribute until they went away again, paying increasingly exorbitant amounts in gold as tribute.

Theodosius died in 450 from falling off his horse – he was succeeded by Marcian, who married into the dynasty by marrying Pulcheria and was far more robust towards the Huns, promptly stopping payments of tribute and taking effective military action against them instead.

Leo on the other hand may not have seemed too auspicious upon being proclaimed emperor after Marcian, a low ranking military officer chosen by Aspar, the Germanic supreme military commander who was the real power behind the throne similar to Ricimer in the western empire and who had also elevated Marcian to emperor.

No doubt Aspar intended Leo to be a puppet emperor, but instead Leo became increasingly independent and out-maneuvred Aspar, culminating in the assassination of Aspar (and others) in 471 and the end of the Gothic or Germanic domination of the eastern empire – earning Leo the title of Leo the Butcher.

Leo also took more robust if perhaps mistimed action to save the western empire – mistimed in that he did not do so during the reign of Majorian, the western emperor with the best prospects of reviving the western empire, but afterwards when there was little real prospect of saving it, notwithstanding Leo’s support for his imperial candidates Anthemius and Julius Nepos.

Indeed, Leo might well have crossed the line into being ranked as good emperor but for the disastrous defeat of his naval expedition to reclaim north Africa from the Vandals in the Battle of Cape Bon in 468 AD – a defeat that might well be ranked with the defeat of Valens in the Battle of Adrianople, even if the defeat was primarily the fault of the expedition’s commander and Leo’s brother-in-law Basiliscus.

Sadly, that’s got to cost him, not least in its consequence for both halves of the empire – completely dashing any last hopes for the western empire and effectively bankrupting the eastern empire for the balance of his reign and beyond.

Leo died of dysentry in 474 AD, to be succeeded by emperors in brief and quick succession – his grandson Leo II, Zeno, that slime Basiliscus, and Zeno again for a longer reign, just in time for the last western emperor to be deposed and the proverbial fall of the Roman Empire.

RATING: 2 STARS**
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Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome XVII: Imperial Wrath

(17) VALENS –
VALENTINIAN DYNASTY: EASTERN EMPIRE
(364-378 AD: 14 YEARS 4 MONTHS 12 DAYS)

Emperor Valens – the name synonymous with the greatest defeat of the Roman Empire, the one that heralded the proverbial Fall of the Roman Empire, the Battle of Adrianople against the Goths in 378 AD. Gothicus Minimus, amirite?

As such, it might be surprising that I rank him so well, albeit still among special mentions for ‘bad’ emperors but towards the tail end or dividing line between good and bad emperors. To be honest, I did consider him ranking him worse – even perhaps in the top ten worst emperors – but ultimately considered that not to be a fair ranking.

For one thing, it seemed that there were patently worse emperors. For another, it seemed to rank his defeat and death at the Battle of Adrianople, as catastrophic at it was for the empire, disproportionately against his whole reign, although it obviously had to cost him a ranking among the ‘good’ emperors.

After all, look at the length of that reign – over fourteen years, which is pretty impressive among Roman emperors. What’s more, he “continually faced threats both external and internal” during that reign.

Near the outset of his reign, he faced serious insurrection in the form of the usurper Procopius, which initially seemed so dire that Valens almost succumbed to despair, considering abdication or even suicide, before rallying to defeat the usurper.

That left the external threats, which were bad enough as characteristically the eastern empire faced them on two fronts – the Goths in the west and the perennial Persians in the east, as well as additional conflicts with the Saracens and the Isaurians.

For most of his reign, Valens was focused on the threat from the Sassanid Persians in the east. Valens actually bested the Goths in his first Gothic War from 367-368 AD, taking the title Gothicus Maximus, but was happy to come to moderate terms of peace to focus on campaigning against the Sassanids and other eastern conflicts.

Which brings us to the second Gothic War from 376 AD and that disastrous defeat in the Battle of Adrianople. Although Valens made the decision to settle select Goths – those led by Fritigern – in the empire as the Huns advanced, no doubt prompted by their potential manpower for the army, he was in the east at the time and wasn’t responsible for the mismanagement of the settlement or extortion of food prompting revolt by the Goths. That was the fault of corrupt Roman officials.

So now Valens had to deal with the mess mostly made by others, returning from the east to campaign against the Goths. And yes – he then proceeded to make mistakes, foremost among them not awaiting the reinforcements from the western empire under Gratian, although I understand he may have been misled by low estimates of the strength of the Goths.

He continued to compound his mistakes with poor tactics leading up to the critical battle, although I understand some of those were the product of advisors or units acting prematurely, but even then might have pulled off a victory or at least avoided defeat but for good luck and timing on the Gothic side with the surprise arrival of the Gothic cavalry.

Or yes – had he been a better general or military commander, such as his brother Valentinian. Unfortunately, he was mediocre. “Utterly undistinguished” as historian A.H.M. Jones characterized him – he “possessed no military ability”. Historian J.B. Bury was even more caustic about the Battle of Adrianople – “a disaster and disgrace that need not have occurred”.

So you can’t get past the role of Valens in leading the empire to defeat at the Battle of Adrianople – “to have died in so inglorious a battle has thus come to be regarded as the nadir of an unfortunate career”.

“This is especially true because of the profound consequences of Valens’ defeat. Adrianople spelled the beginning of the end for Roman territorial integrity in the late Empire and this fact was recognized even by contemporaries”.

However, even critics such as Jones who characterized him as “utterly undistinguished” conceded he was a “conscientious and capable administrator”, reforming the currency with his brother Valentinian and relieving the oppressive burden of taxation on the population – as well as building the Aqueduct of Valens in Constantinople, longer than any in Rome. In religious matters, he favored compromise between Nicene Christianity and other sects, as well as interfering little in the affairs of pagans.

RATING: 2 STARS**
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Dovahatty – Unbiased History of Rome XVII & XVIII: Imperial Wrath & Barbarians at the Gates

(16) CONSTANS & GRATIAN
CONSTANS: CONSTANTINIAN DYNASTY (MIDDLE THEN WESTERN EMPIRE)
(337-350 AD: 12 YEARS 4 MONTHS)
GRATIAN: VALENTINIAN DYNASTY (WESTERN EMPIRE)
(375-383: 7 YEARS 9 MONTHS 8 DAYS)

And now we come to two emperors with uncannily similar reigns, despite being separated by forty years or so as well as from successive dynasties.

Both succeeded great emperors (for whom the dynasties were named) as their sons, both began as child emperors in circumstances where others had designs on them as puppets, both were western emperors who were reasonably robust in defending the western empire, and both were usurped and killed when their legions deserted them due to them ‘favoring’ their barbarian soldiers in suggestive ways. Also both courted religious controversy while favoring Nicene Christianity.

Constans was one of the three sons of Constantine who each inherited a third of the empire as co-emperors from their father after his death in 337. Constans inherited the middle third of the empire including Italy and Rome itself, but as ward of his older brother Constantine II because he was a teen at the time.

As we saw in my Top 10 Worst Roman Emperors. Constantine II tried to stand over his younger brother, until unsuccessfully attempting to usurp Constans altogether when Constans came of age and asserted his independence, being killed when ambushed – by the advance forces of Constans, not even the main force.

Constans’ reign commenced in reasonably robust fashion. He had defeated the Sarmatians in a campaign as a teenage co-emperor before defeating the attempt of his brother Constantine II to usurp him, adding the latter’s realm of the western part of the empire to his own of the middle part of the empire around Italy. He then ruled the west in energetic fashion, campaigning successfully against the Franks and visiting Britain, probably also on campaign – the last emperor to do so in the classical empire (or at all, even counting the eastern empire, apart from Manuel II Palaiologos).

Relations with his remaining brother, Constantius II as his co-emperor in the eastern empire, were somewhat strained – including by religious tension as Constans favored Nicene Christianity over the Arian Christianity of Constantius. Constans also banned pagan sacrifices.

And then things went wrong, as he was successfully usurped and killed for being entirely too gay by a complete outsider to the Constantian dynasty, Magnentius, such that he had to be avenged by Constantius II. No, really – the surviving sources accuse him of misrule and homosexuality, albeit probably influenced by the propaganda of Magnentius’ faction.

In particular, he developed a reputation for cruelty and misrule as well as that he “indulged in great vices” and scandalous behaviour, unduly favoring the handsome barbarian members of his, ahem, select bodyguard, while also being accused of gratifying his tastes with young barbarian hostages.

How much of that is true is another matter, but certainly something went very wrong for his lack of popularity and for his legions to desert him, such that he found himself without any support beyond his immediate household when faced with the imperial claim made by the general Magnentius and had to flee for his life. He attempted to flee to Hispania but was cornered and killed seeking sanctuary in a temple in Gaul in a location named for his grandmother Helena, thus fulfilling an alleged prophecy that he would die in his grandmother’s arms.

Gratian was one of two sons of Valentinian, becoming senior emperor at the age of sixteen when his father died in 375. I’ve already included his half-brother Valentinian II in a previous special mention, but Valentinian II was younger still as a mere child and was only co-emperor in name only over essentially the same middle provinces Constans had initially ruled, with Gratian ruling the western empire himself, with their uncle Valens ruling as eastern emperor.

I say ruling the western empire himself, but his rule was effectively sought to be puppeted by his tutor Ausonius, who became quaester and along with Merobaudes, the western empire’s magister militum of Frankish origin, the real power behind the throne. They prevented Gratian from travelling much, partly to conceal his youth from the populace.

And then disaster struck in 378 AD, with none other than the defeat and death of Valens at the notorious Battle of Adrianople against the Goths – albeit through no fault of Gratian’s, who had been en route to reinforce Valens with his western army before Valens had jumped the gun to fight the Goths without western reinforcements. Gratian had also been delayed by fighting with the barbarian Alans that had also invaded the Balkans – note that tribal name because it pops up again in his downfall. It was also alleged that Merobaudes had delayed or withheld troops, although the latter seems to have been reasonably necessary for a victory over the Alamanni taking advantage of troop withdrawals to invade Gaul.

The defeat and death of Valens left Gratian as sole emperor of the whole empire, but with the Goths now rampaging unchecked in the Balkans, Gratian decided he needed an eastern co-emperor and appointed Theodosius, thereby starting the rot of the Theodosian dynasty that saw in the fall of the empire.

Jointly with Theododius, Gratian touted Nicene Christianity as the only official religion – but down on the surviving remnants of paganism more forcefully than Theodosius, issuing edicts closing down pagan temples or shrines and confiscating their funds for the treasury, above all removing the statue of the winged goddess of Victory from the Senate.

In the meantime, Gratian had won victories against invading barbarian tribes of Alamanni or Goths in 380 AD, but again found himself at war with the Alamanni in 383 AD. During that war, he alienated his army by his favoritism to his barbarian Alan deserters whom he had made his bodyguard. I told you to remember that name – although I can’t help thinking of it as some barbarian guy named Alan. He was also accused of keeping bad company (Alan!) and neglecting the affairs of state to have fun.

And so his army deserted him to the usurper Magnus Maximus, who had raised the standard of revolt in Britain and invaded Gaul to advance a competing imperial claim. Similarly to Constans, Gratian was forced to flee, only to be pursued and killed in Gaul by forces loyal to Magnus Maximus, leaving his half-brother Valentinian II as sole western emperor in contest with Magnus Maximus – as we saw when I ranked Valentinian III among these special mentions.

RANKING: 2 STARS**
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Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome: Severan Dynasty

(14) SEVERUS ALEXANDER –
SEVERAN DYNASTY
(222 – 235 AD: 13 YEARS 8 DAYS)

Gordian III as child puppet emperor for his mother Gordiana echoed Severus Alexander only a few years before him. Severus Alexander was not particularly bad, just weak, but his weakness was ground zero for the Crisis of the Third Century.

The historian Herodian portrayed him as a mother’s boy, which is unfair – he was more her puppet, as well as that of his grandmother Julia Maesa, who used him as the instrument of her coup against his predecessor and cousin. He then ascended the imperial throne as a teenager and never outgrew his awkward teenage phase – or his reliance on his mother, Julia Mamaea.

Similarly to Gordian III relying on Timesitheius as the de facto ruler of the emperor, Severus Alexander didn’t do too badly in the domestic management of the empire, helped by capable advisors such as Ulpian or Cassius Dio. As usual for weak emperors, he came undone in the management of the empire’s military and foreign policy, starting with the rise of the new Sassanid empire in Persian (from the collapse of the preceding Parthian empire). Again in fairness, the Sassanids caused problems for many Roman emperors over the next four centuries or so.

Alexander was no Alexander the Great. He did respond with a threefold invasion of Persia, leading the main army in the centre while two other armies advanced to the north and south. He was widely perceived to have bugged out and retreated from the campaign – certainly, he did the latter after indecisive results (although his army had retaken some of Mesopotamia), with his army “wracked by indiscipline and disease”. The southern army was surrounded and destroyed by Sassanid horse-archers. The northern army did have some success, but suffered losses in that bane of armies – retreating in winter “due to a failure through incompetence to establish adequate supply lines”.

Despite the relative failure of his Persian campaign (and the mutiny of a legion which proclaimed a short-lived usurper as emperor), Alexander celebrated a triumph in Rome, which did not improve his army’s mood.

After Persia, trouble came from that usual other source – Germanic tribes crossing the Rhine and Danube. So Alexander, accompanied of course by his mother, went to the front line at the Rhine – but once there, took the advice of his mother to not get involved in battle, and worse, just buy the Germanic tribes off.

Spending money in tribute or other forms protection money to pay off adversaries from attacking imperial territory or avoid war was not unprecedented for the Roman empire, albeit more so in the later empire, and was probably not a bad option to literally buy time. Here it had the unfortunate appearance of paying the Germans rather than the legions, since Alexander was perceived to have skimped on the latter – “the emperor’s miserliness (partly the result of his mother’s greed)”.

And so Alexander and his mother found themselves overthrown and assassinated by what we would call a military coup – the last of the Severan dynasty and “the first emperor to be overthrown by military discontent on a wide scale”, something that would become depressingly familiar in the Crisis of the Third Century it kicked off.

As per Spectrum, “he could have turned out into a good emperor but unfortunately his mother took too long to die”.

RATING: 2 STAR**
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Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome: Crisis of the Third Century

(13) CRISIS OF THE THIRD CENTURY –
GORDIAN III, PHILIP THE ARAB & DECIUS
(238 – 251 AD)

We’re not quite done with the Crisis of the Third Century yet – there’s still these three emperors in succession presiding over almost fourteen years of the Crisis that were just a cut above the other emperors we’ve looked at so far, particularly in the length of their reigns and relative political stability, internally at least.

Interestingly, I rank them in imperial quality in the same chronological order of their succession – that is, each successor was somewhat better than their predecessor.

GORDIAN III
(238-244 AD: 5 YEARS 6 MONTHS)

So we start with the weakest of them first – Gordian III, effectively a child puppet emperor. I mean, it was not exactly auspicious that he was chosen for one of Rome’s lamest “dynasties” – the so-called Gordian dynasty, as grandson of Gordian I and nephew of Gordian II, through his mother Gordiana.

You may recall the two preceding Gordians, father and son Gordian I and Gordian II, were proclaimed emperors by a mob in the province of Africa – a proclamation welcomed by the Senate desperate to put any imperial candidate between themselves and the wrath of Emperor Maximinus Thrax.

That left the Senate empty-handed when both Gordians were killed – Gordian I by his own hand – after the mob militia commanded by Gordian II was crushed by the professional military force of the only actual legion in the region, commanded by the governor of the neighboring province loyal to Thrax.

The Senate proclaimed two more emperors from their own members – Pupienus and Balbinus – to throw against Thrax, but that didn’t help as those two senators weren’t exactly popular. So they hit upon proclaiming as emperor the family member of those imperial candidates who had been popular with a mob. Enter Gordian III, under the watchful gaze of his mother Gordiana – uncannily echoing the end of the Severan dynasty with a child emperor puppeted by their mother.

So imagine everyone’s surprise – probably most of all that of Gordian himself – when Gordian found himself the sole emperor of the whole empire at the age of thirteen years, the youngest emperor to do so. Luckily for Pupienus and Balbinus, Thrax was killed by a mutiny of his own troops, but that luck was short-lived as they were then killed by the Praetorian Guard – leaving Gordian III as sole emperor.

And the young emperor didn’t have it easy as that’s when the Crisis really started, well, crisis-ing. There were severe earthquakes, the empire’s frontiers weakened against the Germanic tribes at the Rhine and the Danube, and worst of all, the Persians attacked the eastern provinces. And not those pansy Parthians either – these were the new and more dangerous Sassanids who had overthrown the Parthians, led by Shapur I.

Gordian I didn’t do too badly, mainly through his policy of clinging on desperately to Timesitheius, his praetorian prefect and new father-in-law, as Timesitheius became the de facto ruler of the empire – and a good one at that, leading a successful campaign against the Sassanids driving them back over the Euphrates into Persia. Gordian even joined the army and was preparing for an invasion of Sassanid Persia.

So the wheels came off Gordian’s reign when Timesitheius died in unclear circumstances. Gordian celebrated the success of the first campaign with a triumph and boasted of it to the Senate, so there was really nothing for it but to follow it up with a second campaign.

That went as well as you might expect. Actually, in fairness, it started much better than you might expect, with the Sassanids fighting back to halt the Roman advance to their capital Ctesiphon, but then it turned out as you might expect. Gordian was killed, possibly in a plot by his new praetorian prefect, Philip the Arab, or possibly in a major Roman defeat in battle – certainly something in the nature of defeat is suggested by the “shameful” peace with the Sassanids negotiated by Philip as Gordian’s successor, although it was not as bad as all that as Philip did manage to retain some of the territory taken by Timesitheus.

PHILIP THE ARAB
(244-249 AD: 5 YEARS 7-8 MONTHS)

Enter Philip the Arab – one of the more interestingly named emperors, although I think history missed the opportunity to call him Arab Phil, proclaimed as emperor by the troops on campaign against the Persians after Gordian’s death.

And whatever else might be said about him, his reign was “uncommonly stable” – at least internally – particularly for the Crisis of the Third Century. As per Spectrum, “this guy was nothing remarkable until you realize that he was emperor for six years during the Crisis of the Third Century – six years!”

During his reign, Rome celebrated its millennium from its legendary founding. Paying for that as well as effectively building his home town into a new Roman city, tribute to the Persians, and of course the necessary payments to the army for its loyalty left Philip desperately short of funds. For that he did the usual imperial fiscal policy of debasing the currency, but also ruthlessly increasing taxation – and worse, ceasing subsidies to the tribes north of the Danube.

Hence, the Carpi tribe of Dacians raided across the Danube – Philip pushed them back over the Danube in a campaign in 245-246 AD, claiming the victory title Carpicus Maximus, but was not so fortunate when they renewed their raids in 248 AD. In the meantime, there were revolts by legions proclaiming other imperial candidates as well as various usurpers in the Balkans and elsewhere, with the former weakening the Danube frontier – tempting not only the Carpi, but Germanic tribes, worst of all a major incursion by the Goths.

Beset by problems, Philip offered to resign as emperor, but the Senate supported him – most vocally the senator Decius. Philip was so impressed by Decius that he dispatched the latter with a special command for the Balkan provinces to quell both the rebellion and barbarian incursions there. Decius quelled the rebellion but the legions simply proclaimed him emperor instead. Decius marched his forces back towards Rome and tried to come to terms with Philip, but Philip met him in battle instead, being easily defeated and killed, either in the battle or by his own troops.

DECIUS
(249-251: 1 YEAR 8-9 MONTHS)

Enter Decius, perhaps best known as the first Roman emperor to die in battle against a foreign enemy. In this case, the Goths – who had continued their major incursion into the empire and accordingly Decius “engaged in important operations against the Goths” as the focus of his brief reign.

Unfortunately, these operations did not end well for Decius or the empire, with a disastrous defeat at the Battle of Arbritus uncannily echoing the defeat of the Teutoberg Forest. Decius was pursuing the Goths to recapture the captives taken by them in their raids, when his embattled army of three legions became trapped in swampy ground.

It’s hard not to be inspired by Decius exhorting his troops when his own son was killed by an arrow – “Let no one mourn, the death of one soldier is no great loss to the Republic”. However, the deaths of many more soldiers followed when his army was annihilated. A contemporary rumor, albeit highly unlikely, was that Decius had been betrayed by his imperial successor Trebonius Gallus in secret alliance with the Goths.

Prior to that, he is also best known for his imperial persecution of Christianity, “the first empire-wide, officially sanctioned, persecution of Christians” (but not the most severe – that was by Diocletian).

RANKING: 2 STARS**
D-TIER (LOW-TIER)
EMPIRE-DEBASERS

Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome: The Severan Dynasty

(12) MACRINUS –
USUALLY THROWN IN WITH SEVERAN DYNASTY BUT REALLY NON-DYNASTIC
(217 – 218 AD: 1 YEAR 1 MONTH 28 DAYS)

With better luck or management, Macrinus may well have crossed over my Thrax-Pertinax line into special mentions for good emperors – and indeed might well be regarded as similar to Pertinax himself, attempting to introduce necessary reforms to salvage the empire but thwarted in the attempt.

A key distinction is that Pertinax was thwarted by that consistent bane of emperors, the Praetorian Guard intended as imperial bodyguard but often involved in their assassination – and also that he was not involved in the assassination of his predecessor Commodus (although no one would have cared given how bad Commodus was)

Macrinus on the other hand was not thwarted by the Praetorian Guard, he effectively was the Praetorian Guard as the praetorian prefect for his predecessor – and not only that, he conspired to assassinate his predecessor. Given that predecessor was Caracalla, an emperor pretty much as bad as Commodus, and that he did so preemptively to save his own life from execution by Caracalla, I’d say he gets bonus points for that.

He was accompanying Caracalla as part of the latter’s personal guard while in the eastern provinces preparing for a compaigan against the Parthians in Persia when he organized the assassination. After a few days, he proclaimed himself emperor – the first emperor not from the aristocratic senatorial class but the military equestrian class, as well as the first emperor never to set foot in Rome, not having the opportunity to do so in his brief reign (albeit longer than that of Pertinax).

That was because the reign of Caracalla left the empire with a number of problems similar to those left by that of Commodus for Pertinax – above all, that Caracalla’s profligate spending and preference for military belligerence had left its coffers empty, but also at war with several kingdoms, those kingdoms being Parthia, Armenia and Dacia.

Macrinus attempted to deal with these problems in a sensible way – securing peace with Parthia while restoring Armenia as a client kingdom of Rome as well as restoring peace with Dacia by releasing hostages.

“Macrinus showed a tendency to settle disputes by diplomacy and a reluctance to engage in military conflict” – although that may not have been so much his personal preference but forced upon him by Rome’s most dire problem, its acute fiscal situation. Caracalla’s profligate spending had mostly been on the army, among other things increasing their pay by a third, and Macrinus had no choice but to address this.

He did so in the softest way possible – attempting to return to the relative economic stability of the reign of Caracalla’s father Severus, revaluing the currency to match. He didn’t even attempt to reduce the payments for enlisted soldiers but simply reduced the pay of new recruits to the same level as under Severus.

However the army were having none of it – “the fiscal changes that Macrinus enacted might have been tenable had it not been for the military” – and effectively deserted him for his rival coughed up by the resurgent Severan dynasty and one of Rome’s worst emperors, Elagabalus. Although even then he evokes some sympathy, as he’d largely left the Severan matriarchs in peace rather than take action to preempt their conspiracy against him, however brutal that may have been.

As per Spectrum, “don’t try to claim power when the family you usurped isn’t dead yet, odds are they’ll take advantage of you in a moment of weakness – it’s just basic, sensible Roman politics”.

RATING: 2 STARS**
D-TIER (LOW TIER)
EMPIRE-BREAKER

Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome XVII: Imperial Wrath

(10) JOVIAN –
USUALLY THROWN IN AS CONSTANTINIAN DYNASTY BUT REALLY NON-DYNASTIC
(363 – 364 AD: 7 MONTHS 21 DAYS)

The archetypal brief Crisis of the Third Century emperors prompt to mind the similarly brief reign of Jovian – although he really is in a category of his own, whose brief reign through no real fault of his was seen as a bit of a joke. Really, all he did was preside over the humiliating defeat handed to him by his predecessor – and die…one of the most blackly comic deaths of any Roman emperor.

That predecessor was Julian, killed in battle against the Sassanid Persians. Jovian, a member of the imperial bodyguard who had accompanied Julian on campaign, was proclaimed emperor by the troops. With the army trapped from crossing the Tigris River back to the empire, he had no choice but to sue for peace on humiliating terms in a treaty that was widely seen as a disgrace by the Romans.

He spent his brief reign – the last emperor to rule the whole empire during his entire reign – travelling back to Constantinople and answering petitions about doctrinal issues by Christian bishops, Julian’s pagan revival now effectively reversed with Jovian as Christian emperor.

He died as yet another emperor who never set foot in Rome – his death attributed to breathing poisonous fumes from his newly painted bedchamber heated by a brazier, which sounds suspiciously like a cover for assassination (but perhaps just crazy enough to be a genuine accident – it is after all a lot subtler than the usual assassin’s sword in the back). He was succeeded by Valentinian as western emperor and Valens as eastern emperor.

RATING: 1 STAR*
F-TIER (WORST TIER)
EMPIRE-DEBASER (ALBEIT NOT REALLY HIS FAULT)