Tag Archives: Mythology

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Mythologies (Special Mention: Divine Comedy Rankings – Complete Rankings)

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An Italian joker card – public domain image Wikipedia “Joker (playing card)”

 

 

 

Life is the laughter of the gods – but how do my mythology special mentions rack up against my top ten mythologies when ranking them for comedy and tricksters?

 

Well, joke’s on them as it turns out – only three of my top ten mythologies make it into my top ten comedy and trickers rankings, replaced by seven special mentions, while five more special mentions score higher than other top ten mythologies.

 

SCORE:

7 SPECIAL MENTIONS – TOP 10 DIVINE COMEDY RANKINGS

(12 SPECIAL MENTIONS EQUAL TO OR GREATER THAN TOP 10 MYTHOLOGIES)

 

So here’s ranking all my top ten mythologies and special mentions by their comedy and tricksters, from the laughter of the gods to serious business.

 

At the laughter end of the scale –

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER – OR IS THAT JOKER TIER?)

 

(1) DISCORDIANISM

 

What else could be in top spot for divine comedy than Discordianism, even just edging out my second top spot, as something that may just be all a big joke disguised as a religion – or a religion disguised as a joke? In either case, it scores the top spot for divine comedy.

 

(2) ZEN

 

What is the sound of one hand clapping? Yeah – I hear it all the time in reaction to my jokes.

But seriously, zen ranks above all other mythologies but one for divine comedy, with its koans and eccentricities seeming like nothing so much but a series of gags or jokes where the punchline is enlightenment.

 

When you get it,

you get

it.

 

And it’s hard to trump Zen masters as tricksters.

Ditto Tao and its wu wei – or the art of doing nothing effectively.

 

(3) PAGANISM

 

What can I say? Paganism combines all the divine comedy of its original forms but doubles down on the joke in its playful modern form or neopaganism, which seems inherently humorous in conception and nature – a latter-day LARP that does not take itself too seriously.

 

(4) CLASSICAL

(5) NORSE

 

Two of my top ten mythologies that remain in the top ten divine comedy rankings, albeit both bumped down a couple of places (literally) for more divinely comedic special mention mythology entries.

 

(6) FAIRIES

 

For once, fairy folklore ranks not only close to the Celtic mythology and Arthurian legend it overlaps but ahead of it. Indeed, fairies and Fairyland often seem to be nothing but comedy and tricks (or tricksters), albeit often absurdist or black comedy and confidence tricks.

 

(7) CELTIC (ARTHURIAN)

 

The third of three top ten mythologies to remain in the top ten for divine comedy rankings, bumped down an extra place for the comedy and tricksters of fariy folklore.

 

(8) SHAMANISM

 

Like paganism, shamanism combines the divine comedy and trickster figures of tribal mythologies or religions – I mean, Paleolithic cave art often seems a collection of d!ck jokes – but doubles down on the jokes in its modern reconstruction of neo-shamanism.

 

(9) TAROT

 

“I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died” – Steve Wright

Yeah, that’s the Tarot as the punchline of a joke in a deadpan standup comedy routine but you don’t get much more divine comedy than the Tarot – for all its vivid and occasionally violent imagery or its mystique for divination with dire portents, it originated as a game of playing cards for trumps.

Or for that matter, even with all that mystique for divination, you could say it’s focused on the Fool, a literal unnumbered wildcard amidst the trumps, reminiscent of the joker. And it doesn’t get much more divine comedy than a literal joker.

 

(10) MAGIC

 

You know, I’m going to rank magic in god-tier of divine comedy rankings. I’m serious and I’m joking – much like magic seems to be, that is deadly serious in purpose (often literally) but resembling nothing other than visual gags or verbal jokes in execution. The ‘laws’ of sympathetic magic proposed by Fraser often seem like nothing so much as punchlines of a cosmic joke – or cosmic con, pulling a fast one on the universe. Throw in that the arsenal of your average trickster seems to include a utility belt of cantrips, charms, or conjurations – and you have that god-tier ranking in divine comedy.

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

(11) EGYPTIAN

(12) HINDU

 

Sadly, these two top ten mythologies just drop out of the top ten when it comes to divine comedy and trickster rankings.

 

(13) TANTRA

 

Given the overlap between Hinduism and tantra, I thought I’d rank it here. Besides, there’s just something inherently funny (or at least playful) about s€x magic.

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

(14) NATIVE AMERICAN (LAKOTA)

(15) AFRO-AMERICAN (VOODOO)

 

These top ten mythologies are still respectably high-tier for divine comedy and tricksters but are just outranked by other entries.

 

(16) CRYPTIDS

 

I mean, there’s just something funny about cryptids.

 

(17) UFO

 

There’s certainly something funny about UFOs – and at least some of them seem to be pranksters.

 

(18) URBAN LEGENDS

 

Urban legends often even sound like jokes, down to set-up and punchline – the latter usually the twist in the tale that is often the heart of the legend.

 

(19) CONSPIRACY THEORIES

 

Same as urban legends, only the joke is often just how wild the conspiracy theory or just how much of a tinfoil hat it requires. And they are very much trickster territory – both for theorists and the conspirators.

 

(20) MIDDLE EASTERN (BABYLO-SUMERIAN)

(21) MESO-AMERICAN (AZTEC)

 

Rounding out B-tier, these top ten mythologies rank low for divine comedy as mostly serious business, just on the cusp of my wild tier rankings.

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

And now we come to wild tier rankings – which in a reversal of my usual wild or weird tier entries, given that the subject is itself comedic, means that these entries tend to mean more serious business than they do comedy or tricks. But not always – sometimes they’re joking and they’re serious.

 

(22) BIBLICAL

 

Mostly serious business but you’ll be surprised how much comedy and tricksters are there if you look at it the right way so it tops my wild-tier rankings, albeit well below its top spot in my general, sacred space, and apocalyptic rankings.

 

(23) WITCHCRAFT

 

Witchcraft might seem too dark (and deadly serious, literally) for divine comedy but it has similar divine comedy (and tricks) to magic, just ranked lower because of the serious consequences for belief in it. Indeed, the lurid descriptions of witchcraft in European witch trials come across as parody of Christianity, albeit with black or dark comedy and working blue to boot in the lurid details. Of course, that would say more about the people running those trials, since those descriptions tended to be extracted from leading questions under torture and more reflected the projections of those conducting witch hunts or trials…

 

(24) DRAGONS

 

Dragons might seem too deadly serious for comedy but dragons are occasionally the butt of a joke – literally in the case of the Dragon of Wantley, dispatched by knightly kick in the butt. Even the Bible gets in on the joke, with Daniel killing a dragon by blowing it up.

 

(25) GIANTS

 

Like dragons, giants might seem too deadly serious for comedy but they too are often the butt of the joke – think giants or ogres in fairy tales – and also often trickster figures themselves, as in Norse mythology.

 

(26) GHOSTS

 

Like dragons or giants, ghosts would seem too deadly serious – literally – or tragic for divine comedy. And yet, even ghosts occasionally pop up as comic figures or even tricksters such as poltergeists.

 

(27) VAMPIRES

 

I’m happy ranking vampires below ghosts for divine comedy – as deadly serious as ghosts seem to be, vampires would seem more deadly and more serious, with few comic figures or tricksters among them. Still, there’s some black comedy to be had with vampires – there’s something blackly comic about the protection against vampires using grains or seeds to exploit their obsessive compulsive disorder, with vampires being compelled to count every grain or seed before they could do anything else. I like to attribute the Count from Sesame Street to this obscure vampire folklore tradition.

 

(28) LYCANTHROPES

 

They may not have obsessive compulsive disorder of vampires but even werewolves and other lycanthropes have their comedic moments, albeit mostly black comedy.

 

(29) LEGENDARY CREATURES

 

Legendary creatures might well have ranked higher, if the absurd comedy of some creatures wasn’t as esoteric or obscure.

Still it’s nice to see that there’s at least some divine comedy all the way down, right down to my next (and last) entry.

 

(30) ATLANTIS & BERMUDA TRIANGLE

 

As I said in my previous entry, it’s nice to see the divine comedy goes all the way down, even to the bottom of the ocean with Atlantis – or the Bermuda Triangle. I mean, there’s not too much comedy in what is, after all, meant to be the tragic tale of Atlantis, but there’s still some in just how silly the legend is, particularly in you throw in fantasies of submerged post-apocalyptic Atlantis. Especially in comics or popular culture – where you have the likes of Aquaman or the Man from Atlantis…

The Bermuda Triangle on the other hand is funnier if you’re not disappearing in it.

Top Tens – Heroes & Villains: Top 10 Villains of Mythology (Special Mention) (2) Demons & Devils

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Detail of a 16th-century painting The Last Judgement by Jacob de Backer in the National Museum in Warsaw in WIkipedia “Devil” (public domain image)

 

 

(2) DEMONS & DEVILS

 

Demons and devils – even archdemons, daemons, fallen angels or legions of hell, fiends, imps, incubi or succubi.

Demons and devils came very close to their own special mention entry for my Top 10 Mythologies, given how pervasive demons or demonic beings are in myth and folklore. Ultimately however I deferred that special mention entry to here as I was not prepared to tempt fate from the forces of hell if I ranked them anywhere else. Also, demons and devils in popular culture or imagination have largely been assimilated into those of Biblical mythology, albeit that in turn took many of its cues from Middle Eastern mythology.

Demons or devils tend to be depicted as chthonic beings but also as more villainous than the other chthonic or underworld beings of mythology in general, albeit with substantial overlap between them. While chthonic deities can be depicted as neutral or even benevolent, there is usually no such ambiguity for demons or devils – chaotic, destructive or evil to the core. Bad to the bone as it were, although there is occasionally sympathy for the devil.

Indeed, they tend to be the benchmark for evil beings, such that demonic is an adjective for evil, literally or metaphorically (or metaphysically). The wider or “most generic definition” of demon would be “any evil or injurious spirit or supernatural being” – which could be very wide indeed, including things such as vampires or even dragons.

A good or noble demon is something of an oxymoron – even relying on one to not lie or cheat on a deal is fraught with peril. At best, a demon might be depicted as capable of redemption, in which case it becomes something else or is no longer a demon, but almost universally they are depicted as irredeemably evil in nature. Even when they purport to do something good, it turns out to be for the greater evil.

The archetypes of demons or devils – essentially synonymous, albeit occasionally distinguished in such things as Dungeons and Dragons where demons are chaotic evil and devils are lawful evil – are those from the Bible or Biblical mythology. The latter can get convoluted, on occasion distinguishing demons native to Hell or other eldritch beings as opposed to damned souls or fallen angels from Heaven, although they all tend to be conflated under the label of demon or devil. Also, as noted before, the demons and devils of the Bible or Biblical mythology in turn are influence by those of Middle Eastern mythologies, notably Mesopotamian and Persian.

However, there are similar beings or eldritch abominations in other mythologies that are translated as demons or devils – Buddhist and Shinto mythology are particularly notable in this respect. The televised version of Su Wukong or Monkey is forever etched into my mind with his declaration of demonic opponents – “Ah, DE-MON!”.

One reason that they are so pervasive in mythology or folklore is that they often stand in for the chaotic or destructive forces of nature – or humanity. There is a large overlap between demons or devils and other supernatural beings – with witches, fairies, dragons, ghosts and vampires perhaps as foremost for similar elements, tropes or types.

Devils are perhaps at their worst doing their deals (or Faustian pacts) for souls, while demons are at their worst corrupting or possessing good or innocent beings – demonic possession is arguably the most villainous weapon in their arsenal and comes in various forms, such that it could be the subject of its own top ten, particularly as it extends to animals or objects other than humans, ending up much like fairies or ghosts with various demon or demonic animals or objects.

For that matter, demons or devils in myth or folklore could well be the subject of their own top ten list, whether for named individuals or broader classifications, including their various elements, tropes and types – not to mention the elements, tropes and types of those most important human interaction with them, demon-slayers or exorcists.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (DEVIL TIER)

Top Tens – Heroes & Villains: Top 10 Heroes of Mythology (Special Mention) (2) Pan & Abraxas

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Collage of public domain images – “Sweet, piercing sweet was the music of Pan’s pipe” in captioned illustration of Pan by Walter Crane (Wikipedia “Pan”) on left and trace of an image of Abraxas stone or gem “The Gnostics and their remains” by Charles W. King, 1887 (Wikipedia banner image for gnosticism) on right

 

 

(2) PAN & ABRAXAS

 

Io Pan! Io Pan Pan!

Iao Abraxas!

Pan, the original horny god with the groin of a goat or as Bill Hicks styled him, randy Pan the Goat Boy. God of nature, mountains, shepherds and s€xuality – also the source of our word panic, for the divine mad fear he could inspire in people, including as savior of Athens, the invading Persian army at Marathon.

As a Capricorn goat boy myself, I’ve long been a Pan fan. Ironically, the only classical Greek god reported as dead – in a historical legend by Plutarch, with a sailor during the reign of Tiberius reporting a divine proclamation from an island that “the great god Pan is dead” – but reports of his death, to paraphrase Mark Twain, were greatly exaggerated. Pan was the one god that endured more than all the others, even to the extent of embodying in horned and hooved form all classical paganism as a whole in modern romanticism and neo-paganism. Perhaps aptly enough, given the pun on Pan – as the word for “all” in Greek also being Pan.

One might call it Pan’s odyssey – from mythic Pan through medieval and early modern Pan to his romantic rebirth, Edwardian height of popularity, and ultimately contemporary Pan. There’s just too much Pan – or is that too many Pans? – out there.

Sadly, one of my favorite historical legends of how Christianity embodied Pan as its devil – may be just that, a legend dating back only to the nineteenth century (following the hypothesis of Ronald Hutton to that effect).

I still prefer the legend. In one of my story ideas, a somewhat lost and forlorn Satan muses to the protagonist (with whom he has occasional chats) of his origin from Pan (as one of his multiple-choice origin stories). The protagonist calls him out on his conflicting origin stories, to which Satan replies “Do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. I am legion, I contain multitudes”. But then he becomes sadly wistful “I would give anything just to dance in the moonlight again, when I was not evil but only wild and free”.

Another of my mythic idiosyncrasies is that I tend see a matching figure to Pan in Abraxas, even if the latter has nowhere near the classical pagan firepower as Pan in popular culture.

One reason is something of a physical resemblance in their half-animal half-human form. Where Pan is essentially a satyr as goat from waist down and with goat horns on his head, Abraxas is similarly animal from waist down and from neck up, only more so. For the former, Abraxas has much the same animal proportions of Pan – only more eerie or eldritch as instead of the lower half of goat, as Abraxas had a serpent (or serpentine tail) for each leg, anguiped rather than satyr. For the latter, Abraxas goes hard into animal head territory – instead of dainty goat horns on a human head, Abraxas has an actual animal head, with the head of a rooster. Serpentine legs and head of a rooster – if there’s a divine figure as more overt phallic symbol, then I don’t know what it is, particularly if you use the alternative word for rooster.

As to what sort of divine figure Abraxas is, well, that’s not entirely clear – Gnostic aeon or archon, classical or Egyptian god, or magical figure?

There’s even more direct parallels with Pan in the inscriptions and images on the prolific engraved ‘Abraxas stones’ that have been located in archaeology. There’s the salutation of Iao for Abraxas, echoing that of Io for Pan – and according to Egyptologist E. Wallis Budge, Abraxas was a Pantheus or Pantheos, that is, All-God.

I particularly have a soft spot for Abraxas from two sources for my personal mythos. One is the 1970 Santana album of that name, featuring its psychedelic cover art with the gloriously naked and voluptuous black magic woman as its centerpiece. The other is Piers Anthony’s Tarot trilogy, in which Abraxas is an unlikely candidate as the one true god, boosted by his golden priestess and devotee Amaranth, one of the s€xiest fantasy or SF female characters I have read. Iao Abraxas, indeed!

 

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD-TIER – OR IS THAT PAN-TIER?)

Top Tens – Heroes & Villains: Top 10 Villains of Mythology (Special Mention) (1) Chthonic Deities

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The classic chthonic god Hades depicted as villain in Disney’s 1997 Hercules film – character profile image in the Disney fan wiki

 

 

(1) CHTHONIC DEITIES

 

Chthonic deities are underworld deities – “gods or spirits who inhabited the underworld or existed in or under the earth, and were typically associated with death or fertility” (usually more the former than the latter). I mean, they were going to get special mention just based on the word chthonic alone, one of my favorite words.

It is somewhat unfair to rank chthonic deities as villains in mythology – and as my top special mention at that.

For one thing, while some gods are clearly more chthonic than others, “virtually any god could be considered chthonic to emphasize different aspects of the god” – Demeter and Hermes are classic examples, but even Zeus was referenced with the epithet at times.

For another, with those gods that were clearly more chthonic such as Hades, just because they were associated with death or the underworld did not make them evil or villainous as such. They could equally be neutral or even benevolent.

However, even when such deities are neutral or benevolent, there is just too powerful a tendency to default to depictions of them as adversarial or antagonistic – as with Hades himself, all too often cast as Olympian villain in popular culture. That’s just how the bones roll when your iconic association is with death or the underworld.

And for all the chthonic or underworld deities that are neutral or even benevolent, there’s others that are indeed chaotic, destructive or outright evil. After all, the Devil himself is a chthonic deity…

 

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (DEVIL TIER)

Top Tens – Heroes & Villains: Top 10 Heroes of Mythology (Special Mention) (1) Apollo & Dionysus

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Collage of statues – the head of the Apollo Belvedere statue in the Vatican photographed by Marie-Lan Nguyen (left) and in wall protome of Dionysus in Kinsky Palace photographed by Zde (right) in Wikipedia “Apollonian and Dionsyian” under licence https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5/deed.en and https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en respectively

 

 

(1) APOLLO & DIONYSUS

 

Nietzsche famously propounded a literary or philosophical dichotomy or duality (or duo, if you prefer) between the Apollonian and the Dionysian. The classical Greeks themselves did not see Apollo and Dionysus as opposing figures but would probably applaud Nietzsche anyway, with all the reboots and retcons they gave the classical mythology.

The golden god of the sun, Apollo was the archetypal divine hero of classical mythology – the original Olympian Superman. His divine attributes or powers were extremely varied – the sun and light obviously but also archery (the symbolic equivalent of the sun’s rays), prophecy and truth (he was patron of the Delphic oracle), music and poetry, healing and more. In popular religion, he had a strong function as protector from evil – in short, he stood for truth, justice and the Grecian way. For Nietzsche, the Apollonian stood for the forces of reason and logic, control and clarity, structure and order, art and science – in short, the ideal of perfection

On the other hand, Dionysus was a foreign newcomer to Olympian pantheon and the god most associated with mortality – the son of a mortal mother (by Zeus) and a god who died to be reborn. He was also a darker figure as the god of intoxication in all its forms – ecstasy, fear and madness. What’s more, Dionysus was the god of the mysteries and theatre. For Nietzsche, the Dionysian stood for the forces of passion and emotion, chaos and mysticism, music and intoxication – in short, the ideal of a good night out…

 

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Mythologies (Special Mention: Equal Rites Rankings – Complete Rankings)

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Cropped image Afterlife (Egyptian Mythology) – free divine gallery sample art from OldWorldGods

 

 

TOP 10 MYTHOLOGIES

(SPECIAL MENTION: EQUAL RITES RANKINGS – COMPLETE RANKINGS)

 

She is the goddess and this is her mythology – but how do my mythology special mentions rack up against my top ten mythologies when ranking them for their goddesses?

Pretty well, as it turns out, with one special mention taking out the top spot above all other mythologies and five more taking out top ten goddess rankings – so six special mentions swap out for my top ten mythologies when it comes to goddess rankings. That leaves only four of my top ten mythologies in the top ten when ranked by goddesses. One more special mention scores higher than the top ten mythology with the lowest goddess ranking.

 

SCORE:

6 SPECIAL MENTIONS – TOP TEN GODDESS RANKINGS

(7 SPECIAL MENTIONS EQUAL TO OR GREATER THAN TOP 10 MYTHOLOGIES)

 

Anyway, here’s my complete goddess rankings for my top ten mythologies and special mention entries.

 

S-TIER (GODDESS TIER)

 

(1) PAGANISM – GODDESS

 

She is the goddess and this is her body – o yes!

In my equal rites rankings, paganism is its own goddess-tier of goddess-tier, combining as it does all the divine female figures or goddesses of all pagan mythologies in my top ten – classical, Norse, Celtic, Egyptian, and Middle Eastern. Indeed, arguably all but Biblical mythology – and there’s arguments for paganism even reclaiming goddess figures from Biblical mythology.

As such, it would outrank all other mythologies, particularly in its modern form or neopaganism, which adapts all divine female figures – arguably including those of the other mythologies in my top ten – into an uber-goddess or Goddess, a supreme female divine figure. Almost all versions of modern paganism propose at least equality between female and male divine figures, while some versions go all out for the supremacy or even exclusivity of a divine female figure or Goddess.

Indeed, modern paganism is distinct from the original forms of paganism and arguably unique among modern religion for its supreme divine female figure, with the exception of my next entry – which outranks modern paganism in number of followers but paganism wins out for me with the overarching quality of its goddess movement).

 

(2) HINDU – SHAKTI

 

My highest ranking top ten entry, up five places from seventh place in my general rankings, not surprisingly as the closest rival to modern paganism as goddess movement (and outranking it in number of followers)

 

(3) CLASSICAL – APHRODITE VENUS

 

(4) EGYPTIAN – ISIS

 

(5) MIDDLE EASTERN (BABYLO-SUMERIAN) – ISHTAR

 

Top ten entries, up or down only slightly from their general rankings – reflecting their iconic and influential divine female figures, particularly the ones nominated for their entries.

 

(6) TAROT – HIGH PRIESTESS & EMPRESS

 

I’m as surprised as you are by the Tarot’s goddess-tier ranking but the cards don’t lie. The Major Arcana – the 22 major cards of any Tarot deck – isn’t quite evenly balanced between its male and female figures but it comes close with ten of its cards as female figures and arguably they make up that slight deficit in quantity with better quality in positive aspects or meanings (and the female figure of the World card as the supreme or ultimate culmination of the Major Arcana).

The Minor Arcana are also balanced, with two of its suits traditionally seen as female – the suit of Cups (often identified with Hearts in modern decks and associated with the ‘female’ element of water) and the suit of Coins or Pentacles (often identified with Diamonds in modern decks and associated with the ‘female’ element of earth). The court cards are also balanced in some decks, with jacks or pages often converted to princesses or otherwise seen as female to add a second female court card to the queens.

 

(7) MAGIC – FATES

 

Magic ranks in goddess tier for equal rites because it gives opportunity or empowerment for just that – balancing the scales against male mythic figures, particularly those that rely on force, martial prowess, or physical strength. That can be seen by recurring goddesses of magic or other divine female sorceresses – with Hecate, Freya, and Isis particularly notable as goddesses of magic. Charms and enchantment – in the magic sense of those words – tend to have connotations with female magical figures. There’s also the recurring prevalence of female figures, particularly triple female figures, associated with fate or magic – Fates, Norns, and Weird Sisters among others.

 

(8) WITCHCRAFT – GODDESS

 

Where else could witchcraft rank but in goddess-tier?

I’d almost rank witchcraft higher because of its typical connotations as female magic, but those connotations are also typically negative or adverse – virtually by definition as it were. Good magic is male – high magic, ceremonial magic, ritual magic, theurgy and so on – while bad magic is female and witchcraft. And the latter can extend to almost anything by a woman if you so choose, particularly if it’s in rivalry to a male counterpart such as healing or herbalism.

Of course, witchcraft has also been associated with men – but the predominant association tends to be with women, particularly in Europe.

Modern witchcraft (or Wicca) and historians have sought to reclaim witchcraft as positive, female empowerment or even as a goddess religion – or Goddess religion, to rival the supreme divine female figure of modern paganism. Hence witchcraft also came close to a similar ranking as paganism.

 

(9) DISCORDIANISM – ERIS DISCORDIA

 

“How I found Goddess and what I did to Her when I found Her”

Hail Eris! Eris Discordia!

As per the subtitle of the Principia Discordia, Discordianism had to rank in goddess-tier and I might well have ranked it up with modern paganism as effectively a subset of the latter.

The reasons I didn’t were, firstly that Discordianism is very much a fringe religion within even the fringe religion of modern paganism, and secondly that it’s not clear how much the goddess is the punchline in a joke disguised as a religion – or a religion disguised as a joke.

 

(10) TANTRA – SHAKTI KUNDALINI

 

I might well have ranked tantra up there with Hinduism, as I understand that it effectively overlaps to a large degree with Shaktism, but I just felt it didn’t have the same weight and rounded out goddess-tier of goddess rankings with it instead.

 

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

(11) NORSE – FREYA

 

(12) CELTIC (ARTHURIAN) – LADY OF THE LAKE & MORGAN LE FAY

 

Even though they still rank in top tier, these two mythologies are outscored by special mention entries for goddess rankings – which sees them drop out of the top ten goddess rankings (all of which are S-tier or goddess tier)

 

(13) FAIRIES – FAIRY QUEEN

 

“O what can ail thee, knight at arms…La Belle Dame Sans Merci hath thee in thrall!”

Once again, fairy folklore ranks close to the Celtic mythology or Arthurian legend it overlaps, particularly when it comes to fairy female figures, foremost among them the Fairy Queen.

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

(14) NATIVE AMERICAN (LAKOTA)

 

(15) AFRO-AMERICAN (VOODOO)

 

(16) MESO-AMERICAN (AZTEC)

 

While they have their goddesses, these top ten mythologies take a big hit from other entries to rank below the top ten goddess rankings.

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

(17) BIBLICAL

 

Biblical mythology takes out the top spot, but of wild tier rankings as opposed to THE top spot as in my general rankings, sacred space rankings or apocalyptic rankings! I mean, it could only have ranked in wild tier given its masculine monotheism (or Trinity) but its surprisingly prolific and iconic female figures earn it top spot of wild tier – even if they aren’t divine as such, unless you look under the (God)hood…

 

(18) GHOSTS

 

Wait – what? Ghosts rank just under Biblical mythology in wild tier?

Well, yes, because it’s surprising how large female figures loom in ghost lore – from White Ladies to the terrifying female figures of Japanese ghost lore.

 

(19) VAMPIRES

 

Not surprisingly, vampires rank close to ghosts for female figures – arguably they might even have ranked close to witches given the overlap between the two. It is also arguable whether they might outrank ghosts in terms of the prevalence of female figures as vampires, although I believe that prevalence may be more so in vampire fiction from Dracula (and Carmilla) onwards rather than in vampire folklore. There was of course the vampire hunting technique of locating their grave through a (naked) female virgin on horseback – which featured much to my delight in the 2025 Nosferatu film directed by Eggers.

 

 

(20) LEGENDARY CREATURES

 

It’s the mermaids.

They pretty much drag up legendary creatures to a ranking close to ghosts and vampires all on their own.

 

(21) SHAMANISM

 

Shamanism isn’t particularly associated with female figures but they’re not absent from it either – it is hard to generalize for equal rites in shamanism but some variants of it, particularly modern ones or neo-shamanism, have female practitioners (labelled as shamanka by Wikipedia) or at least divine female figures as guidance for shamans.

 

(22) ZEN

 

Although zen would seem to tend towards equal rites in principle, it has tended towards male figures in practice, albeit it has had some notable female practitioners.

 

(23) DRAGONS

 

Dragon folklore might not seem to have any distinctive association with female figures, except perhaps for female dragons, but there is indeed at least one such recurring distinctive association – and that is the sacrificial maidens that recur throughout dragon folklore, so much so that they have their own Wikipedia article as “Princess and Dragon”. Andromeda from classical mythology is the archetypal example.

 

(24) GIANTS

 

“Rest well, and dream of large women”

I rank giants similiarly to dragons for distinctive association with female figures. On the one hand, there is not the recurring sacrificial maiden or princess trope as there is with dragons. On the other hand, however, female giants are more distinctive, as in Norse mythology.

 

(25) LYCANTHROPES

 

There are female werewolves, right?

Well, yes – there are, enough for their own Wikipedia article (as werewomen). It’s not so surprising, given the overlap between werewolves and witches.

I suppose seal and swan maidens might also count but they’re more fairy folklore.

 

(26) UFO

 

I mean, there are female aliens, right? Or at least abductees? Science fiction – or pulp science fiction – seems to feature both, particularly s€xy ones.

Yeah, we’re starting to scrape the bottom now.

 

(27) URBAN LEGENDS

 

Well yes, there are female figures in urban legends – some of which even have some prominence in or are the central figures of the legend, such as the Vanishing Hitchhiker (when female) or Bloody Mary.

 

(28) CONSPIRACY THEORIES

 

Similar to urban legends, there are female figures in conspiracy theories – some of which again have some prominence in or are the central figures of the conspiracy theory, such as the conspiracy theories around the deaths of Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana.

 

(29) ATLANTIS & BERMUDA TRIANGLE

 

If I recall correctly, the gods – and goddesses – that feature in Plato’s legend of Atlantis are the Greek ones, so you could argue Atlantis should rank up there with classical mythology but I just don’t think the Greek deities in Plato’s legend get it that far.

You could also argue for topless Atlantean priestesses in similar style to those in the Minoan civilization which is usually seen as the historical inspiration for Plato’s legend.

But again that only gets it so far in equal rites rankings, indeed only one entry short of last place. Well, that and whatever bikini girls the Bermuda Triangle snatches up…

 

(30) CRYPTIDS

 

I got nothing – we’ve hit bedrock for divine or really any sort of female figures, so it comes last. I suppose some of the cryptids must be female for the ongoing survival of the species – female Bigfoot swiping right on Bigfoot Tinder – but that’s about it.

 

Top Tens – Top 10 Girls of Mythology

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Cover art of issue 7 War Goddess published by Boundless Comics

 

 

GIRLS OF MYTHOLOGY: TOP 10

 

That’s right – I can find Fantasy Girls in anything.

Of course, this is something of a personal novelty top ten list, as my Girls of Mythology don’t tend to have the same art or cosplay as my usual Fantasy Girls in popular culture – the holy trinity of comics, video games and anime of course, but also animation or fantasy and SF.

Although you may be surprised – my Girls of Mythology probably have more name recognition or adaptations in popular culture than those from other areas of culture (which I’ll similarly feature in novelty top ten lists – such as my Girls of History or my Girls of Poetry and Literature). And perhaps even more surprisingly, since some of them do pop up in popular culture – even in comics or video games – they do feature in art and cosplay. Of course, it helps to have video games in which gods and goddesses are playable characters, such as the game Smite.

And they’re reasonably diverse – mostly goddesses of course, but a few mortal girls or at least semi-mortal. You know how mythology is – sometimes the lines of the divine feminine are blurry. Also, they come from a range of my favorite mythologies. My classical mythology girls get top billing of course (and potentially their own top ten) – after all, I’m in it for the nymphs. However, the top ten is reasonably spread throughout different mythologies – including a surprisingly high billing for Biblical mythology, which reflects a surprisingly high prevalence of high profile Biblical bad girls (who will also potentially get their own top ten).

Anyway, counting down my Top 10 Girls of Mythology.

 

Not quite Erzulie but close enough – cover art for the first issue of Vertigo’s Dominique Laveau: Voodoo Child

 

(10) AFRO-AMERICAN (VOODOO): ERZULIE FREDA DAHOMEY

 

Erzulie (or Ezili) Freda Dahomey is the voodoo love goddess, or more precisely, loa – and one of the few female figures in our top ten who is the subject of actual worship by substantial numbers of people today. Like many mythologies, voodoo gets a little messy with its pantheon- the Erzulie are apparently a family of loa associated with femininity and fluidity (or water), or perhaps different aspects of the same loa. Here we are concerned with Erzulie Freda, often titled more expansively as Maitres (also Metres or Mistress) Mambo Erzulie Freda Dahomey (or Daome) – goddess of love, but also beauty, dancing, flowers, jewelry, luck, luxury and more.

She is very much the flirtatious and sensuous party girl, so much so that she has three husbands and one ring for each of them, but can also be coquettish, vain or prone to jealousy and other flaws. In Catholic iconography – usually important in Haitian voodoo due to its history of camouflage for their deities – she is identified with the Mater Dolorossa, which reflects her characteristic depiction of never being able to attain her heart’s desire and prone to tears of longing or regret.

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

*

Free sample ‘divine gallery’ art – Old World Gods

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(9) NATIVE AMERICAN (LAKOTA): WHITE BUFFALO CALF WOMAN

 

White Buffalo Woman is the sacred or ‘wakan’ woman of the native American Lakota nation. She came to the Lakota in a time of famine, appearing as a beautiful young woman in white, teaching them their sacred rituals and promising to return. Hers will be an apocalyptic return or ghost dance, in which evil will be swept from the world, and all the buffalo, ancestors and lost tribes will return.

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

*

 

Kali as she appears in her Golden skin character profile art in the Smite video game

 

(8) HINDU: KALI

 

Kali is the original bad girl goddess – and as a goddess of Hinduism, one with more actual live worshippers than any other female figure in my top ten.

In general, female figures in Hinduism are some of the few which appear attractive to modern eyes in their traditional artistic depictions, most notably their voluptuous temple sculpture (some of which would not look out of place in Playboy, or even an adult film in the more steamy temples). Indeed, there’s pinup style art by Elias Chatzoudis – inspired by Kali – would not be out of place there.

Good girl goddesses such as Lakshmi and Parvati might seem sweeter, but ultimately Kali is more iconic, although she is traditionally depicted as a fearsome or terrifying black or blue-skinned destructive figure (yet still often naked and voluptuous). Although Kali is sometimes identified as an aspect of Parvati as divine mother goddess – Hindu mythology can get convoluted in its polytheism. It’s complicated – and so is Kali.

Like Shiva – who tends to be identified as her consort – Kali is the destroyer (within the cycle of creation, preservation and destruction), but hers is a righteous destruction. Again like Shiva, she tends to destroy demonic or evil forces – “she destroys evil to protect the innocent” or as divine protector to bestow liberation. Even her image as destroyer can be seen as merely a form of a supreme goddess figure and mother of the universe (devi) or divine feminine force (shakti) – who is herself creator, preserver and destroyer

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

*

Morgan Le Fay character profile from the Smite video game

*

(7) CELTIC (ARTHURIAN): MORGAN LE FAY

 

Morgan or Morgana Le Fay (there are other variants) is characteristically the bad girl of Arthurian legend – an enchantress who seduces Arthur’s knights away from Camelot (such that they are mostly dead or lost or compromised) and plots to overthrow the kingdom.

Or not. Her early appearances in Arthurian legend “do not elaborate her character beyond her role as a goddess, a fay (or fairy), a witch, or a sorceress, generally benevolent and related to King Arthur as his magical savior and protector”. Her prominence increased over time, as did her moral ambivalence or outright villainy, particularly in Malory’s Le Morte d’Arthur, which was in many ways the codification of Arthurian legend.

She is variously portrayed as Arthur’s sister (or more precisely half-sister), even conflating her with another traditional character (and her sister) Morgause as his lover and mother by him to Mordred, usurper and adversary to Arthur in his fatal last battle (as in the film Excalibur, which remains my favorite cinematic adaptation of Arthurian legend). Yet she moves in mysterious ways and is one of the retinue of maidens who take Arthur to Avalon after his final battle.

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

*

 

Freya as she appears in her standard design in official character profile art in the Smite video game

 

 

(6) NORSE: FREYA

 

Freya (or Freyja or Freja) is the Nordic love goddess, blonde and blue-eyed, most beautiful of the goddesses and ogled lustfully by the giants – more than one Norse myth has a giant unsuccessfully claim Freya as their prize. She was also goddess of war and queen of the Valkyries, taking half of all heroes slain in battle into her heavenly field in Asgard (the other half going of course to Odin’s hall in Valhalla).

More broadly, she was the goddess of love, beauty, fertility, s€x, war, gold and magic – goddess of the golden necklace or torc Brisingamen, goddess of the falcon-feathered flying cloak and goddess of the cat-pulled chariot.

Above all, she was the lady of Friday, the day named for her. All hail Lady Friday, goddess of the weekend!

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

*

Ishtar in her standard art design for her Smite video game character profile

*

(5) BABYLO-SUMERIAN: ISHTAR INANNA

 

Babylonian goddess Ishtar (Sumerian Inanna) is the sensual goddess of love and war, personification of the morning star, and mistress of the mysteries of death and rebirth. Her most famous myth is her descent into the underworld for her lover Tammuz (Sumerian Dumuzi), where she had to take off one of her seven veils at each of the seven gates of the underworld (the dance of the seven veils) so that she came naked to the heart of hell.

Ishtar was above all associated with s€xuality – the rites of the sacred marriage (hieros gamos) and her cult of temple pr0stitution. As such, she may have been the original model for the Biblical Wh0re of Babylon. Certainly, she and her sister goddesses repeatedly seduce the Israelites away from their Biblical faith – the prophet Ezekiel lamented her rituals of “the women weeping for Tammuz” at the very “door of the gate of the Lord’s house” in Jerusalem. Yet she has also been seen as the model for Esther, the beautiful and virtuous Biblical heroine of the Babylonian exile. Such are the mysterious ways of this good and bad girl goddess, who dances with stars and descends into the underworld.

Her counterpart in the pagan borderlands of Biblical Israel was Astarte or Asherah, who recurs through the Old Testament as a constant temptress of the Israelites – even worshipped as the pagan goddess of Israel, the consort of Yahweh and Queen of Heaven. Her sacred figures or asherim – poles, trees or groves – were found throughout Israel and her worship maddened the prophet Jeremiah as the people of Jerusalem gathered “to burn incense unto the queen of heaven, and to pour out drink offerings to her”. (Those Biblical prophets sure knew how to spoil a good party)

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Isis in her standard art design for her Smite video game character profile (under her more Egyptian name Eset)

 

(4) EGYPTIAN: ISIS

 

Outside of Hinduism, ancient Egyptian female figures are perhaps the other female figures that appear attractive to modern eyes in their traditional artistic depictions, particularly their monumental statues and paintings. Lithe and svelte in their tight, form-fitting dresses, with their golden skin and painted eyes, they would not look out of place as supermodels on a modern catwalk.

Isis is the most iconic and famous of Egyptian goddesses – throne goddess of the pharaoh, goddess of magic who seduced the secret name from the sun god Ra, lover of Osiris who resurrected him after he was dismembered by his evil adversary Set and mother of the divine hero Horus. She enchanted the Greek and Roman conquerors of Egypt, so much so that that she loomed as a goddess of the Roman Empire to rival even Christianity and it is tempting to think how the empire could have gone the way of the ankh and not the cross. In the words of her apostle, Lucius Apuleius:

“You see me here, Lucius, in answer to your prayer. I am nature, the universal Mother, mistress of all the elements, primordial child of time, sovereign of all things spiritual, queen of the dead, queen also of the immortals, the single manifestation of all gods and goddesses that are…Though I am worshipped in many aspects, known by countless names … the Egyptians who excel in ancient learning and worship call me by my true name…Queen Isis.”

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Cover art by J. Scott Campbell of Eve for the Hero Comics Hero Initiative Book published 1 April 2017 – both my favorite artistic representation of Eve depicting her temptation in all its naked snaky glory and one of my favorite J Scott Campbell artworks

 

 

(3) BIBLICAL: EVE

 

“When the apple reddens

Never pry

Lest we lose our Edens –

Eve and I”

 

Few mythic female figures are as iconic, as evocative as Eve – the original Biblical bad girl and primal woman. And few have as many faces. She has posed as the definitive femme fatale and temptress of Western art and literature, the Bible’s original sinner and siren of paradise lost. As such, she has been the focus and symbol of much misogyny – although without her role in it, there’d be no Bible. The words Margaret Atwood gave her fairy tale villainess could well be said by Eve – “I’m the plot, babe, and don’t ever forget it.”

Of course, as the iconoclastic Camille Paglia has noted, the Biblical story of Eden at least gave her a male accomplice in the serpent. However, even this has been reversed in Western art (notably during the Renaissance), which has even given the serpent Eve’s face – and breasts! That’s some deep Freudian kind of mixed-up right there. Although there’s something else equally as mixed up (albeit not quite so much in the Freudian sense) that’s easily overlooked which is implicit in the very bible narrative itself – the serpent had legs! (God curses it to crawl on its belly as punishment for its crime). If I came across a walking talking snake, I’d listen to whatever it said too – and quite frankly, the whole Garden of Eden set up smacks of a classic two-man con played by God and the serpent.

She has also posed as s€xual temptress, the naked woman for all seasons. Religious tradition saw Eve and Adam as models of physical perfection, befitting those shaped by God’s hand as opposed to those born into this world (or the reality of our ancestral African hominids). And although the Garden of Eden is a tangled jungle of symbolism (that deserves its own list), let’s not forget the steamy sexual symbolism of original sin. There is the temptation itself – Eve is tempted by the phallic serpent and Adam is tempted by the lush fruit offered to him by Eve (in the words of John Milton, “emparadis’d in each other’s arms”). And then there are the consequences – consciousness of their naked state of nature, Eve is punished by the pains of labor, and Adam is punished by the pains of a different labor, working the earth to feed his family. To paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut, it all smells of apple juice…

Finally, she has posed for those who would reclaim her as a figure of female power or even divinity – Promethean heroine plucking the knowledge of humanity from divinely imposed ignorance or goddess of paradise and mother of life. Some have seen the myth of a fall from paradise as an echo of each of our own experience of prenatal bliss (or at least childhood) – we all fall from the womb into the world. All hail Eve, God the Mother! She is the goddess and this is her body.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GODDESS TIER)

*

Helen of Troy as portrayed by Diane Kruger in the 2004 Troy film

*

(2) CLASSICAL: HELEN OF TROY

 

When it comes to girls of mythology, for me every other mythology is simply outgunned by classical mythology – and foremost among the female figures of classical mythology is Helen of Troy. I mean, come on – they fought a war for her! Greece’s greatest heroes fought the Trojan War for ten years – and in the end Troy burned – for her. Also, as an acronym, she’s H.o.T.

Apart from Eve, she is the other definitive femme fatale of Western art and literature – without her, there would be no Iliad or Odyssey, the epic heart of classical literature and rosy-fingered dawn of Western literature. And at the end of the war, when her husband Menelaus went with sword in hand to kill her for ten years of adultery, he had only to gaze at her as she dropped the robe from her shoulder and the sword fell from his hand.

Her legend has continued to enrapture throughout history, even occasionally tempting Christianity. The apostles had to compete with the cult of Simon Magus, who toured with his showgirl Helen of Troy, posing as an incarnation of the eternal feminine. And Christopher Marlowe’s Faust famously marveled at his Helen of Troy, one of hell’s temptations to seal the demonic pact for his soul – “Is this the face that launched a thousand ships?” Of course, he burned for her as well. Such is Helen of Troy

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GODDESS TIER)

*

Aphrodite in her standard design art from her Smite video game profile

*

(1) CLASSICAL: APHRODITE VENUS

*

Is there any contest? Greek Aphrodite (Roman Venus) is the archetypal goddess of love and beauty – born of the morning star, the sea’s foam and the world’s desire. Her very name gives us aphrodisiac and her planetary sign for Venus is the universal symbol for the female sex. And there’s a reason that female figures in art are often labeled Venus – and that Aphrodite or Venus herself has been the predominant female figure in art, particularly for nudes, with perhaps the most iconic being that by Botticelli.

The Olympian goddesses Athena and Hera were foolish enough to compete against her for the prize of the golden apple inscribed “to the most beautiful”. No contest – the gods appointed Trojan prince Paris as the judge and he awarded it to Aphrodite. (He then took Helen as his reward and the rest is mythic history – the Trojan War).

In addition, Aphrodite and her Roman counterpart Venus had a plethora of aspects denoted by epithets which could well be a top ten all of their own – with the dualism of the ‘higher’ Aphrodite Ourania and the ‘lower’ (or dirtier) Aphrodite Pandemos being perhaps the most well known. Although I’ll always have a soft spot for Aphrodite or Venus Kallipygos – the Aphrodite or Venus “of the beautiful buttocks”. Baby got back!

Mighty Aphrodite! She is the goddess!

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GODDESS TIER)

Top Tens – Heroes & Villains: Top 10 Villains of Mythology (Special Mention) – Preamble & Preview

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The villainous bottom part of Raphael’s 1506 painting St George and the Dragon, featuring the dragon of course – boo!

 

 

TOP 10 VILLAINS OF MYTHOLOGY (SPECIAL MENTION)

 

Few things are as fundamental to mythology as heroes, but what often distinguishes mythic heroes is the depravity and destructive power of their antagonists, the villains of mythology.

I’ve counted down my Top 10 Villains of Mythology but there’s more than enough mythic villains and villainy for my usual twenty special mentions per top ten, given all the various villains of all the various mythologies.

Just a reminder of my criteria of villainy from my Top 10 Villains of Mythology – firstly, there’s the scale of how villainous they are in their moral character or ethos, and secondly, there’s the scale of how powerful they are, ranging up to villains capable of damning or destroying the world.

Finally, iconic status – and above all my idiosyncratic preference – tends to trump all, although of course iconic status is usually gained from other criteria in the first place, with the most evil and destructive villains being most iconic in popular culture or imagination. However, iconic status is qualified by my greater familiarity with European or Western mythologies, which might overshadow iconic status within non-Western mythologies.

Top Tens – Heroes & Villains: Top 10 Heroes of Mythology (Special Mention) – Preamble & Preview

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The heroic top part of Raphael’s 1506 painting St George and the Dragon, with St George as the hero obviously – hurrah! 

 

 

TOP 10 HEROES OF MYTHOLOGY (SPECIAL MENTION)

 

Few things are as fundamental to mythology as heroes – or as prolific.

I’ve counted down my Top 10 Heroes of Mythology but there’s more than enough heroes and heroism for my usual twenty special mentions per top ten, given all the various heroes of all the various mythologies.

Just a reminder of my criteria of heroism from my Top 10 Heroes of Mythology – firstly, there’s the scale of how heroic they are in their moral character or ethos, and secondly, there’s the scale of how powerful they are, ranging up to heroes capable of saving the world.

Finally, iconic status – and above all my idiosyncratic preference – tends to trump all, although of course iconic status is usually gained from other criteria in the first place, with the most morally good and powerful heroes being most iconic in popular culture or imagination. However, iconic status is qualified by my greater familiarity with European or Western mythologies, which might overshadow iconic status within non-Western mythologies.

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Mythologies (Special Mention: Apocalyptic Rankings – Complete Rankings)

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William Blake, The Great Red Dragon and the Woman Clothed with the Sun, 1805-1810, the second painting with that title (of the same subject but from a different perspective from that in the more famous first painting, which featured in the book and film of Red Dragon best known for Hannibal Lecter), second of a series of four Great Red Dragon paintings, and part of a series of paintings illustrating the Book of Apocalypse

 

 

TOP 10 MYTHOLOGIES

(SPECIAL MENTION: APOCALYPTIC RANKINGS – COMPLETE RANKINGS)

How do my mythology special mentions rack up against my top ten mythologies when ranking them for their apocalypses?

Not too differently as it turns out. The top ten mythologies remain pretty intact ranked by apocalypse, scoring my top seven places ranked by apocalypse. Three mythology special mentions round out the top ten apocalyptic rankings, with two more scoring higher than my least apocalyptic top ten mythologies.

 

SCORE:

3 SPECIAL MENTIONS – TOP TEN APOCALYPTIC RANKINGS

(5 SPECIAL MENTIONS – EQUAL TO OR GREATER THAN TOP 10 MYTHOLOGIES)

 

Anyway, here’s the complete apocalyptic rankings for my top ten mythologies and special mention entries.

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

(1) BIBLICAL – APOCALYPSE

 

Same top spot

 

(2) NORSE – RAGNAROK & GOTTERDAMERUNG

 

Up one place from third place in general rankings

 

(3) NATIVE AMERICAN (LAKOTA)  – GHOST DANCE

 

Up six places (!) from ninth place in general rankings

 

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

(4) HINDU – KALI YUGA

 

Up three places from seventh place in general rankings

 

(5) MESO-AMERICAN (AZTEC) – FIFTH WORLD

 

Up three places from eighth place in general rankings

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

(6) MIDDLE EASTERN (BABYLO-SUMERIAN)

 

Same sixth place as in general rankings

 

(7) CELTIC (ARTHURIAN)

 

Down three places from fourth place in general rankings

 

So far, so good – seven of my top ten mythologies reign supreme for apocalypses, although in different order to my general rankings. Biblical mythology is still in top spot with the trope namer. Norse mythology bumps up one place with Raganrok or Gotterdammerung.

 

Funnily enough, Middle Eastern Mythology stays in the same sixth place it has in general rankings, despite the lack of a distinctive apocalypse. Mystery Babylon will do that for you. Arthurian legend drops down a few places – the Battle of Camlann is a decent apocalypse, but it just doesn’t hold up against the other top ten entres. The big shake-ups from general rankings – and I mean up, as they rise from their general rankings – are Native American mythology with the Ghost Dance, Hindu mythology with the Kali Yuga, and Aztec mythology with the Fifth World.

 

But now, three special mention entries rank in the top ten apocalyptic rankings.

 

(8) ZEN

 

After enlightenment comes the apocalypse!

Yes, I’m as surprised as you are that Zen not only has its apocalyptic elements but that it would outrank all other special mentions and rival my top ten mythologies in apocalyptic rankings.

Well, perhaps not so much Zen itself – although you could argue that its goal of enlightenment is something of a personal apocalypse, in which the way you see yourself and the world is destroyed and remade (or deconstructed and reconstructed) – but Buddhism in general.

There’s the future Buddha Maitreya, a messianic figure to herald a new age in last days of the old world – as well as the Three Ages of Buddha and the Sermon of the Seven Suns.

 

(9) ATLANTIS & BERMUDA TRIANGLE

 

Again, I’m surprised that Atlantis should score high for apocalyptic rankings, but you have to admit that Atlantis has one of the most apocalyptic scenarios of total destruction in what might be described (and capitalized) as the Deluge.

The Deluge is like the Flood in Biblical (and other) mythology, both deserving of special notice among apocalypses in mythology. Of course, I don’t think the Flood is typically considered in the same vein as the various apocalypses in the Bible, let alone the Book of Apocalypse, but I think it should be considered in much the same effect, albeit not as the same eschatological end times.

The Atlantean Deluge on the other hand does present as the apocalyptic end of Atlantis – and as distinct from the Biblical Flood, the wrath of the gods is sudden and without any saving ark, although there may have been lucky escapes (and escapees). The Deluge has been a consistent model for sudden destruction or nemesis after hubris ever since – most notably, at least for me, the destruction of Numenor as depicted by Tolkien in his Lord of the Rings mythos.

Hence, I place it in my top ten apocalyptic rankings. Atlantis even has post-apocalyptic lore, if you include it as a recurring fantasy of a submarine kingdom with aquatic inhabitants.

Bonus points for the Bermuda Triangle, which often seems like an apocalypse in, well, a triangle. There’re at least some fictional scenarios that feature it in an apocalyptic or semi-apocalyptic fashion – perhaps most famously in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, albeit it heralded things to come by disgorging its disappearances.

 

(10) UFO

 

I’m even more surprised to see UFOs score high for apocalyptic rankings, let alone the top ten. However, not only are there actual UFO religions, but some of them have end-time scenarios. I mean it’s cargo cult or rapture kind of stuff but still. For that matter, I’m prepared to include technological singularity – dubbed the Rapture for nerds – in this entry but in that case we’re the UFOs. Well, us – or our transhuman descendants or artificial intelligence successors.

And of course, there’s all the UFO end-time scenarios of science fiction, under the broad rubric of alien invasion.

 

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

By definition, my wild-tier rankings are where it’s apocalypses gone wild – not so much any actual apocalypses but more apocalyptic elements or features.

 

(11) TAROT

 

It’s the apocalypse in a deck of cards!

Overlapping with its large number of chthonic or underworld cards, there are its cards of apocalypse or apocalyptic figures, such as the penultimate card of Judgement – followed by the ultimate card of the World. Indeed, the chthonic cards are pretty much the same cards as the apocalyptic cards.

One can argue that the Fool’s mythic journey through the cards is as much an apocalypse as it is a descent into and return from the underworld – the Fool of the Tarot as St John of Patmos, perhaps.

 

(12) CONSPIRACY THEORIES

 

Quite a few conspiracy theories have apocalyptic elements, even involving the conspirators as potentially unleashing apocalyptic forces. Sometimes the conspiracy theory is a conspiracy for apocalypse…

Do you really think the Illuminati won’t stop at a little apocalypse to get what they want?!  Of course not. Indeed, there’s even a term for it, which I know thanks to the Illuminatus Trilogy – immanentize the Eschaton.

 

(13) CLASSICAL

 

(14) EGYPTIAN

 

(15) AFRO-AMERICAN (VOODOO)

 

While these three entries from my top ten mythologies arguably have apocalyptic elements, they lack definitive apocalypses and hence rank below my top ten apocalyptic rankings.

 

(16) MAGIC

 

Magic comes next among the special mentions in my wild-tier rankings, because the apocalypse tends to be magic.

Magic doesn’t so much have its own apocalypse as it is a feature of apocalypses in general. That is – apocalypses are magic, have magic, or are source of magic. Sometimes the apocalypse is a matter of the magic going away – but perhaps more usually coming back, with a bang!

 

(17) WITCHCRAFT

 

Much the same as magic – witchcraft has tended to be seen as a function of apocalypse or as its agents.

 

(18) DRAGONS

 

It’s fire-breathing, winged apocalypse!

Dragons are often depicted as apocalyptic beasts.

No, not the Beast of the Apocalypse. Well, yes, also the Beast of the Apocalypse as that sixy beast is dragon-like in depiction and in turn serves the actual Dragon of the Apocalypse – but literal monstrous beasts that bring the world’s doom or are a harbinger of the end times. “This is the kind of beast who gives the gods themselves nightmares, and in action it’s liable to be a veritable engine of destruction, trampling over mortals, gods, and anything else that gets in its way”.

Apart from the dragon-like Beast of the Apocalypse and the apocalyptic Great Red Dragon himself, there’s the Midgard Serpent and Nidhoggr, the latter the dragon that gnaws the roots of the World Tree.

 

(19) GIANTS

 

It’s a gigantic apocalypse!

Similar to dragons, giants were often depicted or seen as apocalyptic beings – as indeed they were in Norse mythology.

Although not quite up there with the Great Red Dragon or similar draconic beings in the Book of Apocalypse, the reference to Gog and Magog was interpreted as apocalyptic gigantic beings.

 

(20) GHOSTS

 

It’s a ghost apocalypse!

Ghosts or the dead are a recurring feature of mythic apocalypses, even in the Biblical Apocalypse with its resurrection and judgment of the dead. They play a larger role in Ragnarok with the army of the dead being arrayed against the gods – and of course in the Ghost Dance.

 

(21) VAMPIRES

 

“The world is a vampire, sent to drain”.

But seriously, vampires are essentially a subset of ghosts or the dead as a recurring feature of mythic apocalypses…only the hungrier – or thirstier – dead.

 

(22) LYCANTHROPES

 

The apocalypse as dog days, perhaps? Werewolves make it into my apocalyptic tier from the role of wolves in Ragnarok. Also, the use of the term werewolf for the last ditch scorched earth German resistance to the Allies in the apocalyptic last days of the Second World War, albeit more as propaganda than reality.

 

(23) LEGENDARY CREATURES

 

Unless you count the various apocalyptic figures of other mythologies – particularly those apocalyptic beasts in the Bible – as legendary creatures.

 

(24) PAGANISM

 

Yeah, contrary to its top spot for special mentions in general rankings, paganism ranks pretty low for apocalypses. The apocalyptic elements of paganism are those of the mythologies of its original forms, foremost among them Norse mythology.

 

(25) SHAMANISM

 

Shamanism arguably has apocalyptic elements but more in the original meaning of apocalypse as revelation, on the personal level of the shaman – a dark night of the soul amidst visions and voices (and often psychedelic drugs), some of them terrifying, which is ultimately redemptive or transformative.

 

(26) FAIRIES

 

An exception to the general rule that sees fairy folklore rank close to the Celtic mythology or Arthurian legend that it overlaps.

Yeah, there’s not really any fairy apocalypse. Well, except perhaps in fantasy fiction like Mark Chadbourn’s Age of Misrule series.

 

(27) CRYPTIDS

 

Yeah – there’s no cryptid apocalypse or apocalyptic elements. We’re getting to the bottom now but cryptids still seem vaguely more apocalyptic than the next entries.

 

(28) URBAN LEGENDS

 

Yeah – there’s not too many urban legends involving the apocalypse or any apocalyptic elements. Unless you see the whole Book of Apocalypse as just one big ancient urban legend.

 

(29) DISCORDIANISM

 

There’s few apocalyptic elements in Discordianism – unless you count the fictional version of Discordianism in the Illuminati Trilogy, although there they are fighting against the secret societies or conspiracies that are bent on bringing about the apocalypse – or immanentizing the Eschaton.

If you expand this entry to (other) parody religions, then the Church of the Sub-Genius definitely has its apocalypse and they can help you avoid it – or triple your money back!

 

(30) TANTRA

 

It’s a tantric apocalypse!

Or not, as I don’t know of any apocalyptic elements to tantra. Although it is fun to speculate about what a s€xual or tantric apocalypse would involve!