The gods must be horny – again!

Yes – I’ve compiled my top ten nymphomancy list for the subject of mythology, but mythology is such a rich source of actual or potential adult content that there’s enough for my usual twenty special mentions I like to have for my top tens.

You know the drill – my nymphomancy lists being like the kinky or kinkier entry I throw in my top ten list special mentions, but for every entry or the entire list, across the board of subject categories as my top ten lists in general. They measure the, shall we say, adult content of cultural or literary subjects, either actual or potential. That is, the extent to which they contain or could be adapted to the content of adult films. You know the ones – the ones with at least one X in the rating and usually two or three.

And you the know rankings – l rank entries by their richness as sources for actual or potential adult content in three tiers – from lowest to highest as X-tier or risqué tier, XX-tier or softcore tier, and XXX-tier or hardcore tier.

Essentially, all my XXX-tier or hardcore tier entries were in my top ten, so these special mentions will be in one of the next two tiers.

The middle nymphomancy tier – XX-tier or softcore tier, equivalent to A-tier or top tier – is for those sources not quite as rich as the highest tier. The adult content itself may be as hardcore as the highest tier – there’s just less of it, although you might still get enough scenes for a film or two.

The lowest nymphomancy tier – X-tier or risque tier, equivalent to B-tier or high tier – is for those sources that extend to or suggest enough adult content for a scene or two but not much more without stretching it.

 

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

 

 

(1) MAGIC

 

Abracadabra bow chicka wow wow!

You should have seen this coming (heh) – there’s a whole category of magic known as s€x magic (sometimes styled as s€x magick), with its own Wikipedia entry.

Beyond that to magic in general, this is essentially the trope of power perversion potential in TV Tropes – where supernatural or superhuman powers “gets used for something s€xual”, applied to the near infinite permutations or varieties of magic. .

Think Hogwarts but what would actually happen if adolescents were let loose with magic – which by the way is one of my perceived plotholes of the Harry Potter franchise, not that I’d want to see that particular hole filled. Hey – phrasing!

Speaking of schools of magic, that prompts me to the eight schools of magic popularized by Dungeons and Dragons – abjuration, conjuration, divination, enchantment, evocation, illusion, necromancy and transmutation. All of which have their power perversion potential for bling and booty, or the magical equivalent to the Playboy Mansion suiting your preferences or tastes.

“Mind control, psychic powers (synchronization in particular), invisibility, intangibility, sprouting tentacles, X-ray vision, and the ability to stop (or otherwise manipulate) time are especially vulnerable to this…a few core spells can be dirverted from their normal usage to become the nudifier”.

For that matter, even stage magic – with that magician’s assistance costume modelled by Zatanna in my feature image, down to those fishnet stockings. Pulling a rabbit out of a hat never sounded more like double entrendre. Nothing up my sleeve – hey, presto!

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

 

 

 

(2) FAIRIES

 

It’s uncanny how much fairy folklore seems to focus on how horny fairies are for humans.

It’s like the trope Mars Needs Women in TV Tropes, named for the 1967 B-movie of that title – except of course in this case Fairyland needs women, or just humans in general. Fairyland seems strangely dependent on constant infusions of human blood or other bodily fluids, abducting or luring humans to be their playthings, most famously swapping human children for changelings.

Fairies even tend to appear or be depicted as inhumanly beautiful, particularly inhumanly beautiful woman to lure men to their fate, albeit often with some hidden flaw that gives away their fairy nature.

Even diminutive modern fairies tend to be depicted as attractive, although obviously some sort of magical shapeshifting in size would be required for nymphomancy. Think Tinker Bell as influenced by the Disney depiction – essentially a blond centerfold as a pixie.

There’s also the figure of the Fairy Queen.

I’m including the Wild Hunt in this one – its very name lends itself to the obvious pun for adult film titles but also its theme of roaming at night, orgiastically snatching up anyone in its path to join it.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

 

 

 

(3) VAMPIRES

 

Few supernatural beings embody nymphomancy as much as vampires – so much so that there’s a trope for it in TV Tropes, Vampires are Sex Gods.

Although vampires themselves being s€xy seems more a trope for adaptations of vampires in popular culture than of folklore or mythology in which vampires were a dark inversion of s€x rather than s€xy.

Vampires representing s€xual themes goes back a long way but more in the sense of vampirism representing s€xuality or s€xual predation (or disease) rather than vampires being s€xy as such, particularly given that vampires are essentially reanimated corpses, which begs a number of questions about having s€x with them, not least how they can even replicate the biology of s€x. Of course, that last may be magical or telepathic in nature.

Ironically, the s€xy side of vampire folklore and mythology can be argued to have been more that of the other side, that is the side of vampire hunters or slayers, given how often virgin girls seem to pop up. It’s like that scene with the naked virgin girl on horseback in the Nosferatu film by Robert Eggers – played by Czech model Katerina Bila and credited simply as virgin on horseback – prompting me to stand up and shout at the screen to see more of her in the film or even a spinoff about her as naked virgin vampire hunter. And after they bounced me out of the cinema, I still stand by that.

Even Bram Stoker’s Dracula – the original novel – featured its titular count more as s€x than s€xy, although his Brides certainly lived up to the latter, including Lucy Westenra and Mina Harker as de facto Brides. Or, ah, undeaded up to the latter? Anyway, it was Dracula’s cinematic adaptations that saw him s€xed up as the suave count of popular culture – with all the vampire love gods that followed in his wake.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

 

(4) LEGENDARY CREATURES

 

Yeah, we’re talking demi-humans or sufficiently humanoid legendary creatures here, except if there’s some sort of humanoid shapeshifting, magical mind s€x or something similar involved.

Even so, there’s a surprising range of such creatures, particularly if you’re (magically) inventive enough – so much so that there’s enough to rank legendary creatures in my softcore nymphomancy tier.

Indeed, they might well have ranked in my hardcore nymphomancy tier but for effectively being included in other entries. Biblical mythology has its angels and demons horny for humans – arguably the origin of the nephilim most famously mentioned in Genesis. Classical mythology has its satyrs and sirens, equally horny for humans (or in the case of satyrs, everything but especially nymphs) – at least from the waist up. Satyrs of course lending themselves to the term satyriasis as the male equivalent of nymphomania – and inspiration to Bill Hicks’ Goat Boy.

Mermaids (and mermen) are famously s€xed up in legend or folklore, although again that’s from the waist up (and are often merged with sirens in any event) or the still more humanoid versions.

Think Jim Balent’s Tarot Witch of the Black Rose, in which every legendary creature or supernatural being is a busty centerfold, albeit sometimes more jarring than alluring. Or dare I say it, think the Xanth fantasy series by Piers Anthony, who manages to put his characteristically kinky spin on virtually every female legendary creature.

By way of potential nymphomancy roll call…

The aforementioned angels and demons, including my favorite – devil girls and succubi. Anything sufficiently anthropomorphic – heck, Fritz Leiber wrote a story with a hot female anthropomorphic personification…of the number seven. Elves and fairies. Gargoyles and golems? Genies. Gorgeous gorgons. Horned or winged humanoids. The aforementioned mermaids – and sirens. Nymphs – and satyrs, at least from the waist up. Vampires. And quite a few more if you push their characteristics or depictions enough in the direction of nymphomancy.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

 

 

 

 

(5) UFOS & UFOLOGY

 

The Mars Needs Women trope played straight – as I said for fairies in fairy folklore, it’s uncanny how much aliens in UFO folklore are horny for humans, what with all the probing.

As I’m fond of quipping, it’s hard to imagine that aliens are so advanced as to cross light years of space or different dimensions just to give some hick an enema. I mean, I would, but I’m not particularly advanced and that’s just my sense of humor.

Indeed, UFO or alien folklore is essentially fairy folklore with the fairies swapped out for aliens and magic for technology. “In both cases, you have creatures who are ineffable and don’t understand humanity, who randomly abduct humans, play with them, and return them with time loss and occasionally strange powers / afflictions”. Although on the whole aliens seem hornier for humans than fairies, what with the aforementioned probing.

Funnily enough, horny aliens have been routinely adapted to science fiction – hence the Mars Needs Women trope and titular film – except also with s€xy aliens, not least the green-skinned alien space babes so popular in SF. I’m still haunted by James Tiptree Jr’s short story featuring aliens so inhumanly beautiful or alluring to humans that it turned those humans who observed them into obsessive deranged space groupies.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

 

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

 

(6) SHAMANISM

 

“But then the awesome mysterious world will open its mouth for you, as it will open for every one of us, and then you will realise that your sure ways were not sure at all”.

Well, if you put it like that, I can think of some adult content suggested by the world opening its mouth for you, even if I know that quotation is meant to convey something entirely different. It’s just how my mind works.

And so too with shamanism in general, although it lacks the same depth of nymphomancy as paganism. Just think shamans – or rather shamanesses – in the style of jungle girls and cavewomen from comics. Or Racquel Welsh in her iconic fur bikini from the film 1 Million Years BC.

Or prehistoric cave art for that matter – of which there’s an awful lot where human figures, obviously male, let it all hang out or stick out. The so-called Sorcerer at the Cave of the Trois-Frères is a famous example of the former.

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

*

 

(7) ZEN

 

Wait – what? You’re saying zen has adult content?!

 

Well, yes – just what did you think was the sound of one hand clapping? Or why my horns won’t fit through the door? In part, that’s again just how my mind works, reworking zen koans into dirty jokes. Also in part it’s because I consider zen not just in terms of Zen Buddhism but also Taoism and similar East Asian traditions of mysticism – hence adapting their visual elements or symbolism to adult content.

 

And if nothing else, there’s the Buddha’s original temptation under the Bo tree, which included the dance of desire personified by the daughter or daughters of Mara.

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

(8) AZTEC & VOODOO

 

Yes – the nymphomancy of Aztec mythology and voodoo is essentially a matter of adult content with their visual trappings.

 

To be honest, as distorted an adaptation of the visual trappings of Aztec mythology as it is, I just can’t get past Salma Hayek as Santanico Pandemonium in From Dusk Till Dawn – or perhaps Chel in The Road to El Dorado. And yes I know – it’s the most superficial visual trappings of what TV Tropes dubs Mayintec, an amorphous conflation of the three best known pre-Columbian American civilizations. Santanico’s club goes from “Mayincatec-inspired nightclub to vampire den to a full-blown Mayincatec sacrificial pyramid almost buried in the Mexican desert”.

 

Similarly for voodoo, it’s Live and Let Die, although that might have more to do with Jane Seymour as Solitaire.

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

(9) DRAGONS & GIANTS

 

Wait, what? There’s nymphomancy for dragons and giants?

Well, yes. I mean, dragons always seem to be associated with maidens in myth or legend. Of course, obviously magic has to be involved for any dragon-human interaction of a kinky manner, at least without things getting…scaly. (And we don’t want things getting scaly).

So we’re talking shape changing, telepathic mind s€x or something similar. And while we’re getting kinky with dragons, I can’t resist playing with the variety of dragons and their breath weapons in Dungeons & Dragons – it’s in the name of the game after all. The staple of dragons is that they breathe fire – to which D & D adds dragons that breathe lightning, acid, gas, poison, ice and so on. So why dragons that breathe…aphrodisiac? Or pheromones? Where anyone who catches a whiff of it has uncontrollable urges to get in on with anyone else in the vicinity, doubly so if that anyone else also caught a whiff of it. You know, unless they make their saving throw.

And giants? Again magic obviously has to be involved, albeit where the shape changing is more size changing. Well, unless your kink is to be used as a literal s€x toy. It does invoke vague memories I have of a gag film scene where a man imagines himself as part of a team scaling a giant version of the woman of his dreams (or fantasy). You know, mountaineering her breasts. Or spelunking her…well, we’ll just leave it there.

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

 

 

(10) GHOSTS

 

Putting the 0rgasm into ectoplasm!

Again, nymphomancy for ghosts would seem to be as implausible as that for dragons and giants, except perhaps even more so given the incorporeal nature of ghosts. I mean, having a physical body would seem a prerequisite for nymphomancy

But no! There’s even a term for it – spectrophilia, although apparently that term is also used for arousal by images in mirrors as well as an attraction to ghosts. Setting aside the same kind of magical or telepathic link we’ve seen in other entries, it necessarily would involve ghosts that despite their incorporeal nature can interact physically with objects in reality, the objects in this case being people. Think poltergeists – or dare I say it, p0rnogeists.

Surprisingly, Wikipedia not only has an article for spectrophilia but one that has a surprising amount of content – “accounts of paranormal encounters with ghosts and spirits frequently include sexual encounters”. The article references succubi and their male counterparts incubi – yes, they tend to be depicted as demonic beings but they are somewhat ghostly in their nocturnal encounters. Interestingly, the article traces ghostly s€xual encounters to sleep paralysis.

I have to throw in white ladies or women in white – those recurring female ghosts in folklore.

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

(11) LYCANTHROPY

 

Yeah, no furries here – the nymphomancy of lycanthropy involves the shape changing aspect of it and only one way at that. We’re talking the Sybil Danning parts of The Howling II, not the wolf parts. To be honest, all I recall of that film is Sybil Danning taking her top off. Apparently, she stipulated that the film only had one scene where she takes her top off, so the film just kept repeating that same scene (apparently seventeen times).

I’ll throw kitsune and selkies in here as well.

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

 

(12) CONSPIRACY THEORIES

 

When do we get to the wild s€x party part of the conspiracy theory?

That’s essentially it for the nymphomancy of conspiracy theories. Think Eyes Wide Shut or Bohemian Grove.

On the other hand, my pet conspiracy theory is that if you dig deep enough into any conspiracy theory, you’ll eventually hit the bedrock of wild s€x parties.

Illuminati? Wild s€x parties.

JFK? Wild s€x parties with Marilyn Monroe. Or the Kennedy s€x tunnels referenced by pop culture such as Rick and Morty.

You get the idea.

Whatever the conspiracy theory, no matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find the wild s€x party part of it.

 

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

(13) URBAN LEGENDS

 

When do we get to the wild s€x party part of the urban legend?

Yes, the nymphomancy of urban legends is essentially the same as that for conspiracy theories.

Except, no – I can’t quite back that up. Urban legends don’t quite have the same ubiquitous wild s€x party bedrock as conspiracy theories – but it is interesting just how many urban legends do have or even revolve around some risqué component.

 

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

(14) TANTRA

 

Well, obviously.

It’s s€x magic, after all.

So why doesn’t it rank more than risqué-tier? Isn’t s€x magic the literal definition of nymphomancy?

Well, yes, but it isn’t much more than the s€x magic. That is, it lacks that defining characteristic for my nymphomancy rankings – the extent to which the subject contains or could be adapted to the content of adult films, which in turn generally depends on its visual story elements.

 

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

 

(15) BARBARA WALKER –

WOMEN’S ENCYCLOPEDIA OF MYTHS & SECRETS / WOMEN’S DICTIONARY OF SYMBOLS & SACRED OBJECTS

 

She is the goddess and this is her body.

Yes – it’s more nymphomancy of paganism, given that these books are encyclopedia or dictionary references to mythology and religion through the lens, or rather the dance, of pagan goddesses or the neopagan Goddess.

And there are prolific references to s€x or s€xuality.

When it comes to the Goddess, you’re baptised between her breasts or crucified between her thighs – o yes!

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

 

(16) JOSEPH CAMPBELL –

THE HERO WITH A THOUSAND FACES

 

You: Looking for the archetypal Hero’s Journey in Star Wars and popular culture.

Me: Looking for the archetypal Hero’s Journey in adult films

We are not the same.

 

I’m joking and I’m serious.

Firstly, if one identifies the archetypal hero’s journey in most or even all narratives, then it stands to reason that one can identify it in the narratives of adult films, as condensed as those narratives are. Let’s just say they make short work of the call to adventure – like not having enough change for the pizza delivery. (“The story is ludicrous…you can imagine where it goes from here” “He fixes her cable?”)

Secondly, it doesn’t take too much nymphomancy to do a s€xual version of the Hero’s Journey. I mean, some steps write themselves as nymphomancy to begin with – such as the Meeting with the Goddess or Woman as the Temptress.

Thirdly, Campbell and those who follow him tend to overlook how many of heroic exploits in mythology are, well, s€xual exploits.

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

(17) SIR JAMES GEORGE FRAZER – THE GOLDEN BOUGH

 

Who are these coming to the, ahem, sacrificial orgy?

Yes – it’s the nymphomancy of sacred kings.

Camille Paglia spoke of her mythology as a fusion of Frazer and Freud – and so is mine, or at least my nymphomancy of sacred kings.

Although really the nymphomancy of sacred kings was woven in from the outset.

Who else but a fool would be king for a day? Well you might if you could spend your brief reign in an orgiastic satiation of your desires – or hieros gamos with the Goddess (or goddesses). Women would throw themselves at you or fight each other to conceive the child of a divine king. It’s essentially the plot of Philip Jose Farmer’s Flesh. It also pops up in The Wicker Man – and it remains my profound disappointment to this day that Edward Woodward’s Sergeant Neil Howie didn’t enjoy the night with Brett Ekland’s Willow, gyrating and pounding away on the wall of the room next to him in invitation, before his day of sacrifice.

There’s also the identification of the health of the sacred king, particularly his virility with maidens, with health of the land he reigned, particularly its fertility for agriculture. Of course, the flip side of this was that once you couldn’t get it up then you were going down – ritually sacrificed and replaced by the new sacred king…

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

(18) ROBERT GRAVES – THE WHITE GODDESS

 

And…we’re back to the nymphomancy of paganism or at least Grave’s idiosyncratic version of it – getting your wild ride in with the White Goddess before your weird comes for you.

Or essentially the nymphomancy of sacred kings from Frazer’s Golden Bough, but where Graves saw Frazer’s sacred king and raised it with the queen of his White Goddess – with jokers wild in the form of your weird, that is your rival for the love of the Goddess.

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

(19) BACCHAE & GOLDEN ASS

 

I mean, the title alone of The Golden Ass writes its own nymphomancy.

As does the climax (heh) of The Bacchae – where the women of Thebes are driven by Dionysus to orgiastic frenzy.

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)

 

 

 

 

(20) BEOWULF

 

The nymphomancy of Beowulf has basically been done by the 2007 Beowulf film, in which Beowulf gets it on with Grendel’s hot mother

 

RATING:

X-TIER (RISQUE TIER)