NYMPHOMANCY – MYTHOLOGY): TOP 10

 

The gods must be horny.

Yes – it’s my top ten nymphomancy list for the subject of mythology, which I was tempted to title missionary positions.

My nymphomancy lists of course being like the kinky or kinkier entry I throw in my top ten list special mentions, but for every entry or the entire list, across the board of subject categories as my top ten lists in general. They measure the, shall we say, adult content of cultural or literary subjects, either actual or potential. That is, the extent to which they are or could be adapted to adult film. You know the ones – the ones with at least one X in the rating and usually two or three.

It may surprise you that mythology is one of the richest sources of actual or potential adult content among all my subjects of interest – but it shouldn’t. After all, mythology gave us the very term and concept of nymphs. And the term aphrodisiac for that matter, from Aphrodite – as well as goddesses or gods of love in general. And carnal knowledge – from the Bible of all places, although I’ll be having a lot more to say about the Bible as one of the richest sources of adult content, in this case from the Biblical usage of the verb knew or know as a euphemism for s€xual conduct.

Beyond that, since mythology projects, represents or symbolizes so much of human life, then it is not surprising that s€xuality looms as large as it does in life, in both literal and symbolic representation, if not larger than life since mythology is mostly talking about, you know, gods or heroes.

 

XXX-TIER (HARDCORE TIER)

 

 

 

(1) BIBLE & BIBLICAL MYTHOLOGY

 

“Wait, what?! The Bible is in hardcore nymphomancy tier?!”

“Why, yes it is. Now if I can just take you to this passage here, and here, and -“

“Wait – THAT’S in the Bible?!”

 

Yes – the Bible is in my XXX hardcore nymphomancy tier. Not that you could make any adult film content from or based on the Bible in any practical sense, since the audiences for each don’t exactly mix – but it’s there and it’s absolutely lurid, so much so that it deserves a top ten nymphomancy list all of its own.

It’s all there from Genesis to Apocalypse, from the Garden of Eden to Mystery Babylon.

Yes, the Garden of Eden may not explicitly wear its adult content on its fig leaves but it’s positively dripping with s€xual symbolism amidst the apple juice. Eve being tempted by the serpent and Adam by the fruit – do you need Freud to spell it out?

Mystery Babylon on the other hand very literally wears her explicit content on her sleeve – or rather carries it in her cup.

“And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet color, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her f0rnication. And upon her forehead was a name written, MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARL0TS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH”.

Of course, other readers of Apocalypse such as D.H. Lawrence – always one for odd observations and who was fascinated by the Book of Apocalypse – have thought that lurid description shows the author protesting a little too much, that Babylon is a titillating figure, perhaps intentionally so.

“How they envy Babylon her splendor, envy, envy! The harl0t sits magnificently with her golden cup of the wine of sensual pleasure in her hand. How the apocalyptists would have loved to drink out of her cup! And since they couldn’t, how they loved smashing it!”

I think you get the point – and there’s a lot more on the pages in between Genesis and Apocalypse. After all, you don’t get so many begats without a lot of begetting. There’s a whole book in the Bible that is just pure raunch – the Song of Songs, essentially a courtship song between two lovers. I can’t recall if it even mentions God.

Of course, I got a leg up on Biblical nymphomancy in my childhood from an unexpected and unusual source – an illustrated children’s Bible (or more precisely children’s Bible stories, since it skipped all the boring bits of the Bible for the narrative parts). I don’t remember much else about it except the illustrations were good and moved me in mysterious ways. I still remember its illustration of Potiphar’s wife – and she was smoking, as was the illustration of Bathsheba bathing. What were they thinking?!

And this illustrates (heh) the twofold nature of Bible nymphomancy. Firstly, there’s the Bible stories that themselves contain adult content – predominantly in the Old Testament as the New Testament is mostly ascetic, although it still retains its adult content from Salome to Mystery Babylon. And we’re talking some kinky stuff. Lot’s daughters, the Levite’s concubine, and so on. Typically such content finds its focus in one of my favorite Biblical bad girls – including one whose name has become synonymous with adult content, Jezebel. Indeed, it’s surprisingly easy to compile a Top 10 Biblical Bad Girls as well as further special mentions.

Secondly, there’s the Biblical stories that would lend themselves to being adapted as adult content because they are among the most visually iconic or striking stories in popular culture or imagination, even in these days of lapsed faith – where single images conjure up all sorts of meanings and narratives that tell themselves. Rarely does the saying that a picture tells a thousand words find better encapsulation than in the Bible, either through the visual imagery used by the text or by the almost countless works of art that have represented it.

And that’s not even getting to the ancillary visual trappings that have flowed from Biblical mythology or to the religions based on it – as portrayed by Lana Kane in her naughty nun outfit for my featured image, with my favorite detail being the bat or paddle’s label The Redeemer.

 

RATING:

XXX-TIER (HARDCORE TIER)

 

 

 

(2) HOMER & CLASSICAL MYTHOLOGY

 

“What men or gods are these? What maidens loath?

What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?

What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy?…

More happy love! more happy, happy love!

For ever warm and still to be enjoy’d

For ever panting, and for ever young” –

John Keats, Ode on a Grecian Urn (aptly enough)

 

It’s not surprising that the works of Homer or classical mythology in general feature in my XXX hardcore nymphomancy tier, given all the nymphs – from which of course the term nymphomania originates and hence my terms nymphomancer or nymphomancy. The male equivalent of nymphomania is of course satyriasis – derived from the satyrs of classical mythology.

And then there’s classical mythology’s archetypal love goddess Aphrodite or Venus. The Romans even traced their mythic origin to the Trojan prince Aeneas and hence Venus herself as his mother, such that the Roman Empire might well have been called the Venerean Empire – or perhaps Venusian or Venutian Empire.

Indeed, in terms of pure adult content, I probably would rank classical mythology over Biblical mythology, but I rank the latter just that bit higher in my nymphomancy tier list for the shock value of adult content originating from the Bible as well as reflecting their respective rankings in my mythology tier lists in general.

Similarly to Biblical nymphomancy, classical nymphomancy is twofold. Firstly, there’s the stories of classical mythology that themselves contain adult content as part of their narrative – which is to say all of them. So it would seem, as it is difficult to think of stories from classical mythology that don’t involve adult content at some level of narrative. So much of classical mythology seems to involve or originate from one god or another not being able to keep it in their togas – the s€x-mad pursuit of goddesses, nymphs, mortals…

 

“What happened to the Zeus who used to turn into a cow and pick up chicks?” –

The Simpsons, Season 13 Episode 14 “Tales from the Public Domain”

 

Not that the goddesses don’t get in on the act, they had their own mad pursuits, even if they tended to feature more as the ones being pursued in classical mythology. Nymphs seem to exist in classical mythology entirely to be pursued and ravished.  mean the whole concept of nymphs seems to originate from men seeing trees, rivers and other natural objects…and wanting to have s€x with them, albeit in the form of beautiful women.

Even the Iliad and Odyssey seem to revolve around s€x as much as war or homecoming from war. I’ve seen the quip that the Trojan War started with an apple and ended with a horse adapted to that it started with a cuckold and ended with a wh0re.

Secondly, even without any adult content of their own, the stories of classical mythology lend themselves to be adapted to adult content as they are among the most visually iconic and striking stories in popular culture or imagination, such that just a few of their visual images or elements alone can be used to invoke meaning or narrative. Similarly to the Bible, you have the visual imagery used by the myths themselves or by the almost countless works of art that have represented it.

Indeed, like the Bible or Biblical mythology, classical mythology deserves a top ten nymphomancy list all of its own.

 

RATING:

XXX-TIER (HARDCORE TIER)

 

 

 

 

(3) PAGANISM

 

I believe in all the gods –

especially the goddesses.

 

She is the goddess and this is her body.

Not just my mythos and ethos but my eros and hieros gamos as well.

For one thing, paganism – or paleopaganism to adopt a term proposed for it in modern pagan parlance – is effectively a supertrope for the nymphomancy of all pre-Christian or extra-Christian mythologies. The god tier nymphomancy of classical mythology, including Hellenism and Dionysianism in general for the fun of it. Nordic, Celtic, Egyptian, and Babylo-Sumerian, as well as arguably Hinduism and quite a few entries to come.

For another, there’s neopaganism or the modern reconstruction of paganism, which arguably has led to its own distinctive mythology – and certainly to its own nymphomancy, revolving around the hieros gamos or sacred marriage of the Goddess and her Horned God.

Or L.A Woman & Mr Mojo Risin’.

 

RATING:

XXX-TIER (HARDCORE TIER)

 

 

 

 

(4) TAROT

 

The Tarot might seem an unusual entry in my hardcore nymphomancy tier.

In part that might have something to do with Jane Seymour as the tarot-reading psychic Solitaire in Live and let Die. James Bond even uses the cards to win her, albeit he has to, ahem, stack the deck to do it.

But more so, it has to do with the striking imagery of the cards themselves, which can so readily be applied to s€xual imagery or symbolism. There’s whole books written to that theme, including The S€xual Key to the Tarot by Theodor Laurene, with card interpretations so smutty it is difficult to quote any SFW passages.

Essentially, it’s easy to imagine adult content written with individual Tarot cards as the visual set piece for different scenes – particularly in the more er0ticially drawn decks. The deck by Salvador Dali particularly comes to mind (albeit most of his art was er0tically drawn, so to speak) but there are others.

After all, there’s even a card for The Lovers (the same card Bond stacked the deck with to win Solitaire) – and in decks that follow the Rider-Waite design we find the Lovers repeated in their kinkier dark side in the card for the Devil.

And that’s not all. Limiting ourselves to the Major Arcana – admittedly the most iconic and striking of the cards in a Tarot deck – virtually all of them suggest adult content in some form or another, particularly those with female characters.

The High Priestess – you just know she’s got a kinky side. The Empress. Strength – which the Crowley-Thoth deck outright redesigned as Lust. Perhaps not so much Temperance, given her name – which is why the Crowley-Thoth deck redesigned her as art and Dali almost does a parody of her card, with cute little nymph mixing cocktails.

Let’s not leave out the cards with male characters – The Fool and the Magician readily lend themselves to adult content set pieces. Even the Hanged Man suggests some sort of kinky BDSM shibari.

 

RATING:

XXX-TIER (HARDCORE TIER)

 

 

 

 

(5) WITCHCRAFT

 

Witch, n.

(1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil.

(2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil –

The Devil’s Dictionary

 

“Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?”

Yeah – the nymphomancy of witchcraft is essentially the hot witch trope in TV Tropes, from which I obtained my feature image and quote, albeit I was familiar with the latter from its original source, The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce.

Think The Witch – the 2015 film by Robert Eggers – but more the literally seductive young form of the Witch (played by Australian model Sarah Stephens), albeit not paired up with Caleb but someone more suitable. Or naked Anya Taylor-Joy – or rather her body double – at the end.

I mean, the hot witch trope was written into the mythos of European witchcraft from the outset, as it was essentially medieval – or more precisely early modern – p0rnography with its lurid fantasies of the Witches Sabbat, the osculam infame being particularly hard to dislodge from one’s mind after reading about it.

 

RATING:

XXX-TIER (HARDCORE TIER)

 

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

 

 

(6) NORSE MYTHOLOGY

 

Wait – what? Norse mythology is only in XX softcore tier? What about all the s€xy Valkyries?!

Yes but you see that’s the thing. When it comes to the nymphomancy, Norse mythology is all s€xy Valkyries – and not much else. And yes – there’s Freya but she’s also essentially a s€xy Valkyrie.

That’s why Norse mythology is only top-tier nymphomancy. Don’t get me wrong – I like s€xy Valkyries hence the top tier ranking but it just lacks the prolific content of my god-tier hardcore rankings, either the Bible and Biblical mythology or Homer and classical mythology.

Except of course when it comes to Loki, because he will (and does) do anything. Not that I’d want to see that adult content, for example when he changed himself to a mare (subsequently giving birth to Odin’s steed, Sleipnir).

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

(7) CELTIC MYTHOLOGY – ARTHURIAN LEGEND

 

If Norse mythology is all s€xy Valkyries, then Arthurian legend is all knights and maidens.

I mean, we essentially have the primary example of Arthurian nymphomancy with the film Excalibur, only pumped up to be a little more hardcore. As it is, it opens with some full on raunch, with the conception of Arthur by his father Uther Pendragon ravishing Igraine in the magical guise of her husband (as conjured by Merlin) – in half his plate armor, no less. Indeed, I’m pretty sure there’s adult film parodies or versions of Excalibur.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

(8) EGYPTIAN MYTHOLOGY

 

Yes – I’ve already waxed lyrical about those slinky Egyptian goddesses. Lthe and svelte in their form-fitting dresses, with their golden skin and painted eyes, they would not look out of place as supermodels on a modern catwalk. Of course, Egypt was, quite frankly, the s€xiest ancient civilization – admittedly perhaps not for its population’s vast majority of peasants who farmed the Nile or worked on those useless tombstones known as pyramids, but certainly for its elite, who pretty much invented style. You know it’s true – just look at the figures in their art!

There’s Isis, goddess of magic who seduced the secret name from the sun god Ra and lover of Osiris who resurrected him after he was dismembered by his evil adversary Set to conceive their son Horus. There’s how Horus and Seat essentially set out to, ahem, out-€jaculate each other.

And on that subject, there’s the creation myth where the god Atum (who swapped out as supreme god from time to time) created the world by, ahem, mast*rbating it into existence. Now that’s creationism!

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

(9) MIDDLE EASTERN – BABYLO-SUMERIAN MYTHOLOGY

 

Ancient Middle Eastern or Babylo-Sumerian nymphomancy closely resembles Egyptian mythology, albeit without quite the same slinky goddesses in their art.

Its peak nymphomancy is the goddess Ishtar or Inanna, as well as the hieros gamos and sacred pr0stitution performed in her temples or by her priestesses, although the historical accuracy of these is disputed. There’s also how she literally strips her way into the underworld, stripping off her seven veils one at a time.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)

 

(10) HINDU MYTHOLOGY

 

Famed for its er0tic sculpture or temple decoration, such as the tantric decoration carved on the walls of the Lakshmana (or Lakshman) Temple in Khajuraho, Madhya Pradesh, India, 10th century as depicted in my feature image.

Also the concept of kama. Yes – the same kama as in Kama Sutra, not karma.

 

RATING:

XX-TIER (SOFTCORE TIER)