Top Tens – Fantasy & SF: Top 10 Fantasy Books (Revised Entry) (8) Joe Lansdale – The Drive-In

Cover of the complete Drive-In Trilogy, paperback edition published 2020 by BookVoice Publishing

 

 

(8) JOE LANSDALE – THE DRIVE-IN (1988-2005)

Joe Landsale is a genre-hopping self-branded mojo storyteller so Texan his books positively drawl. His fantasy is never purely fantasy, as he writes books and stories (and comics!) in a number of genres, often at the same time. Westerns, of course – although he is from east Texas – but often of the Weird West, horror or so-called splatterpunk, mystery, suspense and thrillers.

A good introduction to Lonsdale is his short stories, which are particularly difficult to pin down in genre. I mean, how do you classify “Bubba Ho-Tep” (subsequently adapted into film starring none other than the Chin himself, Bruce Campbell) – in which an aged Elvis Presley and a black JFK battle a soul-sucking mummy in a nursing home? (No, seriously – Elvis Presley, having swapped with a double to opt out of fame. Not sure about JFK though – he claims the Conspiracy swapped his mind into his present body. Even Elvis is skeptical). Or his post-zombie apocalyptic “On the Far Side of the Cadillac Desert with Dead Folks”? “Frequent features of Lansdale’s writing are usually deeply ironic, strange or absurd situations or characters”. Indeed.

And perhaps none more bizarre than my introduction to Lansdale and still my favorite, although it is a little intense (if by intense you mean insane) – his 1988 book The Drive-In, or for its full title, The Drive-In: A ‘B’ Movie with Blood and Popcorn, Made in Texas. It starts as a normal summer Friday night horror movie marathon at the Orbit Drive-In in Texas. And then it becomes the horror-movie marathon, as they are trapped by a demonic grinning comet in the drive-in, beyond time in an eternal night – seemingly at the whim of the dark gods of B-grade movie horror, who lend a hand to all the base humanity on show with a little (or a lot) of some monstrosity of their own, with the Popcorn King.

Don’t eat the popcorn. It’s watching you.

A sequel – The Drive-In 2: Not Just One of Them Sequels – followed shortly after in 1989, with a third book (Drive in 3: The Bus Tour) in 2005 rounding out the Drive-In Trilogy.

RATING: 4 STARS****
B-TIER (HIGH-TIER)

Heart of Starkness – Eightfold Path 3: I believe in all the gods (pagan catholicism)

Screenshot from the music video of Kanye West’s 2010 single “Power” – one of my favorite music videos and best depictions of polytheistic pagan imagery in modern popular culture, a “moving picture” or “modern art montage” drawing from Egyptian mythology and Renaissance art of classical mythology

 

 

I believe in all the gods

especially the goddesses

(pagan catholicism)

*

*

I believe in all the gods

especially the goddesses –

I believe in L-A Woman & Mr Mojo Risin’

*

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Honorable Mention)

A question even better than “To be or not to be”, although I think the better question would be how zombie Shakespeare ended up in a Springfield school locker – one of the finest moments in a Simpsons Halloween episode in Dial Z for Zombies, the third story in Treehouse of Horror III, Episode 5, Season 4, The Simpsons

 

 

TOP 10 POETRY (HONORABLE MENTION)

 

I live in a poetic world – and I have my Top 10 Poetry, by poem and poet, as well as twenty special mentions

But wait – there’s even more!

There’s enough poems and poets out there that I like exceeding my Top 10 Poetry and my twenty special mentions, so it’s time for honorable mentions. I rank them by chronological order (as I’d otherwise rank them all in B-tier or high tier) – by the year of publication for their standout poem, for which I like and include them in my honorable mentions.

 

 

Yeah, that’s the look of a man I’d imagine to use metaphysical pick-up lines – Bust of John Donne photographed by Matthew Black, Wikipedia “John Donne”, license https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en

 

 

(1654) JOHN DONNE – TO HIS MISTRESS GOING TO BED

 

One of the metaphysical poets. I don’t recall what makes a poet metaphysical but this poem would suggest that it’s being pretty raunchy.

 

“Licence my roving hands, and let them go,

Before, behind, between, above, below.

O my America! my new-found-land,

My kingdom, safeliest when with one man mann’d”

Now that’s metaphysics!

I don’t know how it would go down standing over your mistress and declaring her to be your America as saucy foreplay these days. It’s time to manifest your destiny, baby!

I do like how the poem finishes off (heh) with its version of that cheesy pick-up line – “You know what would look good on you? Me!”

 

To teach thee, I am naked first; why then

What needst thou have more covering than a man.

 

 

 

 

Portrait of Andrew Marvell by unknown artist in 1655 – Wikipedia “Andrew Marvell”, public domain

 

 

(1681) ANDREW MARVELL – TO HIS COY MISTRESS

 

“Had we had but world enough and time

This coyness, Lady, were no crime”

 

Carpe diem as a pick-up line to get in her pants.

No, seriously, that’s the poem – and why I like it.

That and the worms that makes it a favorite among adolescent students everywhere –

 

“then Worms shall try

That long preserv’d Virginity”

 

Like John Donne, Andrew Marvell is another surprisingly raunchy 17th-century ‘metaphysical’ poet.

Ultimately, he’s something of a one-poem wonder for his most famous and celebrated poem “To His Coy Mistress” – but what a poem! In the word of TV Tropes, it “is pretty much the trope codifier for the more philosophical sort of seduction lyric and contains a bunch of phrases that are hugely quotable, forever appearing in titles and epigraphs”. That seduction lyric is the persuasion of the speaker’s prospective lover by means of a carpe diem philosophy – or YOLO in modern internet slang. Seize the day, baby.

It’s also a popular poem in schools – well, as popular as poems get in schools – where it certainly is fertile ground for lowbrow humor for perpetually adolescent minds like mine. There’s the two hundred years the poet would spend on each of his lover’s breasts, if only they did have eternity. Not to mention, the ages he would devote to every other part, which prompts thoughts of an ass age – heh

And of course there’s the worms (“Can we do the one with the worms again, Miss?” – actual quote reported by teacher).

All lowbrow locker room humor aside, there is something powerfully evocative in Marvell’s vibrant imagery and command of rhyming couplets, particularly in the last stanza where the speaker urges the woman to seize life by the, well, horns.

 

“Let us roll all our Strength, and all

Our sweetness, up into one Ball:

And tear our Pleasures with rough strife,

Thorough the Iron gates of Life.

Thus, though we cannot make our Sun

Stand still, yet we will make him run.”

 

 

 

Posthumous portrait of Shelley writing Prometheus Unbound in Italy, painting by Joseph Severn, 1845 – Wikipedia “Percy Bysse Shelley” (public domain image)

 

 

(1818) PERCY BYSSE SHELLEY – OZYMANDIAS

 

I have a soft spot for the English Romantic poets. Yes – that’s capital-R Romanticism, for the cultural and intellectual movement originating in Europe in the late eighteenth century and which still arguably holds sway in Western culture even today. Two of them – Samuel Taylor Coleridge and John Keats – feature in the Top 10 itself. Two others – William Blake and Lord Byron – feature as honorable mentions. That leaves the last two of the big six – William Wordsworth and Percy Bysse Shelley.

Shelley may now perhaps best be known as the husband of Mary Shelley, author of the iconic Frankenstein. However, he has at least earned his place in my special mention cult and pulp entries, largely off the back of this poem.

Yes – there is other poetry by Shelley I enjoy, such as “To a Skylark” – even if it starts in a weird way to modern ears:

 

“Hail to thee, blithe Spirit!

Bird thou never wert”

 

Yeah…what? But I can’t say mad at a poem that features these lines:

 

“We look before and after,

And pine for what is not:

Our sincerest laughter

With some pain is fraught;

Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.”

 

However, it is his sonnet Ozymandias, often anthologized and commonly taught in schools, that ranks as my favorite for this entry. And as it is a sonnet and hence short (sixteen lines), I can quote it here in full:

 

I met a traveller from an antique land,

Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;

And on the pedestal, these words appear:

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare

The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

 

Ozymandias was a Greek name for the Egyptian pharoah Ramesses II – or Ramesses the Great, who reigned in 1279-1213 BC. The theme is obvious – human hubris in the face of time. Decline and fall – even for the greatest rulers and the empires they forge (although of course Shelley with his radical political views was quite happy to speed them along). Ramesses now reduced to empty ironic words on a statue, the statue itself fallen into pieces and ancient Egypt itself, known mostly for its giant tombstones and broken statuary.

 

 

 

Robert Browning, portrait by Herbert Rose Barraud 1888 – Wikipedia “Robert Browning” (public domain image)

 

 

(1842) ROBERT BROWNING – MY LAST DUCHESS

 

“That’s my last Duchess painted on the wall,

Looking as if she were alive”

And so begins Robert Browning’s dramatic monologue – and one of my favorite villainous dramatic monologues at that. Make no mistake – the Duke (prefaced as Ferrara) is a villain. Indeed, his monologue unveils himself as a narcissistic sociopath – and particularly chilling in its calm and casual delivery, even potentially charming in its eloquence but for what it unveils (as perhaps with all the best villainous monologues).

The Duke introduces his last Duchess, not in person but in her painting – which he keeps curtained off for his gaze only (or that of his select guests, including the one to whom he’s speaking in the poem), a detail easy to miss in first reading but which acquires significance as the poem advances.

He then introduces her transgressions:

 

“She had

A heart—how shall I say?— too soon made glad,

Too easily impressed; she liked whate’er

She looked on, and her looks went everywhere”.

 

At first, this seems to insinuate a roving eye, until he reveals what the sort of things that made his young naïve bride glad – a sunset, the gift of a cherry bough, even perhaps a compliment from the portrait artist himself. Indeed, most of the supposed “transgressions” seem to take place in his own mind – or his own narcissistic need that she pay him the proper attention.

 

“She thanked men—good! but thanked

Somehow—I know not how—as if she ranked

My gift of a nine-hundred-years-old name

With anybody’s gift”

 

And then come the lines that I always find so chilling in its cold detachment – and so heartbreakingly tragic for his last Duchess

 

“Oh, sir, she smiled, no doubt,

Whene’er I passed her; but who passed without

Much the same smile? This grew; I gave commands;

Then all smiles stopped together”

 

And so the Duke unveils himself as akin to a mafia don who took out a hit on his wife. Because she smiled too much.

It’s even more heartbreakingly tragic as it is based (loosely – or perhaps not) on real historical figures – the fifth Duke of Ferrara, Alfonso Il d’Este) and his wife, the teenaged Lucrezia de Medici, dead at the age of seventeen. Browning had more in mind than simply recreating a historical character. The Italian Renaissance held a particular fascination for Browning and his contemporaries, for the juxtaposition of artistic and intellectual heights with the ruthlessness of its aristocratic elite that did indeed resemble mafia families.

Heart of Starkness – Eightfold Path 2X: Apocalypse

William Blake, The Great Red Dragon and the Woman Clothed with the Sun, 1805-1810, the second painting with that title (of the same subject but from a different perspective from that in the more famous first painting, which featured in the book and film of Red Dragon best known for Hannibal Lecter), second of a series of four Great Red Dragon paintings, and part of a series of paintings illustrating the Book of Apocalypse

 

 

In my end of the world,

the sun is black,

the moon is red,

and the stars fall screaming from the sky.

Dark enough for you?

*

I was gored by the horns of God.

His left horn was death,

His right horn was the devil,

and in between where there should have been a face

there was only an abyss.

*

We were all judged –

many were sacrificed

and no one was saved.

*

There were visions in those days.

Heart of Starkness – Eightfold Path 2: I have a mythology (apocalypse)

Sir Galahad, the Quest for the Holy Grail by Arthur Hughes, 1870 – Wikipedia “Holy Grail” (public domain image)

 

 

I don’t have a religion

I have a mythology –

for mine is the passion play

grail quest

ghost dance

and mojo risin’

*

I don’t have a religion

I have a mythology –

for mine is the mythos

ethos

eros

and hieros gamos

*

I don’t have a religion

I have a mythology –

for mine is the cult of passion

code of honour

sense of humour

*

For mine is the grail quest –

round table and siege perilous

fisher king and waste land

bleeding lance and dolorous stroke

adventurous bed and questing beast

*

*

I don’t pray

I write –

I write to save myself

*

*

The gods speak in verse

and move in dance.

 

 

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Honorable Mention) (1842) Robert Browning – My Last Duchess

Robert Browning, portrait by Herbert Rose Barraud 1888 – Wikipedia “Robert Browning” (public domain image)

 

 

(1842) ROBERT BROWNING – MY LAST DUCHESS

 

“That’s my last Duchess painted on the wall,

Looking as if she were alive”

And so begins Robert Browning’s dramatic monologue – and one of my favorite villainous dramatic monologues at that. Make no mistake – the Duke (prefaced as Ferrara) is a villain. Indeed, his monologue unveils himself as a narcissistic sociopath – and particularly chilling in its calm and casual delivery, even potentially charming in its eloquence but for what it unveils (as perhaps with all the best villainous monologues).

The Duke introduces his last Duchess, not in person but in her painting – which he keeps curtained off for his gaze only (or that of his select guests, including the one to whom he’s speaking in the poem), a detail easy to miss in first reading but which acquires significance as the poem advances.

He then introduces her transgressions:

 

“She had

A heart—how shall I say?— too soon made glad,

Too easily impressed; she liked whate’er

She looked on, and her looks went everywhere”.

 

At first, this seems to insinuate a roving eye, until he reveals what the sort of things that made his young naïve bride glad – a sunset, the gift of a cherry bough, even perhaps a compliment from the portrait artist himself. Indeed, most of the supposed “transgressions” seem to take place in his own mind – or his own narcissistic need that she pay him the proper attention.

 

“She thanked men—good! but thanked

Somehow—I know not how—as if she ranked

My gift of a nine-hundred-years-old name

With anybody’s gift”

 

And then come the lines that I always find so chilling in its cold detachment – and so heartbreakingly tragic for his last Duchess

 

“Oh, sir, she smiled, no doubt,

Whene’er I passed her; but who passed without

Much the same smile? This grew; I gave commands;

Then all smiles stopped together”

 

And so the Duke unveils himself as akin to a mafia don who took out a hit on his wife. Because she smiled too much.

It’s even more heartbreakingly tragic as it is based (loosely – or perhaps not) on real historical figures – the fifth Duke of Ferrara, Alfonso Il d’Este) and his wife, the teenaged Lucrezia de Medici, dead at the age of seventeen. Browning had more in mind than simply recreating a historical character. The Italian Renaissance held a particular fascination for Browning and his contemporaries, for the juxtaposition of artistic and intellectual heights with the ruthlessness of its aristocratic elite that did indeed resemble mafia families.

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (Honorable Mention): (1818) Percy Bysse Shelley – Ozymandias

Posthumous portrait of Shelley writing Prometheus Unbound in Italy, painting by Joseph Severn, 1845 – Wikipedia “Percy Bysse Shelley” (public domain image)

 

 

(1818) PERCY BYSSE SHELLEY – OZYMANDIAS

 

I have a soft spot for the English Romantic poets. Yes – that’s capital-R Romanticism, for the cultural and intellectual movement originating in Europe in the late eighteenth century and which still arguably holds sway in Western culture even today. Two of them – Samuel Taylor Coleridge and John Keats – feature in the Top 10 itself. Two others – William Blake and Lord Byron – feature as honorable mentions. That leaves the last two of the big six – William Wordsworth and Percy Bysse Shelley.

Shelley may now perhaps best be known as the husband of Mary Shelley, author of the iconic Frankenstein. However, he has at least earned his place in my special mention cult and pulp entries, largely off the back of this poem.

Yes – there is other poetry by Shelley I enjoy, such as “To a Skylark” – even if it starts in a weird way to modern ears:

 

“Hail to thee, blithe Spirit!

Bird thou never wert”

 

Yeah…what? But I can’t say mad at a poem that features these lines:

 

“We look before and after,

And pine for what is not:

Our sincerest laughter

With some pain is fraught;

Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.”

 

However, it is his sonnet Ozymandias, often anthologized and commonly taught in schools, that ranks as my favorite for this entry. And as it is a sonnet and hence short (sixteen lines), I can quote it here in full:

 

I met a traveller from an antique land,

Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;

And on the pedestal, these words appear:

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare

The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

 

Ozymandias was a Greek name for the Egyptian pharoah Ramesses II – or Ramesses the Great, who reigned in 1279-1213 BC. The theme is obvious – human hubris in the face of time. Decline and fall – even for the greatest rulers and the empires they forge (although of course Shelley with his radical political views was quite happy to speed them along). Ramesses now reduced to empty ironic words on a statue, the statue itself fallen into pieces and ancient Egypt itself, known mostly for its giant tombstones and broken statuary.

Top Tens – Tropes & Other: Top 10 Ice Ages / Ice Age Iceberg (Special Mention)

Iceberg in the Arctic with its underside exposed as photographed by AWeith – Wikipedia “Iceberg” licensed https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

 

 

TOP 10 ICE AGES / ICE AGE ICEBERG (SPECIAL MENTION)

 

Alright stop, collaborate, and listen – ice is back with a brand new invention.

There’s even more Ice Age iciness, with the usual twenty special mentions for my Top 10 Ice Ages.

As usual, these special mentions are, dare I say it, more of an Ice Ace iceberg, as I stretch the category of ice age well beyond any geological or scientific classification to all things ice or icy whether scientific, historic, cosmic or mythic – getting weirder and wilder the deeper I go…

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

(1) IMPACT WINTER

 

“The hypothesized prolonged period of cold weather due to the impact of a large asteroid or comet on the Earth’s surface”.

Obviously, the immediate impact is very hot – at the point of impact. We’re talking the “enormous amount of dust, ash and other material” thrown up into the atmosphere from the impact and its aftermath (including firestorms or widespread fires from the impact), which then blocks out heat and light from the Sun, causing temperatures to drop dramatically.

Perhaps the most famous (and probable) impact winter is hypothesized as that from the “dino-buster” asteroid impact in the K-T extinction event that caused the extinction of the dinosaurs. And yes – I know it’s called K-Pg now but you’re going to need another one of those before you pry the name K-T from my cold, extinct hands.

 

(2) VOLCANIC WINTER

 

As for impact winter but this time the impact is coming from inside the Earth! That is, from “a reduction in global temperatures caused by droplets of sulfuric acid obscuring the Sun and raising Earth’s albedo (increasing the reflection of solar radiation) after a large, sulfur-rich, particularly explosive volcanic eruption”.

There’s been quite a few of these – they are hypothesized to lie behind the Late Antique Little Ice Age and Little Ice Age, at least in part – but again perhaps the most famous was that from the Toba supervolcanic eruption 74,000 years ago, sometimes hypothesized as the Toba catastrophe event to have pushed humans to the brink of extinction reduced to potentially as few as 1,000 members of their species.

 

(3) FIMBULWINTER

 

In Norse mythology, the winter of the end of the world – the immediate prelude to Ragnarok.

“Fimbulwinter is three successive winters, when snow comes in from all directions, without any intervening summer. Innumerable wars follow.”

Apparently, the myth might originate in the volcanic winter of 536 AD (part of the Late Antique Little Ice Age) or even earlier climate change at the end of the Nordic Bronze Age.

More broadly, I use Fimbulwinter as representative of mythic winter – and winter in mythology or religion.

 

(4) FANTASY WINTER

 

Ice Ages or worlds of ice in fantasy & SF, including fantasy or SF set in the Ice Age or ice ages proper (although let’s face it, we’re talking the Pleistocene rather than any other ice age on our planet) – which are surprisingly prolific.

Narnia’s perpetual winter enchanted by the White Witch. Winter is coming in A Song of Ice and Fire or Game of Thrones – as well as the White Walkers as the embodiment of ice or an ice age.

Worlds of ice in SF, perhaps most famously Hoth in Star Wars – although my personal favorite remains Fritz Leiber’s A Pail of Air, where our own world is utterly frozen after it has become a rogue planet after being torn away from the Sun by a passing “dark star”.

 

(5) GENERAL WINTER

 

General winter sounds like a good term for an ice age but no – I’m referring to General Winter, the nickname given to the personification of winter as a factor in military history or war, typically as a defensive buffer or force multiplier and particularly in Russia.

Winter famously contributed “to military failures of several invasions of Russia and the Soviet Union” – perhaps most famously in Napoleon’s invasion of Russia and the Second World War, albeit often overstated for the latter with the common adage that Germany was defeated by the Russian winter.

Ironically, General Winter may be outranked in Russia or the Soviet Union by General Mud, albeit closely related, from the muddy season or “rasputitsa” of autumn rains and spring thaws – an irony best illustrated by the German armed forces initially welcoming the onset of winter in 1941 for ending the rasputitsa season.

More broadly, I use General Winter as representative of winter warfare or winter war, including the Winter War called as such between Finland and the Soviet Union, as well as the impact of winter or cold weather on military history in general. The infamous Crossing of the Rhine for the Germanic invasion of the Roman Empire on 31 December in 406 AD – although that the Rhine was frozen, making the crossing easier, is a hypothesis.

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

(6) SNOWBALL EARTH

 

Okay, this is something of a cheat as Snowball Earth is a hypothesis that during one or more of Earth’s glacial periods, the Earth’s surface was “nearly entire frozen with no liquid oceanic or surface water exposed to the atmosphere”. I just like the name so couldn’t resist it for its own entry in my Top 10 Ice Ages.

There’s a less frozen version proposed as Slushball Earth “with a thin equatorial band of open (or seasonally open) water”.

Usually proposed for the Sturtian glacial period in the Neoproterozoic Era, as well as the Marinoan glacial period – both aptly enough within the period in that era called Cryogenian.

 

(7) LATE ANTIQUE LITTLE ICE AGE

 

A cooling period in the fifth and sixth centuries AD, hypothesized as a “volcanic winter” (more about that in special mentions) coinciding with three large volcanic eruptions and contributing to the decline of the Roman Empire – contrasting with the Roman Warm Period. So the decline and fall of the Roman Empire was caused by…global cooling?

 

(8) LITTLE ICE AGE – GREAT FROST & YEAR WITHOUT A SUMMER

 

A period of regional cooling, particulary in the North Atlantic, variously proposed from the 16th century (but also as early as 1300) to the 19th century (about 1850) with several causes proposed for it – contrasting with the Medieval Warm Period.

Within the Little Ice Age, there’s the Great Frost – for the winter of 1708-1709, the coldest European winter for the past 500 years.

Also within the Little Ice Age, albeit towards the tail end, there’s the Year Without a Summer in 1816 – which was exactly what it says on the tin with the coldest summer temperatures on record in Europe between 1766 and 2000, usually identified as a volcanic winter event from the eruption of Mount Tambora (located in modern Indonesia) in 1815.

 

(9) NUCLEAR WINTER

 

As for impact or volcanic winter but this time we do it, almost making you proud of human achievement – “the severe and prolonged global climactic cooling effect that is hypothesized to occur after widespread urban firestorms following a large scale nuclear war”.

 

(10) BIG FREEZE & HEAT DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE

 

Yes, there’s an Ice Age for the entire universe – the Big Freeze or Heat Death of the Universe, “a scientific hypothesis regarding the ultimate fate of the universe” – with the universe approaching absolute zero (or alternatively maximum entropy) over a very long timescale (so long as to be almost eternity).

Speaking of absolute zero…

 

(11) ABSOLUTE ZERO

 

The ultimate Ice Age state of reality – and by ice, we’re talking the solid state of gases, not water. Water freezes to ice at 0 degrees Celsius – absolute zero is 0 degrees Kelvin or -217.15 degrees Celsius.

It’s also impossible – while absolute zero can be approached, it can never be reached, although modern science can come pretty damn close (in units of picokelvin or one trillionth of a kelvin).

 

(12) SPACE

 

We already live in a cosmic Ice Age so to speak – space, which has an average or baseline temperature only slightly above absolute zero at 2.7 degrees Kelvin, apparently from the background radiation leftover from the Big Bang. Talk about running on fumes!

However, the actual temperature of space can vary depending on neighboring bodies, obviously such as stars.

 

(13) ASTROPHYSICS ICE LINE

 

Even our immediate stellar environment – the solar system, albeit itself incomprehensibly vast compared to Earth – is mostly an ice age, outside the so-called ice line (or frost line or snow line) in astrophysics.

It always strikes me how narrow the sweet spot or temperate habitable zone around our Sun (or any star) is – with our planet’s orbit obviously in it and even then it gets ice. In fairness, Mars is also in it – as the only other such planet “where liquid water can exist on the surface”. Otherwise, the ice line kicks in at 5 astronomical units – 1 astronomical unit is the average distance of Earth from the Sun – from Jupiter onwards.

Speaking of ice lines (or snow lines or frost lines)…

 

(14) POLES & MOUNTAINS

 

The ice line in astrophysics is borrowed from the similar ice line on Earth itself – or rather ice lines, as the ice lines for both poles (north and south, Arctic and Antarctic) and for sufficiently high mountains which have the same effect (through their height to where our atmosphere is thinner).

And yes – the ice lines mark the parts of our planet that are in an ice age, or rather the areas of glaciation for our present ice age, while the rest of the planet is in an interglacial period of the ice age.

That’s essentially the defining characteristic of an ice age – that parts of the planet are in glaciation – sometimes stated as icehouse Earth, as opposed to greenhouse Earth for which there is no glaciation, as in other geological periods (and as the argument goes, increasingly for our own with global warming).

 

(15) POLAR DESERTS & OCEANS

 

It’s always fascinated me that those regions of the Earth that fall under an ice cap climate – where no monthly mean temperature exceeds 0 degrees Celsius – have rainfalls low enough to qualify as deserts, although they usually are distinguished from true deserts. Hence, most of the interior of Antarctica is polar desert and it is the driest continent on Earth, even more so than the usual suspect (and next driest continent) Australia. I would have thought that polar deserts are relatively more common during ice ages.

Equally, it’s always fascinated me that the biome of Antarctica is predominantly marine – while the continent itself is mostly dead, its seas and coastline. The same can be said of the Arctic proper, only more so as it is entirely marine – such that the polar bear is classified as a marine mammal.

For that matter, there’s the deep sea or 90% of the volume of the ocean – effectively a oceanic ice age of itself, with consistent temperature of 0-3 degrees Celsius.

 

X-TIER (WEIRD / WILD TIER)

 

(16) GREAT FLOOD

 

Or as it might be called, the Great Thaw.

After the ice comes the thaw. Flood or deluge myths – including that of Atlantis – are sometimes attributed to the rise of sea levels from melting glacial ice at the end of the Last Glacial Period about 11,700 years ago

 

(17) FROZEN UNDERWORLD – HEL & HELL

 

The eternal ice age!

It’s not surprising that the underworld of Norse mythology – Hel or Helheim – was depicted as cold or frozen.

What is more surprising is for the Hell we’re more familiar with from Christian belief and popular imagination to depicted as cold or frozen rather than the usual archetype of the fires of hell. For hell to be frozen seems an oxymoron – after all, it’s where we get idioms like it will be a cold day in hell or when hell freezes over (invoking impossibility) and people wanting ice water in hell.

And yet that is how Dante, in the Inferno part of his Divine Comedy, depicted the deepest level of hell, reserved for traitors as the worst sinners and including Satan himself.

Not sure if that’s related to the supernatural cold spots – often causing breath to frost – associated with ghosts or worse.

 

(18) WINTER

 

Now is the winter of our discontent.

The seasonal ice age we have every year – and as such used as a metaphor, usually with associations with such things as discontent or the end of life with old age or death.

Speaking of which…

 

(19) PERSONAL ICE AGE

 

“If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?”

It’s everyone’s personal ice age, where everything gets frozen over – old age and death, for example, or depression and dark periods in life for which there is some possibility of a thaw.

And speaking of which

 

(20) S€XUAL ICE AGE

 

Yes – it’s time for my usual kinky entry as my final or twentieth special mention where the subject permits. I wouldn’t have thought that the subject of ice ages would have been open to kink – or in this case an absence of kink – but I just can’t resist the common usage of frigid for lack of sexual response (particularly in women) for the wider connotations of one’s own private s€xual ice age for lack of activity or response.

 

Top Tens – Poetry: Top 10 Poetry (Honorable Mention): (1681) Andrew Marvell – To His Coy Mistress

Portrait of Andrew Marvell by unknown artist in 1655 – Wikipedia “Andrew Marvell”, public domain

 

 

(1681) ANDREW MARVELL – TO HIS COY MISTRESS

 

“Had we had but world enough and time

This coyness, Lady, were no crime”

 

Carpe diem as a pick-up line to get in her pants.

No, seriously, that’s the poem – and why I like it.

That and the worms that makes it a favorite among adolescent students everywhere –

 

“then Worms shall try

That long preserv’d Virginity”

 

Like John Donne, Andrew Marvell is another surprisingly raunchy 17th-century ‘metaphysical’ poet.

Ultimately, he’s something of a one-poem wonder for his most famous and celebrated poem “To His Coy Mistress” – but what a poem! In the word of TV Tropes, it “is pretty much the trope codifier for the more philosophical sort of seduction lyric and contains a bunch of phrases that are hugely quotable, forever appearing in titles and epigraphs”. That seduction lyric is the persuasion of the speaker’s prospective lover by means of a carpe diem philosophy – or YOLO in modern internet slang. Seize the day, baby.

It’s also a popular poem in schools – well, as popular as poems get in schools – where it certainly is fertile ground for lowbrow humor for perpetually adolescent minds like mine. There’s the two hundred years the poet would spend on each of his lover’s breasts, if only they did have eternity. Not to mention, the ages he would devote to every other part, which prompts thoughts of an ass age – heh

And of course there’s the worms (“Can we do the one with the worms again, Miss?” – actual quote reported by teacher).

All lowbrow locker room humor aside, there is something powerfully evocative in Marvell’s vibrant imagery and command of rhyming couplets, particularly in the last stanza where the speaker urges the woman to seize life by the, well, horns.

 

“Let us roll all our Strength, and all

Our sweetness, up into one Ball:

And tear our Pleasures with rough strife,

Thorough the Iron gates of Life.

Thus, though we cannot make our Sun

Stand still, yet we will make him run.”

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Mythologies (Complete & Revamped)

Afterlife (Egyptian Mythology) – free divine gallery sample art from OldWorldGods

 

 

I don’t have a religion – I have a mythology.

Indeed, I have a top ten of them. As much as I enjoy mythology, not all mythologies are equal. Arguably not even the same mythology, as like the proverbial river of Heraclitus, you cannot step into the same mythology twice, as it is constantly evolving, with many variants, often inconsistent with each other. Some mythologies just resonate better with me than others.

Hence this is my top ten ranking of mythology – or perhaps top ten mythologies? Mythos – or mythoi? My myths and sacred mysteries? Whatever. They are not ranked by the extent to which they still form part of an active religion, their duration or number of adherents, or by their cultural impact or influence, but by my personal interest in them – although this tends to overlap with one or more of the previous criteria, particularly my top two entries, which are the standouts both to me and for Western culture in general.

Just some further notes – I have some ratings within each entry:

 

SACRED SPACES & CHTHONIC BLUES

 

Rating mythologies by their mythic worlds within and beyond our own, particularly that most common chthonic denominator – their underworlds (and afterlifes in general).

 

APOCALYPSE HOW

 

Rating mythologies by their apocalypses – that is, their eschatology to use the technical term, or their apocalyptic myths of “the end of the present age, human history, or the world itself”. No prizes for guessing the mythology in the top apocalyptic spot – that provides its own title of apocalypse to this rating. Ironically, apocalypses also tend to include positive or redemptive transformation – the millennium, whether of millennialism or millenarianism, or what Tolkien dubbed the eucatastrophe.

 

EQUAL RITES

 

Rating mythologies by their goddesses – or more precisely the importance or significance of goddesses or female figures as compared to those of gods or male figures within their pantheon. Perhaps on a sliding scale from goddesses gone wild to a divine sausage party?

 

DIVINE COMEDY

 

Rating mythologies by how much they lend themselves to divine comedy, particularly comic or trickster figures.

 

TWILIGHT OF THE GODS

 

No, not a repetition of rating mythologies by their apocalypses but more metaphorically in terms of their decline or persistence, particularly as actual or active religious belief, whether in duration or number of adherents,  but also in their enduring cultural impact or influence.

 

So that said, these are my Top 10 Mythologies. You know the rules – this is one of my deep dive top tens, counting down from tenth to first place and looking at individual entries in some depth or detail of themselves.

But wait – there’s more! The subject is prolific enough for my usual twenty special mentions per top ten and for honorable mentions beyond that.

Finally, note on the visual images used in this top ten. Given the copyright in visual images, I use visual images of one of the three following types to avoid infringing copyright – images from the public domain or free images, images licensed for use with attribution, and images as fair use for the purposes of comment, criticism, reaction or review.

 

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

Free ‘divine gallery’ sample art – OldWorldGods

 

 

(10) AFRO-AMERICAN – VOODOO

 

Perhaps the newest entry in my top ten, as well as a mythology that is part of an active religion – or more broadly the family of Afro-American or African diaspora religions.

While I find it fascinating, it is a mythology or mythologies of which I only have superficial knowledge – and perhaps like popular culture, I am most familiar with the Louisiana variant actually titled voodoo and the Haitian variant that is titled vodou.

For Louisiana voodoo, it is primarily the ritual or magical practices that are associated with voodoo in popular culture or ‘Hollywood voodoo’ – charms or amulets such as voodoo dolls, ‘gris gris’ bags and of course mojo. O yes – and voodoo queens, such as Marie Laveau. I also find it intriguing how early followers of voodoo as slaves disguised their traditional gods as Catholic saints in a form of subversive syncretism.

For Haitian vodou, it is the divine entities, the loa or ‘divine horsemen’ that possess their followers – particularly the distinctive trinity of Papa Legba, Erzulie, and of course Baron Samedi, not least from his cinematic incarnation in the James Bond film, Live and Let Die. Again, I find it intriguing that the loa go by many names, which represent different personalities or traits – with the two most significant being the more positive ‘Rada’ form and the darker ‘Petro’ form, the latter representing the angry dark side of the loa, usually linked to the dark side of slavery in the Afro-American historical experience.

 

SACRED SPACES & CHTHONIC BLUES

 

To be honest, I don’t know too much about the mythic worlds of Afro-American mythologies or voodoo within and beyond our own. I was not surprised to learn upon looking it up that there is a realm of ancestral spirits – but I was surprised to learn that Haitian vodou does have its holy sites of pilgrimage that overlap with Christian sites in Haiti.

 

APOCALYPSE HOW

 

I don’t know too much about any apocalyptic myths of Afro-American mythologies – apart from Rastafarianism – but they strike me as post-apocalyptic mythology, in this case the apocalypse of slavery and the slave trade. Haiti seems locked into a permanent post-apocalyptic state.

 

EQUAL RITES

 

Voodoo and Afro-American mythologies certainly have their divine female figures which seem to be in reasonable balance with its male ones – with perhaps the most prominent figure in voodoo as female, Marie Laveau.

 

DIVINE COMEDY

 

The loa seem to enjoy humor, often of a crude nature.

 

TWILIGHT OF THE GODS

 

One of the most notable mythologies in my top ten persisting in religious belief as well as in cultural influence. The African diaspora religions may well rank among the major world religions in number of adherents but it is difficult to tell since those adherents are often disguised or hidden within Christianity.

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

Free ‘divine gallery’ sample art from OldWorldGods

 

(9) NATIVE AMERICAN – LAKOTA

 

“The Great Spirit has given to you a red day and a red road” – Black Elk

A mythology that is part of an active religion – or mythologies and religions, as native American mythology at its broadest can be very broad indeed. The description of native American mythology can extend to mythology throughout the pre-Columbian Americas. Even if we confine ourselves to the geographic northern continent, that still is incredibly diverse – including the more lurid central American or meso-American mythologies, of which the most famous appears in the next entry in my top ten.

This entry is intended to be representative of the native American mythologies in the area of the present United States. Of course, this remains as diverse as the people themselves in this area, but if I have to nominate any in particular, it would be those of the Great Plains in general or the Lakota (or Sioux) in particular.

This is because of my familiarity with Lakota ‘holy man’ Black Elk, through his own words as narrated in Black Elk Speaks (narrated to John Neihardt) and through the apparent focus his work gave to Huston Smith in the latter’s study of primal religions. I have a particular soft spot for Wakan Tanka, the overarching Great Mysterious that resides in everything – also the Ghost Dance.

 

SACRED SPACE & CHTHONIC BLUES

 

I don’t know much about the mythic worlds of Native American mythology other than references to their belief in an afterlife in the happy hunting ground that is attributed to them, although that probably originated in the British settlers interpreting their description – apparently the phrase first appeared “in 1823 in The Pioneers by James Fenimore Cooper”.

 

APOCALYPSE HOW

 

Lakota mythology indeed has its apocalypse and one of the most famous at that, albeit it may have been influenced by Christian millenarianism (and was strangely parallel to the contemporaneous millenarianism of the Boxer Rebellion) – the Ghost Dance. While it certainly was to be an apocalypse for the United States, it was more in the nature of a positive millenarian transformation or eucatastrophe for the Lakota.

 

EQUAL RITES

 

Lakota mythology has at least one messianic female figure – White Buffalo Calf Woman.

 

DIVINE COMEDY

 

More broadly, Native American mythologies have quite the divine comedy of recurring trickster figures – Coyote and Raven.

 

TWILIGHT OF THE GODS

 

Another mythology in my top ten that persists in religious belief among Native Americans – and in cultural impact beyond that. Indeed, enough so that Huston Smith included a chapter on the primal religions among major religions in his book The World’s Religions – and with the Lakota religion featuring prominently.

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Free ‘divine gallery’ sample art – OldWorldGods

 

(8) MESO-AMERICAN – AZTEC

 

I can’t resist featuring Aztec mythology through the lens of its lurid image in popular culture – that is to say, the closest mythology comes to a horror film or the Cthulhu mythos, both of itself and of its ritual practice of human sacrifice. Yes – I know that is unfair to the nuances of Aztec mythology, particularly in the context of just how horrific other mythologies can be. I mean – have you read the Bible? Some of that stuff’s straight out of slasher horror.

However, it is hard to resist seeing Aztec mythology as horror film mythology. For one thing, there’s its deities with their tongue-twisting Scrabble-winning names. The messianic plumed serpent Quetzalcoatl might be one of the few good guys and I have always have a soft spot for love goddesses like Xochiquetzal, but then you have gods like Xipe Totec, the flayed god – whose priests would flay the skin from a sacrificial victim and dance around for days wearing it. Although admittedly I’d go to church to see that.

For another thing, you have its ritual practice, infamous for human sacrifice on a grand scale – with the archetypal image of hearts being torn beating from the chests of thousands of victims on stepped pyramids slippery with blood on sacrificial days.

And finally for yet another thing, there’s that Aztec mythology is a post-apocalyptic mythology – with the present world being the fifth such world, after the apocalyptic destruction of four previous worlds. Indeed, one might even call it a zombie apocalyptic mythology – with the gods continuously, to the point of constantly dying and returning to life, giving their blood and their hearts to power the sun (fuelled in turn by the literal blood and hearts of human sacrifice), while they literally grew humans from bones smuggled out of the underworld. Or one of many underworlds, since the Aztecs had nine levels of its underworld (and thirteen heavens).

Also, I sometimes like to joke my middle initial Q stands for Quetzalcoatl.

 

SACRED SPACES & CHTHONIC BLUES

 

One of the most chthonic mythologies, since the Aztecs had those nine levels of its underworld known as Mictlan. Although it sometimes seems hard to distinguish the Aztec underworld from the Aztec world, what with those pyramids slippery with blood and hearts from human sacrifice.

 

APOCALYPSE HOW

 

And how!

As I said, Aztec mythology is a post-apocalyptic mythology – or post-post-post-post-apocalyptic mythology, with the present world being the fifth such world, after the apocalyptic destruction of four previous worlds. Or indeed, a zombie apocalyptic mythology – with the gods continuously, to the point of constantly dying and returning to life, giving their blood and their hearts to power the sun (fuelled in turn by the literal blood and hearts of human sacrifice)

 

EQUAL RITES

 

While the male deities tended to steal the sacrificial limelight, Aztec mythology had its share of goddesses – like its love goddess Xochiquetzal.

 

DIVINE COMEDY

 

Well, perhaps comedy horror along the lines of the Evil Dead franchise – or splatterpunk

 

TWILIGHT OF THE GODS

 

Yes and no – although in fairness you can’t say the Aztec gods faded away into twilight but were burnt out thrashing and screaming by the Spanish conquest.

Although I suspect that Meso-American religious belief persisted whether absorbed into Catholicism (in the style of classical or Roman paganism absorbed by the early Church), disguised or hidden within it (in the style of the Afro-American religions), or just existing parallel or juxtaposed to it – and the cultural influence or impact of Aztec mythology would seem to have persisted well beyond any religious belief.

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Ganesha – free ‘divine gallery’ art sample from OldWorldGods

 

 

(7) HINDU

 

Another mythology as part of an active religion – indeed, the third largest religion, although it might be more accurately described as mythologies or religions, given the diversity of Hinduism.

It is perhaps the most cheerfully and flamboyantly polytheistic of modern religions, with all its gods and their avatars, although Hinduism itself can be polytheistic, pantheistic, panentheistic, pandeistic, henotheistic, monotheistic, monistic, agnostic, atheistic or humanist – depending on how philosophical one is towards it.

The classifications vary, but modern Hinduism is often classified into four major denominations by primary deity – Vaishnavism by Vishnu (or his avatars, often Krisha or Rama), Shaivism by Shiva, Shaktism by Devi (or manifestations of the supreme goddess) or Smartism by a combination of five deities. Of which I obviously prefer Shaktism for worship of the goddess – she is the goddess and this is her body, o yes!

However, it is a mythology or mythologies of which I have only the most basic knowledge – primarily of their literally colorful deities with all their arms, avatars and trinities. The trinity of Brahma the creator, Vishnu the preserver and Shiva the destroyer. The supreme goddess Devi or Shakti in all her forms and trinities – most commonly Saraswati, Laskshmi and Parvati, with Kali perhaps as the most distinctive form of Parvati known outside Hinduism. And of course Ganesha, because I have a soft spot for animal-headed deities.

 

SACRED SPACE & CHTHONIC BLUES

 

Hindu mythology has its sacred spaces and mythic worlds, including a number that would be described as hells or underworlds but without widespread name recognition beyond Hinduism. For that matter, the heavens and hells of Hinduism seem somewhat abstract – and the world itself seems mythic in Hindu mythology, with the world as “maya” or illusion (personified as the goddess Durga).

 

Or “lila” – a way of describing all reality, including the cosmos, as divine play.

 

APOCALYPSE HOW

 

Hindu mythology has its apocalypse as part of its cyclical cosmology – and again one of the most famous, the Kali Yuga, “the fourth, shortest, and worst of the four yugas” or world ages, ending in cosmic cataclysm and rebirth.

 

EQUAL RITES

 

Hindu mythology ranks highly for equal rites. One of the major denominations within Hinduism is Shaktism, based around Shakti, the divine feminine as supreme principle or power and symbolized as the Mahadevi or Great Goddess.

 

DIVINE COMEDY

 

A mythology that alternatively proposes reality as maya or illusion, and lila or divine play, is clearly one that features divine comedy and trickster figures.

 

TWILIGHT OF THE GODS

 

My top ten mythology entry that is going strongest against the twilight of its gods, not just in its ongoing cultural impact and influence but its continuity as a major religion – indeed as the worlds’ third largest religion, with approximately 1.2 billion followers.

 

RATING
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Ereshkigal – free ‘divine gallery’ art sample from OldWorldGods

 

 

(6) MIDDLE EASTERN – BABYLO-SUMERIAN

 

Dare I say it – the ur-mythology!

The mythology, that is, of the long-standing and predominant civilization in the ancient Middle East that shaped so much of their successors in civilization and mythology, particularly the states of Mesopotamia.

By the states of Mesopotamia, I am referring to the fluctuating city-states or states collectively best known to history as Sumer and Babylon, with the latter’s imperial franchise having at least one reboot as the neo-Babylonian empire. That also includes the other empires that bubbled up from that area such as the Akkadian empire and Assyrian empire (which also rebooted itself as neo-Assyrian empire). The political history is long and messy, although much of the mythology or religion stays the same, albeit with different names – what might be called the classical mythology of the region, which I’ll dub Babylo-Sumerian. Yes I know Sumer preceded Babylon, but Babylo-Sumerian just sounds better.

Indeed, this entry is intended to be representative of ancient Middle Eastern mythologies in general, including the various so-called Canaanite mythologies which we mostly know as the bad guys in the Bible (although the Assyrians and Babylonians also feature prominently as bad guys there, particularly the latter)

But to return to the selection of Sumerian and Babylonian mythology for this entry. Yes – it’s not quite as funky as a certain other neighboring mythology with its animal-headed gods, but it does have some interesting features – two in particular. The first is the epic of Gilgamesh and his quest for eternal life, notable as the first epic of a mythic hero in writing. The second is the slinky goddess to rival other slinky goddesses in mythology – Ishtar, Babylonian goddess of love and war (or her Sumerian counterpart Inanna) and her most famous myth, her epic strip-teasing descent into the underworld.

There are also other features of interest – various other deities (Marduk in our feature image for example), Tiamat the primordial goddess-dragon of chaos (best known to Dungeons and Dragons players as a supreme evil dragon goddess) and various stories recycled in the Bible, notably the Flood (and the Sumerian Noah, Utnapishtim, who features in the epic of Gilgamesh).

Oh – and a certain god who became the demon antagonist of The Exorcist film, which I know better than to name here (or anywhere) because that’s just tempting fate.

 

SACRED SPACE & CHTHONIC BLUES

 

When the concept and very word of paradise itself originates from the ancient Middle East – Persia in particular – then you know its mythology ranks highly for sacred spaces and mythic worlds, even more so for its enduring influence for the paradises and underworlds of other mythologies.

Speaking of underworlds, the Mesopotamian underworld was equally as influential as Persian paradise, not least for the descent of Inanna or Ishtar into it.

 

APOCALYPSE HOW

 

Middle Eastern mythology – particularly Persian mythology – had an apocalypse, the final triumph of the supreme good divine being Ahura Mazda over the evil destructive divine force Angra Mainyu, that was highly influential on the apocalypse of other mythologies, especially my top mythology.

 

EQUAL RITES

 

Middle Eastern mythology seems mostly masculine with one fundamental exception – Inanna or Ishtar, a divine female figure that influenced or inspired similar divine female figures throughout the ancient Middle East and beyond, extending to my two top entries.

 

DIVINE COMEDY

 

There’s some divine comedy or tricksters but Middle Eastern mythology seems mostly serious.

 

TWILIGHT OF THE GODS

 

Sadly, we’ve now moved to a mythology or mythologies which mostly faded away in the twilight of their gods, but for their cultural impact or influence, mostly on other mythologies.

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Free ‘divine gallery’ art sample – OldWorldGods

 

 

(5) EGYPTIAN

 

“I am a cowboy in the boat of Ra…
“Who was that
dog-faced man? they asked, the day I rode
from town”…
Go get my eyelids of red paint.
Hand me my shadow
I’m going into town after Set”

One of two things I lament about Christianity is the decline of the Egyptian pantheon. If only the Roman Empire could have gone the way of the ankh instead of the cross. Or if only the Egyptian gods had returned out of the desert, as opposed to Islam and swept Christianity out of Egypt!

What’s not to love about those funky animal-headed gods and those slinky goddesses? Especially the goddesses – lithe and svelte in their form-fitting dresses, with their golden skin and painted eyes, they would not look out of place as supermodels on a modern catwalk. Of course, Egypt was, quite frankly, the s€xiest ancient civilization – admittedly perhaps not for its population’s vast majority of peasants who farmed the Nile or worked on those useless tombstones known as pyramids, but certainly for its elite, who pretty much invented style. You know it’s true – just look at the figures in their art!

Or what’s not to love how the gods kept shifting and swapping out with each other as they rose and fell within the pantheon? My personal favorite trinity of Egyptian mythology (well apart from Anubis, one of my favorite dog gods of mythology) – Osiris, Isis and Horus as they square off against their adversary Set. O yes – Isis. Goddess of magic who seduced the secret name from the sun god Ra and lover of Osiris who resurrected him after he was dismembered by his evil adversary Set to conceive the divine hero Horus (who then avenges Osiris)

Or what’s not to love about its different and contradictory creation myths? Particularly the one where the god Atum (who swapped out as supreme god from time to time) created the world by, ahem, mastrbating it into existence. Now that’s creationism! Indeed, Egyptian mythology could get downright kinky. Isis essentially s€xes up all her magic, including that briefly reviving Osiris to conceive Horus. Or how Set and Horus essentially strive to, ahem, out-ejculate each other…

 

SACRED SPACE & CHTHONIC BLUES

 

Egyptian mythology may well be the most chthonic of mythologies – albeit not so much in the name recognition of its underworld (Duat) and more in terms of the afterlife in general. Indeed, ancient Egypt almost seems a necropolis, with its religion and ritual predominated by preparation for the afterlife – and its monumental statues or architecture as portals to it, such that Egypt itself appears as its own sacred space.

 

APOCALYPSE HOW

 

Somewhat surprisingly for its focus on the afterlife, Egyptian mythology is somewhat devoid of any apocalypse to popular recognition, although it did have its cosmic battles between good and evil.

However, like voodoo and meso-American mythology, I sometimes tend to see ancient Egypt itself as post-apocalyptic in mindset – a civilization huddled around the Nile with the apocalypse of the desert surrounding it on all sides. And while the Nile was reliably fertile, when it did fail it could be apocalyptic – those Biblical plagues had some basis in the historical reality of how apocalyptic it could get.

 

EQUAL RITES

 

Perhaps not quite as highly as Hindu mythology, Egyptian mythology does rank highly for equal rites in the prominence of its divine female figures (and pharaonic figures) – with Isis in particular, so much so that she came closest of any divine female figure to becoming a universal monotheistic Goddess during the Roman Empire (and was a major inspiration for the veneration of Mary within Christianity).

 

DIVINE COMEDY

 

There would seem to be little room for the laughter of the gods in a mythology between the desert and the deep blue sea, but surprisingly Egyptian mythology does come to the party with some divine comedy, albeit some of it would seem unintentional and more to modern readers – as well as working blue. There’s the creation myth, admittedly one of many, of a god literally mast*rbating the cosmos into existence – or of the sacred scarab or dung beetle rolling the sun like dung. And the less said about Horus’s special sauce in his salad dressing the better, although I presume that must have been intended as a dirty joke.

 

TWILIGHT OF THE GODS

 

Sadly, one of the mythologies where the divine figures have mostly faded away in the twilight of the gods, apart from their tiny revival within neo-paganism – although they remain far more within popular imagination (and name recognition) as compared to other ancient Middle Eastern mythologies, mainly due to the enduring fascination with their visual depiction within Egyptian art and sculpture.

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP-TIER)

 

Nigel Terry as King Arthur in the 1981 film “Excalibur”, directed by John Boorman – King Arthur in the 1981 film Excalibur – still the best cinematic adaptation of Arthurian legend

 

 

(4) CELTIC – ARTHURIAN

 

For mine is the grail quest –
round table & siege perilous
fisher king & waste land
bleeding lance & dolorous stroke
adventurous bed & questing beast

This entry is essentially for the whole of Celtic mythology in all its diversity, reflecting the diversity of the Celts themselves. The Celts extended through time, from at least the sixth century BCE through various survivals to the present day, and even more substantially through geographical space – from their original homeland in central Europe throughout Europe, most notably to the British isles. The Celts even extended into modern Turkey (where they were known as Galatians) and perhaps most famously as the Gauls threatening Rome in its infancy (before being conquered by Rome in turn).

And I find all Celtic mythology fascinating.

The mythology of Gaul – which I particularly know from the gods invoked in Asterix comics by Toutatis! – is mostly from surviving names and images, cited by Roman writers inclined to “transmit any bizarre and negative” information about the people they conquered.

The Wicker Man. Druids. The mysterious horned god Cernunnos and other Gallic gods or goddesses.

Of course, the Celtic mythology that survived most in literary form (mostly as recorded by Christian monks) were for those Celts who maintained their identities – in Brittany or coastal France, in Britain and above all in Ireland with its various mythological cycles. The Tuatha de Danann or the gods of Ireland. The Ulster Cycle and its great hero Cu Chulainn. The Fenian Cycle as well as its great hero Fionn Mac Cumhaill (sometimes awesomely translated as Finn McCool) and his Fianna warrior band. And the Cycle of Kings of historical legend. Much of this mythology in Ireland, Britain and elsewhere was recycled into the fairy folklore of Europe.

However, if I’m to pick the one strand of Celtic mythology that is foremost in familiarity and fascination for me, it’s that strand that moved through to folklore and above all to historical legend – the legend of King Arthur, as part of the so-called Matter of Britain or legendary history of the Kings of Britain.

Arthur Pendragon himself, the once and future king. His father Uther. The wizard Merlin. The Lady in the Lake. The sword in the stone or Excalibur. His queen Guinevere. The enchantress Morgan Le Fay (often conflated with another character, Morgause, as the mother of usurper Mordred). The knights of the Round Table – most famously Lancelot but also Gawain, Galahad, Perceval and Bedivere. The Holy Grail. Avalon – and so on.

And of course its ongoing adaptations – which essentially started from its very inception with medieval literature – including its cinematic adaptations, of which two films remain my favorite, Excalibur, and Monty Python and The Holy Grail (which funnily enough still remains one of the most faithful adaptations to Arthurian legend).

 

SACRED SPACE & CHTHONIC BLUES

 

Now we’re getting to the big guns of mythology, particularly when it comes to sacred space or mythic worlds. The Celtic Otherworld is perhaps one of the best known and most definitive concepts of the otherworld in mythology – that realm of the deities or the dead, often overlapping, although the Celtic Otherworld “is more usually described as paradisal fairyland than a frightening place”, more fey than infernal.

The Otherworld looms large in Arthurian legend in various guises – a recurring numinous presence depicted well in the film Excalibur. One guise is as Fairyland but perhaps even more so as that mystical place with some of the highest name recognition among mythic worlds – Avalon, which overlaps with the underworld as King Arthur’s final resting place.

Celtic mythology in general and Arthurian legend in particular also has their distinctive mythic geography in our world, particularly in Britain with its historical sites as identified with locations in myth or legend.

 

APOCALYPSE HOW

 

Arthurian legend has its apocalyptic battle between good and evil, indeed one of the better known ones at that – the Battle of Camlann, the legendary final battle between Arthur and his son Mordred as usurper. Like another apocalypse of a mythology in a higher place to come in this top ten, it ends not so much in triumph but mutually assured destruction, after which the old world fades away with the birth of a new – although one of more popular legend in Arthurian legend is that Arthur remains as sleeper under the hill with his knights, awaiting England’s greatest hour of need to rise again and do battle against its enemies.

 

EQUAL RITES

 

While Celtic mythology may rival even Hindu mythology for the equal rites of its goddesses, particularly in more matriarchal interpretations of it, Arthurian legend seems less so for the equal rites of its maidens as against its knights and above all its king as central figure.

That said, it has some of the most distinctive female figures in Western culture – foremost among them Morgan Le Fay and Guinevere but also Elaine (or more precisely a number of figures named Elaine), Igraine as Arthur’s mother, Morgause (often conflated with Morgan Le Fay), Iseult, the Lady of the Lake, Nimue, and the Nine Sorceresses. So much so that there’s arguably something of a cottage industry in revisions of Arthurian legend focusing on them, with the foremost example as The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley.

 

DIVINE COMEDY

 

While Arthurian legend might seem very earnest, it has quite the comedic streak to it, often linked to the Otherworld or Fairyland.

 

TWILIGHT OF THE GODS

 

Not quite the twilight of the gods but not far from it, as the figures of Arthurian legend fade away after the Battle of Camlann, although they have remained as vivid presences in Western culture ever since.

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Chris Hemsworth as Thor in the 2013 Marvel film “Thor: The Dark World” – not the most accurate cinematic adaptation of Norse mythology but perhaps the most popular (via the characters in Marvel comics)

 

 

(3) NORSE

 

“We come from the land of the ice and snow
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow
The hammer of the gods
Will drive our ships to new lands
To fight the horde, sing and cry
Valhalla, I am coming”

And now we come to a mythology that is one of the best known, even outside its European continent of origin, thanks to Thor in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the days of the week still named in English for the Norse gods. It is also arguably one of the most hardcore mythologies, with imagery worthy of a metal album cover.

I mean, what else can you say of a mythology that features a ship made entirely of fingernails and toenails (of the dead)? Or its creation myth, in which the world was created from the corpse of a giant. No fluffy let there be light here. Or that the gods are essentially locked into a perpetual cold war (heh) against the giants – complicated by the trickster Loki in their presence, who alternates between getting them into compromising or difficult situations before getting them out of those situations (until he goes one trick too far). And like the historical cold war, the gods are planning for mutually assured destruction – famously gathering slain warriors in Valhalla – when the war turns hot at the end of the world. Or rather, when it turns ice cold at Ragnarok – or Gotterdamerung, the twilight of the gods (in the Fimbulwinter or endless winter).

Of course, Norse is something of a misnomer, as it was a Germanic or Scandinavian mythology that extended throughout much of northern Europe, although it is most identified with Norway and Iceland (and Vikings!) – also the source of its surviving texts

“The source texts mention numerous gods, such as the hammer-wielding, humanity-protecting thunder-god Thor, who relentlessly fights his foes; the one-eyed, raven-flanked god Odin, who craftily pursues knowledge throughout the worlds and bestowed among humanity the runic alphabet; the beautiful, seer-working, feathered cloak-clad goddess Freyja who rides to battle to choose among the slain; the vengeful, skiing goddess Skadi, who prefers the wolf howls of the winter mountains to the seashore; the powerful god Njord, who may calm both sea and fire and grant wealth and land; the god Freyr, whose weather and farming associations bring peace and pleasure to humanity; the goddess Idunn who keeps apples that grant eternal youthfulness; the mysterious god Heimdall, who is born of nine mothers, can hear grass grow, has gold teeth, and possesses a resounding horn” and of course “Loki, who brings tragedy to the gods by engineering the death of the goddess Frigg’s beautiful son Baldur”

Nordic mythology is distinctive in that its gods are not only fallible (even the wily Odin), but also all mortal. They can and do die. And die aplenty on its version of the apocalypse. No foreordained triumph of the gods here – on this day, all gods die, taking their enemies down with them. Well, not all of them, as there are some key survivors to renew the world, but that phrase just has a good ring to it.

That doesn’t stop the Norse gods from being hardcore – from plucking one’s eye out as Odin did for wisdom, or losing one’s hand as security deposit as Tyr did, putting his hand in the mouth of the Fenris Wolf. Which of course brings me to their fearsome adversaries, not just frost and fire giants, led by Loki, but also his three terrible children – the goddess Hel leading the dishonorable dead, the Fenris Wolf leading other monstrous wolves, and the World-Serpent.

Hardcore.

 

SACRED SPACE & CHTHONIC BLUES

 

From the big guns of Celtic mythology, we move to the even bigger guns of Norse mythology, which has one of the best known of all mythic cosmologies. Celtic mythology may have its famous Otherworld – Norse mythology famously has its Nine Worlds. One of those is of course our own mortal world Midgard, which lent itself to one of the most famous fantasy worlds, Tolkien’s Middle Earth.

However, while there is reference to the Nine Worlds in the original texts of Norse mythology, it is never clearly identified what those Nine Worlds are. Instead, scholars speculate from references to various realms as they occur elsewhere – Midgard or the realm of humanity, the realm or realms of elves and dwarves, the realm of giants, and the realms of fire and ice.

The most famous mythic realm in Norse mythology is Asgard, the realm of the gods (or more precisely one of two realms of the two families or tribes of gods in Norse mythology, the Aesir and the Vanir, with Asgard as the realm of the Aesir) – with the even more famous Valhalla as afterlife abode of the heroic dead.

As for chthonic blues, Norse mythology also has one of the most famous underworlds (sometimes reckoned as one of the Nine Worlds or as part of the mythic realm of ice) – the one named for the goddess of the dead and that lent its name to (or came from the same source as) that of an even more famous underworld, Hel.

 

APOCALYPSE HOW

 

Norse mythology has one of the most famous or iconic apocalypses of mythology, exceeded by only one other entry in this top ten – Ragnarok or Gotterdamerung, heralded by Fimbulwinter. Interestingly, unlike the most famous or iconic apocalypse, it is not so much the victory of good over evil as it is the mutually assured destruction of both.

 

EQUAL RITES

 

While Norse mythology leans heavily into its warrior male ethos for its theos, it remains that it does have its strong female figures that are among the best known of mythology – Freya foremost of course but also Idun and Sif.

 

DIVINE COMEDY

 

For a mythology of icy warrior gods holding the line against chaos before being swallowed up by it (literally in the case of Odin), Norse mythology is surprisingly comedic. Part of that comes from the prevalence of tricksters within it, including the head of its pantheon Odin – who always reminds me of a compulsive gambler trying to string out one trick after another to hold off the house.

 

TWILIGHT OF THE GODS

 

The trope namer – since that is what Gotterdamerung literally translates as – but ironically not quite the definitive example of how I am using that phrase here, the persistence or decline of its deities in religious belief or cultural imagination.

Sure, it ranks highly in decline of religious beliefs, as the Norse deities have faded from active religious belief by all but the tiny slither of population that is neo-pagan or “heathen” (and even then I query how much of that is genuine religious belief). However, they continue to loom large in culture and popular imagination, second to none but one other mythology in this top ten list when it comes to European pantheons.

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

 

Free “divine gallery” art sample – OldWorldGods

 

(2) CLASSICAL

 

“What men or gods are these? What maidens loath?
What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?
What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy!”

I believe in all the gods – especially the goddesses!

And I’m into classical mythology for the nymphs.

Or pining for them. As I said for Egyptian mythology, one of two things I lament about Christianity is the decline of the Egyptian pantheon, but the other thing – indeed the foremost thing – is the decline of classical paganism. It’s all I can do to stop myself yelling “This isn’t over! Pan isn’t dead! Julian the Apostate was right!” in churches.

“What ailed us, O gods, to desert you
For creeds that refuse and restrain?
Come down and redeem us from virtue”

If only we continued to follow the gods of classical paganism! If there is any mythology that tempts to me to actual religion within the deepest levels of my psyche, it’s classical mythology. I can see myself as a devotee of Aphrodite or Dionysus.

Classical mythology is of course the combination of Greek mythology and Roman mythology in ancient Greece as well as the Roman Republic and Roman Empire. Even as mythology rather than religion, it is one of the major survivals of ‘Greco-Roman’ culture that in turn is one of the two predominant cultural influences in what is often termed as Western civilization. Of course, many devotees prefer to refer to it simply as Greek mythology, seeing Roman mythology as Greek mythology with the serial numbers filed off. Which is somewhat ironic, as prior to the so-called Greek revival of the nineteenth century, Europeans primarily referred to names from classical mythology in their Latinized form. It is also a little unfair, as Roman mythology was not entirely derivative of Greek mythology – more a continuity reboot in the words of TV Tropes.

Anyway, you know it – or should. The gods and goddesses, primarily the twelve Olympian gods, but all the other deities as well as the demi-semi-hemi-gods that pop up because the gods can’t keep it in their pants. There are the heroes – a concept that in its very name actually comes from Greek mythology – primarily the heroes of the Trojan cycle. And there’s all the other beings, notably the various monsters that represent all the chaotic or chthonic forces in classical mythology.

And of course there’s the nymphs…

 

SACRED SPACE & CHTHONIC BLUES

 

What it lacks in the same extent of mythic cosmology as the Nine Worlds of Norse mythology, classical mythology more than makes up in the enduring iconic nature of its mythic geography.

I say geography, because the mythic geography or sacred space of classical mythology tended to be actual locations in historical geography, particularly within Greece, albeit transformed with a heroic or numinous nature. Troy is perhaps the most famous such location, although both its location and historicity remained uncertain before its modern rediscovery.

Even the realm of the gods had its portal in the historical geography of Greece with Mount Olympus.

Best of all, you have classical mythology’s recurring tendency to populate virtually every geographic feature with a hot nymph – now that’s sacred space!

As for chthonic blues, there’s the enduring iconic nature of classical mythology’s underworld – with most of its features being adapted wholesale by its successor for most prevalent imagery of the underworld in Western culture and imagination.

 

APOCALYPSE HOW

 

In contrast to its sacred space and chthonic blues second to my mythology in top spot, classical mythology is the least apocalyptic mythology in my top ten. Apocalyptic eschatology is not entirely absent from classical mythology.

There are hints that the supreme Olympian god Zeus will fall to the same sort of revolt against him as he led against his own father Cronus to rise to power (with Cronus in turn having risen to power by the same means against his father Uranus).

It’s one of the variant versions told of why Prometheus is chained to a rock with an eagle perpetually eating his liver – that he knew the secret of Zeus’ downfall, according to Prometheus Bound by Aeschylus, albeit Prometheus ultimately reconciled with Zeus by confessing the secret. (The secret being that the nymph Thetis would have a son greater than his father, which obviously posed a problem for Zeus as one of her suitors – so instead he arranged for Thetis to marry a mortal Peleus, conceiving Achilles).

There was a similar prophecy for the goddess Metis, except here the problem was that Zeus had already impregnated her – so Zeus pulled the same stunt as his own father and swallowed her, only for his daughter Athena to be born fully grown (and armed) from his head. She was famously one of classical mythology’s virgin goddesses, which I’ve always presumed was in part to avoid any fulfilment of the prophecy through her.

Apart from those hints of the future dethronement of Zeus, there were other revolts against Zeus, invoking the patricidal revolts by Zeus himself against his father Cronus and Cronus before him against Uranus – the primal cosmic battles or war in the heavens of classical mythology encapsulated as the Titanomachy. One is the war of the giants against the gods – the Gigantomachy to match the Titanomachy – and the other, more dangerously, is the attack by the monstrous Typhon on the gods, putting them to flight and even maiming Zeus himself. There’s even at least one coup attempt by other gods, including Zeus’ wife Hera – as told in the Iliad.

But for the most part, the apocalypse of the Olympian gods is more a matter of fading away in the twilight of any active religion or ritual for them. Or even dying, as was famously reported for Pan – “Pan is dead!”

Although ironically, as the argument does, Pan was the one Olympian god who did not die, being reborn with his goat-hooved and goat-halved form as the guise of the Christian Devil – better to reign in a Christian hell than to serve in an Olympian heaven I suppose. Sadly, it seems that argument is overstated but I prefer to believe it.

 

EQUAL RITES

 

Classical mythology has a prolific number of goddesses and divine (or semi-divine) female figures, such that it may seem to rival even Hindu mythology for the equal rites of its goddesses, particularly as the twelve Olympians were evenly divided between gods and goddesses – at least unless (or until) Dionysus substitutes for Hestia.

However, classical mythology seems to stop short of a supreme divine female figure (like that of Shaktism within Hindu mythology). As iconic as the divine female figures of classical mythology are, they tend to be subordinate to the divine male figures – particularly the supreme divine male figure of Zeus.

And yet there are hints or at least revisionist interpretations of the original or ultimate predominance of its goddesses or divine female figures. One of the most famous for the latter was by Robert Graves in his study of classical mythology, The Greek Myths (and popping up again in his poetic creed of the goddess, The White Goddess), although my favorite remains that of Barbara Walker in The Women’s Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets. As for Celtic mythology and Arthurian legend, there is something of a cottage publishing industry in revisions of classical mythology focusing on its distinctive female figures.

Whatever the truth of such hints or interpretations, classical mythology has to rank highly for equal rites if only for both the prolific number of its female figures and their enduring iconic nature.

 

DIVINE COMEDY

 

As for the equal rites of its goddesses or female figures, classical mythology has to rank highly for its divine comedy – in the prolific number and enduring iconic nature of myths with comedic elements or trickster figures. Arguably the Odyssey is one long trickster’s tale. Indeed, the origins of dramatic comedy is in Greek theater or drama, which tended to revolve around the tales, themes or tropes of classical mythology.

Of course, as like to quip, life is the laughter of the gods but sometimes they have a black sense of humor.

 

TWILIGHT OF THE GODS

 

“What ailed us, gods, to desert you?”

Alas, I can’t deny the twilight of the gods of classical mythology – or that it is the one I feel most acutely.

Like Norse mythology, the gods of classical mythology have faded from religious belief and ritual by all but a tiny neo-pagan following. However, they loom even larger than those of Norse mythology in being adapted by their successor or within culture and popular imagination.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD-TIER)

 

The Creation of Adam – Sistine Chapel by Michelangelo. Probably the most famous painting of Biblical imagery – “reproduced in countless imitations and parodies”and “one of the most replicated religious paintings of all time” (as well as in the public domain)

 

(1) BIBLICAL

 

Or as I like to call it – Babylon and the Beast.

This is it. This is the big one – genesis and apocalypse, alpha and omega, allelujah and amen!

Of course, Biblical mythology is helped into top spot in that for many people it is not just mythology but religion, in contrast to classical mythology or other ‘pagan’ mythologies it largely replaced.

However, I read the Bible as mythology rather than religion – or as poetry rather than history. That is, as literature for its literary quality. Or in other words, like virtually everyone reads classical mythology or any other mythology shorn of religious belief. And as mythology, it has an enduring resonance – of symbolic narratives that ring true at an emotional level or with the power of story, characters that resonate with us as flawed human protagonists (and that’s including God, who is all too human in his characterization) and language that in its best passages has an enduring lyrical or poetic quality.

And when you look at the mythology under the religious hood, that’s when things become much more interesting with layers of subtext, sex and violence as well as hints or insinuations of competing mythologies

Born again in Babylon and torn apart in Jerusalem…

 

SACRED SPACE & CHTHONIC BLUES

 

Biblical mythology outranks other mythologies with the enduring iconic nature of its mythic geography.

Again, I say geography because, like classical mythology, the mythic geography or sacred space of Biblical mythology tended to be actual locations in historical geography, particularly within the ancient Middle East, albeit transformed as numinous locations – with perhaps the most prominent being the opposing “poles” (for good and evil respectively) of Jerusalem and Babylon.

Some locations are more mythic than others – with again perhaps the most prominent representing opposing “poles”, this time at the beginning and end of the world, Eden and Armageddon, albeit the latter is often conflated with the apocalypse in which it appears.

As for chthonic blues, there’s the enduring iconic nature of Biblical mythology’s underworld, Hell (as well as Limbo and Purgatory) – or indeed its afterlife in general when you add Heaven.

 

APOCALYPSE HOW

 

The most definitive and iconic apocalypse in mythology, again outranking other mythologies, not surprisingly since it is the source of the very name for apocalypse.

 

EQUAL RITES

 

You’d think it wouldn’t rank too high given its masculine monotheism, even with the Trinity (unless you throw in Mary as well), but you’d be surprised.

Firstly, it has a prolific number of female figures, also among the most famous or iconic female figures in mythology.

Secondly, there are hints or at least revisionist interpretations of divine female figures – goddesses even or at least the divine feminine nature of God – to be found in the Bible and its female characters.

 

DIVINE COMEDY

 

Again you’d be surprised by the Bible when it comes to its divine comedy and trickster figures.

What’s more, much of that is intentional, although arguably even more of its comedy is black comedy or unintentional by its writers.

What is neither black nor unintentional is the argument that the Gospels are ultimately comedic in nature, essentially along the lines of its eucatastrophe or happy ending in triumph over tragedy.

Taking that a bit further to less serious interpretations, I’ve always been struck by the similarity in style between parables and jokes. And you can’t deny that Jesus had a gift for a snappy one-liner, particularly to hecklers – even when those hecklers include the Devil himself.

 

TWILIGHT OF THE GODS

 

What can I say? For sheer persistence as well as scale for endurance not only of cultural influence but active religious belief, Biblical mythology outranks all others in my top ten – indeed, probably all of them combined in terms of scale.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD-TIER – WHAT ELSE?)

 

 

 

MYTHOLOGY – TOP 10 MYTHOLOGIES (TIER LIST)

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

(1) BIBLICAL

(2) CLASSICAL

 

If Biblical mythology is my Old Testament of mythologies, then classical mythology is my New Testament. Yes, yes – I know that in a literal sense Biblical mythology is both Old Testament and New Testament but this is my schtick I do for god tier.

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

(3) NORSE

(4) CELTIC – ARTHURIAN

(5) EGYPTIAN

(6) MIDDLE EASTERN – BABYLO-SUMERIAN

(7) HINDU

(8) AZTEC

(9) NATIVE AMERICAN – LAKOTA

(10) AFRO-AMERICAN – VOODOO

 

You can return to or find more top tens in my indexed page for top tens of mythology.