King Harold in his classic transformation scene back into a frog in the Shrek 2 film – itself obviously an adaptation of the classic (cursed) fairy tale transmutation of The Frog Prince. Now that I think of it, I never realized how much the plot of both films revolved around transmutation

(8) TRANSMUTATION

Finally, there is transmutation – a ridiculously overpowered school of magic to rival or even exceed conjuration. Instead of conjuring material things or beings (potentially including yourself) through space, time or fantasy planes, this school of magic transforms (or transmogrifies – whoa!) material things or beings (potentially including yourself) into other material things and beings of your choice.

Like conjuration, it is one of the archetypal schools of magic in literature. Zeus showcased it by turning himself into animals to pick up chicks. It totally worked too, although you have to admit it would be pretty impressive if you could pull it off. Zeus’ one night stands read like a menagerie of seduction (as well as the entire genealogy of Greece) – bull, eagle, goat, snake, swan and on one particularly kinky occasion a shower of gold.

Speaking of which, transmutation has had a long-standing reputation in actual human history, as the humanity saw the best minds of many generations destroyed by the madness of alchemy, or trying to transmute lead into gold.

Because Leadfinger just doesn’t have the same ring (iconic scene of Jill Masterson killed by gold paint in the 1964 James Bond film Goldfinger)

So transmutation is almost limitlessly powerful and versatile – a supreme transmuter could sit sipping cocktails in Hell, because otherwise he or she will transform all the demons into frogs or little lambs or Playboy bunnies (or himself or herself into the biggest, baddest demon of all). Or just sit around anywhere – turning everyone else into demon cocktail waiters and waitresses.

BLING & BOOTY POTENTIAL

By now, it should be obvious that transmutation is as much a fantasy jackpot as conjuration – or more so, as it’s without the cosmic borrowing (or loan-sharking). Like King Midas, you can turn whatever you touch (or look at) into gold – or whatever you choose. Or for that matter, it knocks illusion out of the ballpark, because you can change things in reality not just appearance. What more do I need to say? Again, naturally the rules of Dungeons and Dragons try to place limits on their school of transmutation for the sake of the game, but it is magic after all.

As for your own Playboy Mansion, you could literally just transform any slum into your mansion – and anyone or anything into your Playmates. Your Playboy bunnies could have been actual bunnies just a moment ago. Indeed, people would probably line up to pay you for it and you could make your fortune from cosmetic transformation alone…