Mega-City Law – Judge Dredd Case Files 1

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1
Mega-City One 2099-2100
(1977-1978 progs 2-60)

In the beginning was the Law, and the Law was with Dredd, and the Law was Dredd.

This is where we go back to the beginning, the very first episodes of Judge Dredd. For these and indeed all subsequent episodes, I’ll be referring to the collected editions of Judge Dredd in the Complete Case Files. Of course, in this case, I’ll be referring to Volume 1, which collected 2000AD ‘progs’ 2-60, or the year 2099-2100 in Judge Dredd’s storyline. (Remember in Judge Dredd that each year in real time equates to a year in story time, which is something of a rarity in comics).

And while Judge Dredd was the Law from the outset, it took some time for Dredd as well as his setting (Mega-City One) and his story to find their more definitive forms subsequent fans would recognize, with some story elements – particularly the setting of Mega-City One – taking until Volume 3 to do so.

Volume 1, as the first year of publication – reflected the usual concerns for longevity of a series in an anthology comic. However, Judge Dredd proved an enduring hit with fans from the outset, such that his story-line could feature its first extended story arc or ‘mini-epic’, The Robot Wars, from its ninth episode (or ‘prog’ in 2000 AD’s lingo) and finish its inaugural year of publication with its second extended story arc or mini-epic, Luna.

However, despite its exploratory nature, a surprising number of iconic elements were introduced in and endured from the episodes in Volume 1.

For one thing, there’s those two story arcs or mini-epics, The Robot Wars and Luna, which not only had narrative elements recurring in later storylines, but also laid the foundations for the first genuine and archetypal Dredd epics in Volume 2, The Day the Law Died and The Cursed Earth.

For another – there’s major narrative elements such as the Cursed Earth (although not christened as such until the epic of that name) and its mutant population, the Statue of Justice (towering over the Statue of Liberty), the unseen face of Dredd beneath his helmet, Walter the Wobot, the yet unnamed Lawgiver guns the Judges use, the yet unnamed Lawmaster motorbikes the Judges use, Max Normal, Judge Giant, the Department of Justice (with its Hall of Justice and Academy of Law), Rico Dredd, the Undercity, the apes of Mega-City One, American lunar colonies, and the Soviet or Sov Judges.

As well as more minor ones like face-changing machines, the precursor of the invariably disastrous consumer fads that sweep Mega-City One and riot foam (one of my personal favorites).

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
WHITEY (prog 2)

This is where it all began…

The very first episode of Judge Dredd – which was ironically in the second episode or so-called ‘prog’ of 2000 AD, because they couldn’t get their act together sooner.

It’s a solid introduction to Dredd and his world, not dazzling or thrilling perhaps, but solid enough to lay the groundwork for an enduring series. As a necessity for a strip of 5 pages (2000 AD is an anthology comic, typically of 5 stories or so), the plot is pared right down – to the classic storyline of Dredd rooting out criminals or perps from a building. Of course, a pared down plot works to its advantage, particularly for an introductory story. One might note that this was essentially the plot to the 2012 Dredd movie, a primary reason why it captured the essence of the comic much more effectively than the 1995 Judge Dredd movie with its convoluted storyline unsuccessfully trying to insert too many elements from the comic for its own good.

Of course, that plot is ultimately the essence of any Dredd story and indeed his character – apprehending perps. It’s his job after all. The introductory episode also has the essence of the Dredd mythos – a futuristic Dirty Harry in a dystopian satire, although the emphasis in this episode is on the former rather than the latter. Indeed, there are some missteps here – Dredd’s setting is introduced as New York 2099 AD! As corrected by the next story, New York is effectively part of Mega-City One, as it and other cities have been absorbed into the latter as it sprawled along the American eastern seaboard. In this episode, it is not yet clearly post-apocalyptic or even particularly dystopian – “huge star-scrapers soar miles high into the air”, literally overshadowing buildings like the Empire State Building, which have become part of a literal and metaphorical underworld, fallen into ruin and used as hideouts by “vicious criminals”.

The first Judge we see is not THE Judge, Dredd himself, but the short-lived Judge Alvin, in the distinctive uniform (resembling motorcycle leathers) on the equally distinctive motorcycle (not yet named Lawmasters, but recognizably so).

Anyway, the leader of the Empire State Building criminals, ‘Whitey’, kills the patrolling Judge Alvin with his “laser cannon”. Interestingly enough, the Judges themselves don’t use lasers but guns (named Lawgivers of course) and bullets, albeit more advanced guns and bullets (with the latter more as miniature missiles). Whitey scavenges the helmet from the fallen Judge’s uniform, mockingly declaring himself as Judge Whitey – although he and his gang are disappointed that it isn’t THE Judge, Judge Dredd, who is apparently already notorious as the embodiment of the Law and the “toughest of the judges”.

Whitey taunts the Judges – sending the motorcycle with Judge Alvin’s body chained to it and a note “WHO YOU GONNA SEND AGAINST ME NOW PUNKS, JUDGE WHITEY”. Well, we all know the answer to that question. The Chief Judge initially wants the “air squad” to raze the building to the ground, but Judge Dredd suggests that they should send a solitary Judge to apprehend the Empire State Building gang, to reinforce respect for the Law – as later episodes will disclose, this is a recurring thing for Dredd and he does it again and again. Of course, when that one Judge is Judge Dredd, it’s all over but the shooting – using his automated bike as a distraction, Dredd successfully surprises and outshoots the gang, with the “lightning reflexes” from his training.

And here we have our dose of future satire, as Judge Dredd sentences the captured Whitey to life imprisonment as a Judge killer – on Devil’s Island, which spooks even Whitey into begging for mercy. Devil’s Island turns out to be a traffic island at the center of a highway network, cut off by the automated trucks that drive by it non-stop at 200 miles per hour, and prisoners are ‘marooned’ on it. J.G. Ballard had a similar story of people marooned on a traffic island in his story The Concrete Island. A satirical touch, but one that doesn’t seem to be practically effective – for one thing, it seems that prisoners might escape by throwing something (weaker prisoners for example) to cause some sort of pileup or awaiting breakdown. As it turns out, it isn’t secure as Whitey subsequently escapes – and future storylines abandon it for dependable iso-cubes and penal colonies, most notoriously the space penal colony on Jupiter’s moon Titan for Judges gone bad.

And yes – my feature image is actually Brian Bolland’s cover art for the first issue of the Eagle reprint comics.

Also yes – it did not actually reprint the first issues from the original 2000 AD episodes. Fortunately, it does reprint Punks Rule, that epilogue to The Day the Law Died and the basis for the cover art – which is also not dissimilar in its plot device of Dredd’s recurring schtick to suggest for a solitary Judge, himself of course, to take out dangerous gangs to reinforce respect for the Law.

However, this cover art is such an iconic image of Dredd that I have to feature it upfront with Case Files 1.

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
KRONG (prog 5)
The New You / The Brotherhood of Darkness (progs 3-4)

Funnily enough the next Brian Bolland cover art for the Eagle Comics reprint in order of the original episodes was issue 34, which flashed back to the fifth episode, featuring a robotic King Kong knockoff known as Krong in an episode of that name. The episode is…not as exciting as it sounds and sadly did not feature Dredd arresting Krong as in the cover art. Instead Krong was used as the instrument of crime (to destroy a building) by a museum curator of special effects.

And there were some iconic features of Mega-City One introduced even as early as progs 3 and 4. Face-changing machines – seemingly a common and easy form of cosmetic surgery – were introduced in episode 3, The New You. Mutants and “the wilderness from the Atomic Wars” – yet to be named the Cursed Earth – were introduced in prog 4 The Brotherhood of Darkness. They would subsequently reprise their role as antagonists to Dredd in The Cursed Earth epic in Case File 2.

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
THE STATUE OF JUDGEMENT (prog 7)
Frankenstein 2 / Antique Car Heist (progs 6 & 8 )

Possibly the most iconic feature of Mega-City One – this landmark feature of Mega-City One introduced in prog 7 named for it, the newly constructed Statue of Judgement – the gigantic statue of a Judge that towers over the neighboring Statue of Liberty.

Prog 6 “Frankenstein 2” sadly does not quite recreate the story of Frankenstein but involves the theft of bodies for illegal transplant surgery.

Prog 8 “Antique Car Theft” involved the not so interesting premise of 20th century petrol-fuelled cars being valuable antiques. The more interesting premise was almost a throwaway gag – the rare occasion of Dredd taking off his helmet (at gunpoint). We don’t see his face but the perps do and it’s apparently so horrifying that it shocks them enough Dredd has time to pull his Lawgiver out to shoot them. Although we have never seen Dredd’s face – ever – in the comic (well, except unrecognizably as the Dead Man), they did seem to abandon his hideousness as a plot point and it became more a matter of his mystique. And while we haven’t seen his face, we have seen that of his clone-father Fargo which didn’t have any such issue.

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
ROBOT WARS (progs 9-17)

The Robot Wars was the first Judge Dredd ‘epic’ – or more precisely longer story arc, since 10 episodes hardly seems to count as an epic, although Dredd’s first longer story arc saw it come of age as an enduring series.

And yet…meh, it’s okay. Of course, it is at a disadvantage as I was introduced to Judge Dredd by the Apocalypse War epic (and its Block Mania prelude), still my personal favorite Dredd epic. For that matter, I still consider Dredd’s first true epics and coming of age to be the back-to-back storylines of The Cursed Earth and The Day the Law Died – which feature in (and essentially comprise) Volume 2 of the Complete Case Files.

So The Robot Wars pales in comparison. It seems a little…contrived or even heavy-handed at times. Of course I can hear you exclaim – O Stark After Dark, isn’t being heavy-handed one of the fundamental characteristics of Judge Dredd? True – but that heavy-handedness is usually leavened by or indeed part of its absurdist humor, black comedy or satire. The Robot Wars still has some of those qualities, but the balance of them just doesn’t seem (or hasn’t had time to develop to be) as effective as in subsequent epics or episodes.

The Robot Wars also covers the familiar SF territory of, well, a robot war – although perhaps not as familiar at the time of its publication prior to the Terminator and Matrix films. In this case, the robot war is led by messianic carpenter robot (oho!) Call-Me-Kenneth, although ‘he’ turns out to be closer to robo-Hitler. Indeed, he announces himself to be a fan of Adolf Hitler, which begs the question – who programmed that into him?! There are some discordant notes – the robots are likened to slaves for the Mega-City populace to live lives of ease. However, subsequent storylines show quite the opposite, that automation and robots have resulted in unemployment variously stated but at least 90% – with the overwhelming majority of the Mega-City population living lives of crime, drudgery and welfare dependency.

Of course, having previously been introduced to mutants, The Robot Wars introduces us to another of the most recurring SF tropes and equally problematic themes for Judge Dredd, Mega-City’s robot ‘population’. (Mutants, robots and aliens are the big three SF tropes – and themes – for Judge Dredd). The relationship between robots and Mega-City’s human population in general – and its human Judges in particular – will be almost as problematic as Mega-City’s relationship with the mutant population of the former United States. And just as with mutants, Mega-City should seem to adopt a more nuanced approach to its robot population. If its robots do have genuine artificial intelligence (as they often seem to do), shouldn’t they be afforded citizenship status – or at least some legal status or protection? Indeed, its robot population generally seem to be more law-abiding and more observant of others, human or robot, than its human population. Once again, Judge Dredd seems to be more sensitive to this issue than his fellow Judges, although not quite as charitably as he is towards mutants.

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
ROBOT WARS (prog 9-17)

The Robot Wars story arc also introduced recurring character Walter the Wobot, so-called because he lisped his R’s as W’s – a loyalist robot crucial to Dredd’s victory over the robot rebellion and rewarded with full citizenship as a result (as seen in the final episode here), although he chose to become Dredd’s robot servant (and fanboy).

I also include this image as part of a running theme equivalent to a drinking game for a title drop in a film – spotting the image used for Dredd on the Case Files cover and he was certainly striking a pose here.

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
BRAINBLOOMS (prog 18)

Brainblooms in prog 18 might seem a strange episode to single out for attention, but for one thing – the introduction of one of my favorite features of Mega-City One commonly used by the Judges against its unruly citizens, riot foam!

A sprayed foam that hardens like concrete almost instantaneously, encasing those rioting citizens within it. Hopefully it’s porous so people can breathe – or the Judges have damn good aim. I seem to recall that Justice Department has a solvent for it – either that or they just chip away at it the good old-fashioned way to extract those rioters.

Here they use it for the titular brainblooms, some sort of illegal alien or mutant plant that their owner uses to hypnotize Dredd. It doesn’t take – and he’s back with the riot foam to use on the plants. The brainblooms may also count as a proto-fad – a theme we’ll see a lot more of with the bizarre future fads among Mega-City citizens.

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
THE COMIC PUSHER (prog 20)
Mugger’s Moon (prog 19)

Literally introducing Max Normal – “It’s Max Normal, the pinstripe freak. One of my informers…”

The “pinstripe freak” – so-called because he wears pinstripe suits and sports twentieth-century fashion or style as part of the ‘normals’ fad which he led, as opposed to the usual punk biker or skater chic of the majority of Mega-City One, including the Judges with their uniforms.

“Stomm! It make me sick just to look at you, Max. Why don’t you grow your hair and get some decent wild clothes like everyone else? Why have you young people always gotta be different?”

Not that we learn it here but in subsequent episodes we learn Max is one of the 1% – the wealthy of Mega-City One. Not mega-corporation billionaire wealthy or anything like that, but at least millionaire wealthy – through his normals fad but probably more through being a champion player of shuggy, Mega-City One’s weird variant of pool.

Also an interesting sight into Justice Department resembling the East German Stasi, with its cohort of civilian informers. In this episode, what Max informs on to Dredd is the titular illegal comic pusher – and of course the comic that is being pushed is 2000 AD, a nice little plug for the Dredd’s own comic – “2000 AD – the famous comic from the twentieth century. Brilliant!” and “Fantastic stuff! No wonder those lawbreakers were charging a fortune for it!”. Although it’s not entirely clear why the comic is illegal in-universe…

Oh – and Mugger’s Moon in the preceding prog 19 is a somewhat bland episode featuring muggers. It also features Mega-City One apparently having no air pollution (from a combination of Clean Air Acts and technology) – I can’t recall that popping up again, although I do recall radiation warnings from time to time. Also Mega-City One apparently has no Good Samaritan-type laws, so Dredd has to deal with a callous motorist who failed to render assistance to a mugging victim on a technicality. That does surprise me – later episodes would certainly feature criminal penalties for failing to inform the Judges about a crime, even as a bystander, which would seem to have applied in this episode so Dredd need not have relied on that technicality.

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
THE ACADEMY OF LAW 1 (prog 27)
The Solar Sniper (prog 21)
Mr Buzzz (prog 22)
Smoker’s Crime (prog 23)
The Wreath Murders (prog 24)
You Bet Your Life (prog 25)
Dream Palace (prog 26)

Introducing the Academy of Law – where all Mega-City One Judges receive their training as cadets or rookies (from early childhood) – here we see Dredd checking out his honor roll class of 2079 (twenty years earlier than 2099, the year of this episode in-universe).

Other episodes I skipped over to get here
• The Solar Sniper (prog 21). Pretty much what it says on the tin – a hitman using a solar-powered super-rifle to take out Judges. Introducing Mega-City One’s Weather Control (which Dredd uses for clouds to beat the sniper) – in a distressingly landbound building (and called Weather Congress), not the aerial station we see in subsequent episodes
• Mr Buzzz (prog 22) – a mutant perp that uses bat-like sonar
• Smoker’s Crime (prog 23) – introduces smokatoriums as smoking is illegal on streets. Later episodes would outlaw tobacco altogether (presumably leaving a synthetic tobacco as legal)
• The Wreath Murders (prog 24) – Dredd apprehends a street murder gang that uses wreaths as their calling card
• You Bet Your Life (prog 25) – Dredd apprehends a deadly underground game show. It’s rigged of course
• Dream Palace (prog 26) – features dream machines as a popular leisure activity in Mega-City One, sadly never to be featured again. There goes my Total Recall Judge Dredd crossover…

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
THE ACADEMY OF LAW 2 (prog 28)

Introducing Judge Giant – one of coolest characters in the Judge Dredd universe and one of the most popular recurring judges, other than Dredd himself.

Yes – he was introduced in the previous episode, but as a cadet rather than as a Judge (graduating from rookie in my featured image).

And although he was to be killed five years on, he effectively came back in new and improved form through his son (from an extra-Judicial liaison).

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
THE RETURN OF RICO (Prog 30)
The Neon Knights (prog 29)

“He ain’t heavy – he’s my brother!”

Introducing (and concluding) Dredd’s corrupt clone-brother, Rico Dredd (prog 30). Caught by (Joe) Dredd himself and sentenced to Titan, where Mega-City One sends its worst criminals – Judges gone bad. It’s not as secure as you’d expect for a prison in space – as there’s frequent escapes, including Rico – returning for vengeance on his brother, but outgunned by the latter. However, he remains a fundamental element in the Dredd mythos thereafter – to an extent, Dredd will always carry his clone brother with him.

For one thing, as subsequent episodes reveal, Rico had a daughter, Vienna Dredd, who grows up as Dredd’s niece – and given that Rico was his clone, Vienna is virtually his own daughter. She of course symbolizes Rico’s original corruption – as, like Jedi, Judges are forbidden from sexual relationships (although this is relaxed much later in the series, while still frowned upon by the Justice Department). Dredd distances himself from her, but subsequently assumes a closer paternal role to her – as she in turn grows into one of the strong female characters of the storyline.

For another, Dredd – and his story – remains haunted by this taint in the (clone) bloodline – with Rico as his shadow, the potential corrupt version of himself, and on a larger scale, the Department of Justice. Indeed, Dredd’s best adversaries are dark shadows of himself (and the Judges in general), as symbolized by Rico – although Rico remains as more a symbol of Dredd’s own potential for inner conflict. However, Rico foreshadowed even darker inversions of Judge Dredd and the Law to come, culminating in Dredd’s ultimate adversary – Judge Death and the Dark Judges. Whereas Rico was the corrupt shadow of Dredd, Judge Death is his absolute dark inversion. Rico at least was tempered by his own humanity and corruption. Judge Death and the Dark Judges are utterly inhuman and zealous to their Law, in which the crime is life and the sentence is death.

The previous episode, The Neon Knights, in prog 29 essentially involved the titular Ku Klux Klan analogy – even referred to as one of a number of secret vigilante klans – targeting robots in the wake of the Robot Wars. There’s a twist in the tale as their leader is revealed as a secret cyborg.

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
DEVIL’S ISLAND (prog 31)

And we return not only to Whitey, the first perp we ever saw Dredd apprehend – and show us how dangerous he really was – but also to Devil’s Island, that weird traffic island prison they phased out for proper iso-cubes.

As I said back for prog 3, nice satire a la J. G. Ballard’s The Concrete Island, but one that didn’t seem to be practically effective, as an escape simply relied on disrupting traffic. Which Whitey does here by enlisting another prisoner to jury-rig a device to hack into Mega-City One’s weather control for a snowstorm – although that just raises more questions.

Fortunately Dredd’s in the vicinity at the time and just apprehends him again, returning him to Devil’s Island. Which again raises more questions, given how Whitey just orchestrated an escape from there – within the same year he was apprehended. No wonder they phased it out for iso-cubes.

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
THE TROGGIES (prog 36-37)
Komputel (prog 32)
Walter’s Secret Job (prog 33)
Mutie the Pig (progs 34-35)

Introducing the Under-City, a setting (and inhabitants) almost as full of weirdness as the Cursed Earth – indeed, essentially the Cursed Earth under Mega-City One – albeit not quite as we know it.

It wasn’t quite introduced in the same subterranean form it evolved into in subsequent episodes. Here it is simply referred to as the underworld, consisting of an old network of subway stations – and Dredd appears to be surprised by it (whereas in much more recent episodes we’ve seen him and Rico venture into it as cadets).

Here the inhabitants – the titular troggies – seem to copy twentieth century clothing and slang, the latter to a cloying extent. Again, this was dropped as the Under-City dwellers evolved more into weird or semi-mutated inhabitants similar to those in the Cursed Earth – although the Under-City itself often contained relics of the twentieth century cities. Like New New York in Futurama, Mega-City One often did not simply grow out of the existing cities on the eastern US seaboard but over them.

As for the other episodes, we skipped:
• Komputel (prog 32) – Judge Dredd deals with an automated hotel that has become murderous. Have they learnt nothing from the Robot Wars?! Also hotels seem somewhat anomalous to the dystopian setting MC-1 we know
• Walter’s Secret Job (prog 33) – more early instalment weirdness as Walter the Wobot moonlights (from being Dredd’s robot servant) as a taxi driver. The weirdness is Dredd referring to Walter taking the job from human drivers – where in the Mega-City One we know, automation or robots have taken virtually all jobs. Also, why don’t they just automate the cab rather than have a robot driver?
• Mutie the Pig (progs 34-35). More moonlighting, but this time a crooked Judge – a classmate of Dredd, no less, named for the artist Ian Gibson – moonlights as a perp with a mutant mask.

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
THE APE GANG (Prog 39)
Billy Jones (prog 38)

City of the Apes!

My disappointment is immeasurable that the Judge Dredd comic didn’t go with that title. I would also have taken the Apes of Wrath.

Apes are a surprisingly prevalent trope in SF and the Judge Dredd comic is no exception – so much so that it is one of the thematic special mentions to my top ten Judge Dredd episodes and epics. Apes have been used to echo human nature in literature long predating SF, but SF offered a new spin – ‘uplift’ apes. That is, apes ‘uplifted’ through human technological enhancement to a higher level of intelligence, even rivaling humanity.

The world of Judge Dredd is no planet of apes – nor is Mega-City One a city of apes – but there are uplift apes, introduced here in one of the earliest episodes of Judge Dredd no less. Unfortunately, they were introduced as living in a ghetto dubbed the Jungle, which smacks of, ah, apist stereotypes. Perhaps even more unfortunately, they were also introduced through the so-called Ape Gang, an ape criminal gang that styled itself on equally stereotypical Italian-American 1930’s mobsters (headed by Don Uggie Apelino with his lieutenants Fast Eeek and Joe Bananas).

Of course, the Ape Gang did not prosper when it went head-to-head with Dredd – and for that matter the Jungle was destroyed during the Apocalypse War. However, uplift apes did survive in Mega-City One, occasionally popping up when the writers remember them – and fortunately as more engaging characters to rival their human citizen counterparts.

As for the episode we jumped over:
• Billy Jones in prog 38 featured the premise of a Mega-City trillionaire, transparently named Hugh Howards, and his criminal plot to substitute duplicate robot spies for the children of owners of rival companies…as industrial espionage? Ah – as a trillionaire, does he really need to resort to such shenanigans, and even if he did, surely there is a more legitimate and profitable way to spend his money achieving it, not to mention a more practical means of industrial espionage ? I do like the way the episode features Mega-City One using Dredd as a boogeyman to scare their kids into being good…

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
THE MEGA-CITY 5000 (progs 40-41)

Judge Dredd does Death Race!

Largely unexceptional (and little odd in Mega-City One itself – more Mad Max than Judge Dredd) but for two things.

It was the first appearance of Brian Bolland’s art in the Judge Dredd comic – and it introduced “Spikes” Harvey Rotten, albeit very different in appearance than we saw him next in The Cursed Earth (although I understand that might have been due to an accidental art mix-up between him and another character in the Mega-City 5000).

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
LUNA 1 (progs 42-58)

“By order of the Triumvirate, you are hereby appointed to the office of Judge-Marshall of Luna1, the United Cities of North America Colony on the Moon. You are instructed to seek immediate passage on the first available lunar shuttle”.

And so begins Luna-1, another Judge Dredd ‘mini-epic’ or longer story arc – the second after The Robot Wars and just prior to the first true (and classic) Dredd epics, The Cursed Earth and The Day the Law Died. Longer than the Robot Wars (at 17 episodes), but like The Robot Wars before it, it was formative of subsequent Dredd epics. Indeed, the two of them respectively set up the essential Judge Dredd epic plotlines – Dredd confronting some threat, usually existential, to Mega-City One, and Dredd venturing to some other, usually exotic, location (or a combination of the two). However, it is more episodic than The Robot Wars – essentially Dredd in his judicial duties on the moon. I also like it more than The Robot Wars – it has more of the feel of the subsequent epics and introduces some important elements in Dredd’s world, namely the other two American mega-cities (Mega-City 2 on the West Coast and Tex-City in Texas) as well as the jointly administered American lunar colony, the latter essentially recast as a space Western setting.

The highlight for me was the introduction of the Soviet or Sov Judges, the most persistent recurring antagonists of Mega-City One. The introduction of the Sov Judges – and their main epic The Apocalypse War – was written prior to the fall of the Soviet Union. Subsequent storylines seem to redress this as some sort of neo-Soviet revival, perhaps as part or a result of the Atomic Wars

The Sov Judges are also the most effective recurring adversaries of Mega-City One (and that’s in a universe with such omnicidal maniacs as Judge Death and the Dark Judges), as they wiped out half the city in the Apocalypse War and almost the other half in the Day of Chaos. All that comes later (much later for the Day of Chaos) – for now, we are just introduced to the Sov Judges. And what an introduction – with classic art by Brian Bolland, one of my favorite Judge Dredd artists, particularly in this classic image.

I always loved the look of the Sov Judges, with all their Soviet paraphernalia of which Stalin himself would be proud – they just look so damn cool! Indeed, there are times when I think they look cooler than their American Mega-City One counterparts.

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
THE FIRST LUNA OLYMPICS / LUNA-1 WAR (progs 50-51)
Luna-1 (prog 42)
Showdown on Luna-1 (prog 43)
Red Christmas (prog 44)
22nd Century Futsie (prog 45)
Meet Mr Moonie (prog 46)
Land Race (prog 47)
The Oxygen Desert (prog 48-49)

I will never tire of this image – so here it is again in color as Brian Bolland’s cover art for the Eagle comics Judge Dredd reprint issue 2.

As I said, the Sov Judges were introduced in the Luna-1 mini-epic – specifically in the two episodes The First Luna Olympics and Luna-1 War in progs 50-51. It is not surprising that the Sov Judges were introduced as the antagonists of the American Judges, reflecting their contemporary Cold War antagonism at the time of the episodes in 1978. And it’s also not surprising that we were introduced to the conflict between the Sov Judges and the American Judges in the arena of the Olympic Games, again reflecting one of their arenas of Cold War rivalry. Of course, in the twenty-second century, the big difference in their Cold War rivalry – apart from there already have been the global Atomic Wars – is that the Olympics are on the moon.

Although in fairness, as the title says, it’s the first lunar Olympics. What hasn’t changed is the American-Soviet rivalry and mutual protests of cheating, although it’s interesting that competitors are allowed up to 20% bionic components (but no more – hence the protests). Of course, given the low-gravity, terrestrial records are easily broken – but one could only assume they’ll be keeping separate record books from now on.

Anyway, the cheating culminates in the assassination (by an assassin in the stands) of the Soviet star sprinter (worse in the deciding event to break the medal count tie between the Americans and the Soviets). Sov Judge Kolb goes to execute the assassin and Dredd intervenes because apparently Mega-City One’s Justice Department rejects the death penalty (which would become more of a loose guideline in subsequent episodes), killing Kolb. And as the other Sov Judge – Sov-Judge Cosmovich – tells Dredd, this means war!

Except not really – or not as we know it. In their introduction here, war was somewhat more ritualized between the American and Soviet mega-cities, at least in their lunar colonies – effectively as a death-sport, somewhat like Roller-ball. Back on earth in subsequent episodes, however, the Sovs proved to be recurring adversaries of Mega-City One – and looming as a threat of actual war. Guess those were just moon rules?

Anyway, Dredd wins of course, so the Americans don’t have to give up any lunar territory – which were the “stakes”.

As for the other episodes:
• Luna-1 in prog 42 gave Dredd his marching orders – or spaceflight orders – apponting him as Judge-Marshall of Luna-1 and of course Walter stowed away in his luggage. The position of Judge-Marshall proves to be a hot seat – as Dredd is targeted by repeated assassination attempts, which brings us to…
• Showdown on Luna in prog 43, where Dredd has the classic Western showdown with a gunslinging robot, showcasing Luna-1 as a space Western setting, with the lunar frontier essentially the new Wild West for the American mega-cities
• Red Christmas in prog 44 sees Dredd celebrate Christmas 2099 on the moon – the red is yet another assassination attempt by means of holding Walter hostage
• 22nd Century Futsie in prog 45 not only sees in the titular 22nd century on New Year – but also introduced ‘futsies’, an occasional recurring feature in Mega-City One in which citizens run amok or go crazy from ‘future shock’, a term (and book title) coined by Alvin Toffler
• Meet Mr Moonie in prog 46 sees Dredd go after the source of assassination attempts on him – the reclusive billionaire (trillionaire?) owner of the moon
• Land Race in prog 47 sees the titular race for staking claims to lunar land

The Oxygen Desert in progs 48-49 sees Dredd stranded in the titular desert – i.e the lunar surface outside the pressurized atmosphere domes – but survives, only to feign resignation to lure in the outlaw stranding him there

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
THE FACE CHANGE CRIMES (prog 52)

We’ve already seen face-changing machines in the earliest episodes, as well as Brian Bolland’s art in this epic (in Land Race and The First Luna Olympics / Luna-1 War), but here they come together – showcasing Bolland’s skill in portraiture.

In particular – Stan / Stanley Laurel and Ollie / Oliver Hardy, along with Charlie Chaplin. And that pretty much tells you the premise – a criminal gang uses face changes to disguise themselves for a heist (a good old-fashioned bank hold up with guns). To be honest, I admire their creativity – and the commitment to the bit, since they call each other by the names to their faces. Of course, one drawback is that those faces are distinctive, although perhaps less so in the twenty-second century – triggering Dredd’s recognition of their faces as “twentieth century comedians”. That might have been an asset – since they change their faces again to escape under the guise of hostages…except they change their faces to the Marx Brothers. (Well, three of them anyway, but the most famous of the three). However, that does allow us to see more portraiture in Bolland’s art…

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1
THE FACE CHANGE CRIMES (prog 52)

I just couldn’t resist some more of Brian Bolland’s portraiture – this time of the face-change gang as the Marx Brothers, specifically Groucho, Harpo and Chico (let’s face it, the big three – no one remembers Zeppo or Gummo).

Although, is there any reason they are quoting the title of A Night at the Opera, or “Harpo” is so committed to the bit that he’s honking a horn rather than speaking (part of the real Harpo’s signature act)- while no one is around?! Unless you count the two ambulance officers they took captive upon hijacking the ambulance for their getaway, even if they don’t look like they’re in a position to observe it? Certainly not the guy on the floor. (I hope they released them later unharmed).

But wait – there’s more! There’s quite the surprising depth to an episode which basically looks designed for the simple gimmick of a criminal gang using face change machines to impersonate twentieth century comedians for their heists, a gimmick tailor-made for Brian Bolland’s art. Dredd does the easy thing – tracking down the purchase of face change machines through the only company on Luna-1 that sold them. What’s not so easy is all he has the law enforcement technique of profiling the usual suspects – in this case, the Tooley brothers – without any further evidence. “The trouble is…proving they robbed the bank!”

I think this is the first time that we are confronted with the apparent anomaly of an authoritarian or even fascist police state abiding by the niceties of legality. I mean, isn’t Dredd a fascist? Why doesn’t he just arrest the Tooley brothers, evidence or no evidence? This may be the first time this anomaly comes up in the comic but it won’t be the last – it’s a recurring feature, which arguably goes to the very heart of the comic and character of Judge Dredd.

Setting aside that fascism can be lawless and it can be lawful, I’m not sure there’s any clear or easy answers to the question of whether Judge Dredd or Justice Department is fascist (or whether Mega-City One is a fascist state) – or perhaps questions, since while they overlap, they seem to me somewhat separate considerations.

Both Judge Dredd and Justice Department are undoubtedly authoritarian – and I think it would also be inarguable that they have fascist elements, indeed from the outset in their design. An interesting opinion piece featured this as its theme in its very title – “Fascist Spain meets British punk: The subversive genius of Judge Dredd”. That piece attributed the “design emphasis on fascist chic” to Spanish artist Carlos Ezquerra, as something of a tribute to the artist who has passed away.

Quick side bar – I particularly liked how the piece echoed Chris Sims on how Judge Dredd’s ‘costume’ is ridiculously over the top – “Dredd looks like no other comic character before or since. His design makes no practical sense. It has no symmetry or logic to it. No one at the time thought it would work. “F*cking hell,” his co-creator John Wagner said when he first saw the designs. “He looks like a Spanish pirate.” But somehow, for reasons no one can quite articulate, it is perfect”.

Back to the point, I think part of the (probably irreconcilable) tension of whether Judge Dredd is fascist or not derives from the two competing strands that I see have been combined in the core concept of Dredd – a futuristic Dirty Harry in a dystopian post-apocalyptic SF satire. On the one hand, you have the dramatic tension of a Dirty Harry obstructed in his instinct for justice by what he perceives to be the loopholes, red tape or technicalities of due process or the legal system. On the other, you have that dystopian SF satire of an authoritarian state, the whole point of which is that it has purportedly dispensed with all those obstructions for a system of instant summary law enforcement. In short, as the agent of a police state, Judge Dredd should not have the hassles of a Dirty Harry with due process – but he does because that’s part of his core concept as a character.

Here the pesky need for evidence is compounded by the gang having a defence lawyer – and being able to call off their interrogation until they see him. However, Dredd was able to use their own game against them – using the lunar Justice Central face change machine, he impersonates their lawyer and records them while they freely confess to the crime (although that presumably must have involved detaining their lawyer without charge so that Dredd could substitute for them – and I’m not sure how their confessions would hold up as evidence, at least in contemporary law, when it was recorded by subterfuge of impersonating their lawyer).

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
THE OXYGEN BOARD (prog 57)
The Killer Car (prog 53-56)

“A smart man can beat the law, but, baby, only a fool bucks the oxygen board!”

That’s pretty much the twist in the tale for this episode – as the criminals of the biggest heist (and disaster) in Luna history forgot to pay their oxygen bill and get their just desserts (by suffocation)

Bonus irony as the gang essentially used the same means of oxygen delivery to the lunar colony – the pipelines from the astro-tankers pumping it in – as the means for their colony-wide heist, adding tranquilizer gas to ‘roofie’ the whole colony. Disappointingly, the writers forfeited the opportunity to call them the tranq gang, going with the tranq gas raiders instead.

It’s not exactly like the colony taking a nap either – there are thousands of casualties, the effects of vehicle and other machine accidents that result from the entire colony being unconscious at the same time. Well, not the entire colony – the Judges have their respirators. And all the robots are still running – with the Judges activating their emergency protocols for assistance. Still – the death toll is stated to be 53,000, and over half a million injured…which might mean more if I actually knew what the population of the lunar colony was. (Looking it up, the Judge Dredd role-playing game apparently had the lunar colony with a population of 25 million in the middle of the twenty-first century…which is a little hard to imagine as at 2023).

And they would have got away with it too if it wasn’t for that meddling Oxygen Board, apparently a government monopoly with an extreme form of robodebt recovery – robots cutting off the oxygen of (and indeed vacuuming it from) customers with overdue bills, suffocating them. Despite having robots and video calls for the debt recovery, there appears to be no remote means of payment (instead requiring personal attendance at an oxygen board showroom) or electronic door key lock (as the gang dropped their key in their loot and can’t find it before suffocating).

As for The Killer Car in progs 53-56, essentially it replays rogue robot Call-Me-Kenneth from the Robot Wars on the moon but with a robotic car (called Elvis).

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1:
RETURN TO MEGA-CITY ONE (Prog 59)
Full Earth Crimes (prog 58)
Firebug (prog 60)

Classic Judge Dredd – poster boy for the Lawful Neutral alignment.

Prog 59 sees Dredd return to Mega-City One from Luna, in one of the best characteristic (and comic) illustrations of the Judge himself – just how legalistic he can be towards the Law, the perfect embodiment of the Lawful Neutral alignment. It opens beautifully with Mega-City One citizens looking on in amazement and bemusement as Dredd nonchalantly strolls past a robbery in progress, stopping only to cheerfully admonish the robbers – “Good morning, citizens. I would remind you that armed robbery is illegal in Mega-City 1”. But then, he just continues strolling – doing none of head-kicking things we’ve come to expect in his approach to law enforcement. What is going on? The robbers themselves thank their good luck and continue with the robbery, speculating that Dredd must have gone “moon crazy”. He walks past yet another crime – until a rookie Judge arrives with Dredd’s reinstatement papers, allowing him to be sworn back in as a Judge of Mega-City. He immediately takes the rookie Judge’s bike to go back to the scenes of the crimes to kick some heads for the Law – “Look out, you lawbreaking scum! Judge Dredd’s back in town!”.

Of course, the answer to his previous inactivity lies in that he wasn’t officially sworn (back) in as a Judge – “it’s illegal for an ordinary citizen to take the law into his own hands”.

Before returning to Mega-City One, we had Dredd’s final episode on the moon – Full Earth Crimes in prog 58, transferring the gimmick (and myth) of increased criminal activity and insanity with a full moon to the effect of a ‘full earth’ on Luna-1.

And after his return, we have the last regular Judge Dredd episode in Case Files 1, Firebug, in prog 60, featuring a serial arsonist of city blocks.

 

 

JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 1
BONUS MATERIAL – UNPUBLISHED JUDGE DREDD PILOT EPISODE
Walter the Wobot (progs 50-58)

“I am the Law and you better believe it!”

As much as I like the final panel of this unpublished first episode, I’m glad they tided up his catchphrase!

But wait – there’s more!

Well, not much more, but still there’s some bonus material in Case Files 1 beyond the regular Judge Dredd episodes.

Walter the Wobot got his own spinoff strips, Walter the Wobot Fwiend of Dwedd. Yeah, they really leant into his robotic lisp in that title. The strips themselves were light-hearted comedy, because you can’t take Walter seriously (even though he saved Dredd multiple times in the comic – notably in the Robot Wars which introduced him, in The Day the Law Died, and in the Apocalypse War). The strips were okay, I guess – and some of them were illustrated by Brian Bolland so there’s that.

The other bonus material was the previously unseen first episode of Dredd, drawn by Carlos Ezquerra, as much an influence in the creation of Dredd as writers Pat Mills and John Wagner. I anticipate it was drawn for the first issue of 2000 AD but simply wasn’t written in time (or revised) so another episode featured as Dredd’s first episode in the second issue of 2000 AD. (You following along? You may recall that although Judge Dredd was 2000 AD’s flagship character, he didn’t actually make it into their first issue and only started in their second issue).

According to the editorial in Case Files 1, the story was printed in it to showcase the original art – distinctively featuring Dredd as judge, jury, AND executioner, which was somewhat different to how he was introduced. As we see later, Mega-City One Judges usually don’t sentence people to execution, although there are exceptions (and they often kill people who resist arrest or attempt to escape).

This unpublished pilot episode did showcase some of the different types of ammunition used by the Judges (ricochet and heat-seeking), as well as Dredd’s Lawmaster – although it also featured regular police units separate from the Judges, something that occasionally popped up elsewhere in the early episodes until it was quietly dropped. It is amusing to think of the Judges as some sort of special elite force that also announces and executes (literally) their sentences at the same time. (Keen eyes might notice the “police cam” in this panel).

 

 

 

 

 

Friday Night Funk: Groove Armada – I See You Baby (1999)

 

MUSIC (MOJO & FUNK): TOP 10

 

(5) FUNK: GROOVE ARMADA –
I SEE YOU BABY (1999)
B-side: Paper Romance (2010)

“This is the house that funk built – Groove Armada style!”

Nuff said.

Or perhaps not – Groove Armada (English electronic music duo Andy Cato and Tom Findlay) is another big beat funk entry from the 1990’s.

This entry, I See You Baby, is arguably their signature single and certainly one of the defining songs of 1999-2000. Although the original single was funky in itself, I prefer the even funkier remix by Fatboy Slim. (Interestingly, the duo DJ’d Fatboy Slim’s – or rather, Norman Cook’s – wedding). Watch out for that video – it gets a little raunchy

“You got to get on the dance floor…Oh this party got it going on!”

Don’t look for much in the way of lyrical depth (or lyrics) there – it’s all about the funk.

For my B-side – their 2010 single Paper Romance from their album Black Light (also remixed with other songs in their White Light album that year)

As for the balance of my Top 10 Groove Armada songs:
(3) Song 4 Mutya (2007)
(4) If Everybody Looked the Same (1999)
(5) Madder (2003)
(6) Superstyling (2001)
(7) My Friend (2001)
(8) Think Twice (2002)
(9) Purple Haze (2002)
(10) But I Feel Good (2003)

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Best & Worst Roman Emperors (8)

 

Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome: Diocletian’s Tetrarchy

 

(8) BEST: DIOCLETIAN –

NON-DYNASTIC / TETRARCHY

(284 – 305 AD: 20 YEARS 5 MONTHS 11 DAYS)

 

Dominus of the Dominate – Diocletian ended the Crisis of the Third Century and stabilized the empire, instituting what has been called the Dominate, as opposed to the Principate founded by Augustus, via the system of government for which he is best known, the Tetrarchy.

“It is perhaps Diocletian’s greatest achievement that he reigned twenty-one years and then abdicated voluntarily and spent the remaining years of his life in peaceful retirement.”

That was a rare achievement for emperors in the third and fourth century – few emperors died naturally with most dying violently. He was also the first emperor to abdicate voluntarily to peaceful retirement, from which he could not be coaxed back, growing cabbages that have become the stuff of legend –

“If you could show the cabbage that I planted with my own hands to your emperor, he definitely wouldn’t dare suggest that I replace the peace and happiness of this place with the storms of a never-satisfied greed.”

That people sought to coax him back as emperor suggests something of a mixed quality to his reign that was summed up by the Youtuber Spectrum (who also ranked him in eighth place) – “the dude who tried to fix all the issues of the empire and to be honest kind of failed”.

His pet Tetrarchy failed when he wasn’t in it to hold the hands of his co-emperors – and of course it also inherently involved the concept of the division of the empire that would ultimately become permanent between its eastern and western halves. As Adrian Goldswothy observed, it meant fewer civil wars in a more muted form of the crisis of the third century, rather than a true return to the lost comparative stability of the first and second centuries.

The less said about his economic policies such as his edict for price controls the better, as they were a often an abject failure, resulting in higher tax burdens, inflation, reduced social mobility and effectively pre-empting feudalism. Diocletian also institutionalized the Roman equivalent of the military-industrial complex and bureaucratic state, although some historians have considered the burden of the latter to be overstated.

And of course, there was his Great Persecution of Christianity, which would ultimately prove to be ineffective and counter-productive, as well as seeing him maligned by subsequent Christian emperors after this persecution had been replaced by tolerance and the favoritism.

Even the Dominate which he instituted moved the style of government, particularly to modern democratic eyes, away from the more senatorial and collegiate style of the Principate, to one that was more authoritarian, autocratic, bureaucratic, and despotic.

However, it was one that served the needs of the empire at the time better than the Principate and continued to do so with modifications until at least into the seventh century.

Above all, it kept the borders of the empire secure under Diocletian (and thereafter for almost a century) – with Diocletian, who had risen to the throne from humble origins through a distinguished military career, campaigning successfully against Germanic tribes and Sarmatians at the Danube (taking the victory title of Sarmaticus Maximus), a rebellion and usurper in Egypt, and the Sassanids in Persia.

(By the way, if I was to add Roman emperors after 476 AD, I’d probably substitute Heraclius for Diocletian, as an emperor with a similarly mixed record – but perhaps with higher highs and lower lows).

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

MAXIMUS:

O boy – Germanicus Maximus, Sarmaticus Maximus, Persicus Maximus, Britannicus Maximus (suppressing the Carausian Revolt or so-called Britannic Empire), Carpicus Maximus, Armenicus Maximus, Medicus Maximus, and Adiabenicus Maximus. Half of those come from campaigns against the Sassanid Persians.

 

DEIFIED AND DAMNED

Well, it was the Dominate after all – divine honors came with the territory. He even called himself Jovius.

 

However, Christianity has a long memory of its persecutions – there was no formal damnatio memoriae but he was removed from monuments and his memory was diminished under Constantine, both to magnify Constantine himself and because of Constantine’s Christianity.

 

EMPIRE MAKER:

Yes, yes – technically there was only one empire maker as such, but Diocletian qualifies for his Tetrarchy and the Dominate, effectively instituting a new Roman empire from the Crisis of the Third Century.

 

SPECTRUM RANKING COMPARISON:

Exactly the same in eighth place!

 

And of course Dovahhatty has him as a chad in the video named for his Tetrarchy.

Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Best & Worst Roman Emperors (9)

Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome XVII: Imperial Wrath

 

(9) WORST: CONSTANTINE II –

CONSTANTINIAN DYNASTY

(337 – 340: 2 YEARS 7 MONTHS)

 

A whiny little toad, who couldn’t even get usurping his gay younger brother right and got pawned instead.

Letting his father’s name down, Constantine II spent his time whining that he didn’t get more than the western third of empire he got in 337 AD as one of three brothers because he was the eldest.

He was of course fine with his brother Constantius – the one who actually got things done – doing the dirty work of whittling down their father’s male relatives in what is known as the massacre of the princes so the three brothers could inherit their father’s empire. He just thought he was entitled to more of it. Constans got the central third, including Italy, while Constantius got the eastern third – you know, the third fighting the Persian Sassanids.

And so Constantine bullied his younger brother and ward Constans as an easy target – Constans also being targeted for ‘indulging’ “in great vices” and ‘scandalous behaviour’ with “handsome barbarian hostages” or his select bodyguard. The Romans were not exactly progressive about these things, particularly when it suited them for political accusations.

And yes – I said ward, because Constantius had designated Constantine II the guardian of Constans until Constans came of age.

So Constantine II bullied Constans into giving him part of Africa but squabbled over Constans retaining Carthage, refused to relinquish his guardianship when Constans turned eighteen, and just tried to usurp Constans instead, marching into Italy with his troops in 340 AD.

Only to be ambushed and killed by the forces of Constans – not even by Constans or his main forces, but by a detachment of troops Constans sent ahead of himself and his main forces while taking care of imperial business in Dacia, fighting actual enemies of Rome.

Congratulations, Constantine II – you played yourself.

Constans then got his brother’s third of the empire, consisting of Hispania, Gaul and Britain.

 

RATING: 1 STAR*

D-TIER (BAD TIER)

 

MAXIMUS:

Yeah, right.

DEIFICATION

One hopes not. I haven’t seen any reference to his deification.

EMPIRE DEBASER

I’ve gone with empire debaser for him – it can’t be said that he broke or debauched the empire, but I think it can be said he debased it. His father had fought to unify the empire and eliminate usurpers – only for Constantine II and his brothers to divide it, compounded by him trying to usurp his brother’s realm – preempting the successful usurpation of Constans by Magnentius a decade later.

SPECTRUM RANKING COMPARISON:

Spectrum ranks him even lower, the fourth worst Roman emperor before 395 AD (although that may drop down two places to sixth worst if we included the rankings from the western Roman empire, two of which definitely rank lower).

Dovahhatty ranks him as a virgin, as in my feature image.

Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Best & Worst Roman Emperors (9)

Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome XXVII: Imperial Wrath

 

(9) BEST: VALENTINIAN –
VALENTINIAN DYNASTY
(364 – 375 AD: 11 YEARS 8 MONTHS 23 DAYS)

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides – by barbarians. And he will strike down upon them with great vengeance and furious anger. And they will know his name is…Valentinian

Apologies to Tarantino, although I think Valentinian would have dug Tarantino’s vibe. Certainly I think if any characteristic described Valentinian, it was furious anger, albeit that of the righteous man.

I mean, he literally died of anger – from a stroke yelling at envoys from Germanic tribes for not sticking to peace treaties, although I prefer the Dovahhatty version where Valentinian had his stroke choking them out in pure rage.

It’s not a bad way to go – and who doesn’t secretly yearn for something similar, going out in a blaze of glory at work, yelling out someone who richly deserves it as I rage into, not against, the dying of the light. No? Just me, then?

Valentinian was the last great western emperor, “due to the successful nature of his reign and the rapid decline of the empire after his death” – certainly the last worthy of the title of the Great as he is also known as Valentinian the Great (although I understand that was by a convention that did not so much connote greatness as a term that also effectively translated as the first of his name).

Hell, I’ll say he was the last great emperor in either half of the empire until after 476 AD. Yes – I’m looking at you, Theodosius the so-called Great. I’ll deal with him later but I tend to agree with Dovahhatty who has Theodosius muse to himself “I’m busy thinking how to be horrible at everything and yet still be remembered as ‘great'”. Okay – I don’t quite go that far but you won’t be seeing him on the best or great side of the ledger. Just don’t confuse him with his father and Valentinian’s top general, Theodosius the Elder or ‘Count’ Theodosius (as his military title loosely translates).

And yes – I haven’t forgotten about Majorian. It’s just that Valentinian was the last emperor to campaign beyond the Rhine or indeed secure the borders of the empire against barbarians, as he skilfully and successfully defended against Germanic invasions – to keep the barbarians at the gates

After Valentinian’s death, the barbarians were inside the gates – “the calls are coming from inside the house!”. The Romans weren’t fighting them beyond the borders or even at the borders, but inside the borders, where they were to stay.

After Valentian, it’s depressing that the mark of a good emperor – such as Majorian – was one who fought and defeated the barbarians inside the empire. And that was depressingly rare, literally only a couple of emperors. Even emperors fighting at all were rare, as that was increasingly done by their military leaders – increasingly drawn from the barbarians themselves – who ruled the empire in all but name, although in fairness quite a few of them also fought and defeated barbarians inside the empire, including my favorites Stilicho and Aetius.

Back to Valentinian, it was like the fourth century trying to replay all the greatest hits of the crisis of the third century but Valentinian was having none of it and kicked it all back to the curb – Germanic tribes in Gaul (and back into Germania), the ‘Great Conspiracy’ of rebellion and invaders in Britain, rebellion and usurpers in Africa, and Germanic tribes at the Danube.

You don’t rack up those victory names for nothing. Okay, occasionally emperors did, but not Valentinian – I’ve seen listed for him Germanicus Maximus, Alamanicus Maximus (with the Alamanni as perhaps his favorite punching bag), Francicus Maximus (for the Franks) and Gothicus Maximus.

Sadly, his brother Valens – whom Valentian made his eastern co-emperor – did not quite have the same mettle or military prowess, which is what led to those barbarians inside the gates after a little battle of which you might have heard, the Battle of Adrianople in 378 AD.

His sons had even less. So much for the so-called Valentinian dynasty, which saw the empire crumble, albeit not as much as the – shudder – Theodosian dynasty. The only Valentian dynasty was Valentinian.

Valentinian occasionally has the reputation – among some modern historians as well as contemporaries – as a brute, but he founded schools, as well as providing state-funded orphanages, medical services in Rome’s poorest districts and penalties for infanticide. He was also capable in administration, particularly financial administration – he improved tax collection (including relief for the poor) and was frugal in spending. And unlike his brother Valens, he actually upheld religious tolerance (apart from slapping the odd pagan).

Okay, there’s the story about his two pet bears which he used to execute people, but I’m not sure I believe that. There’s also the story of Valentinian and his wife swinging with Justina, the hottest woman in the Roman Empire, such that he made a law to have Justina as his second wife (and mother of his son Valentinian II). That’s probably as much gossip as the story about the bears but it makes me respect him even more.

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

MAXIMUS:
As I noted before – Germanicus Maximus, Alamanicus Maximus, Francicus Maximus and Gothicus Maximus.

DEIFIED:
Despite being Christian, the empire still retained its classical paganism and its deification of emperors – so he was deified

EMPIRE SAVER:
One of the last, if not the last, in the classical Roman empire.

SPECTRUM RANKING COMPARISON: Pretty similar – not in Spectrum’s top ten, but not far off in twelfth place (after correcting for Vespasian in eleventh place)

Dovahhatty of course has him as a chad – my feature image is from Unbiased History of Rome XVII: Imperial Wrath

Top Tens – History (Rome): Top Best & Worst 10 Roman Emperors (10)

Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome XXIX: Fall of Rome

 

(10) WORST: PETRONIUS MAXIMUS –

NON-DYNASTIC / LAST WESTERN ROMAN EMPERORS

(455 AD: 2 MONTHS 14 DAYS)

 

If Majorian was the zenith of the non-dynastic last western Roman emperors after the end of the so-called Theodosian dynasty in 455 AD, Petronius Maximus was the absolute nadir – and hence matching wildcard tenth place entry in my top ten worst Roman emperors.

I mean, while the other non-dynastic last western Roman emperors apart from Majorian were generally useless or puppets, Petronius Maximus was actively destructive, with a cowardly low cunning rat quality to boot.

Admittedly, his most destructive acts were prior to becoming emperor – because they were how he ascended to the imperial throne in the first place. They were two-fold – firstly duping his predecessor (whom we’ll see later in this top ten) into assassinating the man who was effectively the one holding the empire together, Flavius Aetius, and secondly then orchestrating the assassination of that predecessor, adding treacherous insult to injury by enlisting two loyal followers of Aetius among his predecessor’s bodyguard to do it.

All that evil wasn’t enough for him to ascend the throne – there were other contenders to the throne, including Marjorian (and one anticipates history would have turned out better with Majorian becoming emperor then instead). So Petronius Maximus, a wealthy Senator and aristocrat, bribed his way through the Senate and imperial officials to the throne.

He then sought to consolidate his position as emperor by marrying Licinia, the widow of his imperial predecessor – the fiend! – but then effectively sowed the seeds of his downfall by also marrying her daughter Eudocia to his son. That involved cancelling her betrothal to the son of the Vandal king Gaeseric in north Africa – who promptly set about preparations for their infamous sack of Rome.

However, Petronius Maximus wasn’t done with being a rat. With the Vandals sailing for Italy and the citizens of Rome in panic or flight, he abandoned any defence of the city and sought to organise his escape instead.

Fortunately, karma kicked in and he was abandoned by his bodyguard and entourage to fend for himself, when he was set upon by an angry mob (or soldier – accounts vary) and killed, with his mutilated corpse thrown into the Tiber.

Good riddance but sadly his downfall was also that of Rome in its second sack, as the Vandals of course still sacked the city – and still got the girl, as Gaeseric took Eudocia back to Africa with him (along with her mother and sister as well as many other citizens as slaves). Well at least someone got a happy ending, compared to being married to Petronius or his son.

 

RATING: 1 STAR*

F-TIER (WORST TIER)

 

MAXIMUS:

Well except for his ill-deserved name, although I suppose you could say Petronius Maximus did defeat Petronius Maximus.

 

DAMNED:

No formal damnatio memoriae – probably because the Senate and Romans were too busy with Rome being sacked – but someone should have damned him. I’ll take him being killed by the mob and tossed in the Tiber as an informal damnatio memoriae.

 

EMPIRE BREAKER

O yes – but sadly not the biggest empire breaker in this top ten.

 

SPECTRUM COMPARISON RANKING:

As I noted for Majorian, Spectrum ranked the western Roman emperors after 395 AD separately, but ranks him similarly as the third worst of these emperors. Yes, there were two that were worse – indeed, arguably the worst Roman emperors.

Frankly, Dovahhatty ranks him too high as a wojak.

Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Best & Worst Roman Emperors (10)

Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome XIX: Fall of Rome

 

(10) BEST: MAJORIAN

(457 – 461 AD: 4 YEARS 11 MONTHS 1 DAY – NON-DYNASTIC / LAST WESTERN ROMAN EMPERORS)

 

The last, best hope for the western Roman Empire, but alas it was not to be – albeit enough for him to be one of the historical figures labeled as the “Last of the Romans”.

There were probably emperors who might well have outranked Majorian for a place in my top ten but I just couldn’t resist Majorian for my usual wildcard entry in tenth place. What can I say? I’m a romantic for people fighting against the odds.

I also have a soft spot for stories of so-called lost legions, those left still standing or holding the line beyond the high tide mark of the empire – and Majorian was virtually a lost legion all to himself.

When I first found out about Majorian, it was a revelation. I had assumed that by the time of his reign, the western Roman empire was essentially dead on its feet, still standing only as it was propped up by the German barbarian tribes that had all but conquered it. After all, by 457 AD, Rome had been sacked twice by Visigoths and Vandals respectively, narrowly avoiding a third sack by Attila the Hun. Its emperors had all seemed to be one feeble emperor after another, useless or puppets (or both), as well as less than two decades away from the last such emperor being deposed altogether.

Majorian was having none of that. Seemingly cut from the same cloth as another entry in this top ten two centuries earlier, he strove to pull the empire out of its spiral of doom, defeating all of Rome’s enemies he fought even in that twilight of the western empire.

He had of course come from a distinguished military career, starting and serving under none other than that other legendary last of the Romans Flavius Aetius, particularly distinguishing himself fighting against the Franks. That saw him rise to the position of magister militum in the western empire, along with Ricimer, a Romanised German general who was increasingly the maker and breaker of emperors in the western empire.

Upon rising to the imperial throne, he defeated another attack by the Vandals on Italy, before setting upon the reconquest of former imperial territory in Gaul and Hispania, defeating the unruly barbarian allies or ‘foederati’ who had overrun that territory to return them to subordinate status and confined areas of settlement – the Visigoths, the Burgundians and the Suebi.

The jewel in the crown of his reconquest was to be the Vandal kingdom, which had conquered the Roman province of Africa – province of Rome’s old enemy Carthage and whose wealth and grain had formerly been the lifeblood of the western Roman empire – for its own, definitely not as subordinate foederati like other barbarian tribes in the empire.

Had he engaged them on the battlefield, one might anticipate that he would have defeated them as he had consistently defeated all his other adversaries (including the Vandals themselves in Italy) – but alas it was not to be. He did not get to engage them in the battlefield at all, as the fleet he had painstakingly built was scattered or destroyed, usually attributed to treachery paid by the Vandals.

Defeat as they say is an orphan – and Majorian soon found himself orphaned by history, betrayed and assassinated by his former colleague Ricimer.

In fairness, it is not clear whether Majorian could have decisively reversed or stalled the fall of the western empire, although surely his position would have been much improved by the reconquest of Africa.

It is tempting to imagine counterfactuals as to what he could have achieved if he had been able reconquer Africa. Or if the Leonid dynasty in the eastern empire, which pretty much sat around being useless until after 476 AD when emperors such as Zeno and Anastasius ascended the throne, had decided to lend its fleet to the campaign by Majorian rather doing so on its own a few years later for its chosen emperor Anthemius, resulting in disastrous defeat and near bankruptcy for itself. One can imagine that in those circumstances the western Roman empire may well have endured, perhaps long enough to when the eastern empire under Justinian lent itself in earnest to reclaiming or restoring its western half.

However, the precariousness of Majorian’s position and achievements are perhaps demonstrated by the extent to which his fleet could be exposed to treachery paid by the Vandals, or he himself could be deposed and assassinated by Ricimer – not to mention how quickly his reconquests unravelled afterwards.

Still, I tend to share the opinion of Edward Gibbon, who wrote that Majorian “presents the welcome discovery of a great and heroic character, such as sometimes arise, in a degenerate age, to vindicate the honour of the human species”.

(By the way, if I was to add Roman emperors after 476 AD, this is probably where I’d substitute Alexios Komnenos – as arguably Majorian and Alexios were operating on similar scales in attempting to salvage or restore their empires, except Alexios succeeded in his attempt)

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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MAXIMUS:

I’m not sure the western Roman empire had victory titles or triumphs at that late stage, but he damn well deserved them for his victories over the Franks and Alamanni prior to his accession to the throne, and over the Vandals (in Italy), Visigoths, Burgundians and Suebi as emperor.

 

DEIFIED:

With Christianity as the official religion of the empire, the Romans had ceased deifying emperors, but perhaps literary deification as the Last of the Romans

 

EMPIRE SAVER:

Sadly, almost but not quite. At least saved it for a few more years.

 

SPECTRUM COMPARISON RANKING:

Spectrum ranks the western Roman emperors after 395 AD separately, but not surprisingly ranks Majorian at the top of those – he was the standout after all.

Dovahhatty of course ranks him as a chad, even quoting Gibbon.

Mega-City Law: Top 10 Judge Dredd Epics

 

Counting down my Top 10 Judge Dredd epics and episodes – essentially as a running list updated as I finish each volume of the collected Judge Dredd Complete Case Files in my ongoing Mega-City Law reviews (presently up to Case Files 16).

Note that I distinguish between epics and episodes – on the basis of epics as longer storylines over a number of episodes. At present, I classify epics as storylines of five or more episodes. As such, this includes what I would normally regard as ‘mini-epics’ or just longer story-arcs, with the ‘true’ epics usually exceeding 20 episodes – but these are obviously special events within the Judge Dredd comic. As of Case Files 16, there’s only been 6 ‘true’ epics of more than 20 episodes – the first two such epics in Case Files 2, the third in Case Files 4, the fourth in Case Files 5, the fifth in Case Files 11 and the sixth in Case File 14.

 

 

 

 

(10) THE DEVIL YOU KNOW & TWILIGHT’S LAST GLEAMING
(CASE FILES 16: prog 750-756 – 7 episodes)

 

“Mega-City One…eight hundred million people and everyone of them a potential criminal. The most evil, violent city on earth…but God help me, I love it” – Judge Dredd, 2100.

The centerpiece and highlight of Case Files 16 – which is also the culmination of the ongoing epic Democracy storyline, the referendum whether to retain the Judges after Necropolis, instigated and pushed by Dredd himself.

After this, the Democracy movement in Mega-City One faded away, albeit bubbling to the surface from time to time, but largely transformed into or was replaced by terror movements. Of course, there was always an overlap between democracy and terror in the Judge Dredd comic, at least in the eyes of Justice Department but from this point onwards also in the remnants of the Democracy movement itself or other political opponents of the Justice Department.

And once again it is through the Democracy movement that we see Justice Department and the Judges at their darkest, but ironically also the comic at its most morally ambiguous or complex.

From the outset, Judge Dredd and his fellow Judges were intended as a dystopian satire of the worst excesses of police and government authority fused together into a post-apocalyptic police state. And yet, also from the outset, Dredd co-creator Pat Mills, best known for his anti-authoritarian themes, wrote Dredd – the ultimate authority figure – as a heroic character. As I’ve said before, Judge Dredd is essentially Dirty Harry in a dystopian SF satire, reflecting both the heroic and anti-heroic nature of that character as his predecessor.

That’s heightened here with Judge Dredd – having recently saved the city from the Sisters of Death and the Dark Judges in Necropolis – supporting the referendum and indeed the prime mover behind there being any referendum at all, although of course he is confident that the people will vote for the Judges. (Spoiler alert – he’s right). That support seems him targeted for assassination by a conspiracy of Judges within Justice Department, led by Judge Grice. The moral ambiguity with respect to Dredd’s dedication to the city and support of the referendum is not lost on the leader of the Democracy movement, Blondel Dupree.

And if nothing else, it did lead to Judge Dredd’s poster moment with the quote in my feature image – quoted twice in these episodes, including at their conclusion, and repeated since.

Of course, one might quibble with that quote. Mega-City One’s population of 800 million was accurate enough as at 2100 – although not ironically not when Dredd was meant to have been quoted here upon his return from Luna, as there was that early episode weirdness with it being quoted at 100 million in The Day the Law Died before the writers settled on 800 million in the episodes in Case Files 3. It was halved by Block Mania and the Apocalypse War – and was referred to as 350 million (after Necropolis) shortly before these episodes. There’s also that reference to God rather than Grudd.

And comparatively, Mega-City One is better than a number of other mega-cities one could name. Of course, the Australian mega-city of the Sydney-Melbourne conurb (nicknamed Oz) is hands-down the best place to live in the twenty-second century. Of the cities we’ve seen, you could argue that Brit-Cit, Hondo City, and Murphville are better than Mega-City One – perhaps even Mega-City Two is better. But…there’s a long line of cities that appear to be worse. East-Meg One (before it was nuked) and East-Meg Two. Ciudad Banquarilla or Banana City. Even Texas City looks worse. And we’ve yet to see them but spoiler alert – Luxor, the Pan-Andean Conurb and Vatican-Cit all look worse.

Still, the quote does seem to accurately reflect the essence and heart of Judge Dredd as a character and as a comic.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(9) NECROPOLIS
(CASE FILES 14: progs 662-699 – 38 episodes, including the various prelude or countdown episodes)

 

When the Dark Judges reigned supreme over Mega-City One as the titular Necropolis according to their mantra – “The crime is life. The sentence is death!”

And they racked up perhaps the second highest body count of any Mega-City One crisis after the Apocalypse War or Day of Chaos – with estimates of over 60 million (out of a population of 400 million). Yes – Judgement Day had a higher body count (2 billion!!), but that was more global (to other mega-cities) rather than Mega-City One itself. Of course, the Dark Judges might have racked up a higher body count if they didn’t insist on dispensing their “justice” personally (and usually literally) by hand like chumps, as opposed to using weapons of mass destruction like the Sovs – but then, it’s a labor of love for them and they have all the time in their world or any other for it.

Of course, Necropolis is effectively part of the ongoing Dark Judges storyline, but I prefer to consider the Necropolis epic separately (at least for now).

Necropolis falls into one of the two essential Judge Dredd epic plotlines established by the first two Judge Dredd epics, The Cursed Earth, and The Day the Law Died (as well as arguably their precursors Luna, and the Robot Wars) – Dredd confronting some threat, usually existential, to Mega-City One, and Dredd venturing to some other, usually exotic, location, (or a combination of the two, Dredd venturing to some other, usually exotic, location TO confront some threat, usually existential, to Mega-City One).

Necropolis falls into the category of Dredd confronting an existential threat of Mega-City One (although he does start the epic in the Cursed Earth) – and it doesn’t get more of an existential threat than the omnicidal Dark Judges.

It also continues that element introduced back in The Day the Law Died and demonstrated par excellence in The Apocalypse War, that Dredd becomes the focus of resistance to the existential threat to Mega-City One, leading a small ragtag underground force to defeat it. In this case, as in The Day the Law Died, literally underground – in the Undercity. It still works effectively here, although it was to become something of a recurring cliché in future epic storylines.

Like The Apocalypse War, you feel genuine and very real tension for the continued existence or survival of Mega-City One. It has a similar prelude with the countdown to Necropolis that the Apocalypse War had with Block Mania – a slow burn or creeping doom, starting small but building to a force overwhelming Mega-City One. And like The Apocalypse War, Necropolis starts as that force overwhelming the city – and from there it is a taut and tensely told story of grim, gritty desperation of the mega-city on a knife’s edge from extinction, fighting for its very survival against the overwhelming odds of a relentless invader, in this case the extra-dimensional invasion of the Dark Judges and Sisters of Death as opposed to the Soviets. Arguably there is even more tension in Necropolis – at least the Soviets wanted to preserve the population of Mega-City One for conquest, while the Dark Judges have no such concern, indeed quite the opposite.

To that Necropolis adds some genuine elements of horror – always in the background with the Dark Judges, although it is often swamped out with their black comedy or high camp. Certainly, they and the Sisters of Death are also campy in Necropolis, but there is their horror as well – as with Judge Mortis pursuing the Judge cadets through the Undercity, clamoring to them as “children”.

So why does it fall short of the Apocalypse War?

Well, firstly there is the element of personal preference or nostalgia – the Apocalypse War was my introduction to Judge Dredd (through the reprint comics lent to me by a friend) and remains the classic Judge Dredd epic for me, my once and future king epic of all time. However, my second and third reasons are more objective.

Secondly, there is the simplicity of the Block Mania and Apocalypse War epic – in that I believe a first-time reader of Judge Dredd could pick it up, read it and enjoy it without too much difficulty. Block Mania is a reasonable introduction to the character of Judge Dredd and the claustrophobic dystopian nature of Mega-City One, “a society where every single thing has become monstrously overwhelming”. And the Apocalypse War is straightforward enough from history or even contemporary geopolitics – Americans vs the Soviets or Russians. There is little in the way of necessary backstory

That is not the case in Necropolis. It is arguably one of its strengths – tying together a number of longstanding themes or threads – but that will also leave new readers at a loss for those themes or threads. Probably the most important is the background of Judge Kraken, a clone of Judge Dredd by the renegade Judda, in the Oz epic – but there’s also the Democracy storyline and the Dark Judges themselves.

This is compounded by the true prelude to the epic, The Dead Man, running as a separate story from the regular Judge Dredd comic altogether (albeit partly not to spoil its central twist). The countdown to Necropolis does do a reasonable job of recapping it, but might still leave a new reader at a loss that Dredd has been disfigured or scarred from acid burns as a result of psychic attacks from the Sisters of Death – and that their attacks are themselves a sign of the doom that has already fallen on Mega-City One.

Thirdly, on the subject of the Sisters of Death, they are my third reason for ranking Necropolis below The Apocalypse War as their powers seem both ridiculously overpowered and vaguely defined for plot contrivance, the latter leaving some substantial holes. They are the means by which the Dark Judges take over the city – through their mind control of the Mega-City One Judges, although it is unclear how two entities control thousands of Judges across the city and which begs the question of why the Dark Judges didn’t use them earlier. It also begs the question of what exactly is stopping the Sisters of Death from similar psychic infiltration of the city afterwards.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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(8) P.J. MAYBE
CASE FILES 11: prog 534 “Bug”
CASE FILES 12: progs 592-594 “PJ Maybe, Age 13”
CASE FILES 12: prog 599 “The Further Misadventures of PJ Maybe”
CASE FILES 13: progs 632-634 “The Confeshuns of PJ Maybe”
CASE FILES 14: progs 707-709 “Wot I Did During Necropolis”
(11 episodes)

 

One of my favorite recurring characters and storylines – the ongoing misadventures of juvenile genius and psychopathic serial killer P.J. Maybe. With his complete amorality and high intelligence, albeit combined to comic effect with an apparent exception when it comes to written English (where he continues to write like a juvenile), P. J. Maybe is a recurring antagonist to Judge Dredd and one of the few perps wily enough to consistently escape detection or custody.

Of course, as the comic universe time passes at about the same rate as in real life, at least year for year, P.J. Maybe doesn’t stay a juvenile. We’re introduced to him in “Bug” at 12 years of age – in 1987 in our world and 2109 in Mega-City One – but we continue to follow him at regular intervals as he grows into adulthood, ultimately rising under an assumed identity to Mayor of Mega-City One, ironically one of its best as he successfully compartmentalized his public office from his private life (until slipping up). And of course, Judge Dredd is his ultimate as well as ongoing nemesis, although almost thirty years after he was introduced, in 2138 at 41 years of age. Arguably, he was at his best – or at least his “cutest” – as a juvenile.

Of course, most of his story was ahead of his first teaser episode, even his background as the only child of the Maybe family, relatives through his mother of the wealthy Yess clothing manufacturers, specifically of trousers (with a lucrative contract for Justice Department uniforms), or that his initials stand for Philip Janet (with his middle name as a result of his parents wanting a girl. His parents – decent law-abiding citizens completely oblivious, as most people were, of their juvenile son’s extra-curricular activities of murder – end up inheriting the Yess fortune. Not that his background really comes into play, particularly after the Judges catch up with him, as his parents die (by suicide during Necropolis) and he routinely changes identity – face-changing machines being one of his favorite tools of choice, along with his skill in robotics and chemistry, particularly the mind-altering drugs SLD-88 and SLD-89.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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(7) CITY OF THE DAMNED
(CASE FILES 8: progs 393-406 – 14 episodes)

 

Vampire Hershey – and zombie Dredd! What more could you want? (Well, other than the writers not to have tired of it and finished it less abruptly)

Of course, it leans heavily on the preceding epic in The Judge Child Quest (collected back in Case Files 4). Indeed, it goes back to the very origin of that Quest – the deathbed precognitive vision of Psi Judge Feyy that Mega-City One would be overwhelmed and destroyed by some mysterious disaster in 2120:

“I saw a war more ghastly than any we have known. I saw our city destroyed – and from the destruction, foul creatures rose to prey on the survivors”.

Unless of course the Judges found the Judge-Child also seen by Judge Feyy as prophesied savior – “he is fated to rule Mega-City One in its gravest hour” – but as we know, that didn’t turn out well in The Judge Child Quest. Judge Dredd found him alright, but then simply abandoned him to his fate because the Judge Child – Owen Krysler – was evil. Ultimately the Judge Child’s fate was death, killed by the Mega-City One equivalent of an interstellar drone strike when he sought revenge on Dredd for abandoning him.

And of course, at the same time, Dredd abandoned Mega-City One to its prophesied fate, essentially shrugging it off that they’ll have to face whatever comes on their own.

However, Mega-City One and the Judges are not quite done with the Judge Child Quest or the Judge Child, particularly given that Judge Feyy’s precognitive visions were 88.8% accurate (a figure only slightly less than Mega-City One’s unemployment rate). And the Judge Child Quest was back in 2102 – now it is 2107, with 2120 only thirteen years in the future.

Of course, it’s still in the future and hence unknown – until now, with the introduction of time travel to the Judge Dredd comic, indeed in the very introduction of this comic with the first successful time machine prototype, Proteus. By the way, that seems have been a popular name for time machines at that time (heh), since I’ve also read the SF novel The Proteus Operation with its titular time travel.

Anyway, the Judge Dredd comic had already introduced dimensional travel between alternate dimensions with the Dark Judges, albeit by those antagonists rather than Justice Department – but now both dimensional and time travel will be a recurring feature in the comic, albeit still somewhat rare. In its introduction, the prototype time travel still seems somewhat risky despite short-range tests – but the importance of its destination, the prophesied disaster of 2120, overrides any risk. So Chief Judge McGruder sends the duo of Judge Dredd and Psi-Judge Anderson on a time travel mission to 2120.

As I’ve said before, there are two essential Judge Dredd epic plotlines which were set up by The Day the Law Died and The Cursed Earth respectively – Dredd confronting some threat, often existential, to Mega-City One and Dredd venturing to some other exotic location. The two tend to be combined in the latter, with Dredd venturing to some other exotic location TO confront some existential threat to Mega-City One itself – as here in City of the Damned, albeit where that exotic location is Mega-City One in the future.

And 2120 turns out to be grim indeed – also introducing vampires among the “foul creatures” preying upon the survivors. Those vampires turn out to be shockingly familiar to Dredd, as is the overwhelming psychic force that destroyed Mega-City One and the Judges. The epic also involved some drastic and enduring developments for Dredd himself.

Sadly, the epic itself did not endure for its anticipated length of at least twenty episodes, as is characteristic of Judge Dredd epics, but instead ended after only fourteen episodes – apparently because writers John Wagner and Alan Grant got bored of it (as they did not like time travel stories). However, it did include some of the late great Steve Dillon’s finest Dredd epic art.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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(6) THE JUDGE CHILD QUEST
(CASE FILES 4: progs 156-181 – 26 episodes)

 

As I’ve said before, there are two essential Judge Dredd epic plotlines which were set up by The Day the Law Died and The Cursed Earth respectively – Dredd confronting some threat, usually existential, to Mega-City One and Dredd venturing to some other exotic location. The two tend to be combined in the latter, with Dredd venturing to some other exotic location TO confront some existential threat to Mega-City One itself (which is why I tend to classify the former as Dredd confronting the threat to Mega-City One within the city itself, with the city typically embattled against some invading force). The Cursed Earth was an example – except that the existential threat was not to Mega-City One but its West Coast counterpart of Mega-City Two – and The Judge Child Quest is in the same vein, only even more so.

For one thing, it doesn’t get more exotic or downright weird than the Cursed Earth, except for alien space – so The Judge Child Quest ups the ante by starting in the Cursed Earth and then going into alien space (via our first distinctively different mega-city setting, Texas City). For another, this time the existential threat is to Mega-City One itself. This is one of the important elements introduced in this epic, that would loom large and cast a long shadow in Dredd’s world – the deathbed prediction of Psi Division’s foremost pre-cog, Judge Feyy, with his track record of 88.8% accuracy in predicting the future, that Mega-City One would be destroyed in 2120 (so 18 years in the future in the comic’s timeline of 2102) by a “ghastly war” from which “foul creatures” would rise up to prey on the survivors UNLESS Judge Dredd could find the Judge Child, Feyy’s fated savior of the city.

And so the epic introduced another important element that would persist along with Feyy’s prophecy, the Judge Child himself, Owen Krysler, the boy “born of this city” and bearing the Mark of the Beast – I mean Eagle of Justice on his forehead – which makes for a convenient identifying feature in order to find him (as well as his appearance like that of a Buddhist monk in training).

Unfortunately, the stage is set as Owen Krysler was taken by his parents to a Cursed Earth settlement four years previously and from there abducted by mutant slavers. And of course, since finding him in the Cursed Earth would be too easy, he is abducted twice more, with the second taking him into alien space. So Dredd has to go into space on an episodic adventure rivalling that of The Cursed Earth epic, where he encounters weirdness beyond that even of the Cursed Earth – aliens of course, but also living planets, necromancers, Oracle Spice, robot kingdoms and my personal favorite, Jigsaw Disease.

Enter two more important recurring elements of Dredd’s world that would persist long after the Quest itself. The first is the villainous and notoriously violent Angel Gang, particularly fan favorite cyborg and quintessential weird Judge Dredd villain, Mean Machine Angel. As a boy, he was good-natured and showed none of the family’s violent tendencies. Obviously, the Angel Gang patriarch, Pa Angel, decided that this would simply not do, and arranged radical…surgery to transform him into a murderous cyborg, with four ‘settings’ of rage literally dialled into his head – with his basic default setting merely as the lowest level of anger. (“I’m going up to 4 on you, Dredd!”)

The second is Judge Hershey, a female character to rival Psi-Judge Anderson – whose telepathic abilities would have come in very useful to locate the Judge Child, except that she was presently in a boing bubble containing another apocalypse within her – and one who would subsequently rise high among the ranks of Judges to the ultimate position of Chief Judge.

Sadly, both those elements were mashed into the 1995 Judge Dredd film in its usual mangled manner – nothing was too sacred in Judge Dredd’s lore for that film not to desecrate in the pursuit of fan favorites. And so, we saw a version of Mean Machine Angel in the Cursed Earth, as well as Judge Hershey – played well enough by Diane Lane, but as Dredd’s love interest?! Whom he kisses, after having taken off his helmet for most of the movie. Oh the humanity!

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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(5) THE DAY THE LAW DIED
(CASE FILES 2: progs 86-108 – 23 episodes, including the 3 episode prelude where Dredd is framed)

 

The Day The Law Died will always rank highly among Judge Dredd epics. It was the second true Judge Dredd epic, running straight on back-to-back from the first epic The Cursed Earth, when Judge Dredd returned to Mega-City One from Mega-City Two. More fundamentally, the duo of The Cursed Earth and The Day the Law Died saw the Judge Dredd comic come of age. This duo is the origin of the classic Dredd I know, although Mega-City One wouldn’t quite find its shape until just afterwards – not least in population, jumping from 100 million as referenced in The Day The Law Died to 800 million. Each of the epics (and their precursors in Luna and the Robot Wars) respectively set up the quintessential Judge Dredd epic plotlines – Dredd venturing to some other, usually exotic location, or confronting some threat, usually existential, to Mega-City One.

We saw the former in the Cursed Earth, now we see the latter in The Day The Law Died. In this case, the existential threat to Mega-City One came from the Justice Department itself, in the form of the insane Judge Cal’s rise to the position of Chief Judge, essentially by way of coup. As such, The Day The Law Died effectively introduced a recurring theme in Judge Dredd – the dangers of corruption, and especially the corruption of power, within the Justice Department, albeit rarely at the level of existential threat to the city as it is in this epic. Ironically, the source of that corruption in this epic is Judge Cal’s position as head of the SJS or Special Judicial Squad, the Justice Department’s equivalent of Internal Affairs or the body of Judges who judge other Judges. Nominally, the Special Judicial Squad is meant to guard against corruption within the Justice Department, but in practice in this and subsequent storylines they tend to have a somewhat antagonistic role to the rest of the Department (and Dredd in particular) at best and be a source of power unto themselves at worst – the House Slytherin in Justice Department.

In fairness to Judge Cal, most of the existential threats posed to Mega-City One come from Judges, just not usually Judges of Mega-City One. The extra-dimensional Dark Judges, led by Judge Death, are perhaps the most recurring danger to the city and became an existential threat to it in the Necropolis epic, with their warped philosophy that all crime is committed by the living so the elimination of crime involves the elimination of all life – “The crime is life. The sentence is death!” However, when it comes to the most effective existential threat to Mega-City One, the Dark Judges are amateurs compared to the Soviet or Sov Judges, mainly because the Dark Judges typically insist on meting out their dark justice by hand, whereas the Sov Judges typically employed weapons of mass destruction – in the Apocalypse War and subsequently in the Day of Chaos.

As for the storyline, like The Cursed Earth, it is simple and straightforward – all the better to let the SF future satire and absurdist black comedy play out. Indeed, just as The Cursed Earth essentially just, ahem, borrowed its storyline wholesale from Roger Zelazny’s Damnation Alley, The Day The Law Died also borrowed its storyline, but from a more classical source – the ill-fated reign of Roman Emperor Caligula, straight from the pages of Suetonius’ The Twelve Caesars, or more so as it was closer in time to this epic, the BBC TV adaptation of Robert Graves’ I Claudius. Indeed, Judge Cal was named for Caligula (with his appearance modelled on John Hurt’s portrayal in the BBC TV series), and he is even named AS Judge Caligula when the series was introduced (and subsequently collected under that title). Of course, if that was his actual name, it would seem to have been begging for trouble. I mean, what next? Judge Hitler?

Anyway, his insanity mirrors that of Caligula, albeit (somewhat disappointingly) without the depravity – not surprisingly in the more ascetic Justice Department of Mega-City One, or even more so, in the publishing restrictions for 2000 AD. And so, just as Caligula appointed his horse as a senator of Rome, Judge Cal appoints a goldfish as Deputy Chief Judge Fish, ironically remembered fondly by the Mega-City One citizenry for a death that saved the city. Speaking of which, the insanity of Judge Cal was such that he sentenced the entire city to death – twice. Which again evokes the historical Caligula, who according to Suetonius, wished that all the city of Rome had but one neck.

However, Judge Cal is made more dangerous in his insanity – and hence earns his place among the top tier of Judge Dredd’s villains – in that, unlike his historical predecessor, he at least has the cunning and presence of mind for a technique of mind control to ensure the loyalty of his equivalent of the imperial Praetorian Guard. And as a failsafe, when Mega-City Judges proved too unreliable, to import a new Praetorian Guard – in the form of alien Klegg mercenaries. The Kleggs and their Klegg Empire – aliens resembling giant bipedal crocodiles with appetites to match – would prove to be an occasionally recurring element in Judge Dredd (and Dredd’s recurring hatred), although the reach of their Empire is obviously limited by their temperament and lack of intelligence.

The Day The Law Died also introduced an element that would prove to be something of a recurring cliché in subsequent Dredd epics (until it was dramatically subverted in the Day of Chaos storyline) – that Judge Dredd becomes the focus of resistance to the existential threat to Mega-City One, leading a small ragtag underground force to defeat it. In this case, literally underground – in the Undercity, which became more fleshed out in this epic from its previous introduction, and contributed a critical ally to Dredd’s resistance, in the form of the dim-witted but hulking brute Fergee. Of course, Dredd didn’t have much choice in this, as he was an important target of Cal’s plans to assume the position of Chief Justice and control of Mega-City One – and he had not been subject to Cal’s mind control technique due to his absence from the city on his mission in the Cursed Earth. Cal’s initial plan is to frame Dredd – and when that fails, to assassinate him along with the incumbent Chief Judge. Sadly, these elements have something of a bad aftertaste as they were adapted into the abominable Stallone Judge Dredd film – including where the character of Fergee was transformed beyond recognition in all but name to comic relief played by Rob Schneider. Sigh.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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(4) THE CURSED EARTH
(CASE FILES 2: progs 61-85 – 25 episodes)

 

And here we are in Judge Dredd’s first true epic The Cursed Earth – for which some of my favorite images come not from the original episodes in 2000 AD, but the Eagle Comics reprints with their cover art by Brian Bolland.

The location of the Cursed Earth featured all the way back in progs 3-4, although it had yet to be christened the Cursed Earth and was simply described as the “wilderness from the Atomic Wars” – if by wilderness, of course, you mean most of the former United States (outside the mega-cities on East and West Coasts and in Texas), now dangerous and mutated badlands (with a running theme of dark, mutated versions of the United States). The Cursed Earth is downright drokking dangerous – mutants, aliens, ratnadoes, the last President of the United States, Las Vegas, war droids…and freaking dinosaurs!

The Cursed Earth combines the essential Judge Dredd epic plotlines – Dredd confronting some threat, usually existential, to Mega-City One, and Dredd venturing to some other, usally exotic, location, or a combination of the two, Dredd venturing to some other, usually exotic, location TO confront some threat, usually existential, to Mega-City One. The Cursed Earth epic is just that – except the existential threat is not to Mega-City One, but its West Coast counterpart of Mega-City Two. In this case, it is a deadly virus that turns people into murderous, cannibalistic psychopaths (not unlike Rage virus in the 28 Days Later film(s).

And it doesn’t get more exotic, or downright weird, than the Cursed Earth – except perhaps for alien space.

As for the storyline, it is simple and straightforward, much like that in Mad Max Fury Road (which come to think of it, would make for an excellent Cursed Earth storyline – Judge Dredd and Mad Max are even owned by the same studios, hint hint) – all the better to let the SF future satire and absurdist black comedy play it out. Dredd must drive through the Cursed Earth to take a vaccine to Mega-City Two. Of course they, ahem, borrowed the storyline from Roger Zelazny’s Damnation Alley. I know it, you know it and the writers know it. Who cares? It was an SF classic – a former Hell’s Angel must drive a vaccine from the West Coast to the East Coast in a post-apocalyptic United States after a nuclear war. Judge Dredd just goes in the opposite direction. He even takes his own former Hell’s Angel-style biker with him (by the name of Spikes Rotten). In Damnation Alley, flight was simply not possible due to the freakish atmospheric conditions because of the nuclear war. In the world of Dredd, with its regular aircraft (and space flights!), this excuse doesn’t really seem to wash, although there is a passing reference to the Death Belt of floating (and radioactive) atmospheric debris – which doesn’t seem to recur much after this epic. Hell – Mega-City One supersurfer Chopper later crosses the Cursed Earth on a hoverboard! The Cursed Earth storyline offers the flimsy excuse that the plague infectees have taken over the Mega-City Two airport(s?). Surely Mega-City One aircraft could simply land as near the city as possible? Or Mega-City One could use drones or similar craft to land anywhere else within the city other than the airports? But again, who cares? Who wants to see Judge Dredd fly over the Cursed Earth? Of course, we want to see Dredd ride across it (in his special Killdozer vehicle) and fight dinosaurs. So strap yourself in for the ride.

 

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

 

(3) THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT
(CASE FILES 7: progs 335-341 – 7 episodes)

 

Here we have it – the miniature but boutique epic of seven episodes, The Graveyard Shift, that remains for me the single best ‘snapshot’ introduction to Judge Dredd and Mega-City One as a futuristic Dirty Harry in an absurdist dystopian post-apocalyptic SF satire.

Its strength is its premise – unlike the longer epics that usually involve some awareness of backstory or mythos, this shorter storyline is just another normal night of Judge Dredd and his fellow Judges policing Mega-City One, the titular graveyard shift from 9 pm to 5 am.

Well, normal night might be an understatement, as the events of this storyline do seem to exceed the usual nocturnal criminal activity of Mega-City One, even if only by a question of degree or level of intensity. I mean – it seems to involve all the usual things we see on a night in Mega-City One, just somewhat worse for some of them. And let’s face it, the criminal activity of Mega-City One is insanely intense or deliciously over the top to start with – it’s why they have the Judges in the first place.

The Graveyard Shift has it all. All the usual crimes and features of Mega-City One life – suicide ‘leapers’, Judges killed on duty, gang violence, mutant incursions from the Cursed Earth as illegal immigrants, illegal underground sporting competitions (in this case bite fighting matches) and the random searches of citizens’ apartments known as crime blitzes or crime swoops.

There’s also a block war – block wars are of course also a regular feature of Mega-City One, but this one’s a doozy, even by Mega-City One standards short of the city-wide Block Mania. Serial killers are also a recurring feature of Mega-City One, albeit perhaps not on a nightly basis – but the one we see here is out to break a record. Literally.

And we get random flashes of events unusual even by Mega-City One graveyard shift standards, including one of my favorite images for the storyline – an escaped alien devouring citizens. The story concedes that “even by graveyard shift standards, it is a busy night” – particularly at the business end of it all, the city’s body recycling plant or resyk, where a dozen Justice Department autopsy units are set up to keep those recycling conveyor belts moving.

We also get to see the more heroic self-sacrificial side to Judge Dredd along with his usual straight-shooting wisecracking police officer in the style of Dirty Harry – as he risks his life to save an infant trapped in a collapsing building. As he admonishes his fellow Judge who declare him too valuable to risk – “When a Judge gets too valuable to risk, he’s no longer a Judge!”

And Judges Hershey and Psi-Judge Anderson make appearances as well.

And of course there’s the classic scene in my feature image – classic Dredd in the style Dirty Harry. “What’s the body count, Dredd?” – “I’ll let you know.”

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

 

(2) THE DARK JUDGES
CASE FILES 3: progs 149-151 “Judge Death”
CASE FILES 5: progs 224-228 “Judge Death Lives”
(8 episodes)

 

Judge Death. The Dark Judges.

Need I say more?

Well, yes. The first Judge Death story arc, while not epic in length, proved epic in enduring impact – introducing not just one but two of Judge Dredd’s (and for that matter its anthology publication 2000 AD’s) most iconic and enduring characters, eclipsed only by Dredd himself.

Firstly, the titular villain – who is THE most iconic and enduring antagonist for Dredd, the Chaos to Dredd’s Law or the Joker to Dredd’s Batman.

Secondly, Psi-Judge (Cassandra) Anderson – the primary female character in both Judge Dredd and 2000 AD, in both senses of the first major female character (well, apart from Dredd’s niece Vienna, but she effectively vanishes for two decades or so before resurfacing as an adult in the Dredd storyline) and the most substantial major female character.

Clearly the writers of Judge Dredd identified a problem in that Dredd lacked antagonists of substance, but particularly recurring antagonists of substance. After all, Dredd’s antagonists were typically criminals or perps, who by their nature tended to be less formidable than Dredd himself, and in any event tended to be incarcerated or killed by Dredd in their storylines. Ironically, Dredd’s most substantial antagonists have been other Judges, generally as an inversion or dark version of Dredd himself.

And the greatest of these is the extra-dimensional Judge Death – although he was human in origin, he is a supernatural adversary, effectively an undead corpse in a dark fantasy inversion of a Mega-City One Judge’s uniform. Indeed, Judge Death is a dark fantasy insertion into what is predominantly science fiction, although the Judge Dredd comic is something of a fantasy kitchen sink, throwing in everything from science fiction through fantasy to horror. For me, however, Judge Death seems somewhat less jarring than other fantasy elements in the comic, perhaps because he seems to straddle fantasy and science fiction as an extradimensional being (or an “alien super fiend” as he is sometime styled), not unlike the Cthulhu Mythos – indeed, in some ways Judge Death is akin to Cthulhu in a uniform. And because he’s just too damn cool. Anyway, his supernatural or extradimensional nature means that he is much more hardy than Dredd’s human antagonists – as he himself says, “you cannot kill what does not live”. His ‘body’ can be destroyed with enough firepower, but he then ‘ghosts’ out to jump to another suitable corpse or possess suitable minds while in transit between bodies. (He also typically kills his victims by ‘ghosting’ or phasing his hand into their body to grip their heart).

And while he is second to none in villainous scope – quite simply, he is an omnicidal maniac, with his goal as the destruction of all life, due to the insane troll logic that all crime is committed by the living so that life itself is a crime. Hence his catchphrase – “The crime is life. The sentence is death”. Although that would seem to be directed more at all human life, he carried out that sentence on his world of origin and it does seem to be devoid of all life. Of course, setting aside the insanity of the logic, that premise would still seem to be flawed, as his ‘unlife’ seems equally capable of committing crimes. (He also does make exceptions, usually for temporary expediency towards his ultimate goal, but has identified at least one notable exception to his otherwise universal death sentence, the elderly Mrs Gunderson). Consistent with the insane troll logic of his catchphrase, Judge Death tends to be played for black comedy, but always has a touch of horror about him and quite often is played for genuine horror effect. Part of his appeal (and effect) as Dredd’s most iconic adversary was that he is the ultimate dark inversion of Dredd (and the Law).

This story arc also introduced Justice Department’s ‘psychic’ judges against such supernatural threats, although they use the characteristically science fiction nomenclature of ‘psi’ (or psi powers) for the Psi-Division or Psi-Judges. Psi Division was introduced in the person of Psi-Judge Anderson, Psi Division’s leading telepath, originally modelled on blonde 1980s singer Debbie Harry (and enduring as Judge Dredd’s or 2000 AD’s recurring pin-up girl). She was also introduced as something of a foil to Dredd, albeit not in the same villainous way as Judge Death – as opposed to Dredd’s laconic and taciturn expression, she has a cheery disposition which lends itself to cracking jokes, often at Dredd’s expense. Then again, this is part of her nature as a Psi-Judge, as they all tend towards eccentric personalities by Justice Department standards (and tolerated as part of their useful abilities). In Anderson’s case, her ability and reliability has earned her the enduring trust of Dredd – and she remains one of the few people who regularly calls him by his first name Joe.

The second story arc expanded the mythos to include the other Dark Judges, effectively rounding out an apocalyptic foursome to match the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse – Death himself, Fire, Fear and Mortis. Although isn’t Judge Mortis – he’s the one with the cattle skull head (and badge) – doubling up on death judges? Mind you, the original Horsemen of the Apocalypse did much the same thing with Conquest and War as the first two Horsemen (followed by Famine and Death).

It also introduced their origin in the dimension now known as Deadworld. “Now they were assembled…Fear – Death – Mortis – Fire…the four Dark Judges. They had found their world guilty and destroyed it. Now they brought their law of death to Mega-City One”.

Well, I suppose Judge Fire is an easy guess from his appearance, given he appears as a skeleton engulfed in flame (and a flaming badge to boot). Judge Fear is a little trickier, with his full portcullis bat-winged helmet. Judge Fear of course gave Dredd the opportunity for the immortal Judge Dredd quote – “Gaze into the fist of Dredd!”

Did…did you just punch out Cthulhu, Dredd (as the trope goes)? Why yes – yes he did.

 

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

 

(1) BLOCK MANIA & APOCALYPSE WAR
(CASE FILES 5: progs 236-270 – 35 episodes)

 

This is it – this is the big one! The Apocalypse War – and its prelude of Block Mania – remains my favorite Judge Dredd epic of all time, partly because it was my introduction to Judge Dredd (in the subsequent reprint comics).

Block Mania was destructive enough, engulfing Mega-City One in city-wide block wars between its 800 million citizens (with deaths at least in the thousands and possibly in the millions). It was hard to see how it could get worse, and then it did, in its final pages no less – it was all a prelude by the Soviet mega-city of East Meg One to their Operation Apocalypse, their war against and invasion of Mega-City One. Out of the dystopian frying pan into the apocalyptic fire…

The Judge Dredd comic had been teasing war with the Soviet mega-city – the Sovs or Sov-Judges – since their introduction as the most persistent recurring adversaries of Mega-City One in the Luna storyline, way back in progs 50-51 in Case Files 1. Of course, the Sov-Judges were much more topical when they were introduced in 1977-1978, as indeed was war with the Soviet Union (or its surviving mega-cities) back when The Apocalypse War was published in 1981-1982, a late peak in the Cold War which turned out to be its last gasp, albeit not without its nuclear scares. The historical Soviet Union collapsed a decade later – the Sovs remained in the Judge Dredd comic universe but episodes subsequent to that collapse hinted at a neo-Soviet revival. In their introduction, war was somewhat more ritualized between the American and Soviet mega-cities, at least in their lunar colonies – effectively as a death-sport, somewhat like Rollerball. Back on earth, however, the Sovs had been gradually looming as a threat of actual war.

And here it was – war with the Sovs – and how! As I’ve said before, there are two essential Judge Dredd epic plotlines which were set up by The Day the Law Died and The Cursed Earth respectively (with precursors in The Robot Wars and Luna respectively before that) – Dredd confronting some threat, typically existential, to Mega-City One and Dredd venturing to some other exotic location. The latter tends to include the former, with Dredd venturing to the exotic location to confront some threat to Mega-City One – which is why I tend to classify the former as Dredd confronting the threat to Mega-City One within the city itself, with the city typically embattled against some invading force. And you don’t get a more classic example of the city embattled against an invading force – or a more existential threat to Mega-City One – than the Apocalypse War.

In addition to being the most persistent recurring adversaries to Mega-City One, the Sov-Judges have also proved to be its most effective recurring adversaries, in terms of sheer destruction – and that’s in a universe with such omnicidal maniacs as Judge Death and the Dark Judges. Of course, the Dark Judges like the personal touch of doing things by supernatural hand, while the Sovs used nukes or other weapons of mass destruction. When you come down to it, the most damage done to Mega-City One is by Judges – predominantly by the Sov Judges, with the Dark Judges running a distant second.

Prior to the Sov Judges in The Apocalypse War, the most existential threat (and damage done) to Mega-City One had been from its own Judges – in the form of the insane Chief Judge Cal in The Day The Law Died. In that epic, the mega-city was somewhat smaller, with a population of 100 million. After that epic, the writers abruptly but discreetly bumped it up to a population of 800 million and an area sprawling along the entire Atlantic seaboard of the United States (and part of Canada). Ironically, having quietly ret-conned the city into such a giant, the writers then decided that it was just too big and messy, so they dramatically cut it down to size in The Apocalypse War – halving it, in both population (down to 400 million) and size (losing everything south of North Carolina).

Of course, it was hard to take the soap operatic satire of The Day The Law Died seriously, particularly as Chief Judge Cal’s ridiculous persona and antics were modelled on Roman Emperor Caligula. The Apocalypse War was different, at least being more grounded in the contemporary reality of the Cold War. Don’t get me wrong – it’s still over the top and tongue in cheek as all hell. Get ready for those nukes flying! They didn’t do things by halves in The Apocalypse War, or rather they literally did if you’re talking about Mega-City One itself, and there’ll be a billion people or so dead by the end of it. There is, however, a grim, gritty desperation of a city fighting for its very survival against the overwhelming force of a relentless invader. It was just as well the Apocalypse War was my introduction to Judge Dredd, as the epic makes you feel for Mega-City One and the palpable threat to its very existence in a way that The Day the Law Died did not. Indeed, perhaps a little too much – I mean, you know Mega-City One and Judge Dredd will win out in the end, but I’m not sure real wars turn so quickly on such an abrupt reversal of fortune from the plight in which Mega-City One finds itself.

Which leads to me to the story formula codified in The Apocalypse War, although it had been introduced in The Day The Law Died – of Mega-City One all but overwhelmed by the threat to its very existence, until that existential threat is abruptly reversed or negated at the eleventh hour by a small team or squad led by Dredd fighting back against it. It proved such a, dare I say it, winning formula, that it was recycled to the point of cliché or joke in virtually every subsequent epic of existential threat to Mega-City One – until outright subverted in the Day of Chaos epic, and you know, they didn’t, as Dredd and the other Judges failed to save the city and could only look only helplessly as it died.

Which leads me to the long echoes of The Apocalypse War in the Judge Dredd comic. Although other storylines also had enduring repercussions – notably the previous epic of The Judge Child Quest, which would haunt Mega-City One for eighteen years or so – it was The Apocalypse War that would have the most enduring and profound impact particularly between the American and Soviet mega-cities. Not so much the East Meg One of the Apocalypse War – I wouldn’t get too attached to that mega-city. Just saying…

But there was the other Soviet mega-city of East Meg Two, and more dangerously yet, the renegade emigres or ex-Judges of East Meg One, who would continue to exchange blows with Mega-City One until they finally wreaked their revenge in The Day of Chaos – decades later.

The Apocalypse War also introduced Carlos Ezquerra, the standard artist for 2000 AD’s Strontium Dog strip, as the standard artist for Judge Dredd epics in the following decades. I tended to prefer the cleaner lines of other artists, but Ezquerra’s art in Judge Dredd was admittedly iconic and he sadly passed away recently.

And finally, some more personal reflection on it. It remains my favorite Judge Dredd epic of all time for many reasons.

I particularly like the contrast between Block Mania and the Apocalypse War. Block Mania was a slow burn – or creeping doom, starting small but building to a force overwhelming Mega-City One. The Apocalypse War starts off as a force overwhelming the city. And from there it is a taut and tensely told story of grim, gritty desperation of a city fighting for its very survival against the overwhelming odds of a relentless invader – and eking out whatever victories it can just to hold an ever-retreating line (until, of course, the last victory).

And I can think of barely any actual wars during which I’ve cheered for victories in my lifetime, and very few in history – perhaps rightly so, as one should go to war with a heavy heart, let alone cheer its victories. But I did cheer Mega-City One’s victories in the Apocalypse War, not that there’s that much (or many) to cheer through the storyline – as small, limited and few as they are. Of course, that’s fictional wars for you – Star Wars, the War of the Ring, and so on. It also helps that the Apocalypse War epic makes you feel for Mega-City One and the palpable threat to its very existence, balanced on knife’s edge as it is from being completely overwhelmed and going under forever. And it also helps that I have been a patriot of Mega-City One ever since, sometimes to the extent that I identify with it as my actual country.

 

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD-TIER)

 

 

TOP 10 JUDGE DREDD EPICS (TIER LIST)

This is my running (tier) list up to and including Judge Dredd Case Files 16, in which I’ve defined epics to include storylines of five or more episodes, usually in continuous format but also including two recurring storylines.

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

(1) BLOCK MANIA / APOCALYPSE WAR

(2) JUDGE DEATH / DARK JUDGES (recurring storyline)

(3) THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT

The Apocalypse War (and its prequel Block Mania) is both my Old and New Testament of Judge Dredd (particularly my Book of Apocalypse) – still my favorite Judge Dredd epic and one that still has an ongoing impact, both as the foundation of my enduring love of the character and in the narrative of the comic itself.

Of course, Judge Death and the Dark Judges also make a fine Book of Apocalypse for Judge Dredd, what with the Dark Judges as Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and all.

The Graveyard Shift may only be seven episodes but is still the best single storyline or ‘snapshot’ introduction to Mega-City One and Judge Dredd.

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

(4) THE CURSED EARTH

(5) THE DAY THE LAW DIED

(6) THE JUDGE CHILD QUEST

(7) CITY OF THE DAMNED

(8) P.J. MAYBE (recurring storyline)

(9) NECROPOLIS

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER) – for the newest entry as at Case Files 16

(10) THE DEVIL YOU KNOW / TWILIGHT’S LAST GLEAMING

 

 

 

 

 

Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Best & Worst Roman Emperors

 

 

Dilettantes think about the Roman Empire. True Roman connoisseurs rank the Roman emperors.

I owe my own rankings to the influence and inspiration of truer Roman connoisseurs than me. You don’t get more of a true Roman connoisseur than the Youtuber and X-Twitter account Daily Roman Updates, named for his updates on the Roman Empire (“It’s gone”) – and I’m prompted by his joke about asking favorite Roman emperors as an icebreaker at dates or parties, despite his inner voice repeatedly pleading with him not to say to say it.

 

 

Of course, any such ranking is subjective opinion, although there does appear to be some broad consensus (or consensuses?) about the good or better Roman emperors. You don’t get such common labels as “the five good emperors” (which I understand to have originated with Machiavelli and been advanced by Gibbon) without some consensus.

Or the phrase used by the Roman Senate itself in the inauguration of later Roman emperors, invoking two emperors as the paragons of Roman emperors. Don’t be surprised if the emperors from either the five good emperors or the Senate’s inauguration phrase feature prominently in my top ten.

And again I am influenced in my rankings by truer Roman connoisseurs. I’ve seen a post by Daily Roman Updates of his top five Roman emperors, which is largely the same as my own but for one notable exception (which we’ll get to shortly).

Similarly, the Youtuber Spectrum has ranked the Roman emperors in videos and my rankings echo his in many respects, although I dissent in others.

While the Youtuber Dovahhatty – whose Unbiased History of Rome videos are probably my single biggest influence for Roman history on Youtube but who now sadly appears to be inactive there and on X-Twitter – does not actually rank the emperors, he does depict them by meme cartoon figures as being (good) chads or (bad) virgins, with the occasional (good or bad) wojaks. Of course, his tongue is firmly in his parody cheek, such as when he depicts some of the worst Roman emperors as the chads they proclaimed themselves to be.

Of course, by definition I am only ranking my top ten Roman emperors, but I do rank the balance of ‘good’ Roman emperors in my special mentions. And because you can’t rank the best Roman emperors without also ranking the worst Roman emperors as well – primarily because the worst Roman emperors are legendary in their cruelty and depravity – I rank my ten worst Roman emperors with the balance similarly in their own special mentions.

As for any matter of subjective opinion, my criteria for ranking my top emperors are somewhat loose, but primarily might be stated to be their effectiveness in managing or maintaining the empire – which may give rise to some moral dissonance as to what we might look for in leaders of modern democratic states today, given that the lifeblood of empire was brutal war or conquest, “they make a desert and call it peace”.

Conversely, my criteria for the ranking of the worst emperors might be stated to be their ineffectiveness, often characterized by imperial defeats and usually combined with that aforementioned legendary cruelty and depravity.

As for the ground rules for whom I rank, my primary rule is that I am only ranking Roman emperors until 476 AD, when the last western Roman emperor Romulus Augustulus was deposed (with the exception I do not include eastern emperor Zeno, who reigned briefly in 474-475 AD before returning for a longer second reign from 476 onwards).

That’s really just a matter of brevity and also that I am more familiar with the ‘classical’ Roman emperors. I know that is short-changing the eastern Roman emperors, particularly as they had a millennium of imperial history after that and probably had more basic competence or effectiveness on average, or at least not the same depths of legendary cruelty and depravity as their worst counterparts in the classical empire.

So yes – sorry Byzantine bros, I am not ranking any eastern Roman emperors from 476 AD onwards in my top ten. Instead, they will get their own special mentions, good and bad, in which I will effectively rank my top best and worst eastern Roman emperors, just only against each other and not among Roman emperors as a whole.

Oh well, what the hell – you can have a ranking of eastern Roman emperors for my top ten as a treat. I rank Basil II (the Bulgar-Slayer) as the best eastern Roman emperor and he would easily rank in my top ten if it extended to 1453 AD. (He was that notable exception for Daily Roman Updates’ top five emperors as against my own, although I’m not sure I’d rank him quite as high).

Otherwise, I’d rank Justinian (narrowly missing out in a close call for best eastern Roman emperor) and Heraclius in my top ten emperors if extended to 1453 AD – probably also Alexios I Komnenos, although he illustrates the further problem of scale between the eastern Roman empire and the classical empire in comparing the emperors of both together. That is, he was operating on a far smaller scale than the emperors of the classical empire – although that also cuts both ways in that he overcame the greater challenges of fewer resources against more powerful enemies posing a genuine existential threat.

As for top ten worst Roman Emperors, I’d easily rank the eastern Roman emperor (and usurper) Phocas among them, pronouncing judgement in the same terms as Heraclius “Is this how you have ruled, wretch?”

On that note, I acknowledge my hubris from my armchair of hindsight in judging people, the least of which has ruled far more than anything I ever have (as in anything at all) – although I’d like to think that I’d have done a better job than the worst of them. Oh, who am I kidding? I’d be partying it up to legendary depravity as well.

My ground rule still leaves the issue of which emperors to rank prior to 476, given the list of claimants to that title – a list that as historian Adrian Goldsworthy points out is likely never to be complete or exhaustive, given the paucity of the contemporary historical record and that we are still finding ‘imperial’ coins minted in the name of new or unknown claimants.

So I’ve gone by Wikipedia’s list of Roman emperors, although I reserved the right to consider their entries noted to be of more dubious legitimacy in further honorable (or dishonorable) mentions.

Finally, in addition to my usual star and tier-rankings (which, given that I’m also ranking the worst emperors, goes all the way down to 1 star and F-tier rankings), I also have some other rankings for emperors:

MAXIMUS

The clearest ranking, since it’s the victory titles awarded to or claimed by Roman emperors (setting aside of course the title of emperor or imperator itself) for victories in battle against adversaries or opponents, which I’ll extend to include literal triumphs (for their triumphal processions in Rome)

DEIFIED OR DAMNED

Again a relatively clear ranking (albeit not always), for emperors who were deified after their deaths (I’ll allow this to include sainted) or damned – that is the subject of a damnatio memoriae, or cancelled posthumously to use the modern term. Of course, deification became a little like the Roman currency in the later empire – so routine that it became debased.

EMPIRE MAKER / SAVIOR OR EMPIRE BREAKER / DEBASER (DEBAUCHER)

Exactly what it says on the tin – my own particular (and hence subjective) distinction for those (good) emperors that made or saved the empire – or the (bad) emperors that broke or debased it (bonus points for debauching it as well). Debased the empire that is, not the currency – all emperors did the latter, with a few exceptions, although I will point out those worthy of particular mention

SPECTRUM RANKING COMPARISON

Because of the influence of Spectrum’s rankings for me, I’ll compare them to my own. I’ll also note Dovahhatty’s chad/virgin/wojak rankings here.

Friday Night Funk: David Guetta – S*xy B*tch (2009)

 

MUSIC (MOJO & FUNK): TOP 10
(6) FUNK: DAVID GUETTA –
SXY BTCH (2009)
B-Side: Sweat (2011)

Hmm – I’m trying to find the words to describe this song without being disrespectful. You know, as opposed to its title, which are the words they found to describe a girl without being disrespectful?

David Guetta falls in the electronic dance funk end of the funk scale and is a prolific producer or mixer of dance music – indeed, between him and Calvin Harris, they might be said to predominate dance music in the new millennium. Guetta had a career playing clubs as a DJ in his native France from the 1980s and releasing his first album in 2002 but achieved international mainstream access with his fourth album One Love in 2009. And that album featured this undeniably funky single, still my personal favorite.

Close runner-up is 2011 single “Sweat” from his Nothing But the Beat album – his remix of Snoop Dogg’s “Wet”.

And the balance of my Top 10 David Guetta songs:
(3) When Love Takes Over (2009)
(4) Memories (2009)
(5) Little Bad Girl (2011)
(6) Play Hard (2013)
(7) Lovers on the Sun (2014)
( 8 ) Dangerous (2014)
(9) Flames (2018)
(10) I’m Good (Blue) (2022)

RATING: 4 STARS****
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